Guest guest Posted December 10, 2008 Report Share Posted December 10, 2008 hi , I only discovered this website yesterday until then I thought I was just mad and I think its great you have had the courage to tell your husband it must be such a relief! This illness has cost me several relationships because I simply could not bear to be in the same room eating and because I thought it was just me - I couldnt tell them either. I have just endured a family meal and although I love them very much I find it distressing to eat with them because of their noises. I have read somewhere that iots common to feel the most irritated by the people you love the most. Luckily I have managed to turn the TV up while we eat making the excuse that I dont want to miss a certain programme, but then feel rude? how can we win? This is the first thing I have posted as I have been very busy reading everyones posts and have just ordered some of the b vitamins and zinc to see if it helps. On another note about the cruise - I actually work on cruise ships and the dining rooms are usually quite noisy so you may just be ok. You could always scout around the dining rooms for the noisiest and suggsthat you eat there. The one I work on has a buffet, so at particulalry noisy times, you can decide that you have forgotton something from the buffet? Well done again. > > I told my husband about my problem with him making noises, worse when > he eats. He seemed to understand and told me there " must be someone " > who can help me. I was kind of surprised he did not take it too > personally. I just explained that when my mother was alive I could > not stand to be near her because she sniffed. I reiterated that it is > pretty bad if you cannot stand to be around your own mother. > > I told him it is worse when we eat and when he talks when he eats, > such as being around company. I thought I would LOSE MY MIND Sun > night when we had dinner with friends. My friend had her hand on her > husband's shoulder - I was shrunk back into the corner of the booth > trying to escape mine. > > NOw he went and invited company to dinner tonight so I have to > somehow grit my teeth and let myself be in torture for an hour while > he converses and sucks air in through his teeth, which he always does > when he talks while eating. > > I will patiently try to explain to him that he needs to be more > concious of this and also when he takes a sip of coffee, he sucks air > through his teeth and goes " Ahhh " -----At dinner the other night I > finally kept sucking air through my teeth whenever he did, he did not > even hear me. > > We are going on a cruise and I plan to NOT be at dinner with > everybody else. I don't care what anybody says, Where is , is > she ill, why isn't she all dressed up at dinner with the rest of > us......I'll be sitting on the balcony of the stateroom with > headphones on. I just want everybody to shut up..... > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2008 Report Share Posted December 10, 2008 Oh ! Be proud of yourself, you were able to communicate with your husband and he has taken a step forward in understanding how you feel. It's great that he can start to understand that this isn't something personal against HIM. I think it's easy for people to feel that way. It really helps if you explain that you feel the same with someone else that's really close to you (like you did telling him about your mother).Is there any way that you would be able to have a code word that you can use while you're with other people to let him know that he's bothering you? Your husband loves you and if he knew the amount of pain and discomfort that he is unintentionally causing I'm sure he would stop. I know it's hard for us to remember that. Sometimes I think, how can that person NOT realize the amount of disgusting, rude and horrible noise that they're making? But it's true...they're not bothered by it so they don't even notice. Can you see if there's some sort of gesture or word you can use to draw his attention? If he wasn't making the trigger noises, would going to dinner on the cruise still bother you? Even while you're eating? I hate for you to have to go on a cruise and sit by yourself while everyone's having dinner...but I completely understand it if you do...All the best,andraTo: Soundsensitivity Sent: Thursday, December 11, 2008 4:53:07 AMSubject: Told my husband I told my husband about my problem with him making noises, worse when he eats. He seemed to understand and told me there "must be someone" who can help me. I was kind of surprised he did not take it too personally. I just explained that when my mother was alive I could not stand to be near her because she sniffed. I reiterated that it is pretty bad if you cannot stand to be around your own mother.I told him it is worse when we eat and when he talks when he eats, such as being around company. I thought I would LOSE MY MIND Sun night when we had dinner with friends. My friend had her hand on her husband's shoulder - I was shrunk back into the corner of the booth trying to escape mine. NOw he went and invited company to dinner tonight so I have to somehow grit my teeth and let myself be in torture for an hour while he converses and sucks air in through his teeth, which he always does when he talks while eating.I will patiently try to explain to him that he needs to be more concious of this and also when he takes a sip of coffee, he sucks air through his teeth and goes "Ahhh"-----At dinner the other night I finally kept sucking air through my teeth whenever he did, he did not even hear me.We are going on a cruise and I plan to NOT be at dinner with everybody else. I don't care what anybody says, Where is , is she ill, why isn't she all dressed up at dinner with the rest of us......I'll be sitting on the balcony of the stateroom with headphones on. I just want everybody to shut up.....