Guest guest Posted January 21, 2006 Report Share Posted January 21, 2006 hi Tami, i love your comparisons! i wish i could break it down as simply as you do : ) Renata is love-flavored ice cream---my favorite flavor. the store might be open, but i don't feel like i belong in, or am truly welcome in the store. so i look through the window. ah, the genius of analogies... In a message dated 1/21/2006 1:42:21 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, tamar_fa@... writes: Hi honey You wrote: i am a fucked up person, guys. Welcome to the club. We have all experienced in our life wanting something we don't have and we all know how painful it can be. Some of us long for our beloved one to want to be with us Some of us want ice cream, when all the stores are closed (this one is for you Steve) What can I say, J? Now I am talking to myself: What I want is to be happy I have the thought that is the key I am not with , so I feel a little sad But if I would want what I have (basically is a mom next room, not , Grrr) I would be happy Back to square one How can I want what I have? Any ideas? ? T -- my work pt 1c from my worksheet: i hate that since she has moved, she tells me about all the guys she meets, talking to/hanging out/working with her ex, and seems less and less invested in our relationship and possible future together she is less invested in our relationship and future. is that true? *i think so. really strongly, i think so. can i absolutely know it's true? *no. but again...there's that gut-level feeling...i can't just ignore that. who's business am i in when i believe she should be (and act) more invested in our relationship? *uh, hers...? yet i am one half of the relationship. how do i react when i believe that Renata is losing interest, getting less invested in our relationship? *i feel very sad. very, very sad. unloved and unlovable. unable to live up to her expectations or my own. i feel like i am not someone who is worth the love, effort and time it takes to sustain this relationship while we are living in different parts of the country. i feel worthless and disposable and just defective--like i am missing some vital part, some part that makes me something worth holding on to. i feel left behind in every way; physically, geographically, emotionally. where do i feel it in my body, what does it feel like? *i feel it in my heart mostly. like fear and sadness and pain and anxiety. my stomach drops a little. how do i treat her when i believe this? *i use subtle guilt trips on her. i try to make her see how " wrong " she is for loving her life so much w/out me, while i'm miserable w/out her. i lie to her and tell her i'm going to parties and meeting a bunch of new people myself. i try to tell her i'm really excited about my life, but it's a lie. i can't keep that up too long. i do that to try to scare her. to make her afraid that I might leave HER behind for some great new person or opportunity or whatever. how do i treat myself? *i just see myself as wrong, fucked up and defective. i just try to fake my way through so no one will see me as i am i put myself under unbelievable amounts of pressure to: get a better job so i feel more respectable, change all my bad habits (like eating like a teenager, smoking cigarettes), to work out and become stronger and more physically attractive...like if i do all this, THEN maybe i won't feel so worthless. i see i do not love myself as i am. not really at all. how can i think anyone else would? how did i become this way? when did I decide " i am not okay. i am not good enough. there is something wrong w/ me " ? this is why i avoid the Work. it always brings up these core beliefs, and i can't get past them. they are my deepest sense of myself. anyway, back to the questions... Renata is losing interest, is less invested in our relationship. can i see one single peaceful reason to believe this? *no, i hate this belief. can i see a reason to let it go? *yes...but again, WHAT IF IT'S TRUE??? who would i be w/out this belief? *honestly, i don't know. this thought is not about to drop me, and i can't feel into who i would be w/ out it. question 4 is always the hardest one for me to answer, because the answers won't come. i just go blank, or numb. so, i don't know. probably much different. TA's Renata is not losing interest, or less invested in our relationship. *this could be as true, i suppose. 3 honest examples: she tells me she misses me all the time (my thinking just won't allow me to truly believe it, in my gut i'm waiting for the other shoe to drop). the other reasons are in the past. before this " drifting " began. they don't seem relevant to me now. i have a lot of interest, am very invested in our relationship. *yes, clearly. too much so, i would say. I have a lot of interest, am very invested in the belief of Renata losing interest, investment in our relationship. *very true. i'm obsessed w/ the idea. i have a lot of interest, am very invested in losing interest and investment in our relationship. *God, i actually do. it's like somewhere deep inside me i want to beat her to the punch, and i'm seeing that in her. or i'm terrified of that in her. or both. this thought/feeling just came to mind: if i lose interest in her first and end our relationship, i am making a horrible mistake. if she loses interest and ends our relationship, i AM a horrible mistake. wow. i see my insanity. i am very, very insane. the Work doesn't show me my way home to love. it shows me how twisted i really am. i am a fucked up person, guys. [Non-text portions of this message have been removed] YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS