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[Guest guest]

Dear Friends...In light of all that Deb is going through as well as

everyone's personal challenges, I don't like 'whining' right now, but I

need to, a little.

I had a wonderful weekend with Em's birthday & all, have all my cards

mailed and every gift but one bought. I have a little tree up and

Christmas cards strung for all to see.

But I am feeling angry and frustrated and overwelmed. I went in for my

pre-op today...the EKG's were down, and the blood work can't be done for

2 weeks...my Dr. wasn't too happy with all that...she was very sweet to

me...but it really was a pretty uneccesary trip...all could have been

done in 2 weeks, but the nurse that called said NOW. The procedure is a

bit of a bigger deal than I thought. I'm not afraid, I truly believe I

will be ok, but I also feel that they will find cancer or something. If

so, so be it...another path to take. The Lord will help me through. I

got SO many calls today about scheduling, instructions, lab work. It is

now schedued for Monday January 13 at 10:30 PST. I have another lab

appt. & visit with my PCP before then, and lab work to be done at the

hospital.

I called my rheummy about the Remicade which I won't be having now until

at least late February...I truly understand why, but I don't look

forward to very active RA in winter, recovering from whatever surgery.

They also informed me that there is NO record of the bloodwork for

Sjorgren's, though I was RIGHT THERE when my rheummy ordered it and

, an MA drew the sample. So, they re-ordered it and I need to go to

a different lab for that.

I really have been in a wonderful holiday spirit, and still am in many

ways, but I can feel myself being " extra " cheerful so people won't

worry. Then I crash...just feeling overwelmed, about Debs, personal

stuff.

Our family holiday party got changed from Dec. 22 to Dec. 21 which is my

34th wedding anniversary which I can't help but feel deep in my heart

and hear Vince singing " O Holy Night " . My kids are very kind about

that...no body else will talk about it cause it's " too sad " ...I think

it's sadder still NOT to talk about it and acknowledge this precious

person & time in my life.

I am really, really being encouraged to work harder on the weight, and

for good reason...I am, I have been, I will continue to. There just

seems like so much.

Thanks for listening...I spent most of yesterday crying and hiding

out...that's an old habit I don't want to encourage..the hiding out

part.

My son is coming to Portland for Christmas, and my girls are on edge.

Please keep me & my family in your prayers. Thank you for listening to

all this...sometimes you just feel like you might pop, I know you know

that feeling.

I love you all...

Tess