Re: Update on my brother Timmy

[Guest guest]

Thank you Jill for sharing that with me - I know it must be hard to relive

painful memories.

When I first insisted to her that I wanted to be there... she was adamant that

no one would be there. But I think before she left my mom's house, she started

to understand what I was trying to say.

I can only pray that God will help her understand why I need to do this.

Lori

--------- Update on my brother Timmy

Well, it looks as if we exhausted all of our possibilities with my brother. I

took my mother in to see him today and before we made it into his room, they

took us into " the conference room " .

In addition to the liver failure, he has a bleeding, a temp, lungs are a mess,

kidneys are failing again and he went from the lowest setting on the vent to the

highest setting - all of this happened overnight.

My sister in law is not dealing well with this at all. On the way home, my

mother and I discussed the outcomes... and we are in agreement that we need to

start comfort care... we can't handle the thought of him suffering. I called my

SIL and asked her to come to my mother's house so we could all discuss this...

and the bottom line after much crying and talking... she said needed time. Which

I totally understand, but at the same time I don't want my brother to suffer

needlessly.

But my biggest concern is that she doesn't want anyone with him when he dies. I

really feel like I NEED to be there. I've talked to my husband about this - he

lost his dad to lung cancer when he was 19... his entire family was there when

his dad passed. He said that he thought I would regret not being there for my

brother if I feel so strongly about it. I just think SOMEONE needs to be with

him when he passes... is this wrong? Have any of you had to make this choice?

How did your families handle this? Did you keep your distance or did you make

sure you were in the room the entire time? Does anyone know what to expect? I

don't want to watch him struggling for breath when they take the vent off him...

this would just be devestating.

I'm so sorry to come here with all of this... I know it must be bummer to all of

you. But I really feel a connection here and I know you'll all be totally honest

with me. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Still needing the prayers...

Lori

[Guest guest]

Pamela:

I find it so hard to believe that I found this wonderful group of people to help

me through this awful journey. This truly is the work of God.

According to my family, I have been the " rock " for my mother and sister in law

through all this and yet, I don't want to step on anyone's toes when it comes to

my brother's " end of life choices " .

When my mother and I were in the hospital today and spoke with his doc and

nurse, they said they had a " team " of people ready to assist us if and when we

make the choice to move him to comfort care. But unfortunately, his wife can't

even bring herself to go to the hospital and she has the final say in all of

this.

This is just so difficult. Thank you all for helping me through this. I just

can't tell you how much your support means to me.

Lori

--------- Re: Update on my brother Timmy

Pamela:

My brother sounds very much like your mom. He was always worried about everyone

else. He would hate to think that we were all suffering right now because of

him. (and knowing him, he'd wait until I got my makeup on as well :-)

My SIL can not and will not be with him when he passes. She can't even bring

herself to be in the room with him now. I really need to be with him though. But

I'm afraid. My husband asked if I wanted him there, but I think he needs to be

home with our girls (12 and 7). I'm not afraid to do this alone... I'm just

afraid... period.

Lori

-------------- Original message --------------

Lori,

[Guest guest]

You read that correctly Jill... and thank you for validating what I already

knew... but just needed SOMEONE else to tell me I wasn't crazy! (Well, except

for my hubby who has been such a rock for me).

I still can't believe I'm losing my one and only brother... my one and only

sibling.

This is so painful.

Lori

--------- Update on my brother Timmy

Well, it looks as if we exhausted all of our possibilities with my brother. I

took my mother in to see him today and before we made it into his room, they

took us into " the conference room " .

In addition to the liver failure, he has a bleeding, a temp, lungs are a mess,

kidneys are failing again and he went from the lowest setting on the vent to the

highest setting - all of this happened overnight.

My sister in law is not dealing well with this at all. On the way home, my

mother and I discussed the outcomes... and we are in agreement that we need to

start comfort care... we can't handle the thought of him suffering. I called my

SIL and asked her to come to my mother's house so we could all discuss this...

and the bottom line after much crying and talking... she said needed time. Which

I totally understand, but at the same time I don't want my brother to suffer

needlessly.

But my biggest concern is that she doesn't want anyone with him when he dies. I

really feel like I NEED to be there. I've talked to my husband about this - he

lost his dad to lung cancer when he was 19... his entire family was there when

his dad passed. He said that he thought I would regret not being there for my

brother if I feel so strongly about it. I just think SOMEONE needs to be with

him when he passes... is this wrong? Have any of you had to make this choice?

How did your families handle this? Did you keep your distance or did you make

sure you were in the room the entire time? Does anyone know what to expect? I

don't want to watch him struggling for breath when they take the vent off him...

this would just be devestating.

I'm so sorry to come here with all of this... I know it must be bummer to all of

you. But I really feel a connection here and I know you'll all be totally honest

with me. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Still needing the prayers...

Lori

[Guest guest]

You know, Lori, when I read your post just now, I'm just sitting here crying for

you....and  with you. I feel so sad too.

                                       

                                    Love,Jill

 

We don't remember days, we remember moments.

Life is not measured by the breaths we take,but by the moments that take our

breath away.

From: mrsrcrxcomcast (DOT) net <mrsrcrxcomcast (DOT) net>

Subject: Re: Update on my brother Timmy

To: livercirrhosissuppo rtyahoogroups (DOT) com

Date: Friday, November 7, 2008, 8:46 PM

Pamela:

My brother sounds very much like your mom. He was always worried about everyone

else. He would hate to think that we were all suffering right now because of

him. (and knowing him, he'd wait until I got my makeup on as well :-)

My SIL can not and will not be with him when he passes. She can't even bring

herself to be in the room with him now. I really need to be with him though. But

I'm afraid. My husband asked if I wanted him there, but I think he needs to be

home with our girls (12 and 7). I'm not afraid to do this alone... I'm just

afraid... period.

Lori

------------ -- Original message ------------ --

From: " Pamela on " <ohana5mtaonline (DOT) net>

Lori,

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother.

Did your sil say why she didn't want anyone with him when he passed? Does she

want to be alone with him then? Or what?

I was told by Hospice that you die like you lived. My mom was a very quiet,

backgrounds kind of gal, who never put herself first. She died that same way.

Even waited until I finished my shower and putting my make up on before she

died. I noticed the fish breaths (where the chin makes rapid movements, although

they were subtle) it was only about 30seconds later that she was gone. It was

very quiet and very soft. She was not on a vent but had slipped into a coma a

few days prior to death.

I know it is different for everyone. Ask the nurse what might happen, so you can

be more prepared. Ask specific questions if you have them. If you are concerned

about sounds, or struggles, be honest and open and maybe she can clarify things

for you. Hospice nurses are GREAT at answering these kinds of questions.

