Re: My Parents and Olivia

[Guest guest]

I feel for you! What a terrible situation. One point to ponder. . .do you think that by allowing them to have a relationship only with you may be reinforcing their behavior on some level? This would definitely be a family splitting point for me. I would have a very difficult time having any kind of relationship with my parents if they treated one of my children "differently." I think I would choose to keep both kids to myself until if/when they had a change of heart. My older two are "mama bears" about their brother anyway. . .I know they would choose not to have a relationship with their grandparents if they noticed them treating Tristen differently. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Christy-mom to 14, 10, and Tristen 14 mos-Ds)

>> > Hi all, > > I'm sure you all know how I struggle with my parents and their obvious> favoritism of (age 10 - non-DS) and Olivia (age 4 - DS). I found a> GREAT "Dear Abby" in my newspaper last night. I have included it for you> below. > > I hope that my parents saw it. I have recently decided to keep Olivia> sheltered from them, as I want to protect her from rejection. There was a> big family fight on Thanksgiving. DH and I wanted to shop the early-bird> specials on Black Friday. Once again, we asked my parents to PLEASE watch> BOTH kids so we could go, and they refused. They said they would only take> . > > We really wanted to get Olivia a Barbie Jeep at Wal-Mart (88.00!!!) and we> could NOT take her with us at 4 am, so we had to drive her all the way to> Scranton, PA so my in-laws could keep her overnight. This is a VERY typical> scenario. No matter when we ask - no matter when we call - it's never a > good time" for them to see Olivia. > > I am so sick of feeling emotionally drained over this situation. Olivia may> face rejection in her life, but it will NOT START WITH HER OWN GRANDPARENTS.> > > They call and ask if they can take shopping, to dinner, to events,> etc.... And they come and pick her up - BEEP the horn and never even peek> in on Olivia. > > I look at her and WONDER how can they ignore such a BEAUTIFUL LITTLE> GIRL???? SHE IS A JOY. > > It just makes me so sad. > > DH and I have decided to let continue a relationship with them,> however, we will keep Olivia to ourselves. She is only ever invited on> birthdays and major holidays anyway. She is also brought out for church> events when they want to make themselves LOOK GOOD. > > (The BRIGHT spot is - WE GOT THE BARBIE JEEP!) > > > > > > (DEAR ABBY: I have two grandchildren. My first is a girl named "Skylar," and> my second is a boy, "Dante." I raised two sons as a single mother and always> had a house full of boys. Since Skylar was born, she has become my world. I> take her everywhere with me, but my nerves just can't handle Dante. I am> being criticized for treating my grandchildren differently and accused of> being prejudiced. It may be true. But Skylar is very sweet, while Dante --> whom I do love -- is "all boy" and hard to handle. > Are my feelings due to the fact that Skylar is my first grandchild, or> because she's the first girl in my life? Or am I just burned out on boys? I> turn down dates to spend time with her. I'd rather spend the rest of my life> with my granddaughter than any man on Earth. > Do other grandparents feel this way, or am I obsessed? -- SKYLAR'S NANA IN> FLORIDA > DEAR NANA: They may feel similarly, but if they are intelligent, mature and> caring, they conceal it better than you do. > Whether you choose to spend time with your grandchildren or an eligible man> is your choice. But to make it obvious that you favor one child over the> other is cruel, and the less-loved little one will recognize it, be hurt and> resent it. ) > > > Carolyn > > > > > > We've gone co-op! Come and see our newest location at Black Diamond Antiques> in the Schuylkill Mall, Frackville, PA! > > > 'Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. > It's already tomorrow in Australia ' > ( Schultz)>

[Guest guest]

Does notice what they are doing to Olivia? I know it is

none of my business;-) but I agree with Christy….I don’t know if it

would be a good influence for my other kids if I let them have a relationship

with anyone who obviously rejected Danny. I wouldn’t want my other kids

to think that that kind of behavior is in *any* way acceptable,,,no

matter WHO was doing it. What reasons have your parents given for refusing to

include Olivia? What was so hard about babysitting for her? (and you don’t

have to answer…like I said..none of my businesss;-) but it just boggles

my mind.

My kids are real ‘mama bears’, too..and I

doubt if they would want a relationship with someone who didn’t want to

be around Danny.

Another thing ….what are you going to do when Olivia gets

older and notices/cares that her grandparents are leaving her out?

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this..from

your own parents, no less!

From:

DownSyndromeInfoExchange

[mailto:DownSyndromeInfoExchange ] On Behalf Of kayc0911

Sent: Wednesday, December 03, 2008 5:44 PM

To: DownSyndromeInfoExchange

Subject: [DownSyndromeInfoExchange] Re: My Parents and Olivia

I feel for you! What a terrible

situation. One point to ponder. . .do you think that by allowing them to

have a relationship only with you may be reinforcing their behavior on

some level? This would definitely be a family splitting point for

me. I would have a very difficult time having any kind of relationship

with my parents if they treated one of my children " differently. "

I think I would choose to keep both kids to myself until if/when they had a

change of heart. My older two are " mama bears " about their

brother anyway. . .I know they would choose not to have a relationship with

their grandparents if they noticed them treating Tristen differently. I

will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Christy-mom to 14, 10, and Tristen

14 mos-Ds)

>

>

> Hi all,

>

> I'm sure you all know how I struggle with my parents and their obvious

> favoritism of (age 10 - non-DS) and Olivia (age 4 - DS). I found

a

> GREAT " Dear Abby " in my newspaper last night. I have included it

for you

> below.

>

> I hope that my parents saw it. I have recently decided to keep Olivia

> sheltered from them, as I want to protect her from rejection. There was a

> big family fight on Thanksgiving. DH and I wanted to shop the early-bird

> specials on Black Friday. Once again, we asked my parents to PLEASE watch

> BOTH kids so we could go, and they refused. They said they would only take

> .

>

> We really wanted to get Olivia a Barbie Jeep at Wal-Mart (88.00!!!) and we

> could NOT take her with us at 4 am, so we had to drive her all the way to

> Scranton, PA so my in-laws could keep her overnight. This is a VERY

typical

> scenario. No matter when we ask - no matter when we call - it's never a

> good time " for them to see Olivia.

>

> I am so sick of feeling emotionally drained over this situation. Olivia

may

> face rejection in her life, but it will NOT START WITH HER OWN

GRANDPARENTS.

>

>

> They call and ask if they can take shopping, to dinner, to

events,

> etc.... And they come and pick her up - BEEP the horn and never even peek

> in on Olivia.

>

> I look at her and WONDER how can they ignore such a BEAUTIFUL LITTLE

> GIRL???? SHE IS A JOY.

>

> It just makes me so sad.

>

> DH and I have decided to let continue a relationship with them,

> however, we will keep Olivia to ourselves. She is only ever invited on

> birthdays and major holidays anyway. She is also brought out for church

> events when they want to make themselves LOOK GOOD.

>

> (The BRIGHT spot is - WE GOT THE BARBIE JEEP!)

>

>

>

>

>

> (DEAR ABBY: I have two grandchildren. My first is a girl named

" Skylar, " and

> my second is a boy, " Dante. " I raised two sons as a single

mother and always

> had a house full of boys. Since Skylar was born, she has become my world.

I

> take her everywhere with me, but my nerves just can't handle Dante. I am

> being criticized for treating my grandchildren differently and accused of

> being prejudiced. It may be true. But Skylar is very sweet, while Dante --

> whom I do love -- is " all boy " and hard to handle.

> Are my feelings due to the fact that Skylar is my first grandchild, or

> because she's the first girl in my life? Or am I just burned out on boys?

I

> turn down dates to spend time with her. I'd rather spend the rest of my

life

> with my granddaughter than any man on Earth.

> Do other grandparents feel this way, or am I obsessed? -- SKYLAR'S NANA IN

> FLORIDA

> DEAR NANA: They may feel similarly, but if they are intelligent, mature

and

> caring, they conceal it better than you do.

> Whether you choose to spend time with your grandchildren or an eligible

man

> is your choice. But to make it obvious that you favor one child over the

> other is cruel, and the less-loved little one will recognize it, be hurt

and

> resent it. )

>

>

> Carolyn

>

>

>

>

>

> We've gone co-op! Come and see our newest location at Black Diamond

Antiques

> in the Schuylkill Mall, Frackville, PA!

>

>

> 'Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.

