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[Guest guest]

((((((((((Dearest a)))))))))....I understand the times of reflection

& sadness. I, too, wonder how life would have turned out if Vince would

have survived the leukemia. I know some of the decisions I made after

his passing were made from fear & grief, but when I think of how young I

was, 24, I think I went through an awful lot for still being practically

a kid, and I did all I could do at the time. Please know you'll be in my

prayers especially today.

Sometimes I make little notes about the reason why I ate something, or

how it did or did not make me feel. But my journal is pretty

basic...date, times, what I ate & blood glucose levels. In my younger

years I went through anorexia and bulimia...and MANY really unhealthy

food/eating behaviors/compulsions. I was hospialized more than once for

those things, even was force-fed with an ng tube. About 7 or 8 years

ago I made a major life decision, which was even if I stayed entirely

too heavy the rest of my life I would not participate in those

destructive, crazy eating-disordered behaviors anymore. Period. Since

then, I have had a couple very minor and brief slips, but all in all it

has been so much better.

Knowing I have had those behaviors and tendencies, I try to keep my

healthier eating really simple. Choose more wisely, have what I want

but in a sensible amount, listen to myself...am I eating cause I'm

hungry or because I'm sad, bored, angry, etc. Years ago I looked into a

medically supervised program using shakes, but I know in my heart that

something so extreme could trigger the anorexia. It was so much easier

to eat nothing than to try to moderate. So, I would eat virtually

nothing for long periods of time and end up with catastrophic blood

work, wacky thinking, and hospitalization.

I've done OA, Weight Loss Clinic, Nutri-System, Craig, Weight

Watchers and many other diets on my own. I don't think all of those are

bad, and some are probably pretty good for some folks. For me, I ike

the 12 step saying...K.I.S.S. - Keep It Simple Sweetie.

Once I start weighing & measuring, planning what to eat, being very

regimented I get obsessive/compulsive. I know I'm on a journey for the

rest of my life that won't end when I reach any particular weight. I

guess I'm a slow-learner, but a learner never-the-less.

Your kind support, and that from all the members of our family means so

much to me. I trust you all so much...I'm not afraid of being

criticized or judged or patronized. I really believe and I FEEL that you

love me just as I am. What a remarkable gift you have blessed me with.

All My Love, Always...

Tess