I asked each of my family members whether they wanted to be in the room during,

or just after, or not at all..and praise God we were able to each do what we

needed to do.

I will be praying that your Timmy has a peaceful passing and that everyone's

needs are met as he journeys to the gates of Heaven.

Big Hugs dear one!!

Love,

Pamela

Update on my brother Timmy

Well, it looks as if we exhausted all of our possibilities with my brother. I

took my mother in to see him today and before we made it into his room, they

took us into " the conference room " .

In addition to the liver failure, he has a bleeding, a temp, lungs are a mess,

kidneys are failing again and he went from the lowest setting on the vent to the

highest setting - all of this happened overnight.

My sister in law is not dealing well with this at all. On the way home, my

mother and I discussed the outcomes... and we are in agreement that we need to

start comfort care... we can't handle the thought of him suffering. I called my

SIL and asked her to come to my mother's house so we could all discuss this...

and the bottom line after much crying and talking... she said needed time. Which

I totally understand, but at the same time I don't want my brother to suffer

needlessly.

But my biggest concern is that she doesn't want anyone with him when he dies. I

really feel like I NEED to be there. I've talked to my husband about this - he

lost his dad to lung cancer when he was 19... his entire family was there when

his dad passed. He said that he thought I would regret not being there for my

brother if I feel so strongly about it. I just think SOMEONE needs to be with

him when he passes... is this wrong? Have any of you had to make this choice?

How did your families handle this? Did you keep your distance or did you make

sure you were in the room the entire time? Does anyone know what to expect? I

don't want to watch him struggling for breath when they take the vent off him...

this would just be devestating.

I'm so sorry to come here with all of this... I know it must be bummer to all of

you. But I really feel a connection here and I know you'll all be totally honest

with me. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Still needing the prayers...

Lori

[Guest guest]

How God manages to bring people together, I'll never understand. But this group

has brought me more comfort in the past week than I could ever have imagined.

I will forever be greatful for finding all of you,

Lori

--------- Update on my brother Timmy

Well, it looks as if we exhausted all of our possibilities with my brother. I

took my mother in to see him today and before we made it into his room, they

took us into " the conference room " .

In addition to the liver failure, he has a bleeding, a temp, lungs are a mess,

kidneys are failing again and he went from the lowest setting on the vent to the

highest setting - all of this happened overnight.

My sister in law is not dealing well with this at all. On the way home, my

mother and I discussed the outcomes... and we are in agreement that we need to

start comfort care... we can't handle the thought of him suffering. I called my

SIL and asked her to come to my mother's house so we could all discuss this...

and the bottom line after much crying and talking... she said needed time. Which

I totally understand, but at the same time I don't want my brother to suffer

needlessly.

But my biggest concern is that she doesn't want anyone with him when he dies. I

really feel like I NEED to be there. I've talked to my husband about this - he

lost his dad to lung cancer when he was 19... his entire family was there when

his dad passed. He said that he thought I would regret not being there for my

brother if I feel so strongly about it. I just think SOMEONE needs to be with

him when he passes... is this wrong? Have any of you had to make this choice?

How did your families handle this? Did you keep your distance or did you make

sure you were in the room the entire time? Does anyone know what to expect? I

don't want to watch him struggling for breath when they take the vent off him...

this would just be devestating.

I'm so sorry to come here with all of this... I know it must be bummer to all of

you. But I really feel a connection here and I know you'll all be totally honest

with me. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Still needing the prayers...

Lori

[Guest guest]

Dear Lori, I would like to chime in here. I am so sorry about your brother.

When Ardis was deemed to not be a transplant candidate, I requested hospice for

her. I told her that this was like planning a wedding. She even made a wish list

of her favorite things. In the last two days, after she was all settled in to

the hospice, I asked her should I go home that night or should I stay with her.

She whispered to me to stay, please stay. I did. Sharon brought me clothes the

next day. I* slept next to her bed in a big easy chair, and held her hand , lest

she die right then. No single event outside of the birth of my daughter, and my

marriage to my dear wife was and is as important as this experience. She had a

beautiful death. It was as peaceful as any person in this world could ever ask

for. It was holy. She was clean, warm safe and dry. The earlier question about

" mottling " I intended to answer in a different post, but let me say here, it

was the sign I

was praying for. If she didn't get busy dying, I was going to have to find her

another nursing home to have her transfered to. She got busy. On the second day,

the hospice nurse took me in there and showed me the signs that my best friend

for the last 9 years was not long for this world, and by 5 pm she was in a deep

coma. I simply would not trade the experience for any money in the world. She

broke my heart, and at the same time, she shared with me some thing so intimate,

to share that moment , the moment that she was in the arms of angels. I held her

hand as God took her spirit, he literally TOOK her away from me. It was

something I shall never forget ever. The one sad element to it was as I paced

the halls all night long the night before, I noticed out of pure curious

nosiness, how many poor souls labored alone, in apnea, dying, gasping, all

alone, In dark rooms. The hospice was only two weeks old, yet it was half full,

and there was, I KID you NOT,

not ONE single other person walking those halls that night. I was alone there

with my friend, Ardis, and all those dying people. If you have time, the story

is here- God bless you, love, Bobby aka rwe

http://robertwalkingeagle.googlepages.com/home

long life, old age, everything good-Apache prayer

________________________________

To: livercirrhosissupport

Sent: Friday, November 7, 2008 7:37:02 PM

Subject: Re: Update on my brother Timmy

You read that correctly Jill... and thank you for validating what I already

knew... but just needed SOMEONE else to tell me I wasn't crazy! (Well, except

for my hubby who has been such a rock for me).

I still can't believe I'm losing my one and only brother... my one and only

sibling.

This is so painful.

Lori

------------ -- Original message ------------ --

From: Jill <jillkstewart@ yahoo.com>

I just read you last post.....you mean your SIL won't even be with him/?/!!!!

You be there with him. No one should die alone. You might be afraid...... .but

remember your new friends here are all with you---we'll be thinking of you and

praying with you through the whole journey..... and God will be right there in

the room too. And when the times comes, you be able to tell Tim 'it's

okay...it's okay to go now " But you'll be the better for it for having been with

him....and go on knowing that you did everything you possibly could for

him---even just being with him as he passes.

Love,Jill

We don't remember days, we remember moments.

Life is not measured by the breaths we take,but by the moments that take our

breath away.

From: mrsrcrxcomcast (DOT) net <mrsrcrxcomcast (DOT) net>

Subject: Re: Update on my brother Timmy

To: livercirrhosissuppo rtyahoogroups (DOT) com

Date: Friday, November 7, 2008, 8:46 PM

Pamela:

My brother sounds very much like your mom. He was always worried about everyone

else. He would hate to think that we were all suffering right now because of

him. (and knowing him, he'd wait until I got my makeup on as well :-)

My SIL can not and will not be with him when he passes. She can't even bring

herself to be in the room with him now. I really need to be with him though. But

I'm afraid. My husband asked if I wanted him there, but I think he needs to be

home with our girls (12 and 7). I'm not afraid to do this alone... I'm just

afraid... period.