> It's already tomorrow in Australia '

> ( Schultz)

>

[Guest guest]

Well said "Dear Abby". I hope my mother in law read this as well.Ruby Hi all, I'm sure you all know how I struggle with my parents and their obvious favoritism of (age 10 - non-DS) and Olivia (age 4 - DS). I found a GREAT "Dear Abby" in my newspaper last night. I have included it for you below. I hope that my parents saw it. I have recently decided to keep Olivia sheltered from them, as I want to protect her from rejection. There was a big family fight on Thanksgiving. DH and I wanted to shop the early-bird specials on Black Friday. Once again, we asked my parents to PLEASE watch BOTH kids so we could go, and they refused. They said they would only take . We really wanted to get Olivia a Barbie Jeep at Wal-Mart (88.00!!!) and we could NOT take her with us at 4 am, so we had to drive her all the way to Scranton, PA so my in-laws could keep her overnight. This is a VERY typical scenario. No matter when we ask - no matter when we call - it's never a "good time" for them to see Olivia. I am so sick of feeling emotionally drained over this situation. Olivia may face rejection in her life, but it will NOT START WITH HER OWN GRANDPARENTS. They call and ask if they can take shopping, to dinner, to events, etc.... And they come and pick her up - BEEP the horn and never even peek in on Olivia. I look at her and WONDER how can they ignore such a BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GIRL???? SHE IS A JOY. It just makes me so sad. DH and I have decided to let continue a relationship with them, however, we will keep Olivia to ourselves. She is only ever invited on birthdays and major holidays anyway. She is also brought out for church events when they want to make themselves LOOK GOOD. (The BRIGHT spot is - WE GOT THE BARBIE JEEP!) (DEAR ABBY: I have two grandchildren. My first is a girl named "Skylar," and my second is a boy, "Dante." I raised two sons as a single mother and always had a house full of boys. Since Skylar was born, she has become my world. I take her everywhere with me, but my nerves just can't handle Dante. I am being criticized for treating my grandchildren differently and accused of being prejudiced. It may be true. But Skylar is very sweet, while Dante -- whom I do love -- is "all boy" and hard to handle.Are my feelings due to the fact that Skylar is my first grandchild, or because she's the first girl in my life? Or am I just burned out on boys? I turn down dates to spend time with her. I'd rather spend the rest of my life with my granddaughter than any man on Earth.Do other grandparents feel this way, or am I obsessed? -- SKYLAR'S NANA IN FLORIDADEAR NANA: They may feel similarly, but if they are intelligent, mature and caring, they conceal it better than you do.Whether you choose to spend time with your grandchildren or an eligible man is your choice. But to make it obvious that you favor one child over the other is cruel, and the less-loved little one will recognize it, be hurt and resent it. ) Carolyn <A_6694.jpg> We've gone co-op! Come and see our newest location at Black Diamond Antiques in the Schuylkill Mall, Frackville, PA! 'Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.It's already tomorrow in Australia ' ( Schultz) <10_footer.gif><tree.gif>=

[Guest guest]

Sorry, I wouldn't 'hope' they read Dear Abby...I would MAIL them the cut out of it anoymously!

I would ask how she feels about going with her grandparents without Olivia...not baiting her, just asking what she thinks about it. Just give her a chance to consider that it might not be 'right'

I only have one kid, but my sister has 3...my mother only likes 'babies' who don't talk back, don't have a mind of their own and just like to be cuddled. When my sister had her 2nd daughter, daughter 1 was 2.5---and in the full throes of the terrible twos. My mother was all over the baby and ignorning the older child---who HAD been the favored one before and she definately noticed Grandma's attention.

I predicted to my sister that it would happen to number 3 too, and now that the girls are agest 6-12 she's not so into any of them. (my mother is 87, and returning to her inner selfish child herself)

BUT I do belive this is much differrent than what you are experienceing and I simply don't think I would stand for it in any way. Both kids or no kid...and the fact they don't even come in to get is just plain rude and bad manners...just wait till the boyfriend drives up and honks for her--you won't be able to tell her that's unacceptable, since it's been modeled as 'ok' for years...I would just keep her in the house and let them honk till they get their butts out of the car and come to the door!

But then again that might be why I live 3,000 miles from all family members....

, Mom to 15, DS, Southern California"People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it!"-------Chas

Diagnosis Down Syndrome: A Site of Hope for New Parents or Parents with a Prenatal Diagnosishttp://www.leeworks.net/DDS/What to Say to Parents of a Child with a Diagnosishttp://www.leeworks.net/DDS/speech.html

[DownSyndromeInfoExchange] My Parents and Olivia

Hi all,

I'm sure you all know how I struggle with my parents and their obvious favoritism of (age 10 - non-DS) and Olivia (age 4 - DS). I found a GREAT "Dear Abby" in my newspaper last night. I have included it for you below.

I hope that my parents saw it. I have recently decided to keep Olivia sheltered from them, as I want to protect her from rejection. There was a big family fight on Thanksgiving. DH and I wanted to shop the early-bird specials on Black Friday. Once again, we asked my parents to PLEASE watch BOTH kids so we could go, and they refused. They said they would only take .

We really wanted to get Olivia a Barbie Jeep at Wal-Mart (88.00!!!) and we could NOT take her with us at 4 am, so we had to drive her all the way to Scranton, PA so my in-laws could keep her overnight. This is a VERY typical scenario. No matter when we ask - no matter when we call - it's never a "good time" for them to see Olivia.

I am so sick of feeling emotionally drained over this situation. Olivia may face rejection in her life, but it will NOT START WITH HER OWN GRANDPARENTS.

They call and ask if they can take shopping, to dinner, to events, etc.... And they come and pick her up - BEEP the horn and never even peek in on Olivia.

I look at her and WONDER how can they ignore such a BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GIRL???? SHE IS A JOY.

It just makes me so sad.

DH and I have decided to let continue a relationship with them, however, we will keep Olivia to ourselves. She is only ever invited on birthdays and major holidays anyway. She is also brought out for church events when they want to make themselves LOOK GOOD.

(The BRIGHT spot is - WE GOT THE BARBIE JEEP!)

(DEAR ABBY: I have two grandchildren. My first is a girl named "Skylar," and my second is a boy, "Dante." I raised two sons as a single mother and always had a house full of boys. Since Skylar was born, she has become my world. I take her everywhere with me, but my nerves just can't handle Dante. I am being criticized for treating my grandchildren differently and accused of being prejudiced. It may be true. But Skylar is very sweet, while Dante -- whom I do love -- is "all boy" and hard to handle.

Are my feelings due to the fact that Skylar is my first grandchild, or because she's the first girl in my life? Or am I just burned out on boys? I turn down dates to spend time with her. I'd rather spend the rest of my life with my granddaughter than any man on Earth.

Do other grandparents feel this way, or am I obsessed? -- SKYLAR'S NANA IN FLORIDA

DEAR NANA: They may feel similarly, but if they are intelligent, mature and caring, they conceal it better than you do.

Whether you choose to spend time with your grandchildren or an eligible man is your choice. But to make it obvious that you favor one child over the other is cruel, and the less-loved little one will recognize it, be hurt and resent it. )

Carolyn

We've gone co-op! Come and see our newest location at Black Diamond Antiques in the Schuylkill Mall, Frackville, PA!

'Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.It's already tomorrow in Australia ' ( Schultz)

[Guest guest]

If someone were to act that way towards my brother and my

siblings (favoring the “typical” ones over my brother with DS), they would get

an ear-full! My brother is part of us and that’s just the way it is. There’s no

separating him from us. Your relationship with us, will involve my brother

whether you like it or not! That’s the way I view it.

Qadoshyah

Book

- Down Syndrome: What You CAN Do

www.gotdownsyndrome.net/Book/whatyoucandobook.html

Buy

it from ~ http://stores.lulu.com/gotdownsyndrome

From:

DownSyndromeInfoExchange

[mailto:DownSyndromeInfoExchange ] On Behalf Of Kathy

Ratkiewicz

Sent: Wednesday, December 03, 2008 4:59 PM

To: DownSyndromeInfoExchange

Subject: RE: [DownSyndromeInfoExchange] Re: My Parents and Olivia

Does notice what they are doing

to Olivia? I know it is none of my business;-) but I agree with Christy….I

don’t know if it would be a good influence for my other kids if I let them have

a relationship with anyone who obviously rejected Danny. I wouldn’t want my

other kids to think that that kind of behavior is in *any* way

acceptable,,,no matter WHO was doing it. What reasons have your parents given

for refusing to include Olivia? What was so hard about babysitting for her?

(and you don’t have to answer…like I said..none of my businesss;-) but it just

boggles my mind.

My kids are real ‘mama bears’,

too..and I doubt if they would want a relationship with someone who didn’t want

to be around Danny.

Another thing ….what are you going to do

when Olivia gets older and notices/cares that her grandparents are leaving her

out?

I am so sorry that you are having to

deal with this..from your own parents, no less!

