MD theses sans acknowledgements

[Guest guest]

The MD theses, finally, are over. Focused research questions, great

introductions, meticulous methods, well-laid out results and structured

discussions. But what the theses won't have this year is their most readable

section - acknowledgements. The section, guides loved to leaf through in the

close confines of their office. The section that boosted their self-esteem.

The section that created an illusion in their mind that they were an

embodiment of successful researchers, crafty clinicians and humane human

beings.

Now that the 1998 batch residents are all set to submit their theses to the

MUHS, Nashik, they would have to format the manuscript according to the

revised rules and regulations. According to the MUHS, a thesis should be

stripped off all identifiers: names, affiliations, and locations. The idea

is that a manuscript, stripped of all identifiers would allow an unbiased

and dispassionate review.

That is fine. Biases and prejudices do distort the assessment. But in the

process, the University has deprived the guides of the pleasure that the

acknowledgement section generated for decades.

Till recently, soon after the guides signed the thesis, and residents left

behind (a parker pen) and a copy of fresh leather-bound thesis on their

desk, the guides would quickly open the section that we were yearning to go

through. No, this was not results, discussion or summary and conclusion.

They were eyeing the acknowledgement section. They needed absolute privacy

to read this section -word-by-word. For, they expected heaps of praise

showered on them by their resident. And they were seldom disappointed.

What a wonderful series of adjectives the residents picked up to describe

their guides- " brilliant, sparkling, knowledgeable, erudite, astute… " Where

else would the guides find those ego-pampering hyperboles: " lucky to have

been trained under him " ; " painstakingly explained and guided me at every

step of my thesis " ; " was an epitome of knowledge, wisdom and insight " ; " his

impeccable understanding of study designs and statistics helped me unravel

the complexities of medical research " , or " it was dream come true to find

such a mentor " !

For several years, I naively believed that these words came straight from

the heart. Till a medicine lecturer shattered my blissful ignorance.

" Residents write acknowledgments " , he said, " a couple of hours before they

take the manuscript to the book-binder. " Tired, traumatized and tormented,

they are no longer in a frame of mind that would let them write a creative

prose. The baby - the thesis- is out but the placenta - the

acknowledgments-needs to be delivered now. They need to design a section

that would deftly disguise their guide's whims, fancies, and idiosyncrasies.

Instead, they want to paint their guides through the choicest of colours

and hues. So who do they assign this task? In the good old days, a clever

typist in the institute had a handful of ready-made templates – all that he

needed to know was the guide and the department! Fervently typing 60-words a

minute, in no time would he deftly generate an effusive acknowledgement, a

write-up that would make an impressive reading. Sometimes, the residents

would ask their convent-educated juniors to write flowery English. And now,

with the Microsoft word on their laptops, residents have discovered that

finding synonyms and paraphrasing the prose takes just a couple of mouse

clicks!

And so, this week, as I would browse through my copy of the manuscript and

try to find my way through the maze of graphs, tables and numbers, my eyes

won't find the section, so dear to my heart. The thesis, nameless and

faceless, would lack those two pages that every guide privately read but

never acknowledged in public.

Dear residents: do not destroy my illusory world. I will trust every

sentence that you write to embellish your text. Do tell me that I did not

acquire gray hair by a sudden flight; that my spectacular face showcases the

distillate of clinical and research wisdom that I painstakingly gathered

over years. Tell me that theses are tedious and irksome- even more difficult

than twelve labours of Hercules- and but for me you would have toiled

fruitlessly downward in the residency nights.

SP

- --

SP Kalantri, MD, MPH

Department of Medicine

MGIMS | Sevagram