Lori

------------ -- Original message ------------ --

From: " Pamela on " <ohana5mtaonline (DOT) net>

Lori,

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother.

Did your sil say why she didn't want anyone with him when he passed? Does she

want to be alone with him then? Or what?

I was told by Hospice that you die like you lived. My mom was a very quiet,

backgrounds kind of gal, who never put herself first. She died that same way.

Even waited until I finished my shower and putting my make up on before she

died. I noticed the fish breaths (where the chin makes rapid movements, although

they were subtle) it was only about 30seconds later that she was gone. It was

very quiet and very soft. She was not on a vent but had slipped into a coma a

few days prior to death.

I know it is different for everyone. Ask the nurse what might happen, so you can

be more prepared. Ask specific questions if you have them. If you are concerned

about sounds, or struggles, be honest and open and maybe she can clarify things

for you. Hospice nurses are GREAT at answering these kinds of questions.

I asked each of my family members whether they wanted to be in the room during,

or just after, or not at all..and praise God we were able to each do what we

needed to do.

I will be praying that your Timmy has a peaceful passing and that everyone's

needs are met as he journeys to the gates of Heaven.

Big Hugs dear one!!

Love,

Pamela

Update on my brother Timmy

Well, it looks as if we exhausted all of our possibilities with my brother. I

took my mother in to see him today and before we made it into his room, they

took us into " the conference room " .

In addition to the liver failure, he has a bleeding, a temp, lungs are a mess,

kidneys are failing again and he went from the lowest setting on the vent to the

highest setting - all of this happened overnight.

My sister in law is not dealing well with this at all. On the way home, my

mother and I discussed the outcomes... and we are in agreement that we need to

start comfort care... we can't handle the thought of him suffering. I called my

SIL and asked her to come to my mother's house so we could all discuss this...

and the bottom line after much crying and talking... she said needed time. Which

I totally understand, but at the same time I don't want my brother to suffer

needlessly.

But my biggest concern is that she doesn't want anyone with him when he dies. I

really feel like I NEED to be there. I've talked to my husband about this - he

lost his dad to lung cancer when he was 19... his entire family was there when

his dad passed. He said that he thought I would regret not being there for my

brother if I feel so strongly about it. I just think SOMEONE needs to be with

him when he passes... is this wrong? Have any of you had to make this choice?

How did your families handle this? Did you keep your distance or did you make

sure you were in the room the entire time? Does anyone know what to expect? I

don't want to watch him struggling for breath when they take the vent off him...

this would just be devestating.

I'm so sorry to come here with all of this... I know it must be bummer to all of

you. But I really feel a connection here and I know you'll all be totally honest

with me. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Still needing the prayers...

Lori

[Guest guest]

Pamela:

I think I responded to this, but my my e-mail crashed so I 'm not sure what went

through.

They actually have a " team " of people who are ready to assist when and if my

family decides to go with hospice/comfort care. But, unfortunately, we don't

have the final say when it comes to all of this... his wife does

I can't believe I found all of you to help me through this. My husband (as

usual) has been my rock, but he needs to be here with our girls (they are only 7

1/2 and 12). My mother is 73 and very unstable emotionally... so that leaves me

and my SIL. And as I've said, she's not dealing with this at all.

Did I mention that my stepdad (my mom's husband) recently found out that he

relapsed with cancer? So not only will my mother have to face the death of her

only son... but she also faces the possibility of losing my stepdad.

God only gives us what he thinks we can handle, right?

Lori

--------- Re: Update on my brother Timmy

Pamela:

My brother sounds very much like your mom. He was always worried about everyone

else. He would hate to think that we were all suffering right now because of

him. (and knowing him, he'd wait until I got my makeup on as well :-)

My SIL can not and will not be with him when he passes. She can't even bring

herself to be in the room with him now. I really need to be with him though. But

I'm afraid. My husband asked if I wanted him there, but I think he needs to be

home with our girls (12 and 7). I'm not afraid to do this alone... I'm just

afraid... period.

Lori

-------------- Original message --------------

Lori,

[Guest guest]

Oh Bobby:

Thank you for sharing this. My brother will not die alone... if I can help it.

I wish all of you could be here with me... but in a way, I guess all of you will

be.

I can not express my gratitude enough. Where would I be without all of you right

now? Going insane, I'm sure.

Much love to all of you,

Lori

--------- Update on my brother Timmy

Well, it looks as if we exhausted all of our possibilities with my brother. I

took my mother in to see him today and before we made it into his room, they

took us into " the conference room " .

In addition to the liver failure, he has a bleeding, a temp, lungs are a mess,

kidneys are failing again and he went from the lowest setting on the vent to the

highest setting - all of this happened overnight.

My sister in law is not dealing well with this at all. On the way home, my

mother and I discussed the outcomes... and we are in agreement that we need to

start comfort care... we can't handle the thought of him suffering. I called my

SIL and asked her to come to my mother's house so we could all discuss this...

and the bottom line after much crying and talking... she said needed time. Which

I totally understand, but at the same time I don't want my brother to suffer

needlessly.

But my biggest concern is that she doesn't want anyone with him when he dies. I

really feel like I NEED to be there. I've talked to my husband about this - he

lost his dad to lung cancer when he was 19... his entire family was there when

his dad passed. He said that he thought I would regret not being there for my

brother if I feel so strongly about it. I just think SOMEONE needs to be with

him when he passes... is this wrong? Have any of you had to make this choice?

How did your families handle this? Did you keep your distance or did you make

sure you were in the room the entire time? Does anyone know what to expect? I

don't want to watch him struggling for breath when they take the vent off him...

this would just be devestating.

I'm so sorry to come here with all of this... I know it must be bummer to all of

you. But I really feel a connection here and I know you'll all be totally honest

with me. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Still needing the prayers...

Lori

[Guest guest]

Hey Lori,

I just wanted to add my support as well. My heart goes out to you and your

family. I think you are right in wanting to be there with your brother. After

all you grew up your whole lives together and are bound by blood. I hope your

SIL comes around and decides to be by his side as well. She probably needs a

" rock " as well to hold her up in her time of need. She may be going through a

lot of denial and obvious pain.

I'm glad you found your way here as well.

MaC

mrsrcrx@... wrote: You read that correctly

Jill... and thank you for validating what I already knew... but just needed

SOMEONE else to tell me I wasn't crazy! (Well, except for my hubby who has been

such a rock for me).

I still can't believe I'm losing my one and only brother... my one and only

sibling.

This is so painful.