From:

DownSyndromeInfoExchange [mailto:DownSyndromeInfoExchange ]

On Behalf Of kayc0911

Sent: Wednesday, December 03, 2008 5:44 PM

To: DownSyndromeInfoExchange

Subject: [DownSyndromeInfoExchange] Re: My Parents and Olivia

I feel for you! What a terrible

situation. One point to ponder. . .do you think that by allowing them to

have a relationship only with you may be reinforcing their behavior on

some level? This would definitely be a family splitting point for

me. I would have a very difficult time having any kind of relationship

with my parents if they treated one of my children

" differently. " I think I would choose to keep both kids to

myself until if/when they had a change of heart. My older two are

" mama bears " about their brother anyway. . .I know they would choose

not to have a relationship with their grandparents if they noticed them

treating Tristen differently. I will keep you and your family in my

prayers.

Christy-mom to 14, 10, and Tristen

14 mos-Ds)

>

>

> Hi all,

>

> I'm sure you all know how I struggle with my parents and their obvious

> favoritism of (age 10 - non-DS) and Olivia (age 4 - DS). I found

a

> GREAT " Dear Abby " in my newspaper last night. I have included it

for you

> below.

>

> I hope that my parents saw it. I have recently decided to keep Olivia

> sheltered from them, as I want to protect her from rejection. There was a

> big family fight on Thanksgiving. DH and I wanted to shop the early-bird

> specials on Black Friday. Once again, we asked my parents to PLEASE watch

> BOTH kids so we could go, and they refused. They said they would only take

> .

>

> We really wanted to get Olivia a Barbie Jeep at Wal-Mart (88.00!!!) and we

> could NOT take her with us at 4 am, so we had to drive her all the way to

> Scranton, PA so my in-laws could keep her overnight. This is a VERY

typical

> scenario. No matter when we ask - no matter when we call - it's never a

> good time " for them to see Olivia.

>

> I am so sick of feeling emotionally drained over this situation. Olivia

may

> face rejection in her life, but it will NOT START WITH HER OWN

GRANDPARENTS.

>

>

> They call and ask if they can take shopping, to dinner, to

events,

> etc.... And they come and pick her up - BEEP the horn and never even peek

> in on Olivia.

>

> I look at her and WONDER how can they ignore such a BEAUTIFUL LITTLE

> GIRL???? SHE IS A JOY.

>

> It just makes me so sad.

>

> DH and I have decided to let continue a relationship with them,

> however, we will keep Olivia to ourselves. She is only ever invited on

> birthdays and major holidays anyway. She is also brought out for church

> events when they want to make themselves LOOK GOOD.

>

> (The BRIGHT spot is - WE GOT THE BARBIE JEEP!)

>

>

>

>

>

> (DEAR ABBY: I have two grandchildren. My first is a girl named

" Skylar, " and

> my second is a boy, " Dante. " I raised two sons as a single mother

and always

> had a house full of boys. Since Skylar was born, she has become my world.

I

> take her everywhere with me, but my nerves just can't handle Dante. I am

> being criticized for treating my grandchildren differently and accused of

> being prejudiced. It may be true. But Skylar is very sweet, while Dante --

> whom I do love -- is " all boy " and hard to handle.

> Are my feelings due to the fact that Skylar is my first grandchild, or

> because she's the first girl in my life? Or am I just burned out on boys?

I

> turn down dates to spend time with her. I'd rather spend the rest of my

life

> with my granddaughter than any man on Earth.

> Do other grandparents feel this way, or am I obsessed? -- SKYLAR'S NANA IN

> FLORIDA

> DEAR NANA: They may feel similarly, but if they are intelligent, mature

and

> caring, they conceal it better than you do.

> Whether you choose to spend time with your grandchildren or an eligible

man

> is your choice. But to make it obvious that you favor one child over the

> other is cruel, and the less-loved little one will recognize it, be hurt

and

> resent it. )

>

>

> Carolyn

>

>

>

>

>

> We've gone co-op! Come and see our newest location at Black Diamond

Antiques

> in the Schuylkill Mall, Frackville, PA!

>

>

> 'Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.

> It's already tomorrow in Australia '

> ( Schultz)

>

[Guest guest]

Couldnt you get someone close to you and your parents - a sibling, relative or friend - to speak carefully to them about it and try to mediate the situation ? I say so because maybe they dont realize fully what they are doing. Once I had a close friend staying with us when my bigger daughters were little, and very tactifully she asked me if I realized I gave preference to the younger one (who was smaller, had health problems, so I guess I tried to protect her). From that day on I started monitoring myself to treat them as equally as I possibly could. Maybe they are doing that unconsciouslly. Maybe they are still grieving for her having Down Syndrome and have repressed their feelings - this is their way to show it. It always better to talk, but it would be best that someone else did the talking, otherwise you will certainly get offended and argue with them. I think everyone would benifit from a

more honest approach - both your daughters, your parents and yourself. Good luck with the holiday season ! Pat Qadoshyah escreveu: If someone were to act that way towards my brother and my siblings (favoring the “typical” ones over my brother with DS), they would get an ear-full! My brother is part of us and that’s just the

way it is. There’s no separating him from us. Your relationship with us, will involve my brother whether you like it or not! That’s the way I view it. Qadoshyah Book - Down Syndrome: What You CAN Do www.gotdownsyndrome.net/Book/whatyoucandobook.html Buy it from ~ http://stores.lulu.com/gotdownsyndrome From: DownSyndromeInfoExchange [mailto:DownSyndromeInfoExchange ] On Behalf Of

Kathy RatkiewiczSent: Wednesday, December 03, 2008 4:59 PMTo: DownSyndromeInfoExchange Subject: RE: [DownSyndromeInfoExchange] Re: My Parents and Olivia Does notice what they are doing to Olivia? I know it is none of my business;-) but I agree with Christy….I don’t know if it would be a good influence for my other kids if I let them have a relationship with anyone who obviously rejected Danny. I wouldn’t want my other kids to think that that kind of behavior is in *any* way acceptable,,,no matter WHO was doing it. What reasons have your parents given for refusing to include Olivia? What was so hard about babysitting for her? (and you don’t have to answer…like I said..none of my

businesss;-) but it just boggles my mind. My kids are real ‘mama bears’, too..and I doubt if they would want a relationship with someone who didn’t want to be around Danny. Another thing ….what are you going to do when Olivia gets older and notices/cares that her grandparents are leaving her out? I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this..from your own parents, no less! From: DownSyndromeInfoExchange

[mailto:DownSyndromeInfoExchange ] On Behalf Of kayc0911Sent: Wednesday, December 03, 2008 5:44 PMTo: DownSyndromeInfoExchange Subject: [DownSyndromeInfoExchange] Re: My Parents and Olivia I feel for you! What a terrible situation. One point to ponder. . .do you think that by allowing them to have a relationship only with you may be reinforcing their behavior on some level? This would definitely be a family splitting point for me. I would have a very difficult time having any kind of relationship with my parents if they treated one of my children "differently." I think I would choose to keep both kids to myself until if/when they had a change of heart. My older two are

"mama bears" about their brother anyway. . .I know they would choose not to have a relationship with their grandparents if they noticed them treating Tristen differently. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Christy-mom to 14, 10, and Tristen 14 mos-Ds) >> > Hi all, > > I'm sure you all know how I struggle with my parents and their obvious> favoritism of (age 10 - non-DS) and Olivia (age 4 - DS). I found a> GREAT "Dear Abby" in my newspaper last night. I have included it for you> below. > > I hope that my parents saw it. I have recently decided to keep Olivia> sheltered from them, as I want to protect her from rejection. There was a> big family fight on

