Bad Patient - I haven't been taking my meds regularly and totally paid for it...

October 9, 2008

Soo.. It's just been wicked busy at work.. and I take the first

Armour dose of the day faithfully.. but haven't been getting in my

later doses.

And last night.. I paid for it..

My sweetie was out of town for just one night on business. We moved

into our new house in early September. Last night.. A hour or so

after I had went to bed (11:30ish), I was startled out of my mind by

our alarm system going off.

It's a new house.. first time I had heard it.. I literally sat

straight up in bed and started screaming..

Then it stopped... So I am now soo scared that I have the shakes,

but realize that the only way the alarm would stop is if someone

turned it off, or it wasn't the alarm in the first place.

I get out of bed.. timidly go into the living room.. it's quiet

now.. My cats are totally freaked out.. and then it goes off again.

I've finally come to my senses and realized that it's the smoke

detectors and I have to find which little sucker quit working. I

think there are about 15 of them in this house! it's CRAZY!!

I finally find it.. change the battery.. And it doesn't go off again.

I get back to bed around 1 a.m. I had spent an hour and a half -

trying to figure out where.. and just how I am going to get to it.

Then I can't sleep.. I literally got no sleep.. and I just know that

it's my lack of meds.. My mind was racing! My heart was racing. I

could not get calmed down.

I sat in bed theorizing all the possible things that could happen in

the middle of the night.. He's out of town.. who would I call? Just

obsessively going through all these scenarios.. and just waiting for

it to go off again. I think I laid all balled up - cringing - the

rest of the night. Rationally, I would tell myself that there's

nothing to be scared of.. or worried about. But it didn't matter, my

mind just went off in crazy directions.

This is the first " mental " issue I have had in a long time.. I know

I'm not crazy. I know that it's lack of meds that does this to me.

Just thanks for listening.. had to share with people who understand.

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