Lori

-------------- Original message --------------

I just read you last post.....you mean your SIL won't even be with him/?/!!!!

You be there with him. No one should die alone. You might be afraid.......but

remember your new friends here are all with you---we'll be thinking of you and

praying with you through the whole journey.....and God will be right there in

the room too. And when the times comes, you be able to tell Tim 'it's

okay...it's okay to go now " But you'll be the better for it for having been with

him....and go on knowing that you did everything you possibly could for

him---even just being with him as he passes.

Love,Jill

We don't remember days, we remember moments.

Life is not measured by the breaths we take,but by the moments that take our

breath away.

[Guest guest]

Lori,

 

I was with my brother when he passed and for me....I needed to be with him and I

am so glad that I was......This is hard on you, but we are all here when you

need us.

Lyncia

 

In life family and friends take us on all kinds of adventures, God helps us

choose our path....Enjoy your journey!

Subject: Re: Update on my brother Timmy

To: livercirrhosissupport

Date: Friday, November 7, 2008, 7:46 PM

Pamela:

My brother sounds very much like your mom. He was always worried about everyone

else. He would hate to think that we were all suffering right now because of

him. (and knowing him, he'd wait until I got my makeup on as well :-)

My SIL can not and will not be with him when he passes. She can't even bring

herself to be in the room with him now. I really need to be with him though. But

I'm afraid. My husband asked if I wanted him there, but I think he needs to be

home with our girls (12 and 7). I'm not afraid to do this alone... I'm just

afraid... period.

Lori

------------ -- Original message ------------ --

From: " Pamela on " <ohana5mtaonline (DOT) net>

Lori,

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother.

Did your sil say why she didn't want anyone with him when he passed? Does she

want to be alone with him then? Or what?

I was told by Hospice that you die like you lived. My mom was a very quiet,

backgrounds kind of gal, who never put herself first. She died that same way.

Even waited until I finished my shower and putting my make up on before she

died. I noticed the fish breaths (where the chin makes rapid movements, although

they were subtle) it was only about 30seconds later that she was gone. It was

very quiet and very soft. She was not on a vent but had slipped into a coma a

few days prior to death.

I know it is different for everyone. Ask the nurse what might happen, so you can

be more prepared. Ask specific questions if you have them. If you are concerned

about sounds, or struggles, be honest and open and maybe she can clarify things

for you. Hospice nurses are GREAT at answering these kinds of questions.

I asked each of my family members whether they wanted to be in the room during,

or just after, or not at all..and praise God we were able to each do what we

needed to do.

I will be praying that your Timmy has a peaceful passing and that everyone's

needs are met as he journeys to the gates of Heaven.

Big Hugs dear one!!

Love,

Pamela

Update on my brother Timmy

Well, it looks as if we exhausted all of our possibilities with my brother. I

took my mother in to see him today and before we made it into his room, they

took us into " the conference room " .

In addition to the liver failure, he has a bleeding, a temp, lungs are a mess,

kidneys are failing again and he went from the lowest setting on the vent to the

highest setting - all of this happened overnight.

My sister in law is not dealing well with this at all. On the way home, my

mother and I discussed the outcomes... and we are in agreement that we need to

start comfort care... we can't handle the thought of him suffering. I called my

SIL and asked her to come to my mother's house so we could all discuss this...

and the bottom line after much crying and talking... she said needed time. Which

I totally understand, but at the same time I don't want my brother to suffer

needlessly.

But my biggest concern is that she doesn't want anyone with him when he dies. I

really feel like I NEED to be there. I've talked to my husband about this - he

lost his dad to lung cancer when he was 19... his entire family was there when

his dad passed. He said that he thought I would regret not being there for my

brother if I feel so strongly about it. I just think SOMEONE needs to be with

him when he passes... is this wrong? Have any of you had to make this choice?

How did your families handle this? Did you keep your distance or did you make

sure you were in the room the entire time? Does anyone know what to expect? I

don't want to watch him struggling for breath when they take the vent off him...

this would just be devestating.

I'm so sorry to come here with all of this... I know it must be bummer to all of

you. But I really feel a connection here and I know you'll all be totally honest

with me. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Still needing the prayers...

Lori

[Guest guest]

Lori,

 

He needs that from you!  Don't let him be alone.  He will feel your love.

Lyncia

 

In life family and friends take us on all kinds of adventures, God helps us

choose our path....Enjoy your journey!

From: Pamela on <ohana5mtaonline (DOT) net>

Subject: Re: Update on my brother Timmy

To: livercirrhosissuppo rtyahoogroups (DOT) com

Date: Friday, November 7, 2008, 8:29 PM

Lori,

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother.

Did your sil say why she didn't want anyone with him when he passed? Does she

want to be alone with him then? Or what?

I was told by Hospice that you die like you lived. My mom was a very quiet,

backgrounds kind of gal, who never put herself first. She died that same way.

Even waited until I finished my shower and putting my make up on before she

died. I noticed the fish breaths (where the chin makes rapid movements, although

they were subtle) it was only about 30seconds later that she was gone. It was

very quiet and very soft. She was not on a vent but had slipped into a coma a

few days prior to death.

I know it is different for everyone. Ask the nurse what might happen, so you can

be more prepared. Ask specific questions if you have them. If you are concerned

about sounds, or struggles, be honest and open and maybe she can clarify things

for you. Hospice nurses are GREAT at answering these kinds of questions.

I asked each of my family members whether they wanted to be in the room during,

or just after, or not at all..and praise God we were able to each do what we

needed to do.

I will be praying that your Timmy has a peaceful passing and that everyone's

needs are met as he journeys to the gates of Heaven.

Big Hugs dear one!!

Love,

Pamela

Update on my brother Timmy

Well, it looks as if we exhausted all of our possibilities with my brother. I

took my mother in to see him today and before we made it into his room, they

took us into " the conference room " .

In addition to the liver failure, he has a bleeding, a temp, lungs are a mess,

kidneys are failing again and he went from the lowest setting on the vent to the

highest setting - all of this happened overnight.

My sister in law is not dealing well with this at all. On the way home, my

mother and I discussed the outcomes... and we are in agreement that we need to

start comfort care... we can't handle the thought of him suffering. I called my

SIL and asked her to come to my mother's house so we could all discuss this...

and the bottom line after much crying and talking... she said needed time. Which

I totally understand, but at the same time I don't want my brother to suffer

needlessly.

But my biggest concern is that she doesn't want anyone with him when he dies. I

really feel like I NEED to be there. I've talked to my husband about this - he

lost his dad to lung cancer when he was 19... his entire family was there when

his dad passed. He said that he thought I would regret not being there for my

brother if I feel so strongly about it. I just think SOMEONE needs to be with

him when he passes... is this wrong? Have any of you had to make this choice?