Thanksgiving. DH and I wanted to shop the early-bird> specials on Black Friday. Once again, we asked my parents to PLEASE watch> BOTH kids so we could go, and they refused. They said they would only take> . > > We really wanted to get Olivia a Barbie Jeep at Wal-Mart (88.00!!!) and we> could NOT take her with us at 4 am, so we had to drive her all the way to> Scranton, PA so my in-laws could keep her overnight. This is a VERY typical> scenario. No matter when we ask - no matter when we call - it's never a > good time" for them to see Olivia. > > I am so sick of feeling emotionally drained over this situation. Olivia may> face rejection in her life, but it will NOT START WITH HER OWN GRANDPARENTS.> > > They call and ask if they can take shopping, to dinner, to events,> etc.... And they come and pick her up - BEEP the horn and never even

peek> in on Olivia. > > I look at her and WONDER how can they ignore such a BEAUTIFUL LITTLE> GIRL???? SHE IS A JOY. > > It just makes me so sad. > > DH and I have decided to let continue a relationship with them,> however, we will keep Olivia to ourselves. She is only ever invited on> birthdays and major holidays anyway. She is also brought out for church> events when they want to make themselves LOOK GOOD. > > (The BRIGHT spot is - WE GOT THE BARBIE JEEP!) > > > > > > (DEAR ABBY: I have two grandchildren. My first is a girl named "Skylar," and> my second is a boy, "Dante." I raised two sons as a single mother and always> had a house full of boys. Since Skylar was born, she has become my world. I> take her everywhere with me, but my nerves just can't handle Dante. I am> being criticized for treating my

grandchildren differently and accused of> being prejudiced. It may be true. But Skylar is very sweet, while Dante --> whom I do love -- is "all boy" and hard to handle. > Are my feelings due to the fact that Skylar is my first grandchild, or> because she's the first girl in my life? Or am I just burned out on boys? I> turn down dates to spend time with her. I'd rather spend the rest of my life> with my granddaughter than any man on Earth. > Do other grandparents feel this way, or am I obsessed? -- SKYLAR'S NANA IN> FLORIDA > DEAR NANA: They may feel similarly, but if they are intelligent, mature and> caring, they conceal it better than you do. > Whether you choose to spend time with your grandchildren or an eligible man> is your choice. But to make it obvious that you favor one child over the> other is cruel, and the less-loved little one will recognize it, be hurt and> resent

it. ) > > > Carolyn > > > > > > We've gone co-op! Come and see our newest location at Black Diamond Antiques> in the Schuylkill Mall, Frackville, PA! > > > 'Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. > It's already tomorrow in Australia ' > ( Schultz)>

Veja quais são os assuntos do momento no Yahoo! + Buscados: Top 10 - Celebridades - Música - Esportes

[Guest guest]

I have the opposite problem with my MIL. She favors my son with DS and gives him the lion's share of the attention all the time. He is the only one invited for sleep-overs at her house and my younger daughters usually feel left out. So I guess, on one positive note, it is nice that your older daughter is getting some special one on one time with her Grandma & Grandpa. It is a shame though as people get older they seem to be less accepting of things that are different, things that don't understand, or things that are out of their control.

Michele PtaszekGiGi's Playhouse PlainfieldDown Syndrome Awareness Centermptaszek@...Make your life easier with all your friends, email, and favorite sites in one place. Try it now.

[Guest guest]

As a point of clarfication I would call your father's state anything but horrific, it is sad and grounded in fear. Sorry for the confusion, I his send before I thought.

I would say that that question comes from ignorance and fear. I have asked the same question in a different way. I have been concerned with Tyler if he were lost find his way home. Both Tyler's Mother and I have asked this question, does he know where to get to where he is? I would worry myself and even convince myself that he couldn't and I had to protect him. Since my/our goal is for him to have independent life, we have to let that go and find out what he does know. So I asked him and of course he knew quite a bit. I would say you have to get over it as a parent, buy I know many who don't.

As far as grandparents the answer to your father's question is he. She won't know where she is or who you are if she never sees you. I however would call this horrific, I would call it sad and grounded in fear. Those people need to be pitied not horrified. It's there loss.

I am taking all of this advice right to heart. Thank you so much.

My dad actually said, " Olivia doesn't know where she is when she is anywhere anyway. " when I asked him why she couldn't come for a sleep-over and could. This horrific comment came from a person who has been a teacher for 40 years.

It's a hopeless case. I just have to get over the way I constantly strive for my parents' approval. They have always been very hard on me. Nothing has ever been good enough. If I got an A, they'd wonder why it wasn't an A+...won 2nd place - why not first? I tend to be very hard on myself due to this. The madness has got to END! My Mama Bear instinct supercedes EVERYTHING though!!!

Hugs,

Carolyn

" People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it! "

~ Chas

-- Re: [DownSyndromeInfoExchange] My Parents and Olivia

First, I would ask why they choose to make these choices and try to understand their feelings. I've known people and even relatives that were frightened because they didn't understand whay DS was. In fact that is where most of this comes from a lack of understanding. You will need to be at your most calm as you ask this and I would suggest that you do it in person and not over the phone, I would also suggest you have your husband there. Some people want to just reject the source out of hand when maybe just a conversation might help " shed the light " on where this issue comes from.

After yo listen to their response and try not react before you get to the end of it. You will have some decisions to make. Firstly though I would listen to what the have to say and then you can make decisions. I've learned the hard way many times that things aren't always as I perceive them to be.

Just my 2 cents.Chris

Hi all,

I'm sure you all know how I struggle with my parents and their obvious favoritism of (age 10 - non-DS) and Olivia (age 4 - DS). I found a GREAT " Dear Abby " in my newspaper last night. I have included it for you below.

I hope that my parents saw it. I have recently decided to keep Olivia sheltered from them, as I want to protect her from rejection. There was a big family fight on Thanksgiving. DH and I wanted to shop the early-bird specials on Black Friday. Once again, we asked my parents to PLEASE watch BOTH kids so we could go, and they refused. They said they would only take .

We really wanted to get Olivia a Barbie Jeep at Wal-Mart (88.00!!!) and we could NOT take her with us at 4 am, so we had to drive her all the way to Scranton, PA so my in-laws could keep her overnight. This is a VERY typical scenario. No matter when we ask - no matter when we call - it's never a " good time " for them to see Olivia.

I am so sick of feeling emotionally drained over this situation. Olivia may face rejection in her life, but it will NOT START WITH HER OWN GRANDPARENTS.

They call and ask if they can take shopping, to dinner, to events, etc.... And they come and pick her up - BEEP the horn and never even peek in on Olivia.

I look at her and WONDER how can they ignore such a BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GIRL???? SHE IS A JOY.

It just makes me so sad.

DH and I have decided to let continue a relationship with them, however, we will keep Olivia to ourselves. She is only ever invited on birthdays and major holidays anyway. She is also brought out for church events when they want to make themselves LOOK GOOD.

(The BRIGHT spot is - WE GOT THE BARBIE JEEP!)

(DEAR ABBY: I have two grandchildren. My first is a girl named " Skylar, " and my second is a boy, " Dante. " I raised two sons as a single mother and always had a house full of boys. Since Skylar was born, she has become my world. I take her everywhere with me, but my nerves just can't handle Dante. I am being criticized for treating my grandchildren differently and accused of being prejudiced. It may be true. But Skylar is very sweet, while Dante -- whom I do love -- is " all boy " and hard to handle.

Are my feelings due to the fact that Skylar is my first grandchild, or because she's the first girl in my life? Or am I just burned out on boys? I turn down dates to spend time with her. I'd rather spend the rest of my life with my granddaughter than any man on Earth.

Do other grandparents feel this way, or am I obsessed? -- SKYLAR'S NANA IN FLORIDA

DEAR NANA: They may feel similarly, but if they are intelligent, mature and caring, they conceal it better than you do.

Whether you choose to spend time with your grandchildren or an eligible man is your choice. But to make it obvious that you favor one child over the other is cruel, and the less-loved little one will recognize it, be hurt and resent it. )

Carolyn

We've gone co-op! Come and see our newest location at Black Diamond Antiques in the Schuylkill Mall, Frackville, PA!

'Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.It's already tomorrow in Australia '

( Schultz)

-- Chris

-- Chris

-- Chris

[Guest guest]

I told the story of your parents to my 16 year old daughter - sister bear to 11 (DS) and she was outraged and said "NO WAY" would she have a relationship with someone who didn't accept even if it was her grandparents. So your older daughter will probably figure this out before long. I don't think you want her to figure it out and come to you and ask why you haven't done something.

If your parents are very performance oriented as you say then that's a huge reason why they don't accept your daughter, she can't perform up to their perfect standards I guess. It's their loss of course, who better to teach them unconditional love (giving and receiving!)

Kathy

Re: [DownSyndromeInfoExchange] My Parents and Olivia

First, I would ask why they choose to make these choices and try to understand their feelings. I've known people and even relatives that were frightened because they didn't understand whay DS was. In fact that is where most of this comes from a lack of understanding. You will need to be at your most calm as you ask this and I would suggest that you do it in person and not over the phone, I would also suggest you have your husband there. Some people want to just reject the source out of hand when maybe just a conversation might help "shed the light" on where this issue comes from. After yo listen to their response and try not react before you get to the end of it. You will have some decisions to make. Firstly though I would listen to what the have to say and then you can make decisions. I've learned the hard way many times that things aren't always as I perceive them to be. Just my 2 cents.Chris

On Wed, Dec 3, 2008 at 6:18 AM, M/M Kupinsky <vintageredroomwindstream (DOT) net> wrote:

Hi all,

I'm sure you all know how I struggle with my parents and their obvious favoritism of (age 10 - non-DS) and Olivia (age 4 - DS). I found a GREAT "Dear Abby" in my newspaper last night. I have included it for you below.

I hope that my parents saw it. I have recently decided to keep Olivia sheltered from them, as I want to protect her from rejection. There was a big family fight on Thanksgiving. DH and I wanted to shop the early-bird specials on Black Friday. Once again, we asked my parents to PLEASE watch BOTH kids so we could go, and they refused. They said they would only take .