------------------------------------PLEASE BE AWARE THIS IS A STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL GROUP AND NO MESSAGES ARE TO BE USED FOR ANY PURPOSE OUTSIDE OF THE YAHOO GROUP MEMBERSHIP SITE OR REPRODUCED OR COPIED AND MAILED FOR ANY PURPOSE. ALSO DO NOT SHARE MEMBER EMAIL ADDRESSES OR NAMES WITH ANYONE.Thank you. MJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2008 Report Share Posted December 10, 2008 ... good for you for talking to him. Now, when he say's " there must be someone " who can help you.... you should tell him that he is one of them. LOL. I would definetly keep the lines of communication open with him so he fully understands. I know how hard it is to do that because for them it's sucking air through their teeth is not a problem which is why he doesn't notice when you do it. I hope you have fun on the cruise despite all this. Try NOT to think about the mealtimes and times that you may get annoyed. Think of being on vacation and relaxing. Try to stay positive and don't allow the 4S to overtake your fun! I know that is a hard thing to do... but personally I have found that the more I dwell on the " what if's " the worse it will be. I guess this is where anti-anxiety meds have helped me a bit. It doesn't take away the 4S by any means. But it helps with the " anticipation phase " as Dr. J calls it. I still go bonkers hearing the sounds... I just don't think about it as much before it actually happens. Best wishes to you! Darlene > > I told my husband about my problem with him making noises, worse when > he eats. He seemed to understand and told me there " must be someone " > who can help me. I was kind of surprised he did not take it too > personally. I just explained that when my mother was alive I could > not stand to be near her because she sniffed. I reiterated that it is > pretty bad if you cannot stand to be around your own mother. > > I told him it is worse when we eat and when he talks when he eats, > such as being around company. I thought I would LOSE MY MIND Sun > night when we had dinner with friends. My friend had her hand on her > husband's shoulder - I was shrunk back into the corner of the booth > trying to escape mine. > > NOw he went and invited company to dinner tonight so I have to > somehow grit my teeth and let myself be in torture for an hour while > he converses and sucks air in through his teeth, which he always does > when he talks while eating. > > I will patiently try to explain to him that he needs to be more > concious of this and also when he takes a sip of coffee, he sucks air > through his teeth and goes " Ahhh " -----At dinner the other night I > finally kept sucking air through my teeth whenever he did, he did not > even hear me. > > We are going on a cruise and I plan to NOT be at dinner with > everybody else. I don't care what anybody says, Where is , is > she ill, why isn't she all dressed up at dinner with the rest of > us......I'll be sitting on the balcony of the stateroom with > headphones on. I just want everybody to shut up..... > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2008 Report Share Posted December 10, 2008 Hi ,Good on you. I find it hard to tell people too. And even husbands do forget sometimes, which feels hard, but I've learned I do just need to tell them again.With kids, and husbands, I feel it is important to keep reminding them that is nothing they are doing wrong.some of the best feedback I have got from my husband, is that since I joined this group, he finds me so much easier to deal with about this, because I can talk about it much more normally than I ever could before. Best wishesIngrid.I told my husband about my problem with him making noises, worse when he eats. He seemed to understand and told me there "must be someone" who can help me. I was kind of surprised he did not take it too personally. I just explained that when my mother was alive I could not stand to be near her because she sniffed. I reiterated that it is pretty bad if you cannot stand to be around your own mother.I told him it is worse when we eat and when he talks when he eats, such as being around company. I thought I would LOSE MY MIND Sun night when we had dinner with friends. My friend had her hand on her husband's shoulder - I was shrunk back into the corner of the booth trying to escape mine. NOw he went and invited company to dinner tonight so I have to somehow grit my teeth and let myself be in torture for an hour while he converses and sucks air in through his teeth, which he always does when he talks while eating.I will patiently try to explain to him that he needs to be more concious of this and also when he takes a sip of coffee, he sucks air through his teeth and goes "Ahhh"-----At dinner the other night I finally kept sucking air through my teeth whenever he did, he did not even hear me.We are going on a cruise and I plan to NOT be at dinner with everybody else. I don't care what anybody says, Where is , is she ill, why isn't she all dressed up at dinner with the rest of us......I'll be sitting on the balcony of the stateroom with headphones on. I just want everybody to shut up..