Mother/parents

[Guest guest]

I grew up in a home where there was a lot of emotional guilt-tripping

when it came to " respecting your parents. " I come from a home and

culture that believes it is the moral duty of the children to make

their parents happy and it is morally wrong to upset your parents.

Whether it's physical or emotional abuse, if it's from your parents

it's your duty to " take it. " If you express irritation or(god forbid)

anger at your parents, then you deserve the physical and abuse anyway.

I'm a grown woman now but when I unintentionally said something to

upset my mother, I found myself going back to being a little girl

feeling dirty and disgusted for being such a horrible person. When the

shame hits me I literally can't move. I realized today though that

I've carried the relationship I have with my mother to other

relationships. I'm always manically checking people's faces to see if

they're mad at me, or being scared to say something for fear of

upsetting anyone or hating myself for inconveniencing people.

Someone once told me " why are you so apologetic of your existence? " I

never got it, but today I finally get what that means.

If anyone wants to share some good core beliefs

around " mother/parents " that would be great.

Thanks for listening.

Min-hee