Re: Too Responisble?

May 21, 2008

Oh Alia, I am so sorry it is such a struggle to meet your goals with school

or the wildlife centre. We have one here, it is magnificent! Perhaps dear,

it is time to be realistic and go on to a more part time schedule and ask

for a bit of disability accommodation that way with your School. I hate to

think of you too exhausted to get food and eat properly. Would the wildlife

Centre accommodate you with short shifts? It sounds like that worked better

for you. You are not a bad person!!! Only ill is all. You are doing more

than your best dear. Get some rest if you can, and know I’m sending you

energy blessings. Aylwin xox

May 21, 2008

Alia,

> so darn tired by the second half of each school term

> because I take on too much.

> I'm so far from home and very much on my own...

> I've been volunteering at this wildlife rehabilitation center for a

while.

> I was OK when it was only 45min-1hr once a week,

> but now the shifts are getting really long.

It does sound like you're overextending yourself. School alone is very

demanding for most people without health concerns. Then you're adding

in the volunteer work too. Plus the extra demands of caring for

yourself entirely. My practical suggestion would be to first greatly

reduce your time volunteering. Simply tell your supervisor that the

demands of school are increasing and you are far too strained to

maintain such a long volunteer schedule. You're not being paid, which

means you should be able to set limits on your time. Seriously, if

you're going to run yourself into the ground, at least get paid for it

so you can use that money to take better care of yourself.

I understand that it can be really frustrating that one day we feel

very capable and sharp, while the next day we can barely function. I

understand that it's hard to ignore our interests and not participate

in activities, particularly during the " up " times when it doesn't seem

so much.

> It makes me feel selfish for taking care of myself first,

> but I just can't do it right now.

> i hate letting other people down so much.

> How to learn not to take on so much?

I understand that feeling, but taking a step back, is it really so

selfish to want to take care of your own basic needs? To want to be

able to function without every step being a struggle? To maybe even

thrive instead of just surviving? If you're unable to take care of

yourself, how are you supposed to help others?

I've begun looking at my cfs situation like the emergency procedure

for airplane crashes:

Please secure your own oxygen mask before attempting to help others.

In other words, if you're so busy rushing around the airplane trying

to help everyone else first, you'll just pass out before you can

really do anyone any good. In that situation you need to get

yourself taken care of so you are clear headed and strong enough to

then extend support to others.

Given the delicate nature of our condition, I think this philosophy

applies to how we prioritize our daily lives as well. There are so

many things I have interest in or want to be a part of, so many things

I want to help with because I have the skills to do so or hate to see

someone in need... but I'm realizing that all the energy spent doing

those things is energy stolen from helping myself.

If I continue to deprive myself of the necessary caretaking, if I

neglect to put my health needs first and realistically acknowledge my

limits, I won't really be helping anyone in the long run. Inevitably

I'll burn out and crash leaving deadlines missed, appointments

canceled, obligations dismissed, people disappointed. I might be able

to take on something extra for a short while, but it's just buying

time before the inevitable crash/flare (lack of oxygen).

It's hard for me to make this shift because of course there are days

or even weeks where I'm doing better and it doesn't feel like a strain

to take on a small side project (or planning for a short trip, or

helping someone else). But unless that project is something with a

very short timeline, it will eventually just serve to drain me and

distract my energies from treating my condition. Eventually, and

probably soon, I'm going to start to crash, begin the bad set of days,

where even the most basic functions are a challenge. And when that

happens that tiny " easy " side project then becomes far too demanding,

causing me to overextend myself and make myself more sick.

I find it's a very difficult balance between adding in extras to give

some quality of life, not just a life that only revolves around my

illness, and remembering that the end goal is always to improve my

health. I'm trying to only plan or attempt things that have flexible

timelines, that can be canceled with little repercussion, that aren't

situations where many people are depending on me, that allow me to

dial back on my responsibilities as needed, that I can be as firm as

needed about my limitations. In other words, only tasks that allow me

to put on my oxygen mask first should the need arise.

Perhaps that helps your situation.

Dyno

May 21, 2008

thanks so much for posting that.I really needed to read something like that t

this time. Everything you said i sooooo true nd very wise. Diane

" Ms. Dynomite " wrote: Alia,