RE: TESS --- WAS:-- Christmas Blues

[Guest guest]

Oh, my dear sweet Tess. I really feel for you and I can understand how you

feel. I wish I could be there for you and give you a comforting, gentle hug.

My Mom has always done what my sister wanted, and my family was never

included. This really hurt my children, and it was very hard explaining the

situation to them. I finally was able to let go of it. I had to for myself.

Hope that doesn't sound selfish, but in order to make more room in my heart

for love, I had to let the resentment, etc. go. Now my Mom is not doing

well. My sister had her put in a Nursing Home, where she does not want to

be. She feels abandoned, and my heart goes out to her. She won't tell my

sister how she feels. She doesn't want to upset her. I wanted her to come

and live with us, but she did not want to. Felt she would be too much of a

burden. I could not convince her otherwise.

Sorry for going off on a tangent there. You are a wonderful, giving person,

Tess, with a heart of gold. It is their loss. They are missing out on some

wonderful times that they could experience with you. Can I adopt you as my

younger sister? It would be wonderful for me.

I know the road has been rocky lately, but things will get better soon. I'll

be there for you. I'll hold your hand and offer you a shoulder, and you'll

get through this difficult time with shining colors. Never quit hoping,

dreaming, and trying. Dreams do come true if you spread your wings and fly.

Few people come into our lives and make the whole world seem bright, but

you're one of those rare and splendid jewels.

I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better, Tess, but

please know that I am embracing you with hugs and good thoughts. I don't

have the way with words like you do, but I hope I expressed how I feel so

that you can understand what it is I am trying to say. My prayers are with

you and yours.

Try to enjoy the rest of your day. We all love you dearly.

Love and Hugs,

Joan

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From: tess_northwest@... [mailto:tess_northwest@...]

Sent: Wednesday, December 25, 2002 2:24 PM

Subject: Re: [ ] Christmas Blues

Dear Friends...Christmas~time has been wonderful in so many ways. I did

talk to my PCP and we are trying different pain management, and bringing

in my rheummy tomorrow.

My children have been wonderful, my grandchildren are angels. My

Kelsey, spent Monday night, lights out watching the lights on the little

tree, baking cookies the next morning, painting my nails. My little

grandson is getting over his horrible bug, getting back to his little

self.

One thing has caused me many tears. My mom, who I adore, asked Em & I,

3 or 4 times over th past week, to come over this afternoon for a quiet

Christmas afternoon. When I called to gel the plans last night, she had

changed her mind. You need to understand, my mom doesn't have a

deliberately mean bone in her body, but she kept coming up with many

reasons why it just wouldn't be a good idea. I didn't see that coming

at all, and I felt punched in the tummy. My grown-up logical brain tells

me she is just probably over-tired or over-whelmed or something. My

sister throws a big open house every Christmas morning serving homemade

cinnamon rolls & omelets. I've never been asked to come. Mom & Dad go

every year, then have dinner ready for my sister & brother-in-law since

they are tired. So, I haven't been with my folks' on Christmas day for

a long time. I was so happy Mom asked us.

But when it was clear the door wasn't open any longer, I cried my heart

out. I have SO much to be grateful for, but I really WANTED to be with

my Mom & Daddy for a little while. I really needed to be with them for a

little while. All the insecurities from many years rained over me.

I've prayed all night for God to help me not to be bitter...to have a

grateful heart. And I do, and I am sad.

I don't understand my parents or sister...sometimes I think they think I

have leprosy instead of RA, etc. But, I'm 51, and it has been this way

off & on all my life. And most the time I'm able to be at a place of

acceptance. It just aches my heart right now.

So, I too, understand the bittersweet nature of this season. But when

all is said and done, I'll hold on to loving.

Merry Christmas, My Beloved Family...

Tess

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