Autism, from a sibling's view

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Autism, from a sibling's view

Lucas Correia, Collegian Staff

http://media.www.dailycollegian.com/media/storage/paper874/news/2008/12/

10/News/Autism.From.A.Siblings.View-3576459.shtml

In recent years, the autism spectrum has become a widely-known topic of

research, debate and concern.

However, there is one often-overlooked aspect of a journey through life

with autism - the experience that " neuro-typical " siblings of

autistic

individuals are faced with.

While introducing her son Jace King's film " The Sandwich Kid, " Keri

Bowers, mother of two (one son with autism, and another unaffected),

from Thousand Oaks, Calif., informs viewers that there are roughly 650

million people in the world who have a disability, ranging from mild to

severe, and that the number of siblings is incalculable.

These are the kids who spend more time than usual in therapy waiting

rooms. They're the ones who at times have put up with confusing,

embarrassing and sometimes violent behavior. In some cases, the

neuro-typical siblings are also the ones who receive less attention from

their parents, who need to focus on the issues at hand with their

disabled child.

" They're the kids who take the back seat, " said Bowers, " but

tend to

transcend their circumstances and become the caretakers. "

Kate Dansereau, 34, of Fairhaven, who has an autistic twin sister,

, recalls her story of transcendence. She's now an autism

consultant for Community Autism Resources (CAR), based in Swansea.

" As I got older... and 'fitting in' became more important, it was

extremely difficult. I was often embarrassed by her and concerned of my

own image and what other people would think, " said Dansereau. " After

high school there was a shift in my attitude and I became much more

accepting of her differences, and felt the rest of the world should be

too. "

For many siblings, the first step in the process is gaining a sense of

understanding. When siblings realize why their brother or sister's

behavior stands out, they begin to accept the responsibility of helping

to guide them through a world that can often be frightening and very

confusing for them.

" When I was about seven, I didn't really like him [] very much

because I felt like he was mean, " said 13-year-old Jace King, whose 20

-year-old brother, Cross, is autistic. " My mom explained to me

that he was different and that he had some special talents, as well as

some things that he wasn't so great at, and that was because of his

autism. "

" At first it didn't really register, because I was young and didn't

really understand what autism was, " continued King. " As I grew older

we

had more in common and we liked each other more, and I was able to

understand how it affected him and how it made him a better person. "

Snyder, 21, of Seekonk, whose brother is now 19 and has

Asperger's syndrome, a mild form of autism, agreed.

" I really recognized he had a disability when he would act out on me and

rip my hair out and be disruptive in the house, " said Snyder. " I was

about seven or eight when that started to happen, and I knew that it

wasn't all because of him acting that way on purpose, he had reasons he

was acting that way. I definitely grew up knowing that was his

condition, and he acted a certain way because of it. "

In this difficult setting, the siblings are often the ones who do what

they can to be the good kids in order to tone down the amount of stress

in the house. They try their best to make things less difficult for

their parents.

" I became a super-achiever, " said 55-year-old Beverly Horne of North

Attleboro, who is now taking care of her 50-year-old autistic brother,

. " My way of getting my share of attention was to do well in

school and in sports, and to be comical - that's how I coped. "

Horne went on to explain that she tried her hardest to be nice to

everyone she knew, in fear that otherwise people might make fun of her

brother. She recalled always going to her friends' houses to play as a

child, and not inviting friends to her house in case her brother created

an uncomfortable situation.

" Some research indicates that if parents tell the siblings things such

as 'don't worry ... we'll take care of it,' that's not really a good

thing to do, " said Dr. Barry Prizant, director of Childhood

Communication Services in Cranston, R.I., and an adjunct professor for

the Center for the Study of Human Development at Brown University.

" On the other extreme, if they're told that essentially they have to be

a third parent... that's not a good thing either, " said Prizant. His

research indicates that the best thing for parents to do is find a

balance where siblings are given some age-appropriate responsibilities,

but still recognize that siblings have lives of their own.

It's also become common knowledge that over time, as King and Bowers

mentioned in their film, siblings tend to mature faster than children

who do not have an autistic sibling. They tend to develop more

compassionate qualities, and not to be as judgmental of other people.

" I've gained a sense of understanding and knowledge, " said King,

" When I

look at people, instead of asking myself, 'what's wrong with them?' I

ask myself, 'how can I help them?' "

Snyder is also able to reflect on what she has gained from having a

sibling on the autism spectrum.

" A lot of my compassionate tendencies really come from the fact that

I've had my brother my whole life, " said Snyder. " Just from the fact

that he's different and it's not his fault, and he needs to be accepted,

and I try to spread that sentiment when I get the chance. "

For more information on siblings and autism, please visit

http://siblink.wordpress.com.

Lucas Correia can be reached at ljcorrei@....