Re: Temper Tantrums plus intro

May 16, 2002

Good for you Suzi! I know how difficult it is to deal with tantrums. You

handled it like a pro. One thing that just makes me want to cry is to see a

parent handle a tantrum by giving in and letting the child have what they

want, just to keep them quiet.

By the way, I'm new to this list. I have just recently discovered what is

going on with my 7 yo daughter. I, like many of you, knew something was

" wrong " early on, but was brushed off by the Dr.'s as " she doesn't need to

talk, her siblings do it for her " or " you baby her too much " to " she'll talk

when she wants to. " A dear lady emailed me on another list after I

described my daughter's reactions to vaccinations and suggested it might be

verbal apraxia. Well two weeks and HOURS of research later, I have to

agree. She is set up for an official evaluation on the 22nd of this month

and we will begin therapy shortly after that. She averages 8-9 word

sentences, and is largely un-intelligible to the general public. When faced

with a situation of speaking to someone she doesn't know, she will pretty

much completely shut down and be unable to speak (she usually looks at me

and says, " I need hehwp. " ) She is prone to fussing and crying when she

isn't understood or cannot express herself. She's never had a full-blown

screaming tantrum (like you described), thank goodness, but she can be very

loud when she's upset!

I'm so glad that I finally have a name to all this. It's also good to see

that there is a lot of support for this out there too. As one woman on this

list so eloquently put it, " We are in this together. "

All the best,

Marie

[ ] Re: Temper Tantrums

My 5 1/2 year old twins daughters throw tantrums. The one that is

severely apraxic use to throw them regularly, several times a week

when she was tired. Now, both girls are only throwing them rarely.

It was very hard last year when they were 4. They needed a nap, but

I couldn't get them to sleep.

I think the combination of being tired and not being able to

communicate just makes it a doozy.

At home it's easy to deal with. I just put them in their room, and

the either calm down or go to sleep.

I've had a problem in public. Last year, I spent a half hour

straddling my daughter in front of a restaraunt while she kicked and

screamed. She wanted a soda, and I said no. After 1/2 hour, she

finally stopped kicking enough for me to move her to our car. She

still screamed another 1/2 hour. Finally, we made it home. Thank

God, my other two kids were angels during all of this.

My daughter also has not had a tantrum like that in public again. I

will tell you one thing. I thought she was going to have a tantrum

like this when we went to see a children's play. She wanted a ring

pop that they were selling. We waited in line, but when it was her

turn they were out of the ring pops. She started a mini-tantrum.

She cried and cried. This time, I just told her either we go home,

or you stop crying and go to your seat. She stopped crying and went

to her seat. She was laughing 5 minutes later. This was a major

milestone to me.

Good luck!

Suzi

May 16, 2002

-Hi ,

I agree Suzi - it sounds as though the fact that you were calm,

insistent withort ever being angry made your child realise that the

behaviour was having no " pay-off " and so she stopped.

I do have to add though for any of you out there saying to

yourself " but I do that and it makes no difference " ..I did that with

Charlie and he didn't get better - he got worse . And the tantrum he

started with used to develop into an ear piercing shriek ...I mean

real Hollywood stuff that would continue for ages !!!! I have had

strangers come up and tell me that I am a dreadful mother and I

should be ashamed of myself . I was even hit by one woman in front of

my oldest boy because I literally had to lie on the floor with

Charlie and comfort him before he could calm down. So yes I have

occasionally been the mum who gave in and I would defy any of you not

to do the same in that situation - especially when it was at big

brothers school or birthday party. I fully understand that others do

not mean anything by it but I REALLY avoid judging any one elses

behaviour - especially where kids are concerned as you never know

what you are dealing with !! ADD, ADHD Aspergers , autism - they all

look so " normal " and that can make it appear to be naughtiness , even

to us as parents, when it is not.

With Charlie I found out soon enough that it was autism and I have

got used to the staring and the comments because I know that they

don't know .I know I am a goofd mum and I know that even if he

dosen't always succeed Charlie ALWAYS tries really hard.

My point however is that sometimes our kids are acting out of

emotions other than simple acting out ..and for some of us it may

turn out that our childs loss of control has a name. That does not

mean that if your child has huge temper out bursts that they have

autism but it does mean that their behaviour may not be driven by

choice and you may need to change your approach. Extreme, regular or

inexplicable tantrums will occur in a " terrible toddler " but you

should consider that it could be a sign that they have other

difficulties and you may want to consider getting further advice.

I would be happy to offer suggestions for persistent tantruming - and

that would NOT be on the assumption that any child has an ASD based

problem but FRANKLY if you can find methods ( as I have )that curb

tantruming in an autistic child then an NT child is not going to be

a problem !!!!!!!!!!!!

I know I am the resident site ASD bore but please feel to contact me

if I can offer suggestions !

Regards

Deborah Dore

-- In @y..., " AAFCP " <aafcp@e...> wrote:

> Good for you Suzi! I know how difficult it is to deal with

tantrums. You

> handled it like a pro. One thing that just makes me want to cry is

to see a

> parent handle a tantrum by giving in and letting the child have

what they

> want, just to keep them quiet.

>

> By the way, I'm new to this list. I have just recently discovered

what is

> going on with my 7 yo daughter. I, like many of you, knew

something was

> " wrong " early on, but was brushed off by the Dr.'s as " she doesn't

need to

> talk, her siblings do it for her " or " you baby her too much "

to " she'll talk

> when she wants to. " A dear lady emailed me on another list after I

> described my daughter's reactions to vaccinations and suggested it

might be

> verbal apraxia. Well two weeks and HOURS of research later, I have

to

> agree. She is set up for an official evaluation on the 22nd of

this month

> and we will begin therapy shortly after that. She averages 8-9 word

> sentences, and is largely un-intelligible to the general public.

When faced

> with a situation of speaking to someone she doesn't know, she will

pretty

> much completely shut down and be unable to speak (she usually looks

at me

> and says, " I need hehwp. " ) She is prone to fussing and crying when

she

> isn't understood or cannot express herself. She's never had a full-

blown

> screaming tantrum (like you described), thank goodness, but she can

be very

> loud when she's upset!

>

> I'm so glad that I finally have a name to all this. It's also good

to see

> that there is a lot of support for this out there too. As one

woman on this

> list so eloquently put it, " We are in this together. "

>

> All the best,

> Marie

May 16, 2002

Thank you for offering your side of the coin Deborah. I didn't mean to

sound as if all parents who " give in " are terrible parents. But I've seen

too many give in at the first whimper or scream. Obviously, children with

issues such as these (that we on the list are dealing with) fall into a

different category.

All the best,

Marie

[ ] Re: Temper Tantrums plus intro