We really wanted to get Olivia a Barbie Jeep at Wal-Mart (88.00!!!) and we could NOT take her with us at 4 am, so we had to drive her all the way to Scranton, PA so my in-laws could keep her overnight. This is a VERY typical scenario. No matter when we ask - no matter when we call - it's never a "good time" for them to see Olivia.

I am so sick of feeling emotionally drained over this situation. Olivia may face rejection in her life, but it will NOT START WITH HER OWN GRANDPARENTS.

They call and ask if they can take shopping, to dinner, to events, etc.... And they come and pick her up - BEEP the horn and never even peek in on Olivia.

I look at her and WONDER how can they ignore such a BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GIRL???? SHE IS A JOY.

It just makes me so sad.

DH and I have decided to let continue a relationship with them, however, we will keep Olivia to ourselves. She is only ever invited on birthdays and major holidays anyway. She is also brought out for church events when they want to make themselves LOOK GOOD.

(The BRIGHT spot is - WE GOT THE BARBIE JEEP!)

(DEAR ABBY: I have two grandchildren. My first is a girl named "Skylar," and my second is a boy, "Dante." I raised two sons as a single mother and always had a house full of boys. Since Skylar was born, she has become my world. I take her everywhere with me, but my nerves just can't handle Dante. I am being criticized for treating my grandchildren differently and accused of being prejudiced. It may be true. But Skylar is very sweet, while Dante -- whom I do love -- is "all boy" and hard to handle.

Are my feelings due to the fact that Skylar is my first grandchild, or because she's the first girl in my life? Or am I just burned out on boys? I turn down dates to spend time with her. I'd rather spend the rest of my life with my granddaughter than any man on Earth.

Do other grandparents feel this way, or am I obsessed? -- SKYLAR'S NANA IN FLORIDA

DEAR NANA: They may feel similarly, but if they are intelligent, mature and caring, they conceal it better than you do.

Whether you choose to spend time with your grandchildren or an eligible man is your choice. But to make it obvious that you favor one child over the other is cruel, and the less-loved little one will recognize it, be hurt and resent it. )

Carolyn

We've gone co-op! Come and see our newest location at Black Diamond Antiques in the Schuylkill Mall, Frackville, PA!

'Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.It's already tomorrow in Australia ' ( Schultz)

-- Chris

[Guest guest]

Yes - it is so sad. He said it in such a *horrific* WAY though......like - it doesn't matter if they spend time w/Olivia....like she has no idea. They have NO LOVE in their hearts. I am convinced.

I am feeling very low. I need to surround myself with better people. You guys are WONDERFUL! I wish we all lived closer!

Thank you,

Carolyn

"People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it!"

~ Chas

-- Re: [DownSyndromeInfoExchange] My Parents and Olivia

First, I would ask why they choose to make these choices and try to understand their feelings. I've known people and even relatives that were frightened because they didn't understand whay DS was. In fact that is where most of this comes from a lack of understanding. You will need to be at your most calm as you ask this and I would suggest that you do it in person and not over the phone, I would also suggest you have your husband there. Some people want to just reject the source out of hand when maybe just a conversation might help "shed the light" on where this issue comes from. After yo listen to their response and try not react before you get to the end of it. You will have some decisions to make. Firstly though I would listen to what the have to say and then you can make decisions. I've learned the hard way many times that things aren't always as I perceive them to be. Just my 2 cents.Chris

On Wed, Dec 3, 2008 at 6:18 AM, M/M Kupinsky <vintageredroomwindstream (DOT) net> wrote:

Hi all,

I'm sure you all know how I struggle with my parents and their obvious favoritism of (age 10 - non-DS) and Olivia (age 4 - DS). I found a GREAT "Dear Abby" in my newspaper last night. I have included it for you below.

I hope that my parents saw it. I have recently decided to keep Olivia sheltered from them, as I want to protect her from rejection. There was a big family fight on Thanksgiving. DH and I wanted to shop the early-bird specials on Black Friday. Once again, we asked my parents to PLEASE watch BOTH kids so we could go, and they refused. They said they would only take .

We really wanted to get Olivia a Barbie Jeep at Wal-Mart (88.00!!!) and we could NOT take her with us at 4 am, so we had to drive her all the way to Scranton, PA so my in-laws could keep her overnight. This is a VERY typical scenario. No matter when we ask - no matter when we call - it's never a "good time" for them to see Olivia.

I am so sick of feeling emotionally drained over this situation. Olivia may face rejection in her life, but it will NOT START WITH HER OWN GRANDPARENTS.

They call and ask if they can take shopping, to dinner, to events, etc.... And they come and pick her up - BEEP the horn and never even peek in on Olivia.

I look at her and WONDER how can they ignore such a BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GIRL???? SHE IS A JOY.

It just makes me so sad.

DH and I have decided to let continue a relationship with them, however, we will keep Olivia to ourselves. She is only ever invited on birthdays and major holidays anyway. She is also brought out for church events when they want to make themselves LOOK GOOD.

(The BRIGHT spot is - WE GOT THE BARBIE JEEP!)

(DEAR ABBY: I have two grandchildren. My first is a girl named "Skylar," and my second is a boy, "Dante." I raised two sons as a single mother and always had a house full of boys. Since Skylar was born, she has become my world. I take her everywhere with me, but my nerves just can't handle Dante. I am being criticized for treating my grandchildren differently and accused of being prejudiced. It may be true. But Skylar is very sweet, while Dante -- whom I do love -- is "all boy" and hard to handle.

Are my feelings due to the fact that Skylar is my first grandchild, or because she's the first girl in my life? Or am I just burned out on boys? I turn down dates to spend time with her. I'd rather spend the rest of my life with my granddaughter than any man on Earth.

Do other grandparents feel this way, or am I obsessed? -- SKYLAR'S NANA IN FLORIDA

DEAR NANA: They may feel similarly, but if they are intelligent, mature and caring, they conceal it better than you do.

Whether you choose to spend time with your grandchildren or an eligible man is your choice. But to make it obvious that you favor one child over the other is cruel, and the less-loved little one will recognize it, be hurt and resent it. )

Carolyn

We've gone co-op! Come and see our newest location at Black Diamond Antiques in the Schuylkill Mall, Frackville, PA!

'Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.It's already tomorrow in Australia ' ( Schultz)

-- Chris

-- Chris

[Guest guest]

Then I would ask the question, does he want to spend time with Olivia. As hard as it might be to hear than at least you aren't " guessing " that that is the case.Then your decisions are easy and based on facts.

I still hold out some hope that they are just afraid and might want to learn. Yes this is a hard conversation, but I have always believed that the hard questions need to be asked, I have operated on guesses and have been wrong to the detriment of myself and my family. I try not to do that anymore. 20 minutes of discomfort can easy years of not knowing.

Also sometimes when people are made to bring their fear and ignorance to the table they can change. Having him say that he doesn't want to spend time with Olivia and having it not be in his head and to you directly, might help.

Then of course it might do nothing at all, but at least you have answers.

Yes - it is so sad. He said it in such a *horrific* WAY though......like - it doesn't matter if they spend time w/Olivia....like she has no idea. They have NO LOVE in their hearts. I am convinced.

I am feeling very low. I need to surround myself with better people. You guys are WONDERFUL! I wish we all lived closer!

Thank you,

Carolyn

" People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it! "

~ Chas

-- Re: [DownSyndromeInfoExchange] My Parents and Olivia

First, I would ask why they choose to make these choices and try to understand their feelings. I've known people and even relatives that were frightened because they didn't understand whay DS was. In fact that is where most of this comes from a lack of understanding. You will need to be at your most calm as you ask this and I would suggest that you do it in person and not over the phone, I would also suggest you have your husband there. Some people want to just reject the source out of hand when maybe just a conversation might help " shed the light " on where this issue comes from.

After yo listen to their response and try not react before you get to the end of it. You will have some decisions to make. Firstly though I would listen to what the have to say and then you can make decisions. I've learned the hard way many times that things aren't always as I perceive them to be.

Just my 2 cents.Chris

Hi all,

I'm sure you all know how I struggle with my parents and their obvious favoritism of (age 10 - non-DS) and Olivia (age 4 - DS). I found a GREAT " Dear Abby " in my newspaper last night. I have included it for you below.

I hope that my parents saw it. I have recently decided to keep Olivia sheltered from them, as I want to protect her from rejection. There was a big family fight on Thanksgiving. DH and I wanted to shop the early-bird specials on Black Friday. Once again, we asked my parents to PLEASE watch BOTH kids so we could go, and they refused. They said they would only take .

