Guest guest Posted November 5, 1999 Report Share Posted November 5, 1999 >Fun Mall Stuff >-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- > >50 Fun Things to do in a Mall > >1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the fountain. > >2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they >make your butt look big. > >3. Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shack. > >4. Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickory Farms and helpfully volunteer >to consume its now unwanted contents. > >5. At the bottom of an escalator, scream 'MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!' > >6. Ask the sales personnel at the music store whether inflated CD >prices are in pesos or rubles. > >7. Teach pet store parrots new vocabulary that makes them unsellable. > >8. Stomp on ketchup packets at Burger King... > >9. ...but save a few to slurp on as snacks. Tell people that they're > " astronaut food. " > >10. Follow patrons of B. Dalton's around while reading aloud from >'Dianetics.' > >11. Ask mall cops for stories of World War I. > >12. Ask a salesman why a particular TV is labeled black and white >and insist that it's a color set. When he disagrees, give him a >strange look and say, 'You mean you really can't see it?' > >13. Construct a new porch deck in the tool department of Sears. > >14. Wear pancake makeup and new clothes and pose as a fashion dummy >in clothes departments, occasionally screaming without warning. > >15. Test mattresses in your pajamas. > >16. Ask the tobaccanist if his hovercraft is full of eels. > >17. If you're patient, stare intently into a surveillance camera for >an hour while rocking from side to side. > >18. Sprint up the down escalator. > >19. Stare at static on a display TV and challenge other shoppers >whether they, too, can see the " hidden picture. " > >20. Ask appliance personnel if they have any TVs that play only in >Spanish. > >21. Make unusual requests at the Piercing Pagoda. > >22. Ask a salesperson in the hardware department how well a >particular saw cuts through bone. > >23. At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils, and >whether there's much meat on them. > >24. Hula dance by the demonstration air conditioner. > >25. Ask for red-tinted lenses at the optometrist. > >26. Sneak up on saleswomen at the perfume counter and spray *them* >with your own bottle of Eau de Swane. > >27. Rummage through the jelly bean bin at the candy store, insisting >that you lost a contact lens. > >28. Ask a saleswoman whether a particular shade of panties matches >the color of your beard. > >29. In the changing rooms, announce in a singsong voice, 'I see >London, I see France...' > >30. Leave on the plastic string connecting a new pair of shoes, and >wander around the mall taking two-inch steps. > >31. Play the tuba for change (someone will pay you to stop!). > >32. Ask the Hammond organ dealer if he can play " Jesus Built My >Hotrod. " > >33. Record belches on electronic sampling keyboards, and perform >gastric versions of Jingle Bells for admiring onlookers. > >34. Ask the pharmacist at the drugstore which leading cold remedy >will " give you a really wicked buzz. " > >35. Ask the personnel at Pier 1 Imports whether they have " any giant >crap made out of straw. " (wicker) > >36. " Toast " plastic gag hot dogs in front of the fake fireplace >display. > >37. Collect stacks of paint brochures and hand them out as religious >tracts. > >38. Ask the information desk for a stroller, and someone to push you >around in it. > >39. Change every TV in the electronics department to a station >showing " Saved by the Bell. " Chant the dialogue in a robotic voice, >and scream if anyone tries to switch channels on one of the sets. > >40. Hang out in the waterbed section of the furniture department >wearing a Navy military uniform. Occasionally run around in circles >yelling > " scratch one flattop! " > >41. Hand a stack of pants back to the changing room attendant and >scornfully announce that none of them are " leakproof. " > >42. " Play " the demo modes of video games at the arcade. Make lots of >explosion noises. > >43. Stand transfixed in front of a mirror bobbing your head up and >down. Say, " Ok, Master! " > >44. Pay for all your purchases with two-dollar bills to provoke >arguments over whether they're real. > >45. If it's Christmas, ask the mall Santa to sit on *your* lap. > >46. Answer any unattended service phones that ring in department >stores and say " Domino's. " > >47. Try on flea collars at the pet store while occasionally pausing >to scratch yourself. > >48. At the stylist, ask them to perm the hair on your back (especially if >you're a lady!). > >49. Show people your driver's license and demand to know whether >they've " seen this person. " > >50. Buy a jawbreaker from the candy store. Return fifteen minutes >later, fish it out of your mouth, and demand to know why it hasn't >turned blue yet. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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