Fw: raising children

[Guest guest]

" <

> This is from my 80 year old uncle in New Jersey>

> >

> > Raising Children

> > To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own,

> > grandchildren, nieces and nephews, or students ... here is something to

> > make you laugh.

> > Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the

> > thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children.

> > After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.

> > And the first thing he said was, " Don't. "

> > " Don't what? " Adam replied.

> > " Don't eat the forbidden fruit, " God said.

> > " Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve ... we have forbidden

> > fruit! "

> > " No way! "

> > " Yes, way! "

> > " Do NOT eat the fruit! " said God.

> > " Why? "

> > " Because I am your Father and I said so! " God replied, (wondering why He

> > hadn't stopped creation after He made the elephants).

> > A few minutes later, God saw his children having an apple break and was

> > He ticked!

> > " Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit? " God, as our first parent,

> > asked?

> > " Uh-huh, " Adam replied.

> > " Then why did you? " said the Father.

> > " I don't know, " said Eve.

> > " She started it! " Adam said.

> > " Did not! "

> > " Did too! "

> > " DID NOT! "

> > Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and

> > Eve should have children of their own.

> > Thus, the pattern was set and it has never changed! But there is

> > reassurance in this story. If you have persistently and lovingly tried

> > to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on

> > yourself.

> > If God had trouble raising children, what made you think it would be a

> > piece of cake for you?

> > ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

> > Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache,

> > do what it says on the aspirin bottle: " Take two aspirin " and " Keep

> > away from children. "

> > You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and

> > talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut-up.

> > Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling

> > the driveway before it has stopped snowing.

> > Mothers of teens know why animals eat their young.

> > I asked Mom if I was a gifted child...she said they certainly wouldn't

> > have paid for me.

> > The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself

> > that there are children more awful than your own.

> > We child proofed our home 3 years ago and they're still getting in!

> > Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

> >