We really wanted to get Olivia a Barbie Jeep at Wal-Mart (88.00!!!) and we could NOT take her with us at 4 am, so we had to drive her all the way to Scranton, PA so my in-laws could keep her overnight. This is a VERY typical scenario. No matter when we ask - no matter when we call - it's never a " good time " for them to see Olivia.

I am so sick of feeling emotionally drained over this situation. Olivia may face rejection in her life, but it will NOT START WITH HER OWN GRANDPARENTS.

They call and ask if they can take shopping, to dinner, to events, etc.... And they come and pick her up - BEEP the horn and never even peek in on Olivia.

I look at her and WONDER how can they ignore such a BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GIRL???? SHE IS A JOY.

It just makes me so sad.

DH and I have decided to let continue a relationship with them, however, we will keep Olivia to ourselves. She is only ever invited on birthdays and major holidays anyway. She is also brought out for church events when they want to make themselves LOOK GOOD.

(The BRIGHT spot is - WE GOT THE BARBIE JEEP!)

(DEAR ABBY: I have two grandchildren. My first is a girl named " Skylar, " and my second is a boy, " Dante. " I raised two sons as a single mother and always had a house full of boys. Since Skylar was born, she has become my world. I take her everywhere with me, but my nerves just can't handle Dante. I am being criticized for treating my grandchildren differently and accused of being prejudiced. It may be true. But Skylar is very sweet, while Dante -- whom I do love -- is " all boy " and hard to handle.

Are my feelings due to the fact that Skylar is my first grandchild, or because she's the first girl in my life? Or am I just burned out on boys? I turn down dates to spend time with her. I'd rather spend the rest of my life with my granddaughter than any man on Earth.

Do other grandparents feel this way, or am I obsessed? -- SKYLAR'S NANA IN FLORIDA

DEAR NANA: They may feel similarly, but if they are intelligent, mature and caring, they conceal it better than you do.

Whether you choose to spend time with your grandchildren or an eligible man is your choice. But to make it obvious that you favor one child over the other is cruel, and the less-loved little one will recognize it, be hurt and resent it. )

Carolyn

We've gone co-op! Come and see our newest location at Black Diamond Antiques in the Schuylkill Mall, Frackville, PA!

'Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.It's already tomorrow in Australia '

( Schultz)

-- Chris

-- Chris

-- Chris

[Guest guest]

My mom is like that too.. Big into guilt trips....I had to learn that lesson too...I have a service called" quiet time" . I pay five bucks a month for it.. but it comes free with some plans. It allows you to have 5 callers that " break through" any time.. but everyone else is sent to the voice box during particular hours. ( which you set) I have mine set from 8am -8 pm. Anyone calling after 8 pm might have an emergency.. I also have a cell.. that I only give out to those I want to hear from

Check your phone service.

Steph

Re: [DownSyndromeInfoExchange] My Parents and Olivia

First, I would ask why they choose to make these choices and try to understand their feelings. I've known people and even relatives that were frightened because they didn't understand whay DS was. In fact that is where most of this comes from a lack of understanding. You will need to be at your most calm as you ask this and I would suggest that you do it in person and not over the phone, I would also suggest you have your husband there. Some people want to just reject the source out of hand when maybe just a conversation might help "shed the light" on where this issue comes from. After yo listen to their response and try not react before you get to the end of it. You will have some decisions to make. Firstly though I would listen to what the have to say and then you can make decisions. I've learned the hard way many times that things aren't always as I perceive them to be. Just my 2 cents.Chris

On Wed, Dec 3, 2008 at 6:18 AM, M/M Kupinsky <vintageredroomwindstream (DOT) net> wrote:

Hi all,

I'm sure you all know how I struggle with my parents and their obvious favoritism of (age 10 - non-DS) and Olivia (age 4 - DS). I found a GREAT "Dear Abby" in my newspaper last night. I have included it for you below.

I hope that my parents saw it. I have recently decided to keep Olivia sheltered from them, as I want to protect her from rejection. There was a big family fight on Thanksgiving. DH and I wanted to shop the early-bird specials on Black Friday. Once again, we asked my parents to PLEASE watch BOTH kids so we could go, and they refused. They said they would only take .

We really wanted to get Olivia a Barbie Jeep at Wal-Mart (88.00!!!) and we could NOT take her with us at 4 am, so we had to drive her all the way to Scranton, PA so my in-laws could keep her overnight. This is a VERY typical scenario. No matter when we ask - no matter when we call - it's never a "good time" for them to see Olivia.

I am so sick of feeling emotionally drained over this situation. Olivia may face rejection in her life, but it will NOT START WITH HER OWN GRANDPARENTS.

They call and ask if they can take shopping, to dinner, to events, etc.... And they come and pick her up - BEEP the horn and never even peek in on Olivia.

I look at her and WONDER how can they ignore such a BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GIRL???? SHE IS A JOY.

It just makes me so sad.

DH and I have decided to let continue a relationship with them, however, we will keep Olivia to ourselves. She is only ever invited on birthdays and major holidays anyway. She is also brought out for church events when they want to make themselves LOOK GOOD.

(The BRIGHT spot is - WE GOT THE BARBIE JEEP!)

(DEAR ABBY: I have two grandchildren. My first is a girl named "Skylar," and my second is a boy, "Dante." I raised two sons as a single mother and always had a house full of boys. Since Skylar was born, she has become my world. I take her everywhere with me, but my nerves just can't handle Dante. I am being criticized for treating my grandchildren differently and accused of being prejudiced. It may be true. But Skylar is very sweet, while Dante -- whom I do love -- is "all boy" and hard to handle.

Are my feelings due to the fact that Skylar is my first grandchild, or because she's the first girl in my life? Or am I just burned out on boys? I turn down dates to spend time with her. I'd rather spend the rest of my life with my granddaughter than any man on Earth.

Do other grandparents feel this way, or am I obsessed? -- SKYLAR'S NANA IN FLORIDA

DEAR NANA: They may feel similarly, but if they are intelligent, mature and caring, they conceal it better than you do.

Whether you choose to spend time with your grandchildren or an eligible man is your choice. But to make it obvious that you favor one child over the other is cruel, and the less-loved little one will recognize it, be hurt and resent it. )

Carolyn

We've gone co-op! Come and see our newest location at Black Diamond Antiques in the Schuylkill Mall, Frackville, PA!

'Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.It's already tomorrow in Australia ' ( Schultz)

-- Chris

[Guest guest]

That is right…the other person to be very concerned about

is your older daughter..if she learns that it is ok to discriminate against

Olivia, that is not going to be good for her, either. What if someone in her

school treated Olivia the way your parents do….would you be accepting your

daughter having a relationship with them?

What your parents are doing is very wrong. Period. And, in the

end, you are not doing them any favors by accepting unacceptable behaviors. We

are supposed to honor and respect our parents, but I don’t believe that

we are supposed to just blindly accept whatever they do *if it is

wrong*. This is a hard situation for you, and I know it must hurt you

horribly to have your parents treat you and your family this way. Maybe you

can write them a letter…tell them that you love them, and because you

love them, you can’t allow them to keep treating you and your family the

way that they do…that it hurts you to see them treating Olivia with

such disrespect, because she does not deserve to be treated that way. (Carolyn,

YOU don’t deserve to be treated like that….a parent’s JOB is

to make sure that their kids know that they are loved…every kid makes

mistakes, but they should never have to feel like they have to EARN their

parents’ love.)a

The bottom line is this, I think: Even if you can’t

salvage a relationship with your parents, you need to let your older daughter

know that their behavior is unacceptable…that it is wrong to discriminate

against other people..for whatever reason, and that you, as a family, are going

to take a stand against it. You honestly will not be doing your older daughter

a favor to let her have relationship with her grandparents under these

circumstances, because you will be giving her the impression that it is ok to

treat Olivia as inferior (and get away with it.)

Remember….none of this is your ‘fault’. Your

parents made the decision to treat Olivia this way….you have given them 4

years to change, and they haven’t. Your job is to protect both of your

daughters, and if that means separating them from your parent’s hateful

and judgmental attitudes, so be it. And this may just be the push that your

parents need to see their behaviors for what they are….what you do know

for sure is that unless you say something, they will never change.

KathyR

From: DownSyndromeInfoExchange

[mailto:DownSyndromeInfoExchange ] On Behalf Of Kathy

Sent: Friday, December 05, 2008 6:38 AM

To: DownSyndromeInfoExchange

Subject: Re: [DownSyndromeInfoExchange] My Parents and Olivia

I

told the story of your parents to my 16 year old daughter - sister bear to

11 (DS) and she was outraged and said " NO WAY " would she have a

relationship with someone who didn't accept even if it was her

grandparents. So your older daughter will probably figure this out before

long. I don't think you want her to figure it out and come to you and ask

why you haven't done something.

