Your child's birth - comparing notes

[Guest guest]

Don't blame yourself, that is the biggest block to coming to terms with

things. Things just happened. That's all there is to it. You had very

good intentions but events took over. Hindsight always has 20/20 vision.

You always think if I had done this or if i had done that. It's always

like that. But when you're in the middle of it, it's hard to figure out

what's going on. Heck we are not trained medics. There is no way we can

make judgement calls.

You are doing the best you can now and that is what counts. It makes up

for all the unpleasantness in the past.

hugs,

I can't even drive by the hospital where I delivered. I just burst into

tears.

bbrowne123 schrieb:

>

> which is why i couldnt bear to look at my notes. I actually had the

> chance to get them, as I worked as a lab assistant in the mat

> hospital! i didnt look. I knew something happened, i couldnt deal

> with it. Not an isolated event and I have heard much worse horror

> stories. Midwives are caught in a bind of being subservient to

> the " doctors " and have lost so many of their skills, relying instead

> on monitors and technology.

>

> I wanted a homebirth so badly and when it went wrong, i blamed myself

> for messing up my kid in being so adamant about it. So a lot of

> guilt.

>

> i am sure more mums will want to share what " happened " . The state of

> childbirth today is and has been in crisis. My best friend just had a

> granddaughter born 3 days ago. The poor wee thing looks like she has

> encephalitis because they left the mum so long and ended up using

> forceps. and on it goes.

>

>

> >

> > Oh my God how awful! You poor darling!

> >

> > The fact that you felt you couldn't rely on your midwife at a time

> where

> > you really needed support in a challenging event must have really

> > drained you mentally. Not a good state in which to approach one of

> the

> > most life changing events any person can go through. And the

> actual

> > birth 'pushing the baby back up'. Why did they wait so long. They

> should

> > have intervened earlier.

> >

> >

> >

> > bbrowne123 schrieb:

> > >

> > > OK, i will start. Will also keep it short.

> > >

> > > Planned homebirth. Non eventful. No bleeding, no morning

> sickness, no

> > > twinges.

> > >

> > > Day of birth - incompetent midwives.

> > > I lost confidence in them and we went to hospital.

> > >

> > > 22 hours later baby born (month overdue) by emergency caes, 4

> > > epidurals, and god knows what else.can't remember, doped up. He

> > > apparently got " stuck " . (this runs in our family) 9lb 4oz. During

> C-

> > > section, midwife actually straddling my lower torso and legs

> trying to

> > > push the baby back up into the womb so they could cut him out.

> (this is

> > > apparently common!)

> > >

> > > 8 and 9 apgar score. Baby was very " red " very unhappy, wouldnt

> feed,

> > > and was trying to stick his whole hand in his mouth as if he was

> in

> > > pain. Cried for weeks, breastfed for 2 months.

> > > Never again!

> > >

> > >

> > > ----------------------------------------------------------

> ------

> > >

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> > > Version: 7.5.524 / Virus Database: 270.3.0/1505 - Release Date:

> 16/06/2008 07:20

> > >

> >

>

>

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> Version: 7.5.524 / Virus Database: 270.3.0/1505 - Release Date: 16/06/2008

07:20

>

[Guest guest]

Can you get them to take the baby to a cranial osteopath asap?

