Twas the night before Thanksgiving

[Guest guest]

>>Twas the night before Thanksgiving and all through the kitchen;

>>I was cooking and baking and moanin' and bitchin'.

>>I've been here for hours, I can't stop to rest,

>>This place is a disaster, just look at this mess!

>>

>>Tomorrow I've got thirty people to feed,

>>They expect all the trimmings...who cares what I need!

>>My feet are both blistered, I've got cramps in my legs,

>>The dog just knocked over a bowl full of eggs.

>>

>>There's a knock at the door and the telephone's ringing;

>>Frosting drips on the counter as the microwave's dinging.

>>Two pies in the oven, dessert's almost done;

>>My cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs.

>>

>>I've had all I can stand, I can't take anymore;

>>Then walks in my husband, spilling rum on the floor.

>>He heaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady;

>>Then grins as he chuckles " The eggnog is ready! "

>>

>>He looks all around and with total regret,

>>Says " What's takin' so long? Aren't you through in here yet?? "

>>As quick as a flash I reach for a knife;

>>He loses an earlobe; I wanted his life!

>>

>>He flees from the room in terror and pain,

>>and screams " MY GOD WOMAN, YOU'RE GOING INSANE!! "

>>Now what was I doing, and what is that smell?

>>Oh, shit, it's the pies!! They're burned all to hell!!

>>

>>I hate to admit when I make a mistake,

>>But I put them on BROIL instead of on BAKE.

>>What else can go wrong?? Is there still more ahead??

>>If this is good living, I'd rather be dead.

>>

>>Lord, don't get me wrong, I love holidays;

>>They just leave me exhausted, all shaky and dazed.

>>But I promise you one thing, If I live 'til next year,

>>You won't find me pulling my hair out in here.

>>

>>I'll hire a maid, a cook, and a waiter;

>>And if that doesn't work, I'LL HAVE IT ALL CATERED!