How did your families handle this? Did you keep your distance or did you make

sure you were in the room the entire time? Does anyone know what to expect? I

don't want to watch him struggling for breath when they take the vent off him...

this would just be devestating.

I'm so sorry to come here with all of this... I know it must be bummer to all of

you. But I really feel a connection here and I know you'll all be totally honest

with me. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Still needing the prayers...

Lori

[Guest guest]

Thanks Mac:

I know that the coming days and weeks are going to be some of the toughest in my

life... but after reading the advice here, I feel I'm on the right track. No

one else matters right now... just my brother. And as long as I do what's right

for him, everything else will be right.

Hugs to all of you,

Lori

-------------- Original message --------------

Hey Lori,

I just wanted to add my support as well. My heart goes out to you and your

family. I think you are right in wanting to be there with your brother. After

all you grew up your whole lives together and are bound by blood. I hope your

SIL comes around and decides to be by his side as well. She probably needs a

" rock " as well to hold her up in her time of need. She may be going through a

lot of denial and obvious pain.

I'm glad you found your way here as well.

MaC

mrsrcrx@... wrote: You read that correctly Jill... and thank you for

validating what I already knew... but just needed SOMEONE else to tell me I

wasn't crazy! (Well, except for my hubby who has been such a rock for me).

I still can't believe I'm losing my one and only brother... my one and only

sibling.

This is so painful.

Lori

-------------- Original message --------------

I just read you last post.....you mean your SIL won't even be with him/?/!!!!

You be there with him. No one should die alone. You might be afraid.......but

remember your new friends here are all with you---we'll be thinking of you and

praying with you through the whole journey.....and God will be right there in

the room too. And when the times comes, you be able to tell Tim 'it's

okay...it's okay to go now " But you'll be the better for it for having been with

him....and go on knowing that you did everything you possibly could for

him---even just being with him as he passes.

Love,Jill

We don't remember days, we remember moments.

Life is not measured by the breaths we take,but by the moments that take our

breath away.

[Guest guest]

Lyncia:

Yep, I'm convinced now, after talking to all of you. I know that what I wanted

-- to be with him to the end -- is the right thing to do.

Although I know my brother is no longer the person lying in that bed... I still

think he'll know I'm there for him. Like you said, " he'll feel my love " and

that's all that matters.

Lori

--------- Update on my brother Timmy

Well, it looks as if we exhausted all of our possibilities with my brother. I

took my mother in to see him today and before we made it into his room, they

took us into " the conference room " .

In addition to the liver failure, he has a bleeding, a temp, lungs are a mess,

kidneys are failing again and he went from the lowest setting on the vent to the

highest setting - all of this happened overnight.

My sister in law is not dealing well with this at all. On the way home, my

mother and I discussed the outcomes... and we are in agreement that we need to

start comfort care... we can't handle the thought of him suffering. I called my

SIL and asked her to come to my mother's house so we could all discuss this...

and the bottom line after much crying and talking... she said needed time. Which

I totally understand, but at the same time I don't want my brother to suffer

needlessly.

But my biggest concern is that she doesn't want anyone with him when he dies. I

really feel like I NEED to be there. I've talked to my husband about this - he

lost his dad to lung cancer when he was 19... his entire family was there when

his dad passed. He said that he thought I would regret not being there for my

brother if I feel so strongly about it. I just think SOMEONE needs to be with

him when he passes... is this wrong? Have any of you had to make this choice?

How did your families handle this? Did you keep your distance or did you make

sure you were in the room the entire time? Does anyone know what to expect? I

don't want to watch him struggling for breath when they take the vent off him...

this would just be devestating.

I'm so sorry to come here with all of this... I know it must be bummer to all of

you. But I really feel a connection here and I know you'll all be totally honest

with me. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Still needing the prayers...

Lori

[Guest guest]

Hi Lori,

I too wanted to offer my support. I think you should be there for

your brother when he passes too. Please don't let him be alone, if

you can help it. I hope his wife changes her mind to be with him too.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Penny

>

> Well, it looks as if we exhausted all of our possibilities with my

brother. I took my mother in to see him today and before we made it

into his room, they took us into " the conference room " .

>

> In addition to the liver failure, he has a bleeding, a temp, lungs

are a mess, kidneys are failing again and he went from the lowest

setting on the vent to the highest setting - all of this happened

overnight.

>

> My sister in law is not dealing well with this at all. On the way

home, my mother and I discussed the outcomes... and we are in

agreement that we need to start comfort care... we can't handle the

thought of him suffering. I called my SIL and asked her to come to

my mother's house so we could all discuss this... and the bottom line

after much crying and talking... she said needed time. Which I

totally understand, but at the same time I don't want my brother to

suffer needlessly.

>

> But my biggest concern is that she doesn't want anyone with him

when he dies. I really feel like I NEED to be there. I've talked to

my husband about this - he lost his dad to lung cancer when he was

19... his entire family was there when his dad passed. He said that

he thought I would regret not being there for my brother if I feel so

strongly about it. I just think SOMEONE needs to be with him when he

passes... is this wrong? Have any of you had to make this choice?

How did your families handle this? Did you keep your distance or did

you make sure you were in the room the entire time? Does anyone know

what to expect? I don't want to watch him struggling for breath when

they take the vent off him... this would just be devestating.

>

> I'm so sorry to come here with all of this... I know it must be

bummer to all of you. But I really feel a connection here and I know

you'll all be totally honest with me. Any advice you can provide

would be greatly appreciated.

>

> Still needing the prayers...

> Lori

>

>

[Guest guest]

Lori,

I am so very sorry to hear this. Please know I am earnestly praying for you and

your family, including Timmy.  This is a hard thing to face, I know from

experience.  My mother had renal failure and was having inpatient dialysis on a

daily basis and was getting sicker and sicker.  Finally the doctor came in and

told me (I was there alone at the time) that nothing could help her at this

point and that she thought the time had come to stop all curative measures and

move to comfort care.  I told her my family had already discussed that and that

we agreed.  That was on a Tuesday morning.  On Tuesday afternoon, Daddy and my

sisters came to the hospital and we told Daddy what the doctor had said.  Momma

died about 2 a.m. on Thursday morning.  My youngest sister was with her.  We had

all wanted to be there, but she passed so quickly that we couldn't make it back

to the hospital in time.

My personal feeling is just as you, I could not live with myself if someone I

love died alone when I knew that someone could have been there.  I know people

die alone all the time, but I think it is the saddest thing in the world to

think that our loved ones leave this life with on one there to to hold their

hand.  If I were you, I would have to pray diligently that the Lord would change

your SIL's heart about this and choose my time and words carefully and tell her

that you need to be there with him.  You've been there for his entire life and

you need to be there when he leaves.

