Re: lessons learned deeply

[Guest guest]

Oh Tess, what a lovely experience!

I know first hand that forgiveness is a very healing thing. I had to

forgive my older brother for years of sexual and physical abuse when

I was a child. We now have a good (though not close) relationship.

My oldest brother and I talk often, but both brothers live on the

west coast, and I am here in Indiana.

You really should write a book about all your experiences!

Hope you're feeling good today and resting up. You can look forward

to some happy holidays now?

Hugs,

Judi

[Guest guest]

Tess, how wonderful that your extended family has been reunited. The

unconditional love of family and friends is truly a blessing. Cheerfully,

Kathy " You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it

will be too late. " Ralph Waldo Emerson

[Guest guest]

Tess,

What wonderful memories you have of your love story. I¹m so sorry the

ending wasn¹t as you had dreamed of. Your reunion with Vince¹s family is

really touching. It amazes me that our lives are so similar. I could have

very easily written this post even down to the family shunning me when I

remarried my late husband¹s best friend in spite of knowing and loving him

for 20 years. Death has a way of changing so many things. I¹m glad you had

such a great time. I hope there are many more to come. You deserve

happiness and I hope one day you¹ll find love again.

Many hugs,

a

> Hi Dear Ones...yesterday was an important day. I was married in 1968 to

> the love of my life, while only 17 and still a senior in high school.

> He was being shipped off in the Navy to the waters close to Viet Nam,

> and we wanted to be together in every way before he had to go. It was a

> beautiful Christmas (Dec. 21) wedding...me in my white lace, my

> bridesmaids in red velvet, and Vince in his Navy uniform.

>

> Those first four years of marriage in the military life were years of

> deep pain and tremendous joy. I was about as naive as one could be, and

> Vince was right behind me.

>

> It was a wonderful time when his service days were over and we could

> finally be together everyday. Oh such terrific memories. We were so

> blessed when we adopted our little baby girl we named Christena, and

> made some very big, positive decisions in our lives because of her.

>

> We were poor...Vince was going to college, we were very, very much in

> love, and happier than we'd ever been.

>

> We had been married 7 1/2 years (dating 2 years before that) when

> seemingly out of the blue he was struck with a particularly virulent

> type of leukemia. We really went through one of those 'Hollywood'

> scenes where the doctor sits you down and says, " I have good news, and

> bad news. " The good news was the dr. thought he could get Vince into

> remission, the bad news was there simply was no cure.

>

> The first round of chemo did not work but did manage to destroy what

> little was left of Vince's health. I remember vividly the night his

> lungs began not working, the call I had to make to his Mom at 1am not

> knowing if he would make it through the night, the starkness of his

> frail body and fear in is eyes being intubated in the ICU. His spirit

> grew to have great peace, and we had the next 10 days to share our life

> and say our 'til we meet again in Heaven' goodbyes. I didn't leave the

> hospital during the last 10 days, and was with him when his soul

> ascended and his body became an empty shell.

>

> Vince had 1 sibling, a sister 4 years older than he, his mom, and dad.

> His sister is the first to admit she was very spoiled and demanding in

> her younger days. His dad was a wonderful man when sober, but could be

> mean as all get out, emotionally & verbally when he drank...which was

> any time he wasn't out on the boats working tug on the rivers. His mom

> was the glue that kept things together.

>

> After Vince passed on, we stayed close off and on. But after I married

> again things got difficult. Looking back from the vantage point of now

> being 51, I realize I was so very young, 24, to go through so much, and

> Vince's folks were younger than I am now! Who knew how to handle the

> death of one so beloved and full of life? I married too quickly a man

> who was Vince's & my friend. I really only knew him well in the context

> of being 'our buddy' from the Navy. However, he loved Vince too, and it

> was comforting to share such intense grief with someone. Vince's folks

> and sister felt as though I was putting Vince " on a shelf somewhere " and

> forgetting him. They said very hurtful things to me about being

> 'disloyal'.

>

> Though the years we all never, ever stopped loving one another, but the

> strain was always there. We've gotten together from time to time, and

> they have loved my children, which was a great gift. But there has

> always been this chasm of grief none of us could make it over.

>

> Yesterday we all got together at Vince's sisters' house - my mom,

> Vince's folks, his sister & her husband, their youngest son & his sons,

> my girls, their fiances and my grandchildren.

>

> We hugged and loved on each other, had a great meal and jabbered like

> nobody's business. It was so good, like being home.

>

> Vince's sister's son has a beautiful, huge karaoke set-up in the den,

> and he and my two youngest were singing their hearts out. All of us

> women went to listen. My youngest, Genevieve, began to do the song

> " From a Distance " (she is a huge Bette Midler fan like me). We were

> listening, smiling, looking at each other. Vince's sister began to

> cry...she hugged my mom and mom held her. Then she came to me and said

> sobbing, " It's been way too long since this family has been 'together'. "

> I held her in my arms and she wept and wept, her little body just

> shaking from the sobs. I put my hand on the back of her head and held

> her so close. Then she looked up and said, " I'm so sorry for the things

> I've done in the past that have hurt us. " I told her I was sorry, too,

> and that I understood how life had been so painful for us all. Life

> threw us a curve we never saw coming, and it broke all of our hearts. We

> held each other a very long time and it was achingly wonderful.

>

> I am so grateful she invited us all over. I am so grateful that we

> finally realized that none of us knew how to handle grief in a healthy

> way. I am so grateful there is no more chasm between us. We will never

> stop missing Vince til we see him in Heaven, but maybe now, all these 26

> years later, we can truly miss him together.

>

> Tess :'''''''

>

>

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