If

your parents are very performance oriented as you say then that's a huge reason

why they don't accept your daughter, she can't perform up to their perfect

standards I guess. It's their loss of course, who better to teach them

unconditional love (giving and receiving!)

Kathy

-----

Original Message -----

From: M/M Kupinsky

To: DownSyndromeInfoExchange

Sent: Thursday, December

04, 2008 10:57 PM

Subject: Re:

[DownSyndromeInfoExchange] My Parents and Olivia

I am taking all of this

advice right to heart. Thank you so much.

My dad actually said,

" Olivia doesn't know where she is when she is anywhere anyway. "

when I asked him why she couldn't come for a sleep-over and

could. This horrific comment came from a person who has been a teacher

for 40 years.

It's a hopeless case. I

just have to get over the way I constantly strive for my parents' approval.

They have always been very hard on me. Nothing has ever been good

enough. If I got an A, they'd wonder why it wasn't an A+...won 2nd

place - why not first? I tend to be very hard on myself due to this.

The madness has got to END! My Mama Bear instinct supercedes EVERYTHING

though!!!

Hugs,

Carolyn

" People who say it cannot be done

should not interrupt those who are doing it! "

~ Chas

-------Original

Message-------

From: Mielke

Date: 12/4/2008 4:00:37 PM

To: DownSyndromeInfoExchange

Subject: Re: [DownSyndromeInfoExchange] My Parents and

Olivia

First, I would

ask why they choose to make these choices and try to understand their

feelings. I've known people and even relatives that were frightened

because they didn't understand whay DS was. In fact that is where most

of this comes from a lack of understanding. You will need to be at your

most calm as you ask this and I would suggest that you do it in person and

not over the phone, I would also suggest you have your husband there.

Some people want to just reject the source out of hand when maybe just a

conversation might help " shed the light " on where this issue comes

from.

After yo listen to their response and try not react before you get to the end

of it. You will have some decisions to make. Firstly though I

would listen to what the have to say and then you can make decisions.

I've learned the hard way many times that things aren't always as I perceive

them to be.

Just my 2 cents.

Chris

On Wed, Dec 3, 2008 at 6:18

AM, M/M Kupinsky

wrote:

Hi all,

I'm sure you all know

how I struggle with my parents and their obvious favoritism of

(age 10 - non-DS) and Olivia (age 4 - DS). I found a GREAT " Dear

Abby " in my newspaper last night. I have included it for you

below.

I hope that my parents

saw it. I have recently decided to keep Olivia sheltered from them, as I

want to protect her from rejection. There was a big family fight on

Thanksgiving. DH and I wanted to shop the early-bird specials on Black

Friday. Once again, we asked my parents to PLEASE watch BOTH kids so we

could go, and they refused. They said they would only take .

We really wanted to

get Olivia a Barbie Jeep at Wal-Mart (88.00!!!) and we could NOT take her

with us at 4 am, so we had to drive her all the way to Scranton, PA so my

in-laws could keep her overnight. This is a VERY typical scenario. No

matter when we ask - no matter when we call - it's never a " good

time " for them to see Olivia.

I am so sick of

feeling emotionally drained over this situation. Olivia may face rejection

in her life, but it will NOT START WITH HER OWN GRANDPARENTS.

They call and ask if

they can take shopping, to dinner, to events, etc.... And

they come and pick her up - BEEP the horn and never even peek in on Olivia.

I look at her and

WONDER how can they ignore such a BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GIRL???? SHE IS A JOY.

It just makes me so

sad.

DH and I have decided

to let continue a relationship with them, however, we will keep

Olivia to ourselves. She is only ever invited on birthdays and major

holidays anyway. She is also brought out for church events when they want

to make themselves LOOK GOOD.

(The BRIGHT spot is -

WE GOT THE BARBIE JEEP!)

(DEAR ABBY: I have two

grandchildren. My first is a girl named " Skylar, " and my second

is a boy, " Dante. " I raised two sons as a single mother and

always had a house full of boys. Since

Skylar was born, she has become my world. I take her everywhere with me,

but my nerves just can't handle Dante. I am being criticized for treating

my grandchildren differently and accused of being prejudiced. It may be

true. But Skylar is very sweet, while Dante -- whom I do love -- is

" all boy " and hard to handle.

Are my feelings due to the fact that

Skylar is my first grandchild, or because she's the first girl in my life?

Or am I just burned out on boys? I turn down dates to spend time with her.

I'd rather spend the rest of my life with my granddaughter than any man on

Earth.

Do other grandparents feel this way,

or am I obsessed? -- SKYLAR'S NANA IN FLORIDA

DEAR NANA: They may feel similarly,

but if they are intelligent, mature and caring, they conceal it better than

you do.

Whether you choose to spend time with your

grandchildren or an eligible man is your choice. But to make it obvious

that you favor one child over the other is cruel, and the less-loved little

one will recognize it, be hurt and resent it. )

Carolyn

We've gone co-op! Come and see our newest location at Black

Diamond Antiques in the Schuylkill Mall, Frackville, PA!

'Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.

It's already tomorrow in Australia '

( Schultz)

--

Chris

[Guest guest]

I understand your frustration!

I, too, have had this same sort of problem with family members.

However, with us, it is her dad that " chooses " not to be with her,

due to her " disability " .

Her father and I split up on Mothers Day, because in his words

he " just couldnt handle all of her issues anymore " .

He regularly gets my oldest daughter (which isnt even his biological

child) and has her stay the night, takes her to events, etc...

He is the one who is truely missing out....how sad for him.

However, I don't feel sorry for him, it is a choice he has made, and

will have to live with it the rest of his life.

Recently I have put my foot down, and he is not allowed to take my

oldest unless he takes Emma (2 yrs w/DS).

Courtnea, my oldest agreed that she does not want to go with her dad

unless he accepts her big sister, too.

I never gave Courtnea the credit she deserved until she stood up for

her sister to her dad!

I hope your parents wake up and smell the coffee, and SOON!

They are the ones truely missing out on your precious ones life.

They WILL regret it one day.

By the way, my name is Shanna, from Washington state. (Never properly

introduced myself, but had to add my 2 cents)

>

>

> Hi all,

>

> I'm sure you all know how I struggle with my parents and their

obvious

> favoritism of (age 10 - non-DS) and Olivia (age 4 - DS).

I found a

> GREAT " Dear Abby " in my newspaper last night. I have included it

for you

> below.

>

> I hope that my parents saw it. I have recently decided to keep

Olivia

> sheltered from them, as I want to protect her from rejection. There

was a

> big family fight on Thanksgiving. DH and I wanted to shop the early-

bird

> specials on Black Friday. Once again, we asked my parents to PLEASE

watch

> BOTH kids so we could go, and they refused. They said they would

only take

> .

>

> We really wanted to get Olivia a Barbie Jeep at Wal-Mart (88.00!!!)

and we

> could NOT take her with us at 4 am, so we had to drive her all the

way to

> Scranton, PA so my in-laws could keep her overnight. This is a VERY

typical

> scenario. No matter when we ask - no matter when we call - it's

never a

> good time " for them to see Olivia.

>

> I am so sick of feeling emotionally drained over this situation.

Olivia may

> face rejection in her life, but it will NOT START WITH HER OWN

GRANDPARENTS.

>

>

> They call and ask if they can take shopping, to dinner, to

events,

> etc.... And they come and pick her up - BEEP the horn and never

even peek

> in on Olivia.

>

> I look at her and WONDER how can they ignore such a BEAUTIFUL LITTLE

> GIRL???? SHE IS A JOY.

>

> It just makes me so sad.

>

> DH and I have decided to let continue a relationship with

them,

> however, we will keep Olivia to ourselves. She is only ever

invited on

> birthdays and major holidays anyway. She is also brought out for

church

> events when they want to make themselves LOOK GOOD.

>

> (The BRIGHT spot is - WE GOT THE BARBIE JEEP!)

>

>

>

>

>

> (DEAR ABBY: I have two grandchildren. My first is a girl

named " Skylar, " and

> my second is a boy, " Dante. " I raised two sons as a single mother

and always

> had a house full of boys. Since Skylar was born, she has become my

world. I

> take her everywhere with me, but my nerves just can't handle Dante.

I am

> being criticized for treating my grandchildren differently and

accused of

> being prejudiced. It may be true. But Skylar is very sweet, while

Dante --

> whom I do love -- is " all boy " and hard to handle.

> Are my feelings due to the fact that Skylar is my first grandchild,

or

> because she's the first girl in my life? Or am I just burned out on

boys? I

> turn down dates to spend time with her. I'd rather spend the rest

of my life

> with my granddaughter than any man on Earth.