Now, you have to be prepared for the fact that his last minutes or even hours

here may be very difficult for him.  Hopefully, they will manager his pain and

discomfort well and he won't feel any discomfort.  From what I know, most people

with liver disease mostly just slip off into a coma and die very soon

afterwards.  Even if they tell you he is in a coma, don't stop speaking to him. 

Talk to him, tell him you love him and that it's okay for him to go; that you

and others in his family will be okay and that you will take care of each

other.  Reassure him often that everything is okay and it's okay for him to go

when the time comes.  Psychologists tell us the dying need to know that they are

leaving their loved ones in a place that is okay.  Try your best not to beg him

to stay.  It's okay to cry, but try not to lose control.

I know all of this is so overwhelming for you and so very difficult.  Please

know that prayers are going up for you all constantly and that the Lord will be

your strength while your going through this.  Post here anytime you need

encouragement or just need to vent.  You are loved and bathed with prayer.

With much love,

Diane

Update on my brother Timmy

Well, it looks as if we exhausted all of our possibilities with my brother. I

took my mother in to see him today and before we made it into his room, they

took us into " the conference room " .

In addition to the liver failure, he has a bleeding, a temp, lungs are a mess,

kidneys are failing again and he went from the lowest setting on the vent to the

highest setting - all of this happened overnight.

My sister in law is not dealing well with this at all. On the way home, my

mother and I discussed the outcomes... and we are in agreement that we need to

start comfort care... we can't handle the thought of him suffering. I called my

SIL and asked her to come to my mother's house so we could all discuss this...

and the bottom line after much crying and talking... she said needed time. Which

I totally understand, but at the same time I don't want my brother to suffer

needlessly.

But my biggest concern is that she doesn't want anyone with him when he dies. I

really feel like I NEED to be there. I've talked to my husband about this - he

lost his dad to lung cancer when he was 19... his entire family was there when

his dad passed. He said that he thought I would regret not being there for my

brother if I feel so strongly about it. I just think SOMEONE needs to be with

him when he passes... is this wrong? Have any of you had to make this choice?

How did your families handle this? Did you keep your distance or did you make

sure you were in the room the entire time? Does anyone know what to expect? I

don't want to watch him struggling for breath when they take the vent off him...

this would just be devestating.

I'm so sorry to come here with all of this... I know it must be bummer to all of

you. But I really feel a connection here and I know you'll all be totally honest

with me. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Still needing the prayers...

Lori

[Guest guest]

Lori,

As far as your sil not wanting to be there, that is fine too. Death is not

pretty and she will carry those images with her, I find no fault in her not

wanting that to be her last memory of her beloved husband.

I think it is brave and wonderful of you to want to be with your brother.

Praying for your all!

Hugs,

Pamela

Re: Update on my brother Timmy

Pamela:

My brother sounds very much like your mom. He was always worried about

everyone else. He would hate to think that we were all suffering right now

because of him. (and knowing him, he'd wait until I got my makeup on as well :-)

My SIL can not and will not be with him when he passes. She can't even bring

herself to be in the room with him now. I really need to be with him though. But

I'm afraid. My husband asked if I wanted him there, but I think he needs to be

home with our girls (12 and 7). I'm not afraid to do this alone... I'm just

afraid... period.

Lori

-------------- Original message --------------

Lori,

[Guest guest]

Jill, that is such a precious story!  I agree with you, she was letting you know

she was okay and that she understood your heart.  As though she were saying

" It's okay Jill, I'm happy. " "  I know you wanted to be there with me, I felt

that comfort as I crossed over. "

After Momma passed, we were at their house doing some sorting and gathering

together.  While going through some old cassette tapes, we found a particular

one that was titled " Thelma Singing " .  We popped it into the cassette player and

it was an occapella recording of Momma singing Precious Memories and then

Touring That City.  It was made after Momma got sick because her voice was so

much weaker, but it still sounded wonderful to us.  It was as though she was

reassuring us that, yes our memories were precious and we would have those to

comfort us, but not to worry about her because she was touring that city with

Jesus.  I cannot tell you how comforting it is now to pop that tape in and hear

her precious voice and recall those memories, but to be reminded that she is now

free of pain or cares, walking the streets of heaven with Jesus!

Hugs........

Diane

Update on my brother Timmy

Well, it looks as if we exhausted all of our possibilities with my brother. I

took my mother in to see him today and before we made it into his room, they

took us into " the conference room " .

In addition to the liver failure, he has a bleeding, a temp, lungs are a mess,

kidneys are failing again and he went from the lowest setting on the vent to the

highest setting - all of this happened overnight.

My sister in law is not dealing well with this at all. On the way home, my

mother and I discussed the outcomes... and we are in agreement that we need to

start comfort care... we can't handle the thought of him suffering. I called my

SIL and asked her to come to my mother's house so we could all discuss this...

and the bottom line after much crying and talking... she said needed time. Which

I totally understand, but at the same time I don't want my brother to suffer

needlessly.

But my biggest concern is that she doesn't want anyone with him when he dies. I

really feel like I NEED to be there. I've talked to my husband about this - he

lost his dad to lung cancer when he was 19... his entire family was there when

his dad passed. He said that he thought I would regret not being there for my

brother if I feel so strongly about it. I just think SOMEONE needs to be with

him when he passes... is this wrong? Have any of you had to make this choice?

How did your families handle this? Did you keep your distance or did you make

sure you were in the room the entire time? Does anyone know what to expect? I

don't want to watch him struggling for breath when they take the vent off him...

this would just be devestating.

I'm so sorry to come here with all of this... I know it must be bummer to all of

you. But I really feel a connection here and I know you'll all be totally honest

with me. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Still needing the prayers...

Lori

[Guest guest]

When we were going through mom's stuff I found a card, hand written by my mom.

Just a scripture encouraging us to trust the Lord. I don't know who she was

going to send it to, or if it was there for us to find, but it just blessed my

socks off. I feel like I know her better now....

Thanks for sharing your stories ladies!

Pamela

Update on my brother Timmy

Well, it looks as if we exhausted all of our possibilities with my brother. I

took my mother in to see him today and before we made it into his room, they

took us into " the conference room " .

In addition to the liver failure, he has a bleeding, a temp, lungs are a mess,

kidneys are failing again and he went from the lowest setting on the vent to the

highest setting - all of this happened overnight.

My sister in law is not dealing well with this at all. On the way home, my

mother and I discussed the outcomes... and we are in agreement that we need to

start comfort care... we can't handle the thought of him suffering. I called my

SIL and asked her to come to my mother's house so we could all discuss this...

and the bottom line after much crying and talking... she said needed time. Which

I totally understand, but at the same time I don't want my brother to suffer

needlessly.

But my biggest concern is that she doesn't want anyone with him when he dies.