Visit your group " Loving-what-is " on the web. To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: Loving-what-is-unsubscribe Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service. [Non-text portions of this message have been removed] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 21, 2006 Report Share Posted January 21, 2006 Hi honey You wrote: i am a fucked up person, guys. Welcome to the club. We have all experienced in our life wanting something we don't have and we all know how painful it can be. Some of us long for our beloved one to want to be with us Some of us want ice cream, when all the stores are closed (this one is for you Steve) What can I say, J? Now I am talking to myself: What I want is to be happy I have the thought that is the key I am not with , so I feel a little sad But if I would want what I have (basically is a mom next room, not , Grrr) I would be happy Back to square one How can I want what I have? Any ideas? ? T -- my work pt 1c from my worksheet: i hate that since she has moved, she tells me about all the guys she meets, talking to/hanging out/working with her ex, and seems less and less invested in our relationship and possible future together she is less invested in our relationship and future. is that true? *i think so. really strongly, i think so. can i absolutely know it's true? *no. but again...there's that gut-level feeling...i can't just ignore that. who's business am i in when i believe she should be (and act) more invested in our relationship? *uh, hers...? yet i am one half of the relationship. how do i react when i believe that Renata is losing interest, getting less invested in our relationship? *i feel very sad. very, very sad. unloved and unlovable. unable to live up to her expectations or my own. i feel like i am not someone who is worth the love, effort and time it takes to sustain this relationship while we are living in different parts of the country. i feel worthless and disposable and just defective--like i am missing some vital part, some part that makes me something worth holding on to. i feel left behind in every way; physically, geographically, emotionally. where do i feel it in my body, what does it feel like? *i feel it in my heart mostly. like fear and sadness and pain and anxiety. my stomach drops a little. how do i treat her when i believe this? *i use subtle guilt trips on her. i try to make her see how " wrong " she is for loving her life so much w/out me, while i'm miserable w/out her. i lie to her and tell her i'm going to parties and meeting a bunch of new people myself. i try to tell her i'm really excited about my life, but it's a lie. i can't keep that up too long. i do that to try to scare her. to make her afraid that I might leave HER behind for some great new person or opportunity or whatever. how do i treat myself? *i just see myself as wrong, fucked up and defective. i just try to fake my way through so no one will see me as i am i put myself under unbelievable amounts of pressure to: get a better job so i feel more respectable, change all my bad habits (like eating like a teenager, smoking cigarettes), to work out and become stronger and more physically attractive...like if i do all this, THEN maybe i won't feel so worthless. i see i do not love myself as i am. not really at all. how can i think anyone else would? how did i become this way? when did I decide " i am not okay. i am not good enough. there is something wrong w/ me " ? this is why i avoid the Work. it always brings up these core beliefs, and i can't get past them. they are my deepest sense of myself. anyway, back to the questions... Renata is losing interest, is less invested in our relationship. can i see one single peaceful reason to believe this? *no, i hate this belief. can i see a reason to let it go? *yes...but again, WHAT IF IT'S TRUE??? who would i be w/out this belief? *honestly, i don't know. this thought is not about to drop me, and i can't feel into who i would be w/ out it. question 4 is always the hardest one for me to answer, because the answers won't come. i just go blank, or numb. so, i don't know. probably much different. TA's Renata is not losing interest, or less invested in our relationship. *this could be as true, i suppose. 3 honest examples: she tells me she misses me all the time (my thinking just won't allow me to truly believe it, in my gut i'm waiting for the other shoe to drop). the other reasons are in the past. before this " drifting " began. they don't seem relevant to me now. i have a lot of interest, am very invested in our relationship. *yes, clearly. too much so, i would say. I have a lot of interest, am very invested in the belief of Renata losing interest, investment in our relationship. *very true. i'm obsessed w/ the idea. i have a lot of interest, am very invested in losing interest and investment in our relationship. *God, i actually do. it's like somewhere deep inside me i want to beat her to the punch, and i'm seeing that in her. or i'm terrified of that in her. or both. this thought/feeling just came to mind: if i lose interest in her first and end our relationship, i am making a horrible mistake. if she loses interest and ends our relationship, i AM a horrible mistake. wow. i see my insanity. i am very, very insane. the Work doesn't show me my way home to love. it shows me how twisted i really am. i am a fucked up person, guys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 21, 2006 Report Share Posted January 21, 2006 Here is another A confused squirrel that wants a nut, not in the season, he is practically living in a nut shell, if you know what I mean??? I