Margaret

Re: Your child's birth - comparing notes

which is why i couldnt bear to look at my notes. I actually had the chance to get them, as I worked as a lab assistant in the mat hospital! i didnt look. I knew something happened, i couldnt deal with it. Not an isolated event and I have heard much worse horror stories. Midwives are caught in a bind of being subservient to the "doctors" and have lost so many of their skills, relying instead on monitors and technology. I wanted a homebirth so badly and when it went wrong, i blamed myself for messing up my kid in being so adamant about it. So a lot of guilt. i am sure more mums will want to share what "happened". The state of childbirth today is and has been in crisis. My best friend just had a granddaughter born 3 days ago. The poor wee thing looks like she has encephalitis because they left the mum so long and ended up using forceps. and on it goes.>> Oh my God how awful! You poor darling!> > The fact that you felt you couldn't rely on your midwife at a time where > you really needed support in a challenging event must have really > drained you mentally. Not a good state in which to approach one of the > most life changing events any person can go through. And the actual > birth 'pushing the baby back up'. Why did they wait so long. They should > have intervened earlier.> > > > bbrowne123 schrieb:> >> > OK, i will start. Will also keep it short.> >> > Planned homebirth. Non eventful. No bleeding, no morning sickness, no> > twinges.> >> > Day of birth - incompetent midwives.> > I lost confidence in them and we went to hospital.> >> > 22 hours later baby born (month overdue) by emergency caes, 4> > epidurals, and god knows what else.can't remember, doped up. He> > apparently got "stuck". (this runs in our family) 9lb 4oz. During C-> > section, midwife actually straddling my lower torso and legs trying to> > push the baby back up into the womb so they could cut him out. (this is> > apparently common!)> >> > 8 and 9 apgar score. Baby was very "red" very unhappy, wouldnt feed,> > and was trying to stick his whole hand in his mouth as if he was in> > pain. Cried for weeks, breastfed for 2 months.> > Never again!> >> > > > ----------------------------------------------------------------> >> > No virus found in this incoming message.> > Checked by AVG. > > Version: 7.5.524 / Virus Database: 270.3.0/1505 - Release Date: 16/06/2008 07:20> >>

[Guest guest]

>

> Can you get them to take the baby to a cranial osteopath asap?

> Margaret

>

That is very good advice.

For my own ASD son's birth, it was very uneventful really. The only

thing that happened that may have been difficult for him is that he

was facing down instead of up (or is the other way, can't recall

right now). The midwife had me go on my hands and knees, which

caused him to roll the correct way. Pain had been intense before,

but was excruciatinf for those 45 seconds or so. I have since

wondered how that felt to him and whether or not a cranial osteopath

would have helped him. Of course, I didn't even know what a cranial

osteopath was back then.

About the getting stuck part. I talked to my first ob/gyn and then

my midwife (for the third child) about that extensively. I was

worried that would happen to my first child, as my gut was huge!! He

was such a great doctor (and cute too, can you imagine?). He gave me

so much genuine confidence that the birth was very smooth, even

though the baby was quite large with a HUGE head.

I did not trust my second doctor, was already separated from my

husband at her birth, and the birth was difficult. Labour kept

stalling, and ended up being 60 hours. She became stuck, with a

nurse and the doc screaming at me, pushing their full body weights on

my belly, very fast birth with lots of ripping. I thought at the

time it was because my daughter was big (9 1/2 pounds).

But then I had 9 1/2 pound boy 4 years later (my ASD son), with a

great midwife and a partner I was NOT furious with and realized that

I was just too frightened, too aware that there was no one I could

trust, during the birth of my daughter. After hearing many, many

stories from other moms, I really think that the fear/lack of trust

(for VERY good reasons!!) is at the heart of a lot of births that

don't go well.

I've read about this in a book I can't remember the name of, where

the ob/gyn talks about how a woman is ready to go, excited, focused,

and then would enter the hospital. Greeted by a few forms, forced

into a wheelchair, perhaps back in the day shaved and given an

enema!! Perhaps convinced she needs an epidural or needs to lie

down. Maybe a wire shoved in her and screwed into the baby's head

to monitor the heartrate. And how this young doctor noticed time and

time again, the woman's whole personality change and then the

eventual outcome--a C section. Another thing to add: how many of

use are afraid of hospitals? I am, for good reason, and giving birth

in a place full of sick and sometimes dying people just seems like a

bad idea!

It's horrible, for everyone. How many kids have had a terrible start

in life, from the birth, but also from the mom who feels guilty,

defeated, a failure! I feel very sad that the midwives here in the

UK seem to have become medicalized. In Canada, that is not the

case. Although I now have fear it might go that way, as midwifery is

just becoming somewhat popular and accepted there.

Anita

[Guest guest]

2 weeks late, induced, syntocin, epidural, wire in head, dipping heart

rate, stuck. Still stuck. ventouse failed. Forceps. Purple cone

head. BUT within 24 hours lovely round head, feeding constantly. I

think his APGAR was quite crap but next day he was pronounced perfect.

Tom developed brilliantly, exceeded all milestones before his crash,

fed like a loon for 1 year, apart from strep after birth (which

cleared up quickly) he never had any problems of a medical nature

until autism. Her did have a wierd red rash at about 3 weeks old, as

did I before and after his birth. Mine cleared up not long after he

was born, his developed after birth and then disappeared.

