TO: Ness RE: Friend's letter and backing away

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I don't have the energy to read the

list everyday so please forgive me

if I'm behind a bit. I did get a chance

to read the post by " ness " with the

letter from her friend and would like to comment.

First, of all, I think it was very courageous of you to

share this with us and kudos to you for that.

In my opinion (and it is my opinion) and from

my personal experience with this type of behavior

from so-called friends and family, I would not tolerate

this type of badgering and insensitivity. It is so stressful

and unsupportive that I feel it is counterproductive to

one's health. And in MY opinion it is so disrespectful,

(even if out of complete lack of awareness and not

intentional) I would not

even respond to it. Honestly, I would be frightened to

go visit this person after a letter like that.

On the other hand if after I gave it time to settle down

emotionally within me, and felt I was in a rational and calm mood

I might respond, but only if I was doing it for my own self-empowerment.

I would not do it with any expectations from the person or hoping to change

them and I would think about how I would feel if they responded back negatively.

If I was worried I would be stressed by the thought of another

inappropriate letter or email from the person I would consider whether

I could tolerate that or not. Could I just delete it or dispose of it without

reading it?

Could I read it and not feel upset all over again?

In the end, I would do what is best for you and what your heart tells you

about this person. And I believe your health comes first and foremost.

I know how painful it is as I have had it happen to me. I can say thaI did

become stronger and more in touch with my feelings and how to handle future

situations like it though. So it had a positive side.

Also, I want to say I TOTALLY understand why you cannot travel! Many people

do not understand this, if they haven't been there it's just beyond their

understanding.

And people may not mean it but many have judgements about illness and

disability.

I have a dear Aunt who is very ill and lives 3000 miles away that I know isn't

going to be

around much longer and I am very pained that I cannot go see her. But I simply

cannot

stand the stress of such a journey. I've only begun to be well enough to even

go out

locally in the evenings occassionally! She understands this and loves me

unconditionally

nonetheless.

It sounds like you are talking good care of yourself with housing, social

services, etc.

and I applaud you for this. I wish for these things to get settled for you soon

so you can

settle and find some peace.

Best,

cl

[Guest guest]

CL,

wow, I think that's excellent advice on how to approach conflict with

any friend or family member. Thanks so much for sharing that.

Particularly the part about not having expectations of change if we

respond and considering the effects on our health if they continue to

respond negatively.

Dyno

>

> In my opinion (and it is my opinion)...

> I would not tolerate

> this type of badgering and insensitivity. It is so stressful

> and unsupportive that I feel it is counterproductive to

> one's health. And in MY opinion it is so disrespectful,

> (even if out of complete lack of awareness and not

> intentional) I would not

> even respond to it.