I really feel like I NEED to be there. I've talked to my husband about this - he

lost his dad to lung cancer when he was 19... his entire family was there when

his dad passed. He said that he thought I would regret not being there for my

brother if I feel so strongly about it. I just think SOMEONE needs to be with

him when he passes... is this wrong? Have any of you had to make this choice?

How did your families handle this? Did you keep your distance or did you make

sure you were in the room the entire time? Does anyone know what to expect? I

don't want to watch him struggling for breath when they take the vent off him...

this would just be devestating.

I'm so sorry to come here with all of this... I know it must be bummer to all

of you. But I really feel a connection here and I know you'll all be totally

honest with me. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Still needing the prayers...

Lori

[Guest guest]

Born, bred and still here.............southwestern Tennessee, about 65 miles

east of Memphis.

Update on my brother Timmy

Well, it looks as if we exhausted all of our possibilities with my brother. I

took my mother in to see him today and before we made it into his room, they

took us into " the conference room " .

In addition to the liver failure, he has a bleeding, a temp, lungs are a mess,

kidneys are failing again and he went from the lowest setting on the vent to the

highest setting - all of this happened overnight.

My sister in law is not dealing well with this at all. On the way home, my

mother and I discussed the outcomes... and we are in agreement that we need to

start comfort care... we can't handle the thought of him suffering. I called my

SIL and asked her to come to my mother's house so we could all discuss this...

and the bottom line after much crying and talking... she said needed time. Which

I totally understand, but at the same time I don't want my brother to suffer

needlessly.

But my biggest concern is that she doesn't want anyone with him when he dies. I

really feel like I NEED to be there. I've talked to my husband about this - he

lost his dad to lung cancer when he was 19... his entire family was there when

his dad passed. He said that he thought I would regret not being there for my

brother if I feel so strongly about it. I just think SOMEONE needs to be with

him when he passes... is this wrong? Have any of you had to make this choice?

How did your families handle this? Did you keep your distance or did you make

sure you were in the room the entire time? Does anyone know what to expect? I

don't want to watch him struggling for breath when they take the vent off him...

this would just be devestating.

I'm so sorry to come here with all of this... I know it must be bummer to all of

you. But I really feel a connection here and I know you'll all be totally honest

with me. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Still needing the prayers...

Lori

[Guest guest]

Wow, Pamela. That's powerful!  What a gem your mom left you. I'm so glad for

you.

                                       

                                    Love,Jill

 

We don't remember days, we remember moments.

Life is not measured by the breaths we take,but by the moments that take our

breath away.

From: mrsrcrxcomcast (DOT) net <mrsrcrxcomcast (DOT) net>

Subject: Re: Update on my brother Timmy

To: livercirrhosissuppo rtyahoogroups (DOT) com

Date: Friday, November 7, 2008, 8:46 PM

Pamela:

My brother sounds very much like your mom. He was always worried about everyone

else. He would hate to think that we were all suffering right now because of

him. (and knowing him, he'd wait until I got my makeup on as well :-)

My SIL can not and will not be with him when he passes. She can't even bring

herself to be in the room with him now. I really need to be with him though. But

I'm afraid. My husband asked if I wanted him there, but I think he needs to be

home with our girls (12 and 7). I'm not afraid to do this alone... I'm just

afraid... period.

Lori

------------ -- Original message ------------ --

From: " Pamela on " <ohana5mtaonline (DOT) net>

Lori,

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother.

Did your sil say why she didn't want anyone with him when he passed? Does she

want to be alone with him then? Or what?

I was told by Hospice that you die like you lived. My mom was a very quiet,

backgrounds kind of gal, who never put herself first. She died that same way.

Even waited until I finished my shower and putting my make up on before she

died. I noticed the fish breaths (where the chin makes rapid movements, although

they were subtle) it was only about 30seconds later that she was gone. It was

very quiet and very soft. She was not on a vent but had slipped into a coma a

few days prior to death.

I know it is different for everyone. Ask the nurse what might happen, so you can

be more prepared. Ask specific questions if you have them. If you are concerned

about sounds, or struggles, be honest and open and maybe she can clarify things

for you. Hospice nurses are GREAT at answering these kinds of questions.

I asked each of my family members whether they wanted to be in the room during,

or just after, or not at all..and praise God we were able to each do what we

needed to do.

I will be praying that your Timmy has a peaceful passing and that everyone's

needs are met as he journeys to the gates of Heaven.

Big Hugs dear one!!

Love,

Pamela

Update on my brother Timmy

Well, it looks as if we exhausted all of our possibilities with my brother. I

took my mother in to see him today and before we made it into his room, they

took us into " the conference room " .

In addition to the liver failure, he has a bleeding, a temp, lungs are a mess,

kidneys are failing again and he went from the lowest setting on the vent to the

highest setting - all of this happened overnight.

My sister in law is not dealing well with this at all. On the way home, my

mother and I discussed the outcomes... and we are in agreement that we need to

start comfort care... we can't handle the thought of him suffering. I called my

SIL and asked her to come to my mother's house so we could all discuss this...

and the bottom line after much crying and talking... she said needed time. Which

I totally understand, but at the same time I don't want my brother to suffer

needlessly.

But my biggest concern is that she doesn't want anyone with him when he dies. I

really feel like I NEED to be there. I've talked to my husband about this - he

lost his dad to lung cancer when he was 19... his entire family was there when

his dad passed. He said that he thought I would regret not being there for my

brother if I feel so strongly about it. I just think SOMEONE needs to be with

him when he passes... is this wrong? Have any of you had to make this choice?

How did your families handle this? Did you keep your distance or did you make

sure you were in the room the entire time? Does anyone know what to expect? I

don't want to watch him struggling for breath when they take the vent off him...

this would just be devestating.

I'm so sorry to come here with all of this... I know it must be bummer to all of

you. But I really feel a connection here and I know you'll all be totally honest

with me. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Still needing the prayers...

Lori

[Guest guest]

He, My side of the Mississippi anyway.  : )

                                       

                                    Love,Jill

 

We don't remember days, we remember moments.

Life is not measured by the breaths we take,but by the moments that take our

breath away.

From: mrsrcrxcomcast (DOT) net <mrsrcrxcomcast (DOT) net>

Subject: Re: Update on my brother Timmy

To: livercirrhosissuppo rtyahoogroups (DOT) com

Date: Friday, November 7, 2008, 8:46 PM

Pamela:

My brother sounds very much like your mom. He was always worried about everyone

else. He would hate to think that we were all suffering right now because of

him. (and knowing him, he'd wait until I got my makeup on as well :-)

My SIL can not and will not be with him when he passes. She can't even bring

herself to be in the room with him now. I really need to be with him though. But

I'm afraid. My husband asked if I wanted him there, but I think he needs to be

home with our girls (12 and 7). I'm not afraid to do this alone... I'm just

afraid... period.

