Guest guest Posted January 21, 2006 Report Share Posted January 21, 2006 In a message dated 1/21/2006 1:24:23 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, jmknapp74@... writes: can i see a reason to let it go? *yes...but again, WHAT IF IT'S TRUE??? so, what if it's true. what if what seems to be my worst nightmare is actually true? what's the worst that could happen? the worst that could happen is the physical and geographical distance between us ends up being too much to overcome, and our relationship dies. then what? then i come apart. then all the judgements in my mind scream and scream at me endlessly. and i believe these judgments. they are CORE. all the barely concealed fears and hints of my sense of worthlessness become a looming, suffocating Reality to me. then what? then i suffer. i suffer. i suffer. i am heartbroken and dying inside, yet i live through every moment of it. it will be unbearable anguish. i won't do well. the damage that i already have inside of me will become even worse. more real. more ME. then what? then, very slowly, over time, i will begin to resurface. i will find myself still alive and this will be a good thing. what won't be good is the fact that i will be that much less trusting in others because once again, when i have opened my heart to someone, that person has rejected it. i won't trust. i will put another bar to my own cage. do you trust now? *not very much. i don't trust Reality to be kind to me. i am afraid. i am afraid of reality. i am afraid of losing any sense of being loved. i am afraid of my own self-hating thoughts. all these thoughts and feelings you have about being worthless and unlovable to others, are they true? *to me, yes. very true. especially when someone who once needed me, no longer does and becomes a stranger. CYAKIT? *no. i don't think so. i don't know. how do you react when you believe that you are worthless to others? *i shrivel up and die. my life looks and feels dull and flat and dark...and that's on a good day. who would you be w/out the belief? *oh please. do you actually think this question can cut through this? this is who i AM! i've been like this since i can remember. i can't fool myself right now into some " better, nicer " thought process. that is called DENIAL. okay, i'll play. i'd be free. i'd be one with the universe. i'd be pure, unconditional love. so happy. so in love with life and the absolute fucking kindness of Reality. cause Reality is God, and God is good. and it would just get better and better and better. the happy virus would just eat me up and i would leave a great big gushing testimonial on 's website so other people could read it and get all excited about the miracle of four questions that will change your life completely, yet in all actuality don't do jack-shit. how's that? i'm sick of this. i'm sick of being this way. doing this work is just making me worse. the " lies " win. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 21, 2006 Report Share Posted January 21, 2006 I love you so much You made me laugh, when you wrote: i'm sick of this. i'm sick of being this way. doing this work is just making me worse. I think you are so lovable, but you need only *Renata* to tell you this hey, but she does tell it to you all the time and it is not enough,for you cause you need her to show it to you. Hey but sometimes she shows it to you and it is not enough for you You want more I don't blame you, I know the feeling and the work doesn't work for me either, I do other things that makes me feel balanced (until I am not) If you and Renata breaks up I know you will find a better women for you is that such a bad idea? -- Re: my work pt 1c In a message dated 1/21/2006 1:24:23 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, jmknapp74@... writes: can i see a reason to let it go? *yes...but again, WHAT IF IT'S TRUE??? so, what if it's true. what if what seems to be my worst nightmare is actually true? what's the worst that could happen? the worst that could happen is the physical and geographical distance between us ends up being too much to overcome, and our relationship dies. then what? then i come apart. then all the judgements in my mind scream and scream at me endlessly. and i believe these judgments. they are CORE. all the barely concealed fears and hints of my sense of worthlessness become a looming, suffocating Reality to me. then what? then i suffer. i suffer. i suffer. i am heartbroken and dying inside, yet i live through every moment of it. it will be unbearable anguish. i won't do well. the damage that i already have inside of me will become even worse. more real. more ME. then what? then, very slowly, over time, i will begin to resurface. i will find myself still alive and this will be a good thing. what won't be good is the fact that i will be that much less trusting in others because once again, when i have opened my heart to someone, that person has rejected it. i won't trust. i will put another bar to my own cage. do you trust now? *not very much. i don't trust Reality to be kind to me. i am afraid. i am afraid of reality. i am afraid of losing any sense of being loved. i am afraid of my own self-hating thoughts. all these thoughts and feelings you have about being worthless and unlovable to others, are they true? *to me, yes. very true. especially when someone who once needed me, no longer does and becomes a stranger. CYAKIT? *no. i don't think so. i don't know. how do you react when you believe that you are worthless to others? *i shrivel up and die. my life looks and feels dull and flat and dark...and that's on a good day. who would you be w/out the belief? *oh please. do you actually think this question can cut through this? this is who i AM! i've been like this since i can remember. i can't fool myself right now into some " better, nicer " thought process. that is called DENIAL. okay, i'll play. i'd be free. i'd be one with the universe. i'd be pure, unconditional love. so happy. so in love with life and the absolute fucking kindness of Reality. cause Reality is God, and God is good. and it would just get better and better and better. the happy virus would just eat me up and i would leave a great big gushing testimonial on 's website so other people could read it and get all excited about the miracle of four questions that will change your life completely, yet in all actuality don't do jack-shit. how's that? i'm sick of this. i'm sick of being this way. doing this work is just making me worse. the " lies " win. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 21, 2006 Report Share Posted January 21, 2006 a) to be attractive you are doing yourself good is it possible that there is another girl who can be a better match? and i think that you will make some woman very happy. You wrote: >bad habits (like eating like a teenager, >smoking cigarettes), to work out and become stronger and more >physically attractive ----------------------- > > then i come apart. then all the judgements in my mind scream and scream at > me endlessly. and i believe these judgments. they are CORE. all the barely > concealed fears and hints of my sense of worthlessness become a looming, > suffocating Reality to me. > > > then what? > > > then i suffer. i suffer. i suffer. i am heartbroken and dying inside, yet > i live through every moment of it. it will be unbearable anguish. i won't > do well. the damage that i already have inside of me will become even worse. > more real. more ME. > > > then what? > > > then, very slowly, over time, i will begin to resurface. i will find myself > still alive and this will be a good thing. what won't be good is the fact > that i will be that much less trusting in others because once again, when i > have opened my heart to someone, that person has rejected it. i won't trust. > i will put another bar to my own cage. > > > do you trust now? *not very much. i don't trust Reality to be kind to me. > i am afraid. i am afraid of reality. i am afraid of losing any sense of > being loved. i am afraid of my own self-hating thoughts. > > > all these thoughts and feelings you have about being worthless and unlovable > to others, are they true? *to me, yes. very true. especially when someone > who once needed me, no longer does and becomes a stranger. > > > CYAKIT? *no. i don't think so. i don't know. > > > how do you react when you believe that you are worthless to others? *i > shrivel up and die. my life looks and feels dull and flat and dark...and that's > on a good day. > > > who would you be w/out the belief? *oh please. do you actually think this > question can cut through this? this is who i AM! i've been like this since > i can remember. i can't fool myself right now into some " better, nicer " > thought process. that is called DENIAL. > > okay, i'll play. i'd be free. i'd be one with the universe. i'd be pure, > unconditional love. so happy. so in love with life and the absolute fucking > kindness of Reality. cause Reality is God, and God is good. and it would > just get better and better and better. the happy virus would just eat me up > and i would leave a great big gushing testimonial on 's website so other > people could read it and get all excited about the miracle of four questions > that will change your life completely, yet in all actuality don't do > jack-shit. how's that? > > > i'm sick of this. i'm sick of being this way. doing this work is just > making me worse. > > the " lies " win. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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