Re: my work pt 1c (Tami)

[Guest guest]

God Tami, you're so right.

it's never enough. remember? i'm the Love Vampire. insatiable.

there is no " better " woman. it doesn't matter, because it's me. until i

can truly see myself as someone who is deserving of something good, i will ruin

anything good i have! that's a depressing as hell thought, but it's the

truth.

i envy you Tami. you love yourself, in or out of balance. at least you say

you do, and i believe you. i don't love myself. i have lost touch with

that.

i'm trying.

In a message dated 1/21/2006 3:09:49 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

tamar_fa@... writes:

I love you so much

You made me laugh, when you wrote:

i'm sick of this. i'm sick of being this way. doing this work is just

making me worse.

I think you are so lovable, but you need only *Renata* to tell you this

hey, but she does tell it to you all the time

and it is not enough,for you cause

you need her to show it to you.

Hey but sometimes she shows it to you

and it is not enough for you

You want more

I don't blame you, I know the feeling

and the work doesn't work for me either, I do other things that makes me

feel balanced (until I am not)

If you and Renata breaks up

I know you will find a better women for you

is that such a bad idea?

-- Re: my work pt 1c

In a message dated 1/21/2006 1:24:23 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

jmknapp74@... writes:

can i see a reason to let it go? *yes...but again, WHAT IF IT'S TRUE???

so, what if it's true. what if what seems to be my worst nightmare is

actually true? what's the worst that could happen?

the worst that could happen is the physical and geographical distance

between us ends up being too much to overcome, and our relationship dies.

then what?

then i come apart. then all the judgements in my mind scream and scream at

me endlessly. and i believe these judgments. they are CORE. all the

barely

concealed fears and hints of my sense of worthlessness become a looming,

suffocating Reality to me.

then what?

then i suffer. i suffer. i suffer. i am heartbroken and dying inside,

yet

i live through every moment of it. it will be unbearable anguish. i won't

do well. the damage that i already have inside of me will become even

worse.

more real. more ME.

then what?

then, very slowly, over time, i will begin to resurface. i will find

myself

still alive and this will be a good thing. what won't be good is the fact

that i will be that much less trusting in others because once again, when i

have opened my heart to someone, that person has rejected it. i won't

trust.

i will put another bar to my own cage.

do you trust now? *not very much. i don't trust Reality to be kind to me.

i am afraid. i am afraid of reality. i am afraid of losing any sense of

being loved. i am afraid of my own self-hating thoughts.

all these thoughts and feelings you have about being worthless and

unlovable

to others, are they true? *to me, yes. very true. especially when

someone

who once needed me, no longer does and becomes a stranger.

CYAKIT? *no. i don't think so. i don't know.

how do you react when you believe that you are worthless to others? *i

shrivel up and die. my life looks and feels dull and flat and dark...and

that's

on a good day.

who would you be w/out the belief? *oh please. do you actually think this

question can cut through this? this is who i AM! i've been like this

since

i can remember. i can't fool myself right now into some " better, nicer "

thought process. that is called DENIAL.

okay, i'll play. i'd be free. i'd be one with the universe. i'd be pure,

unconditional love. so happy. so in love with life and the absolute

fucking

kindness of Reality. cause Reality is God, and God is good. and it would

just get better and better and better. the happy virus would just eat me

up

and i would leave a great big gushing testimonial on 's website so

other

people could read it and get all excited about the miracle of four

questions

that will change your life completely, yet in all actuality don't do

jack-shit. how's that?

i'm sick of this. i'm sick of being this way. doing this work is just

making me worse.

the " lies " win.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

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[Guest guest]

Tami, thank you!

you wrote:

How can you not love yourself?

i don't know, but i just don't! it's like it's just...missing from inside

of me.

i need it from others because i can't locate it inside myself. THAT is why

when i think it's being withdrawn from me my world disintegrates.

man, i'm tiring myself out here. i think i will go out w/ some friends, go

to the movies, have a couple beers afterwards and be normal for a few hours.

yeah, that sounds good.

thanks Tami, i've missed you.

love,

jeremy

In a message dated 1/21/2006 3:49:29 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

tamar_fa@... writes:

How can you not love yourself?

You are so loving

you are so sensitive

you are so funny

you are so honest

you are so good in writing

you are deep

you are good looking

you know how to love

you know how to express yourself

you have good heart

you know how to play the guitar

it is so easy to love you (my story)

you are so loyal

you are so cute

you are so open

you are so human

you are so passionate

you are so supportive

You are such a good friend

WHAT IS NOT TO LOVE ?

Wake up J, you are a catch!!!!!

