Re: A thought and a couple fears/concerns

[Guest guest]

Make sure your children understand from an early age that you are more

sensitive to some sounds than other people are. Tell them it's normal

to make those sounds, and you don't blame them for it because you make

them too. Let them know that it bothers you sometimes, and you would

appreciate it if they would try hard to be polite at the dinner table

and not crunch on loud things around you.

The biggest thing would be to teach them that they're not bad for

making the noises--it's you who is bothered by the noises, and that it

hurts you to hear the really bad ones. That way they know that there's

nothing wrong with them, and that it's just a matter of being

respectful and not wanting to hurt Mom.

I think not explaining that from an early age could actually be an

environmental factor in causing 4s; you let the children know that

those sounds are bad and annoying and hurtful, and they'll start

looking for them in other people. If they develop a hatred for the

sounds because they relate them to you being angry with them, that

might accelerate a case of 4s that was previously only genetic (and

that may never have shown itself in the first place).

[Guest guest]

The young child cannot understand what you are going thru. I feel it

is better for you to rise and move around, do dishes, sing out loud,

dance to music, get up and move your body around when these small

noises start to irritate you. I advise this because the 3 year old

is going to 'feel' the anger and not be able to 'know' why.

Don't buy suckers, either! : )

Some of my patients have found that holding their child and kissing

them at this time seems to counteract those feelings. Seeing their

beauty and innocence....

Be sure to get plenty of exercise to help burn off inner-hormones

that act like caffeine or stimulants.

Dr.

>

> I just got my 5 month old to sleep for what will be a short nap. He

> is still in a cradle in our bedroom, and we quickly learned that the

> pulls on our furniture can't make any noise, or he wakes up. I had

> been reading around about 4S this morning, so my brain naturally

went

> there with, " What if we are born with this, but we don't realize it

> until later because our brains aren't mature enough to recognize

> what's bothering us? " When he was just over 3 months old, he slept

> through a loud wedding reception! I don't actually remember when

this

> started for me. I know I had it in high school, but my mom reminded

> me (when I was telling her about 4S) that my step-dad eats noisily.

> It was then that I remembered I refused to eat with him and my

> step-brother in middle school. Point is, I have no idea when mine

> started. Maybe I've always had it?

>

> This led me to worrying about my children also inheriting/developing

> 4S. I, obviously, don't want this for them, and I think mine is

more

> on the mild side, so I can only imagine it being worse (I think it

> helps that I am not currently in the work force).

>

> My last concern is more immediate, and this is what's driving me to

> work on an email to, first, Oprah, and then maybe NIH, though I do

> think the psychology field should be involved in a study. Anyway,

my

> oldest is almost 3, and his noises are starting to bother me. I

found

> myself on edge the other day, threatening to take a sucker from him

if

> he didn't stop crunching it. Obviously, a sucker is something he

> doesn't need, but I wouldn't want to try to control a future

situation

> the same way with, say, his dinner. I don't want to get that

feeling

> toward my children. While my husband can understand (now that I

know

> I'm not alone & not crazy), it will be a while before my kids can,

and

> I don't want them to feel they are at fault for my seemingly

> irrational behavior to normal noises.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi , I know how you feel and one of the things that would hold me back from having kids is the thought that I may pass this condition on to them. Though I think that if we avoid everything in life that involves some risk we would probably never do or experience anything. I think that having and raising children can be one of the most fulfilling, amazing, wonderful and natural experiences for parents. With your understanding of this condition you will be able to work through anything. I don't believe that your baby has this...from what I've seen it generally begins during the teen years, puberty. I believe that it has to do with control issues which is why many people with 4s also have OCD. I think that maybe we all have a low tolerance for not

being able to control those things that we view as irrational, rude, offensive, lacking in etiquette, improper or people that we have stored resentment for and don't respect. The fact that they do these "things" and we can't control or change them makes us even angrier. Is there any way that you would be able to have a conversation with your 3 year old and explain this to him? Speak to him and tell him that there are noises that bother mommy and that you are sorry about this. Maybe ask him if he can not make those noises for you? See his reaction...maybe once you feel more in control and that you have gotten it out you will feel better. And, you will also feel good about being open and honest with him. Children understand a lot more than what we usually give them credit for.Do you remember when his noises started bothering you? Do your husband's noises bother

you?andraTo: Soundsensitivity Sent: Thursday, December 4, 2008 11:48:27 PMSubject: A thought and a couple fears/concerns

I just got my 5 month old to sleep for what will be a short nap. Heis still in a cradle in our bedroom, and we quickly learned that thepulls on our furniture can't make any noise, or he wakes up. I hadbeen reading around about 4S this morning, so my brain naturally wentthere with, "What if we are born with this, but we don't realize ituntil later because our brains aren't mature enough to recognizewhat's bothering us?" When he was just over 3 months old, he sleptthrough a loud wedding reception! I don't actually remember when thisstarted for me. I know I had it in high school, but my mom remindedme (when I was telling her about 4S) that my step-dad eats noisily. It was then that I remembered I refused to eat with him and mystep-brother in middle school. Point is, I have no idea when minestarted. Maybe I've always had it?This led me to worrying about my

children also inheriting/developing4S. I, obviously, don't want this for them, and I think mine is moreon the mild side, so I can only imagine it being worse (I think ithelps that I am not currently in the work force). My last concern is more immediate, and this is what's driving me towork on an email to, first, Oprah, and then maybe NIH, though I dothink the psychology field should be involved in a study. Anyway, myoldest is almost 3, and his noises are starting to bother me. I foundmyself on edge the other day, threatening to take a sucker from him ifhe didn't stop crunching it. Obviously, a sucker is something hedoesn't need, but I wouldn't want to try to control a future situationthe same way with, say, his dinner. I don't want to get that feelingtoward my children. While my husband can understand (now that I knowI'm not alone & not crazy),

it will be a while before my kids can, andI don't want them to feel they are at fault for my seeminglyirrational behavior to normal noises.------------------------------------PLEASE BE AWARE THIS IS A STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL GROUP AND NO MESSAGES ARE TO BE USED FOR ANY PURPOSE OUTSIDE OF THE YAHOO GROUP MEMBERSHIP SITE OR REPRODUCED OR COPIED AND MAILED FOR ANY PURPOSE. ALSO DO NOT SHARE MEMBER EMAIL ADDRESSES OR NAMES WITH ANYONE.Thank you. MJ