First births tend to be longer and more stressful for mother and baby.

First births presumably have 100% of the mothers previous mercury

burden in the placentra. Not a great juxtaposition of circumstances

perhaps?

>

> OK, i will start. Will also keep it short.

>

> Planned homebirth. Non eventful. No bleeding, no morning sickness, no

> twinges.

>

> Day of birth - incompetent midwives.

> I lost confidence in them and we went to hospital.

>

> 22 hours later baby born (month overdue) by emergency caes, 4

> epidurals, and god knows what else.can't remember, doped up. He

> apparently got " stuck " . (this runs in our family) 9lb 4oz. During C-

> section, midwife actually straddling my lower torso and legs trying to

> push the baby back up into the womb so they could cut him out. (this is

> apparently common!)

>

> 8 and 9 apgar score. Baby was very " red " very unhappy, wouldnt feed,

> and was trying to stick his whole hand in his mouth as if he was in

> pain. Cried for weeks, breastfed for 2 months.

> Never again!

>

[Guest guest]

..

<<I really think that the fear/lack of trust

(for VERY good reasons!!) is at the heart of a lot of births that

don't go well.>>

I was told very snappily to not to expect a C-section by the hospital

delivery room doctor although my family doctor had specifically

requested it it. He actually told me that if I lay there for more than

two days in the labour Room, they might then consider it. (Turns out

that the birth took place at the end of the financial year and insiders

have told me that the hospital had probably run out of their quota share

that they were allowed to deduct under the national health-this was in

Germany.) I am still too angry to confront this issue. But soon I will

go back to the hospital and give them a real dressing down. On top of

that, during the actual delivery, my husband decided to have a go at my

sister (who he doesn't like ) who was in the same room as us. He was

really upset that she had parked the car in a No Parking area in front

of the hospital. He went on a blue streak about the really high parking

fine we would surely get. This caused me so much distress and there I

was trying to get my daughter out! Several hours she was considered a

medical emergency and placed under an oxygen bell because she wasn't

breathing. I have to break off now because revisiting this is really

upsetting me. And I thought I had distanced myself emotionally from it.

I think we mothers have a lot of inner healing to do.

It's so good to be part of this group.....

Anita schrieb:

>

>

> >

> > Can you get them to take the baby to a cranial osteopath asap?

> > Margaret

> >

>

> That is very good advice.

>

> For my own ASD son's birth, it was very uneventful really. The only

> thing that happened that may have been difficult for him is that he

> was facing down instead of up (or is the other way, can't recall

> right now). The midwife had me go on my hands and knees, which

> caused him to roll the correct way. Pain had been intense before,

> but was excruciatinf for those 45 seconds or so. I have since

> wondered how that felt to him and whether or not a cranial osteopath

> would have helped him. Of course, I didn't even know what a cranial

> osteopath was back then.

>

> About the getting stuck part. I talked to my first ob/gyn and then

> my midwife (for the third child) about that extensively. I was

> worried that would happen to my first child, as my gut was huge!! He

> was such a great doctor (and cute too, can you imagine?). He gave me

> so much genuine confidence that the birth was very smooth, even

> though the baby was quite large with a HUGE head.

>

> I did not trust my second doctor, was already separated from my

> husband at her birth, and the birth was difficult. Labour kept

> stalling, and ended up being 60 hours. She became stuck, with a

> nurse and the doc screaming at me, pushing their full body weights on

> my belly, very fast birth with lots of ripping. I thought at the

> time it was because my daughter was big (9 1/2 pounds).

>

> But then I had 9 1/2 pound boy 4 years later (my ASD son), with a

> great midwife and a partner I was NOT furious with and realized that

> I was just too frightened, too aware that there was no one I could

> trust, during the birth of my daughter. After hearing many, many

> stories from other moms, I really think that the fear/lack of trust

> (for VERY good reasons!!) is at the heart of a lot of births that

> don't go well.

