New Medications for Women

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New Medications for Women:

St. Mom's Wort - Plant extract that treats mom's

depression by rendering

preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.

Empty Nestrogen - Highly effective suppository that

eliminates

melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they

were as teenagers

and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

PeptoBimbo Liquid - silicone for single women. Two

full cups swallowed

before an evening out increases breast size, decreases

intelligence, and

improves flirting.

Dumerol - When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause

dangerously low I.Q.

causing enjoyment of country western music. (Caution:

May bleach hair)

Flipitor - Increases life expectancy of commuters by

controlling road

rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

Anti-Boyotics - When administered to teenage girls, is

highly effective

in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and

reducing money spent on

make-up.

Menicillin - Potent anti-boyotic for older women.

Increases resistance

to such lines as, " You make me want to be a better

person ... can we get

naked now? "

Buyagra - Injectable stimulant taken prior to

shopping. Increases

potency and duration of spending spree.

Extra Strength Buy-One-All - When combined with

Buyagra, can cause an

indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may

even come home

with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. .

JackAsspirin - Relieves headache caused by a man who

can't remember your

birthday, anniversary or phone number.

Anti-Talksident - A spray carried in a purse or wallet

to be used on

anyone too eager to share their life stories with

total strangers.

Sexcedrin - More effective than Excedrin in treating

the, " Not now,

dear, I have a headache, " syndrome.

Ragamet - When administered to a husband, provides the

same irritation

as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the

time and trouble of

doing it herself.

And the best:

Damitol - Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to

Hell for up to 8

hours.