Lori

------------ -- Original message ------------ --

From: " Pamela on " <ohana5mtaonline (DOT) net>

Lori,

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother.

Did your sil say why she didn't want anyone with him when he passed? Does she

want to be alone with him then? Or what?

I was told by Hospice that you die like you lived. My mom was a very quiet,

backgrounds kind of gal, who never put herself first. She died that same way.

Even waited until I finished my shower and putting my make up on before she

died. I noticed the fish breaths (where the chin makes rapid movements, although

they were subtle) it was only about 30seconds later that she was gone. It was

very quiet and very soft. She was not on a vent but had slipped into a coma a

few days prior to death.

I know it is different for everyone. Ask the nurse what might happen, so you can

be more prepared. Ask specific questions if you have them. If you are concerned

about sounds, or struggles, be honest and open and maybe she can clarify things

for you. Hospice nurses are GREAT at answering these kinds of questions.

I asked each of my family members whether they wanted to be in the room during,

or just after, or not at all..and praise God we were able to each do what we

needed to do.

I will be praying that your Timmy has a peaceful passing and that everyone's

needs are met as he journeys to the gates of Heaven.

Big Hugs dear one!!

Love,

Pamela

Update on my brother Timmy

Well, it looks as if we exhausted all of our possibilities with my brother. I

took my mother in to see him today and before we made it into his room, they

took us into " the conference room " .

In addition to the liver failure, he has a bleeding, a temp, lungs are a mess,

kidneys are failing again and he went from the lowest setting on the vent to the

highest setting - all of this happened overnight.

My sister in law is not dealing well with this at all. On the way home, my

mother and I discussed the outcomes... and we are in agreement that we need to

start comfort care... we can't handle the thought of him suffering. I called my

SIL and asked her to come to my mother's house so we could all discuss this...

and the bottom line after much crying and talking... she said needed time. Which

I totally understand, but at the same time I don't want my brother to suffer

needlessly.

But my biggest concern is that she doesn't want anyone with him when he dies. I

really feel like I NEED to be there. I've talked to my husband about this - he

lost his dad to lung cancer when he was 19... his entire family was there when

his dad passed. He said that he thought I would regret not being there for my

brother if I feel so strongly about it. I just think SOMEONE needs to be with

him when he passes... is this wrong? Have any of you had to make this choice?

How did your families handle this? Did you keep your distance or did you make

sure you were in the room the entire time? Does anyone know what to expect? I

don't want to watch him struggling for breath when they take the vent off him...

this would just be devestating.

I'm so sorry to come here with all of this... I know it must be bummer to all of

you. But I really feel a connection here and I know you'll all be totally honest

with me. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Still needing the prayers...

Lori

[Guest guest]

You know everyone loves their own mother and thinks there's no one else in the

world like her, but I'm sure learning that other moms gave that same kind of

unselfish love my Mom did.  Our mothers left us great legacies of love and we're

carrying that love forward, even as we encourage each other in this group.  The

comfort and hope we find here has it's roots in the love and encouragement we

received from them.  Does that not just give you goose bumps?!  Someday, it will

be our time to go home.  I pray I leave a legacy of love as comforting and

encouraging and uplifting as the one Momma left me.  Okay, now i'm crying!!!!

<sniff, sniff>

Love to all............

Diane

Update on my brother Timmy

Well, it looks as if we exhausted all of our possibilities with my brother. I

took my mother in to see him today and before we made it into his room, they

took us into " the conference room " .

In addition to the liver failure, he has a bleeding, a temp, lungs are a mess,

kidneys are failing again and he went from the lowest setting on the vent to the

highest setting - all of this happened overnight.

My sister in law is not dealing well with this at all. On the way home, my

mother and I discussed the outcomes... and we are in agreement that we need to

start comfort care... we can't handle the thought of him suffering. I called my

SIL and asked her to come to my mother's house so we could all discuss this...

and the bottom line after much crying and talking... she said needed time. Which

I totally understand, but at the same time I don't want my brother to suffer

needlessly.

But my biggest concern is that she doesn't want anyone with him when he dies. I

really feel like I NEED to be there. I've talked to my husband about this - he

lost his dad to lung cancer when he was 19... his entire family was there when

his dad passed. He said that he thought I would regret not being there for my

brother if I feel so strongly about it. I just think SOMEONE needs to be with

him when he passes... is this wrong? Have any of you had to make this choice?

How did your families handle this? Did you keep your distance or did you make

sure you were in the room the entire time? Does anyone know what to expect? I

don't want to watch him struggling for breath when they take the vent off him...

this would just be devestating.

I'm so sorry to come here with all of this... I know it must be bummer to all of

you. But I really feel a connection here and I know you'll all be totally honest

with me. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Still needing the prayers...

Lori

[Guest guest]

You know everyone loves their own mother and thinks there's no one else in the

world like her, but I'm sure learning that other moms gave that same kind of

unselfish love my Mom did.  Our mothers left us great legacies of love and we're

carrying that love forward, even as we encourage each other in this group.  The

comfort and hope we find here has it's roots in the love and encouragement we

received from them.  Does that not just give you goose bumps?!  Someday, it will

be our time to go home.  I pray I leave a legacy of

Update on my brother Timmy

Well, it looks as if we exhausted all of our possibilities with my brother. I

took my mother in to see him today and before we made it into his room, they

took us into " the conference room " .

In addition to the liver failure, he has a bleeding, a temp, lungs are a mess,

kidneys are failing again and he went from the lowest setting on the vent to the

highest setting - all of this happened overnight.

My sister in law is not dealing well with this at all. On the way home, my

mother and I discussed the outcomes... and we are in agreement that we need to

start comfort care... we can't handle the thought of him suffering. I called my

SIL and asked her to come to my mother's house so we could all discuss this...

and the bottom line after much crying and talking... she said needed time. Which

I totally understand, but at the same time I don't want my brother to suffer

needlessly.

But my biggest concern is that she doesn't want anyone with him when he dies. I

really feel like I NEED to be there. I've talked to my husband about this - he

lost his dad to lung cancer when he was 19... his entire family was there when

his dad passed. He said that he thought I would regret not being there for my

brother if I feel so strongly about it. I just think SOMEONE needs to be with

him when he passes... is this wrong? Have any of you had to make this choice?

How did your families handle this? Did you keep your distance or did you make

sure you were in the room the entire time? Does anyone know what to expect? I

don't want to watch him struggling for breath when they take the vent off him...

this would just be devestating.

I'm so sorry to come here with all of this... I know it must be bummer to all of

you. But I really feel a connection here and I know you'll all be totally honest

with me. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Still needing the prayers...

Lori