want , but apparently it is not the " season " . Grrr is not ripen yet... , don't stay too long on the tree you might get rotten (no offence) That is all for now T -- my work pt 1c from my worksheet: i hate that since she has moved, she tells me about all the guys she meets, talking to/hanging out/working with her ex, and seems less and less invested in our relationship and possible future together she is less invested in our relationship and future. is that true? *i think so. really strongly, i think so. can i absolutely know it's true? *no. but again...there's that gut-level feeling...i can't just ignore that. who's business am i in when i believe she should be (and act) more invested in our relationship? *uh, hers...? yet i am one half of the relationship how do i react when i believe that Renata is losing interest, getting less invested in our relationship? *i feel very sad. very, very sad. unloved and unlovable. unable to live up to her expectations or my own. i feel like i am not someone who is worth the love, effort and time it takes to sustain this relationship while we are living in different parts of the country. i feel worthless and disposable and just defective--like i am missing some vital part, some part that makes me something worth holding on to. i feel left behind in every way; physically, geographically, emotionally. where do i feel it in my body, what does it feel like? *i feel it in my heart mostly. like fear and sadness and pain and anxiety. my stomach drops a little. how do i treat her when i believe this? *i use subtle guilt trips on her. i try to make her see how " wrong " she is for loving her life so much w/out me, while i'm miserable w/out her. i lie to her and tell her i'm going to parties and meeting a bunch of new people myself. i try to tell her i'm really excited about my life, but it's a lie. i can't keep that up too long. i do that to try to scare her. to make her afraid that I might leave HER behind for some great new person or opportunity or whatever. how do i treat myself? *i just see myself as wrong, fucked up and defective. i just try to fake my way through so no one will see me as i am i put myself under unbelievable amounts of pressure to: get a better job so i feel more respectable, change all my bad habits (like eating like a teenager, smoking cigarettes), to work out and become stronger and more physically attractive...like if i do all this, THEN maybe i won't feel so worthless. i see i do not love myself as i am. not really at all. how can i think anyone else would? how did i become this way? when did I decide " i am not okay. i am not good enough. there is something wrong w/ me " ? this is why i avoid the Work. it always brings up these core beliefs, and i can't get past them. they are my deepest sense of myself. anyway, back to the questions... Renata is losing interest, is less invested in our relationship. can i see one single peaceful reason to believe this? *no, i hate this belief. can i see a reason to let it go? *yes...but again, WHAT IF IT'S TRUE??? who would i be w/out this belief? *honestly, i don't know. this thought is not about to drop me, and i can't feel into who i would be w/ out it. question 4 is always the hardest one for me to answer, because the answers won't come. i just go blank, or numb. so, i don't know. probably much different. TA's Renata is not losing interest, or less invested in our relationship. *this could be as true, i suppose. 3 honest examples: she tells me she misses me all the time (my thinking just won't allow me to truly believe it, in my gut i'm waiting for the other shoe to drop). the other reasons are in the past. before this " drifting " began. they don't seem relevant to me now. i have a lot of interest, am very invested in our relationship. *yes, clearly. too much so, i would say. I have a lot of interest, am very invested in the belief of Renata losing interest, investment in our relationship. *very true. i'm obsessed w/ the idea. i have a lot of interest, am very invested in losing interest and investment in our relationship. *God, i actually do. it's like somewhere deep inside me i want to beat her to the punch, and i'm seeing that in her. or i'm terrified of that in her. or both. this thought/feeling just came to mind: if i lose interest in her first and end our relationship, i am making a horrible mistake. if she loses interest and ends our relationship, i AM a horrible mistake. wow. i see my insanity. i am very, very insane. the Work doesn't show me my way home to love. it shows me how twisted i really am. i am a fucked up person, guys. [Non-text portions of this message have been removed] YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS Visit your group " Loving-what-is " on the web. To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: Loving-what-is-unsubscribe Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service. [Non-text portions of this message have been removed] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 22, 2006 Report Share Posted January 22, 2006 " i see i do not love myself as i am. not really at all. how can i think anyone else would? " Hi , this stood out for me in your work. This is something I used to believe too, but no longer does. " If I don´t love myself, no one else will either " seems to be a common belief but I see it as a myth, a very stressful story that isn´t true. Reality has showed me over and over that others love for me has nothing to do with me. Nothing to do with if I love myself or not, if I am well-behaved or not, if I am happy or not, funny or boring. Some people just seems to love me no matter how I am, and