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 11, 2008 Report Share Posted December 11, 2008 Hi , You are very strong and I am inspired by you to not go and eat with everyone else on the cruise. You are doing what you need to do for your sanity. I admire that. So what if no one else can understand, it is their loss, and I'm sure they do things for their sanity too. Your husband should respect your reason for not eating with everyone. He seems to at least have a clue. I am sorry you have to endure all of that. I mostly don't eat with anyone else. I have tried to go out to dinner and occasionally I can handle doing so if the booth is in the right part of the restaurant and who I am with is quietly eating, but usually that doesn't work out and the place is always too noisy. So I don't go out and eat or eat at the dinner table with anyone else mostly. It is just too unnerving and painful to endure anymore. Actually I stopped eating at the dinner table when I was in High School. Family thought it was weird but didn't get on my case too much about it, thank goodness, unless it was a Holiday or some special occasion like a birthday or Grandma was coming over. Hang in there! Take care, Randall lsalin wrote: > > > I told my husband about my problem with him making noises, worse when > he eats. He seemed to understand and told me there " must be someone " > who can help me. I was kind of surprised he did not take it too > personally. I just explained that when my mother was alive I could > not stand to be near her because she sniffed. I reiterated that it is > pretty bad if you cannot stand to be around your own mother. > > I told him it is worse when we eat and when he talks when he eats, > such as being around company. I thought I would LOSE MY MIND Sun > night when we had dinner with friends. My friend had her hand on her > husband's shoulder - I was shrunk back into the corner of the booth > trying to escape mine. > > NOw he went and invited company to dinner tonight so I have to > somehow grit my teeth and let myself be in torture for an hour while > he converses and sucks air in through his teeth, which he always does > when he talks while eating. > > I will patiently try to explain to him that he needs to be more > concious of this and also when he takes a sip of coffee, he sucks air > through his teeth and goes " Ahhh " -----At dinner the other night I > finally kept sucking air through my teeth whenever he did, he did not > even hear me. > > We are going on a cruise and I plan to NOT be at dinner with > everybody else. I don't care what anybody says, Where is , is > she ill, why isn't she all dressed up at dinner with the rest of > us......I'll be sitting on the balcony of the stateroom with > headphones on. I just want everybody to shut up..... > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 11, 2008 Report Share Posted December 11, 2008 > We are going on a cruise and I plan to NOT be at dinner with > everybody else. I don't care what anybody says, Where is , is > she ill, why isn't she all dressed up at dinner with the rest of > us......I'll be sitting on the balcony of the stateroom with > headphones on. I just want everybody to shut up..... If your hair covers your ears, this might be a good time to try some foam earplugs. While it is not good to wear them all the time, just wearing them during meals on the cruise might just be a lifesaver. If you think your husband will be understanding you can let him on your little secret. Get the white/offwhite cylinder shaped ones from almost any drug store. I personally don't think the preshaped ones work as well. I like the cylinders. You won't be able to hear everything said, but you can always fib a little ... hmmmm don't know why I can't hear so well ... and then later if anyone follows up say you can wax removed from your ears after. They really do take the edge off of the worst (noise) offenders ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 13, 2008 Report Share Posted December 13, 2008 Oh, ! I hate that sound when someone sucks something out of their teeth. It's one of the worst! It's like -- fricking wait until you're alone in the bathroom and then use some floss like every other civilized person on earth! Jeez! You really need to talk to your husband about getting some table manners. Just be gentle, and I'm sure he'll understand. I've had to ask my husband to stop making this nose-breathing sound when he eats. He does it constantly like he's going to suffocate. It's not normal, and I know he can eat without doing it, because he does fine after I remind him. It's just a habit, and unfortunately, " old people sounds " are going to start running rampant in our household the longer we live -- we are 44/45 now. How will all of us ever survive into our ripe old ages with that happening? Yikes!!! > > I told my husband about my problem with him making noises, worse when > he eats. He seemed to understand and told me there " must be someone " > who can help me. I was kind of surprised he did not take it too > personally. I just explained that when my mother was alive I could > not stand to be near her because she sniffed. I reiterated that it is > pretty bad if you cannot stand to be around your own mother. > > I told him it is worse when we eat and when he talks when he eats, > such as being around company. I thought I would LOSE MY MIND Sun > night when we had dinner with friends. My friend had her hand on her > husband's shoulder - I was shrunk back into the corner of the booth > trying to escape mine. > > NOw he went and invited company to dinner tonight so I have to > somehow grit my teeth and let myself be in torture for an hour while > he converses and sucks air in through his teeth, which he always does > when he talks while eating. > > I will patiently try to explain to him that he needs to be more > concious of this and also when he takes a sip of coffee, he sucks air > through his teeth and goes " Ahhh " -----At dinner the other night I > finally kept sucking air through my teeth whenever he did, he did not > even hear me. > > We are going on a cruise and I plan to NOT be at dinner with > everybody else. I don't care what anybody says, Where is , is > she ill, why isn't she all dressed up at dinner with the rest of > us......I'll be sitting on the balcony of the stateroom with > headphones on. I just want everybody to shut up..... > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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