Re: For those who don't usually or ever post

[Guest guest]

Ruthie writes:

>>-I call it FEAR. She hasn't accepted her situation or at least the

pain associated with it, IMO. Thus any mention of pain, especially

chronic pain, scares the you-know-what out of her. I wouldn't call it

denial ONLY. I see it as she has not moved to the stage of her illness

where she is ready to try to even THINK about accepting that this is her

reality. Your poem reminded her of her reality in life and that means,

partly, pain and that's scary stuff! <<

That is a very good point, and one I hadn't thought of. One thing Helena

didn't tell you is that her SIL does not use pharmaceuticals at all.

Only homeopathic and alternative meds.

And WE all know how much pain she therefore must really have. That HAS

to be frightening, and challenging to her belief system IF it is not

working to control the pain.The poem just reminded her of that. IMHO

>>one? We all do our individual bests to NOT be ruled by the pain, and

isn't " denial " therefore a perfectly acceptable way to go IF IT WORKS?<<

But Helena it is NOT working...she said she did not want to be reminded

of her pain. Therefore she is HAVING pain.

>>I recently read an article in Arthritis Today about denial and when

it's a good idea, helpful, and when it's not. I agreed with the article

100%. Denial is a helpful state at some point(s) in our lives,

especially in dealing with chronic pain. However, for the long term it's

not. I don't think we need to make our pain the center of our life but

to ignore it, to deny it, to not give it space in ourselves, is to take

away a part of ourselves and I can't see where that's a good thing! <<

YES YES YES...I didn't ask it to take up residence, but it is here. Just

as we have to go through emotional pain to grow, we must go through,

accept and DEAL with physical pain. Ignoring it does not suffice as

dealing.

>>I never wish to pretend I can control the pain. It won't work anyway

and only causes more problems, I know.<<

It also creates an inner tension...all that attempt at control is

exhausting.

>> For me acceptance has worked well, overall, and I choose this list to

be my most private and personal place for expression of my pain AND for

support, camaraderie, and even FUN!!

To choose denial because you think it works is, IMO (remember....this is

In My Opinion), choosing to stay in a place that is ultimately not

healthy for you.<<

IF she was NOT in pain due to her efforts, I could see some validity in

her statements. BUT she obviously is in pain. You are right, IMHO that

it is not basically a healthy place to be.

Her abrupt dismissal of a remarkable poem sent in love was an example of

what an unhealthy position she has taken.

thanks Ruthie for putting everything I have been trying to say in much

better perspective and in better words!!

Remember this is also only IMHO also.....:-)

Lyn

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[Guest guest]

From: lyn55@... (Lyn Gottschalk)

>That is a very good point, and one I hadn't thought of. One thing Helena

>didn't tell you is that her SIL does not use pharmaceuticals at all.

>Only homeopathic and alternative meds.

>And WE all know how much pain she therefore must really have. That HAS

>to be frightening, and challenging to her belief system IF it is not

>working to control the pain.The poem just reminded her of that. IMHO

To risk someone telling me I'm tarring everyone with the same feathers

(that's how the saying goes, right???) I will relate what I've seen in the

past few years. Those that choose the route of NO allopathic (conventional)

treatments, including pharmaceuticals, are often the ones that are using

denial as a tool, or so they think, in treating their situation.

Eventually, for some, they breakdown, often horribly, and they end up in a

worse place than they would be if they had gone the more 'traditional'

route. Then it takes them a lot longer to find the right combo of

treatments and to work toward acceptance. The energy that they spend doing

things the way they are, including the huge amount of energy needed to deny,

has depleted their body, mind, spirit, to a point where they will often need

a lot of time and work, and support, to get them back up to where they were

when the pain started. What I mean is, I've seen them ultimately go

backward, not forward, with this sort of behavior. It all depends on how

deeply they've gone into the non-allopathic treatments and how severe their

condition/illness/pain is. I myself find some homeopathic rememdies quite

helpful. I also find that certain ...oh...non-traditional behaviors VERY

helpful to my manner of living with chronic pain but I won't take it too far

because, so far, my allopathic doctors have been helpful.

I wouldn't go so far as to say that just because she is using only

natural/homeopathic/alternative treatments that she therefore MUST be in

pain, I've also known some folks who have such incredible power and skills

that they are able to NOT feel any pain without having any drugs in them,

including natural/homeopathic/alternatives.

But you said it all, Lyn. If this gal says that this poem reminds her too

much of her own pain then she is admitting she indeed does have pain. Her

denial is strong and it is taking a huge amount of her limited energy to

keep it going, the pain is taking a lot of energy also.

>>one? We all do our individual bests to NOT be ruled by the pain, and

isn't " denial " therefore a perfectly acceptable way to go IF IT WORKS?<<

>But Helena it is NOT working...she said she did not want to be reminded

>of her pain. Therefore she is HAVING pain.

Nor will it. Simple denial is not mind over matter. Meant to express that

thought earlier. If this gal is so strong and is able to use various tools

to overcome her pain, and like I said some folks CAN do this, then she also

would accept this poem with open arms and heart.

>>I never wish to pretend I can control the pain. It won't work anyway

and only causes more problems, I know.<<

>It also creates an inner tension...all that attempt at control is

>exhausting.

YES! I found that when I gave in, gave up, accepted the pain with open arms

and heart into my being I was gifted with some incredible energy. All the

energy I'd been using for so long to try to CONTROL the pain!

Helena's SIL needs compassion and lots of it. Not that we all don't need

that, but...what I mean is right now she needs an extra dose of it. She's

facing a lot of pain, physical and emotional.

hugz,

Ruthie

====================================

Ruthie Cunliffe K2ZQ

ruthie@...

www.cunliffegroup.com/ruthie

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