>

> I've read about this in a book I can't remember the name of, where

> the ob/gyn talks about how a woman is ready to go, excited, focused,

> and then would enter the hospital. Greeted by a few forms, forced

> into a wheelchair, perhaps back in the day shaved and given an

> enema!! Perhaps convinced she needs an epidural or needs to lie

> down. Maybe a wire shoved in her and screwed into the baby's head

> to monitor the heartrate. And how this young doctor noticed time and

> time again, the woman's whole personality change and then the

> eventual outcome--a C section. Another thing to add: how many of

> use are afraid of hospitals? I am, for good reason, and giving birth

> in a place full of sick and sometimes dying people just seems like a

> bad idea!

>

> It's horrible, for everyone. How many kids have had a terrible start

> in life, from the birth, but also from the mom who feels guilty,

> defeated, a failure! I feel very sad that the midwives here in the

> UK seem to have become medicalized. In Canada, that is not the

> case. Although I now have fear it might go that way, as midwifery is

> just becoming somewhat popular and accepted there.

>

> Anita

>

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

>

> No virus found in this incoming message.

> Checked by AVG.

> Version: 7.5.524 / Virus Database: 270.4.0/1506 - Release Date: 17/06/2008

16:30

>

[Guest guest]

Steph,,There seem to be an awful lot of stuck babies in our cases. I

wonder.....

Stress causes the adrenalin to rocket. Magnesium and potassium are lost.

Muscles would cramp. The womb and vagina would be negativey affected by

muscle cramping.....hmmmm

I am really sorry to hear what you went through.

stephaniesirr schrieb:

>

> 2 weeks late, induced, syntocin, epidural, wire in head, dipping heart

> rate, stuck. Still stuck. ventouse failed. Forceps. Purple cone

> head. BUT within 24 hours lovely round head, feeding constantly. I

> think his APGAR was quite crap but next day he was pronounced perfect.

> Tom developed brilliantly, exceeded all milestones before his crash,

> fed like a loon for 1 year, apart from strep after birth (which

> cleared up quickly) he never had any problems of a medical nature

> until autism. Her did have a wierd red rash at about 3 weeks old, as

> did I before and after his birth. Mine cleared up not long after he

> was born, his developed after birth and then disappeared.

>

> First births tend to be longer and more stressful for mother and baby.

> First births presumably have 100% of the mothers previous mercury

> burden in the placentra. Not a great juxtaposition of circumstances

> perhaps?

>

>

> >

> > OK, i will start. Will also keep it short.

> >

> > Planned homebirth. Non eventful. No bleeding, no morning sickness, no

> > twinges.

> >

> > Day of birth - incompetent midwives.

> > I lost confidence in them and we went to hospital.

> >

> > 22 hours later baby born (month overdue) by emergency caes, 4

> > epidurals, and god knows what else.can't remember, doped up. He

> > apparently got " stuck " . (this runs in our family) 9lb 4oz. During C-

> > section, midwife actually straddling my lower torso and legs trying to

> > push the baby back up into the womb so they could cut him out. (this is

> > apparently common!)

> >

> > 8 and 9 apgar score. Baby was very " red " very unhappy, wouldnt feed,

> > and was trying to stick his whole hand in his mouth as if he was in

> > pain. Cried for weeks, breastfed for 2 months.

> > Never again!

> >

>

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

>

> No virus found in this incoming message.

> Checked by AVG.

> Version: 7.5.524 / Virus Database: 270.4.0/1506 - Release Date: 17/06/2008

16:30

>

[Guest guest]

And yet -

My sister had a disastrous delivery at Redhill Hospital 10 years ago : first delivery was a casearian, second time, two weeks overdue, twice sent home because they said she wasn't in labour (she was) on the third time (after two days of to-ing and fro-ing) she refused to go and they said she could sit in the parents' room. Eventually they realised she had an incompetent uterus that wasn't contracting properly, the baby was distressed and an emergency caesarian was performed. The baby didn't breathe independently for 20 minutes. The hospital thought there was serious brain damage to the baby and she was sent by ambulance at a couple of days old to St 's for a brain scan.

The brain scan showed no damage. The little girl has no developmental problems at all, in fact she is intelligent, sensitive to others and beautifully co-ordinated and goes to dancing and performing arts classes, where, even when very young, she was helping the other children who got lost on stage to find their place again.

After the delivery the hospital apologised, reviewed what went wrong and said they would change their procedures to make sure such a situation didn't happen again. (They had been expecting to have to pay out millions of pounds in damages for a very severely disabled child.)

Margaret