some people just can´t stand me, no matter what I do. And I have noticed that I am just the same. If I love someone, their lack of self-love couldn´t stop my love in a milion years. Maybe it would make me love them even more because I know so well how much it hurts. That´s the way I feel with you . I love you and feel the greatest compassion for you. I would have loved to be your friend in real life. I find your mind very attractive. And I think you are doing a great job with questioning all your painful beliefs around your relationship with Renata. I can recognice myself in every word in my previous realtionships with men. I see you as very human and lovable! Love you, > > from my worksheet: > > > i hate that since she has moved, she tells me about all the guys she meets, > talking to/hanging out/working with her ex, and seems less and less invested > in our relationship and possible future together > > > she is less invested in our relationship and future. is that true? *i > think so. really strongly, i think so. > > > can i absolutely know it's true? *no. but again...there's that gut-level > feeling...i can't just ignore that. > > > who's business am i in when i believe she should be (and act) more invested > in our relationship? *uh, hers...? yet i am one half of the relationship. > > > how do i react when i believe that Renata is losing interest, getting less > invested in our relationship? *i feel very sad. very, very sad. unloved and > unlovable. unable to live up to her expectations or my own. i feel like i > am not someone who is worth the love, effort and time it takes to sustain > this relationship while we are living in different parts of the country. i feel > worthless and disposable and just defective--like i am missing some vital > part, some part that makes me something worth holding on to. i feel left > behind in every way; physically, geographically, emotionally. > > > where do i feel it in my body, what does it feel like? *i feel it in my > heart mostly. like fear and sadness and pain and anxiety. my stomach drops a > little. > > > how do i treat her when i believe this? *i use subtle guilt trips on her. > i try to make her see how " wrong " she is for loving her life so much w/out > me, while i'm miserable w/out her. i lie to her and tell her i'm going to > parties and meeting a bunch of new people myself. i try to tell her i'm really > excited about my life, but it's a lie. i can't keep that up too long. i do > that to try to scare her. to make her afraid that I might leave HER behind > for some great new person or opportunity or whatever. > > > how do i treat myself? *i just see myself as wrong, fucked up and > defective. i just try to fake my way through so no one will see me as i am. i put > myself under unbelievable amounts of pressure to: get a better job so i feel > more respectable, change all my bad habits (like eating like a teenager, > smoking cigarettes), to work out and become stronger and more physically > attractive...like if i do all this, THEN maybe i won't feel so worthless. i see i do > not love myself as i am. not really at all. how can i think anyone else > would? how did i become this way? when did I decide " i am not okay. i am not > good enough. there is something wrong w/ me " ? this is why i avoid the > Work. it always brings up these core beliefs, and i can't get past them. they > are my deepest sense of myself. anyway, back to the questions... > > > Renata is losing interest, is less invested in our relationship. can i see > one single peaceful reason to believe this? *no, i hate this belief. > > > can i see a reason to let it go? *yes...but again, WHAT IF IT'S TRUE??? > > > who would i be w/out this belief? *honestly, i don't know. this thought is > not about to drop me, and i can't feel into who i would be w/ out it. > question 4 is always the hardest one for me to answer, because the answers won't > come. i just go blank, or numb. so, i don't know. probably much different. > > > TA's > > Renata is not losing interest, or less invested in our relationship. *this > could be as true, i suppose. > > 3 honest examples: > > she tells me she misses me all the time (my thinking just won't allow me to > truly believe it, in my gut i'm waiting for the other shoe to drop). > > the other reasons are in the past. before this " drifting " began. they > don't seem relevant to me now. > > > > i have a lot of interest, am very invested in our relationship. *yes, > clearly. too much so, i would say. > > > I have a lot of interest, am very invested in the belief of Renata losing > interest, investment in our relationship. *very true. i'm obsessed w/ the > idea. > > > i have a lot of interest, am very invested in losing interest and investment > in our relationship. *God, i actually do. it's like somewhere deep inside > me i want to beat her to the punch, and i'm seeing that in her. or i'm > terrified of that in her. or both. > > > this thought/feeling just came to mind: if i lose interest in her first and > end our relationship, i am making a horrible mistake. if she loses interest > and ends our relationship, i AM a horrible mistake. > > > wow. i see my insanity. i am very, very insane. > > > the Work doesn't show me my way home to love. it shows me how twisted i > really am. > > > i am a fucked up person, guys. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 22, 2006 Report Share Posted January 22, 2006 I agree! Common squirrel, hate yourself as much as you want, non of my business but don't project it on us WE LOVE YOU, (and it as nothing to do with you...) Stay tuned T -- Re: my work pt 1c " i see i do not love myself as i am. not really at all. how can i think anyone else would? " Hi , this stood out for me in your work. This is something I used to believe too, but no longer does. " If I don´t love myself, no one else will either " seems to be a common belief but I see it as a myth, a very stressful story that isn´t true. Reality has showed me over and over that others love for me has nothing to do with me. Nothing to do with if I love myself or not, if I am well-behaved or not, if I am happy or not, funny or boring. Some people just seems to love me no matter how I am, and some people just can´t stand me, no matter what I do. And I have noticed that I am just the same. If I love someone, their lack of self-love couldn´t stop my love in a milion years. Maybe it would make me love them even more because I know so well how much it hurts. That´s the way I feel with you . I love you and feel the greatest compassion for you. I would have loved to be your friend in real life. I find your mind very attractive. And I think you are doing a great job with questioning all your painful beliefs around your relationship with Renata. I can recognice myself in every word in my previous realtionships with men. I see you as very human and lovable! Love you, > > from my worksheet: > > > i hate that since she has moved, she tells me about all the guys she meets, > talking to/hanging out/working with her ex, and seems less and less invested > in our relationship and possible future together > > > she is less invested in our relationship and future. is that true? *i > think so. really strongly, i think so. > > > can i absolutely know it's true? *no. but again...there's that gut-level > feeling...i can't just ignore that. > > > who's business am i in when i believe she should be (and act) more invested > in our relationship? *uh, hers...? yet i am one half of the relationship. > > > how do i react when i believe that Renata is losing interest, getting less > invested in our relationship? *i feel very sad. very, very sad. unloved and > unlovable. unable to live up to her expectations or my own. i feel like i > am not someone who is worth the love, effort and time it takes to sustain > this relationship while we are living in different parts of the country. i feel > worthless and disposable and just defective--like i am missing some vital > part, some part that makes me something worth holding on to. i feel left > behind in every way; physically, geographically, emotionally. > > > where do i feel it in my body, what does it feel like? *i feel it in my > heart mostly. like fear and sadness and pain and anxiety. my stomach drops a > little. > > > how do i treat her when i believe this? *i use subtle guilt trips on her. > i try to make her see how " wrong " she is for loving her life so much w/out > me, while i'm miserable w/out her. i lie to her and tell her i'm going to > parties and meeting a bunch of new people myself. i try to tell her i'm really > excited about my life, but it's a lie. i can't keep that up too long. i do > that to try to scare her. to make her afraid that I might leave HER behind > for some great new person or opportunity or whatever. > > > how do i treat myself? *i just see myself as wrong, fucked up and > defective. i just try to fake my way through so no one will see me as i am. i put > myself under unbelievable amounts of pressure to: get a better job so i feel > more respectable, change all my bad habits (like eating like a teenager, > smoking cigarettes), to work out and become stronger and more physically > attractive...like if i do all this, THEN maybe i won't feel so worthless. i see i do > not love myself as i am. not really at all. how can i think anyone else > would? how did i become this way? when did I decide " i am not okay. i am not > good enough. there is something wrong w/ me " ? this is why i avoid the > Work. it always brings up these core beliefs, and i can't get past them. they > are my deepest sense of myself. anyway, back to the questions... > > > Renata is losing interest, is less invested in our relationship. can i see > one single peaceful reason to believe this? *no, i hate this belief. > > > can i see a reason to let it go? *yes...but again, WHAT IF IT'S TRUE??? > > > who would i be w/out this belief? *honestly, i don't know. this thought is > not about to drop me, and i can't feel into who i would be w/ out it. > question 4 is always the hardest one for me to answer, because the answers won't > come. i just go blank, or numb. so, i don't know. probably much different. > > > TA's > > Renata is not losing interest, or less invested in our relationship. *this > could be as true, i suppose. > > 3 honest examples: > > she tells me she misses me all the time (my thinking just won't allow me to > truly believe it, in my gut i'm waiting for the other shoe to drop). > > the other reasons are in the past. before this " drifting " began. they > don't seem relevant to me now. > > > > i have a lot of interest, am very invested in our relationship. *yes, > clearly. too much so, i would say. > > > I have a lot of interest, am very invested in the belief of Renata losing > interest, investment in our relationship. *very true. i'm obsessed w/ the > idea. > > > i have a lot of interest, am very invested in losing interest and investment > in our relationship. *God, i actually do. it's like somewhere deep inside > me i want to beat her to the punch, and i'm seeing that in her. or i'm > terrified of that in her. or both. > > > this thought/feeling just came to mind: if i lose interest in her first and > end our relationship, i am making a horrible mistake. if she loses interest > and ends our relationship, i AM a horrible mistake. > > > wow. i see my insanity. i am very, very insane. > > > the Work doesn't show me my way home to love. it shows me how twisted i > really am. > > > i am a fucked up person, guys. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 22, 2006 Report Share Posted January 22, 2006 Dearest , I recognice myself in so much of what you write. For example the fear of losing the one you love. My greates fear is to lose Hans. Not to another woman or that he will leave me, but that he will die. And I have just like you asked myself what is the worst that could happen if that would come true. And my answer is incredibly pain beyond words. Suffering day after day after day. And maybe one day it will calm down. And I would never want a relationship with another man again, because I have already had a relationship from heaven, and nothing could be as great as this again. And being alone doesn´t scare me. Being without Hans scares the shit out of me. I have done the Work on this, and it hasn´t undone my stories so far. I also recognice myself in your story when someone who used to love you and need you no longer does. I had this experience with my sister not long ago. She was withdrawing herself from me and I suffered. I missed her. However she came back. And it wasn´t all my imagination because she told me that after a fight we had she had felt that she had it with me and felt that she was finished with our relationship. But then she had realized how much she loved me and missed me. And what I realized was that her absence hadn´t hurt me in anyway. The only thing that had caused me pain was my stories that my sister didn´t love me anymore, and what that ment, that she had left me and that I needed her to be happy. Which of cource all was lies. She never left me. I left her and myself when I believed my stories. And about your answer to the 4 question...you probably didn´t mean to be funny, but I found this hilarious! Thanks for the laugh! I just love your naked humanity!!! Love, > > > In a message dated 1/21/2006 1:24:23 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, > jmknapp74@a... writes: > > can i see a reason to let it go? *yes...but again, WHAT IF IT'S TRUE??? > > > > > > > > so, what if it's true. what if what seems to be my worst nightmare is > actually true? what's the worst that could happen? > > > the worst that could happen is the physical and geographical distance > between us ends up being too much to overcome, and our relationship dies. > > > then what? > > > then i come apart. then all the judgements in my mind scream and scream at > me endlessly. and i believe these judgments. they are CORE. all the barely > concealed fears and hints of my sense of worthlessness become a looming, > suffocating Reality to me. > > > then what? > > > then i suffer. i suffer. i suffer. i am heartbroken and dying inside, yet > i live through every moment of it. it will be unbearable anguish. i won't > do well. the damage that i already have inside of me will become even worse. > more real. more ME. > > > then what? > > > then, very slowly, over time, i will begin to resurface. i will find myself > still alive and this will be a good thing. what won't be good is the fact > that i will be that much less trusting in others because once again, when i > have opened my heart to someone, that person has rejected it. i won't trust. > i will put another bar to my own cage. > > > do you trust now? *not very much. i don't trust Reality to be kind to me. > i am afraid. i am afraid of reality. i am afraid of losing any sense of > being loved. i am afraid of my own self-hating thoughts. > > > all these thoughts and feelings you have about being worthless and unlovable > to others, are they true? *to me, yes. very true. especially when someone > who once needed me, no longer does and becomes a stranger. > > > CYAKIT? *no. i don't think so. i don't know. > > > how do you react when you believe that you are worthless to others? *i > shrivel up and die. my life looks and feels dull and flat and dark...and that's > on a good day. > > > who would you be w/out the belief? *oh please. do you actually think this > question can cut through this? this is who i AM! i've been like this since > i can remember. i can't fool myself right now into some " better, nicer " > thought process. that is called DENIAL. > > okay, i'll play. i'd be free. i'd be one with the universe. i'd be pure, > unconditional love. so happy. so in love with life and the absolute fucking > kindness of Reality. cause Reality is God, and God is good. and it would > just get better and better and better. the happy virus would just eat me up > and i would leave a great big gushing testimonial on 's website so other > people could read it and get all excited about the miracle of four questions > that will change your life completely, yet in all actuality don't do > jack-shit. how's that? > > > i'm sick of this. i'm sick of being this way. doing this work is just > making me worse. > > the " lies " win. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 22, 2006 Report Share Posted January 22, 2006 Dear , thank you for your work. So many threads followed! I didn't keep track of all of the things that where answered. One thing I want to cover is: > can i see a reason to let it go? *yes...but again, WHAT IF IT'S > TRUE??? and the you go on ivestigating further, wich I think is very useful. Anyhow, bear in mind, that you are not asked to let it go. And when you look at the reasons you may have to keep the thought, remember to find one reason that is NOT stressful. Good work. Love, ___________________________________________________________ Telefonate ohne weitere Kosten vom PC zum PC: http://messenger.yahoo.de Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 22, 2006 Report Share Posted January 22, 2006 Hi and , My greatest fear, too is Loss – losing my wife, or losing my daughter. I too imagine incredible pain beyond bearing. Of course I have to feel that when I believe that my life could not go on without them, that I could never be happy without them. Is it true?.... The other day I forgot to pick up my daughter. She is 15, beautiful and it was dark out. Thoughts appeared. What if she is raped and killed. I could not live with myself if that happened. Is that true? Can I absolutely know that it is true? Her death would be my fault. Is that true? Can I absolutely know that it’s true? If that happened, could I really know that we would not all be better off in the long run? She was not supposed to die then, or that way. Is that true? That would be a horrid mistake. Is that true? reminds us THERE ARE NO MISTAKES. Or are there? Can we really know that it’s true? I had to go there when I forgot my daughter. Thoughts appear. She was alive and well what a blessing. If she had been dead can I know that that would not be an equal blessing? WOW. (Ric) Re: my work pt 1c Dearest , I recognice myself in so much of what you write. For example the fear of losing the one you love. My greates fear is to lose Hans. Not to another woman or that he will leave me, but that he will die. And I have just like you asked myself what is the worst that could happen if that would come true. And my answer is incredibly pain beyond words. Suffering day after day after day. And maybe one day it will calm down. And I would never want a relationship with another man again, because I have already had a relationship from heaven, and nothing could be as great as this again. And being alone doesn´t scare me. Being without Hans scares the shit out of me. I have done the Work on this, and it hasn´t undone my stories so far. I also recognice myself in your story when someone who used to love you and need you no longer does. I had this experience with my sister not long ago. She was withdrawing herself from me and I suffered. I missed her. However she came back. And it wasn´t all my imagination because she told me that after a fight we had she had felt that she had it with me and felt that she was finished with our relationship. But then she had realized how much she loved me and missed me. And what I realized was that her absence hadn´t hurt me in anyway. The only thing that had caused me pain was my stories that my sister didn´t love me anymore, and what that ment, that she had left me and that I needed her to be happy. Which of cource all was lies. She never left me. I left her and myself when I believed my stories. And about your answer to the 4 question...you probably didn´t mean to be funny, but I found this hilarious! Thanks for the laugh! I just love your naked humanity!!! Love, > > > In a message dated 1/21/2006 1:24:23 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, > jmknapp74@a... writes: > > can i see a reason to let it go? *yes...but again, WHAT IF IT'S TRUE??? > > > > > > > > so, what if it's true. what if what seems to be my worst nightmare is > actually true? what's the worst that could happen? > > > the worst that could happen is the physical and geographical distance > between us ends up being too much to overcome, and our relationship dies. > > > then what? > > > then i come apart. then all the judgements in my mind scream and scream at > me endlessly. and i believe these judgments. they are CORE. all the barely > concealed fears and hints of my sense of worthlessness become a looming, > suffocating Reality to me. > > > then what? > > > then i suffer. i suffer. i suffer. i am heartbroken and dying inside, yet > i live through every moment of it. it will be unbearable anguish. i won't > do well. the damage that i already have inside of me will become even worse. > more real. more ME. > > > then what? > > > then, very slowly, over time, i will begin to resurface. i will find myself > still alive and this will be a good thing. what won't be good is the fact > that i will be that much less trusting in others because once again, when i > have opened my heart to someone, that person has rejected it. i won't trust. > i will put another bar to my own cage. > > > do you trust now? *not very much. i don't trust Reality to be kind to me. > i am afraid. i am afraid of reality. i am afraid of losing any sense of > being loved. i am afraid of my own self-hating thoughts. > > > all these thoughts and feelings you have about being worthless and unlovable > to others, are they true? *to me, yes. very true. especially when someone > who once needed me, no longer does and becomes a stranger. > > > CYAKIT? *no. i don't think so. i don't know. > > > how do you react when you believe that you are worthless to others? *i > shrivel up and die. my life looks and feels dull and flat and dark...and that's > on a good day. > > > who would you be w/out the belief? *oh please. do you actually think this > question can cut through this? this is who i AM! i've been like this since > i can remember. i can't fool myself right now into some " better, nicer " > thought process. that is called DENIAL. > > okay, i'll play. i'd be free. i'd be one with the universe. i'd be pure, > unconditional love. so happy. so in love with life and the absolute fucking > kindness of Reality. cause Reality is God, and God is good. and it would > just get better and better and better. the happy virus would just eat me up > and i would leave a great big gushing testimonial on 's website so other > people could read it and get all excited about the miracle of four questions > that will change your life completely, yet in all actuality don't do > jack-shit. how's that? > > > i'm sick of this. i'm sick of being this way. doing this work is just > making me worse. > > the " lies " win. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2006 Report Share Posted January 23, 2006 > > Dearest , > I recognice myself in so much of what you write. For example the > fear of losing the one you love. My greates fear is to lose Hans. > Not to another woman or that he will leave me, but that he will die. > And I have just like you asked myself what is the worst that could > happen if that would come true. And my answer is incredibly pain > beyond words. Suffering day after day after day. And maybe one day > it will calm down. And I would never want a relationship with > another man again, because I have already had a relationship from > heaven, and nothing could be as great as this again. And being alone > doesn´t scare me. Being without Hans scares the shit out of me. I > have done the Work on this, and it hasn´t undone my stories so far. > > I also recognice myself in your story when someone who used to love > you and need you no longer does. I had this experience with my > sister not long ago. She was withdrawing herself from me and I > suffered. I missed her. However she came back. And it wasn´t all my > imagination because she told me that after a fight we had she had > felt that she had it with me and felt that she was finished with our > relationship. But then she had realized how much she loved me and > missed me. And what I realized was that her absence hadn´t hurt me > in anyway. The only thing that had caused me pain was my stories > that my sister didn´t love me anymore, and what that ment, that she > had left me and that I needed her to be happy. Which of cource all > was lies. She never left me. I left her and myself when I believed > my stories. > > And about your answer to the 4 question...you probably didn´t mean > to be funny, but I found this hilarious! Thanks for the laugh! I > just love your naked humanity!!! > > Love, > > > > > > > > In a message dated 1/21/2006 1:24:23 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, > > jmknapp74@a... writes: > > > > can i see a reason to let it go? *yes...but again, WHAT IF > IT'S TRUE??? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > so, what if it's true. what if what seems to be my worst > nightmare is > > actually true? what's the worst that could happen? > > > > > > the worst that could happen is the physical and geographical > distance > > between us ends up being too much to overcome, and our > relationship dies. > > > > > > then what? > > > > > > then i come apart. then all the judgements in my mind scream and > scream at > > me endlessly. and i believe these judgments. they are CORE. > all the barely > > concealed fears and hints of my sense of worthlessness become a > looming, > > suffocating Reality to me. > > > > > > then what? > > > > > > then i suffer. i suffer. i suffer. i am heartbroken and dying > inside, yet > > i live through every moment of it. it will be unbearable > anguish. i won't > > do well. the damage that i already have inside of me will become > even worse. > > more real. more ME. > > > > > > then what? > > > > > > then, very slowly, over time, i will begin to resurface. i will > find myself > > still alive and this will be a good thing. what won't be good is > the fact > > that i will be that much less trusting in others because once > again, when i > > have opened my heart to someone, that person has rejected it. i > won't trust. > > i will put another bar to my own cage. > > > > > > do you trust now? *not very much. i don't trust Reality to be > kind to me. > > i am afraid. i am afraid of reality. i am afraid of losing any > sense of > > being loved. i am afraid of my own self-hating thoughts. > > > > > > all these thoughts and feelings you have about being worthless > and unlovable > > to others, are they true? *to me, yes. very true. especially > when someone > > who once needed me, no longer does and becomes a stranger. > > > > > > CYAKIT? *no. i don't think so. i don't know. > > > > > > how do you react when you believe that you are worthless to > others? *i > > shrivel up and die. my life looks and feels dull and flat and > dark...and that's > > on a good day. > > > > > > who would you be w/out the belief? *oh please. do you actually > think this > > question can cut through this? this is who i AM! i've been like > this since > > i can remember. i can't fool myself right now into some " better, > nicer " > > thought process. that is called DENIAL. > > > > okay, i'll play. i'd be free. i'd be one with the universe. > i'd be pure, > > unconditional love. so happy. so in love with life and the > absolute fucking > > kindness of Reality. cause Reality is God, and God is good. and > it would > > just get better and better and better. the happy virus would > just eat me up > > and i would leave a great big gushing testimonial on 's > website so other > > people could read it and get all excited about the miracle of > four questions > > that will change your life completely, yet in all actuality don't > do > > jack-shit. how's that? > > > > > > i'm sick of this. i'm sick of being this way. doing this work > is just > > making me worse. > > > > the " lies " win. > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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