Guest guest Posted July 28, 2008 Report Share Posted July 28, 2008 Hi. I just wanted to say that I am so very sorry that you have becomed so depressed. To try to deny that this disease and the processes involved are depressing would be futual. I have watched as my husband has suffered and the emotions he deals with on a daily basis. I have also watched him persevere. It's not easy, but it gives me great encouragement and hope to see his strength. I pray you will find the strength to go on and face the days ahead. You will be in my prayers. Diane C. from TN > > Hi all...now that I realize the consequences of the first > decompensating event, I have been profoundly depressed. To go down this > road with all the horrific complications, suffer for years, and then die > is incomprehensible to me. I have done nothing but obsess about suicide. > Sorry for being so self-centered. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 28, 2008 Report Share Posted July 28, 2008 Diane, I apologize for my insensitive post. This is not the place to be dealing with my alcoholic mind and recovery issues. Thank you for your prayers and you and your husband have mine as well. > > > > Hi all...now that I realize the consequences of the first > > decompensating event, I have been profoundly depressed. To go down > this > > road with all the horrific complications, suffer for years, and then > die > > is incomprehensible to me. I have done nothing but obsess about > suicide. > > Sorry for being so self-centered. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 28, 2008 Report Share Posted July 28, 2008 , Where better to deal with your issues than among those who at least understand why you feel the way you do? That is the basic definition of " support " . It's not just for when things are going well, but more specifically, should be geared for the times when things are falling apart. Don't isolate yourself from those who can understand and feel for the things you are going through and the emotions you are experiencing. I don't have any easy answers but I sure do have an open ear and don't mind listening when others are suffering. So many people have been there for me; it's the least I can do to try to be there for someone else. God bless you and strengthen you! Diane C. from TN > > > > > > Hi all...now that I realize the consequences of the first > > > decompensating event, I have been profoundly depressed. To go down > > this > > > road with all the horrific complications, suffer for years, and then > > die > > > is incomprehensible to me. I have done nothing but obsess about > > suicide. > > > Sorry for being so self-centered. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 28, 2008 Report Share Posted July 28, 2008 , I wrote a reply earlier today, but we were out and it didn't make it onto the site. I've already read all the other replies regarding this one. First let me say that recovery is in fact a selfish program. It has to be. You said in your first post that you were sure that you have cirrhosis. It sounds like you just suspect that you have it, but haven't had a NEEEDLE biopsy yet. Friend, there is only one gold standard for the confirmation of cirrhosis and that is a *NEEDLE* biopsy. (very important) I strongly urge you to get one. You 're tearing yourself up, but you dont even know if you have this or not. The symptoms you describe could easily have been caused from the hep c and or alcoholic hepatitis. I actually had alcoholic hepatitis superimposed over cirrhosis. If you dont have cirrhosis and you still test positive for the hep c, you could be cured. For me, I dont hear a fat lady singing. I learned a lot of lessons from Ardis. She was my buddy and soul mate through and through. She isnt here in physical form, but in spirit, she is, and I am following the trail of bread crumbs she left behind so I can find my way out of this forest of despair. I AM going to get on that list, and I am going to get a Freesh Livah. Join me. You dont really want to die from liver disease. There isn't any reason to die from it. If you go on my blog you'll see an angel of death. http://billybobswildride.blogspot.com/ I put it there because it reminds me of what could be. I could give up. I could just give up, drink beer all I want and go on and die. I do love beer, but I am so afraid of dying. I dont want to die. When it's my time, I'll be ok with it, but I realize that I have work to do, and it is not time. Not today. Maybe tommorrow. Not today. Today I am still trying to get on the transplant list. I still have more AA meetings to go to. I'm still trying to live. I told all of my family, when you see me with a beer in my hand, then you will know that I have givin up. People pat me on the back and say congratulations when I pass a milestone of sobriety in AA, but I dont feel like I deserve it. I didnt do anything. I just dont want to die. For most alcoholics, dying is a theory that " could " happen but they dont believe that it'll happen to them. I held Ardis' hand when she took her last breath. Alcohol killed her, and I had a hand in it. That moment changed everything for me. It became very very real. Not a theory anymore. Not something I want to do anytime soon. I dont think most people in AA really believe that alcohol will really kill them, or a lot of them have a death wish. It has to be one or the other. Because it will, and still I see this young girl who comes in with two days sober,over and over and over, and she must not really believe that alcohol is going to kill her. But someday it will if she keeps drinking it. My sponsor always says that people like her are better off drinking, that life is too short, and she is wasting time in the meeting when she'd be better off in the bar. My point is that my biopsy deserves the praise for my sobriety. Any alcoholic who drinks after a biopsy confirming cirrhosis, aka end stage liver disease, has a deathwish. Just ask Ardis when ever it is we all meet in heaven. Love, Bobby Suicidal Hi all...now that I realize the consequences of the first decompensating event, I have been profoundly depressed. To go down this road with all the horrific complications, suffer for years, and then die is incomprehensible to me. I have done nothing but obsess about suicide. Sorry for being so self-centered. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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