-- Re: my work pt 1c

In a message dated 1/21/2006 1:24:23 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

jmknapp74@... writes:

can i see a reason to let it go? *yes...but again, WHAT IF IT'S TRUE???

so, what if it's true. what if what seems to be my worst nightmare is

actually true? what's the worst that could happen?

the worst that could happen is the physical and geographical distance

between us ends up being too much to overcome, and our relationship dies.

then what?

then i come apart. then all the judgements in my mind scream and scream

at

me endlessly. and i believe these judgments. they are CORE. all the

barely

concealed fears and hints of my sense of worthlessness become a looming,

suffocating Reality to me.

then what?

then i suffer. i suffer. i suffer. i am heartbroken and dying inside,

yet

i live through every moment of it. it will be unbearable anguish. i won

t

do well. the damage that i already have inside of me will become even

worse.

more real. more ME.

then what?

then, very slowly, over time, i will begin to resurface. i will find

myself

still alive and this will be a good thing. what won't be good is the fact

that i will be that much less trusting in others because once again, when

i

have opened my heart to someone, that person has rejected it. i won't

trust.

i will put another bar to my own cage.

do you trust now? *not very much. i don't trust Reality to be kind to me

i am afraid. i am afraid of reality. i am afraid of losing any sense of

being loved. i am afraid of my own self-hating thoughts.

all these thoughts and feelings you have about being worthless and

unlovable

to others, are they true? *to me, yes. very true. especially when

someone

who once needed me, no longer does and becomes a stranger.

CYAKIT? *no. i don't think so. i don't know.

how do you react when you believe that you are worthless to others? *i

shrivel up and die. my life looks and feels dull and flat and dark...and

that's

on a good day.

who would you be w/out the belief? *oh please. do you actually think

this

question can cut through this? this is who i AM! i've been like this

since

i can remember. i can't fool myself right now into some " better, nicer "

thought process. that is called DENIAL.

okay, i'll play. i'd be free. i'd be one with the universe. i'd be

pure,

unconditional love. so happy. so in love with life and the absolute

fucking

kindness of Reality. cause Reality is God, and God is good. and it would

just get better and better and better. the happy virus would just eat me

up

and i would leave a great big gushing testimonial on 's website so

other

people could read it and get all excited about the miracle of four

questions

that will change your life completely, yet in all actuality don't do

jack-shit. how's that?

i'm sick of this. i'm sick of being this way. doing this work is just

making me worse.

the " lies " win.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

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Visit your group " Loving-what-is " on the web.

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[Guest guest]

How can you not love yourself?

You are so loving

you are so sensitive

you are so funny

you are so honest

you are so good in writing

you are deep

you are good looking

you know how to love

you know how to express yourself

you have good heart

you know how to play the guitar

it is so easy to love you (my story)

you are so loyal

you are so cute

you are so open

you are so human

you are so passionate

you are so supportive

You are such a good friend

WHAT IS NOT TO LOVE ?

Wake up J, you are a catch!!!!!

-- Re: my work pt 1c

In a message dated 1/21/2006 1:24:23 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

jmknapp74@... writes:

can i see a reason to let it go? *yes...but again, WHAT IF IT'S TRUE???

so, what if it's true. what if what seems to be my worst nightmare is

actually true? what's the worst that could happen?

the worst that could happen is the physical and geographical distance

between us ends up being too much to overcome, and our relationship dies.

then what?

then i come apart. then all the judgements in my mind scream and scream

at

me endlessly. and i believe these judgments. they are CORE. all the

barely

concealed fears and hints of my sense of worthlessness become a looming,

suffocating Reality to me.

then what?

then i suffer. i suffer. i suffer. i am heartbroken and dying inside,

yet

i live through every moment of it. it will be unbearable anguish. i won

t

do well. the damage that i already have inside of me will become even

worse.

more real. more ME.

then what?

then, very slowly, over time, i will begin to resurface. i will find

myself

still alive and this will be a good thing. what won't be good is the fact

that i will be that much less trusting in others because once again, when

i

have opened my heart to someone, that person has rejected it. i won't

trust.

i will put another bar to my own cage.

do you trust now? *not very much. i don't trust Reality to be kind to me

i am afraid. i am afraid of reality. i am afraid of losing any sense of

being loved. i am afraid of my own self-hating thoughts.

all these thoughts and feelings you have about being worthless and

unlovable

to others, are they true? *to me, yes. very true. especially when

someone

who once needed me, no longer does and becomes a stranger.

CYAKIT? *no. i don't think so. i don't know.

how do you react when you believe that you are worthless to others? *i

shrivel up and die. my life looks and feels dull and flat and dark...and

that's

on a good day.

who would you be w/out the belief? *oh please. do you actually think

this

question can cut through this? this is who i AM! i've been like this

since

i can remember. i can't fool myself right now into some " better, nicer "

thought process. that is called DENIAL.

okay, i'll play. i'd be free. i'd be one with the universe. i'd be

pure,

unconditional love. so happy. so in love with life and the absolute

fucking

kindness of Reality. cause Reality is God, and God is good. and it would

just get better and better and better. the happy virus would just eat me

up

and i would leave a great big gushing testimonial on 's website so

other

people could read it and get all excited about the miracle of four

questions

that will change your life completely, yet in all actuality don't do

jack-shit. how's that?

i'm sick of this. i'm sick of being this way. doing this work is just

making me worse.

the " lies " win.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS

Visit your group " Loving-what-is " on the web.