> Do other grandparents feel this way, or am I obsessed? -- SKYLAR'S

NANA IN

> FLORIDA

> DEAR NANA: They may feel similarly, but if they are intelligent,

mature and

> caring, they conceal it better than you do.

> Whether you choose to spend time with your grandchildren or an

eligible man

> is your choice. But to make it obvious that you favor one child

over the

> other is cruel, and the less-loved little one will recognize it, be

hurt and

> resent it. )

>

>

> Carolyn

>

>

>

>

>

> We've gone co-op! Come and see our newest location at Black Diamond

Antiques

> in the Schuylkill Mall, Frackville, PA!

>

>

> 'Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.

> It's already tomorrow in Australia '

> ( Schultz)

>

[Guest guest]

All this made me think about the irish movie where a gramma despises her grandson with DS and in the end he is the only one who stays with her. It is called Not afraid, not afraid, with the excelent Diane Wiest. I dont know if anyine has seen it. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0250622/usercomments Pat blondediscreetsensual escreveu: I understand your frustration!I, too, have had

this same sort of problem with family members.However, with us, it is her dad that "chooses" not to be with her, due to her "disability".Her father and I split up on Mothers Day, because in his words he "just couldnt handle all of her issues anymore".He regularly gets my oldest daughter (which isnt even his biological child) and has her stay the night, takes her to events, etc...He is the one who is truely missing out....how sad for him. However, I don't feel sorry for him, it is a choice he has made, and will have to live with it the rest of his life.Recently I have put my foot down, and he is not allowed to take my oldest unless he takes Emma (2 yrs w/DS).Courtnea, my oldest agreed that she does not want to go with her dad unless he accepts her big sister, too.I never gave Courtnea the credit she deserved until she stood up for her sister to her dad!I hope your parents wake up and smell the coffee, and

SOON!They are the ones truely missing out on your precious ones life. They WILL regret it one day.By the way, my name is Shanna, from Washington state. (Never properly introduced myself, but had to add my 2 cents)>> > Hi all,> > I'm sure you all know how I struggle with my parents and their obvious> favoritism of (age 10 - non-DS) and Olivia (age 4 - DS). I found a> GREAT "Dear Abby" in my newspaper last night. I have included it for you> below.> > I hope that my parents saw it. I have recently decided to keep Olivia> sheltered from them, as I want to protect her from rejection. There was a> big family fight on Thanksgiving. DH and I wanted to shop the

early-bird> specials on Black Friday. Once again, we asked my parents to PLEASE watch> BOTH kids so we could go, and they refused. They said they would only take> .> > We really wanted to get Olivia a Barbie Jeep at Wal-Mart (88.00!!!) and we> could NOT take her with us at 4 am, so we had to drive her all the way to> Scranton, PA so my in-laws could keep her overnight. This is a VERY typical> scenario. No matter when we ask - no matter when we call - it's never a > good time" for them to see Olivia. > > I am so sick of feeling emotionally drained over this situation. Olivia may> face rejection in her life, but it will NOT START WITH HER OWN GRANDPARENTS.> > > They call and ask if they can take shopping, to dinner, to events,> etc.... And they come and pick her up - BEEP the horn and never even

peek> in on Olivia. > > I look at her and WONDER how can they ignore such a BEAUTIFUL LITTLE> GIRL???? SHE IS A JOY.> > It just makes me so sad.> > DH and I have decided to let continue a relationship with them,> however, we will keep Olivia to ourselves. She is only ever invited on> birthdays and major holidays anyway. She is also brought out for church> events when they want to make themselves LOOK GOOD. > > (The BRIGHT spot is - WE GOT THE BARBIE JEEP!) > > > > > > (DEAR ABBY: I have two grandchildren. My first is a girl named "Skylar," and> my second is a boy, "Dante." I raised two sons as a single mother and always> had a house full of boys. Since Skylar was born, she has become my world. I> take her everywhere with me, but my nerves just can't handle Dante. I am> being

criticized for treating my grandchildren differently and accused of> being prejudiced. It may be true. But Skylar is very sweet, while Dante --> whom I do love -- is "all boy" and hard to handle. > Are my feelings due to the fact that Skylar is my first grandchild, or> because she's the first girl in my life? Or am I just burned out on boys? I> turn down dates to spend time with her. I'd rather spend the rest of my life> with my granddaughter than any man on Earth. > Do other grandparents feel this way, or am I obsessed? -- SKYLAR'S NANA IN> FLORIDA > DEAR NANA: They may feel similarly, but if they are intelligent, mature and> caring, they conceal it better than you do. > Whether you choose to spend time with your grandchildren or an eligible man> is your choice. But to make it obvious that you favor one child over the> other is cruel, and the

less-loved little one will recognize it, be hurt and> resent it. )> > > Carolyn > > > > > > We've gone co-op! Come and see our newest location at Black Diamond Antiques> in the Schuylkill Mall, Frackville, PA! > > > 'Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.> It's already tomorrow in Australia ' > ( Schultz)>

Veja quais são os assuntos do momento no Yahoo! + Buscados: Top 10 - Celebridades - Música - Esportes

[Guest guest]

Carolyn you can stop the madness and the hurt will fade Im sure of it…..You can work through this

but I just COULD NOT let go….in the end it IS your choice

but for ME…. would

not go…..and especially

after that comment! What is wrong with these people???? I know they are your

parents and its obvious after how hard they’ve been on you…..nothing is good enough??

Well neither is Olivia going to be…SCREW THAT! I know the mama bear instinct and I

totallyyyyy lose it when it comes to Sydnie!

Again Im sorry you are hurting….

~Angie~

http://www.iGive.com/sydnies1soldiers

~~DREAM BIG~~

An extra little

chromosome,

that's

all it is, you see.

Where

all of you were born with two,

She was

blessed with three.

From: DownSyndromeInfoExchange [mailto:DownSyndromeInfoExchange ] On Behalf Of M/M Kupinsky

Sent: Thursday, December 04, 2008

10:57 PM

To: DownSyndromeInfoExchange

Subject: Re:

[DownSyndromeInfoExchange] My Parents and Olivia

I am taking all of this advice right to heart. Thank

you so much.

My dad actually said, " Olivia doesn't know

where she is when she is anywhere anyway. " when I asked him why she

couldn't come for a sleep-over and could. This horrific

comment came from a person who has been a teacher for 40 years.

It's a hopeless case. I just have to get over the

way I constantly strive for my parents' approval. They have always been very

hard on me. Nothing has ever been good enough. If I got an A, they'd wonder

why it wasn't an A+...won 2nd place - why not first? I tend to be very

hard on myself due to this. The madness has got to END! My Mama Bear

instinct supercedes EVERYTHING though!!!

Hugs,

Carolyn

" People who say it cannot be done should not

interrupt those who are doing it! "

~ Chas

-- Re: [DownSyndromeInfoExchange] My

Parents and Olivia

First, I would ask why they choose to make these

choices and try to understand their feelings. I've known people and

even relatives that were frightened because they didn't understand whay DS

was. In fact that is where most of this comes from a lack of

understanding. You will need to be at your most calm as you ask this

and I would suggest that you do it in person and not over the phone, I would

also suggest you have your husband there. Some people want to just

reject the source out of hand when maybe just a conversation might help

" shed the light " on where this issue comes from.

After yo listen to their response and try not react before you get to the end

of it. You will have some decisions to make. Firstly though I

would listen to what the have to say and then you can make decisions.

I've learned the hard way many times that things aren't always as I perceive

them to be.

Just my 2 cents.

Chris

On Wed, Dec 3, 2008 at 6:18 AM, M/M Kupinsky <vintageredroomwindstream (DOT) net>

wrote:

Hi all,

I'm sure you all know how I

struggle with my parents and their obvious favoritism of (age 10 -

non-DS) and Olivia (age 4 - DS). I found a GREAT " Dear

Abby " in my newspaper last night. I have included it for you

below.

I hope that my parents saw it. I

have recently decided to keep Olivia sheltered from them, as I want to

protect her from rejection. There was a big family fight on Thanksgiving.

DH and I wanted to shop the early-bird specials on Black Friday. Once

again, we asked my parents to PLEASE watch BOTH kids so we could go, and

they refused. They said they would only take .

We really wanted to get Olivia a

Barbie Jeep at Wal-Mart (88.00!!!) and we could NOT take her with us at 4

am, so we had to drive her all the way to Scranton, PA

so my in-laws could keep her overnight. This is a VERY typical

scenario. No matter when we ask - no matter when we call - it's never

a " good time " for them to see Olivia.

I am so sick of feeling

emotionally drained over this situation. Olivia may face rejection in her

life, but it will NOT START WITH HER OWN GRANDPARENTS.

They call and ask if they can

take shopping, to dinner, to events, etc.... And they come

and pick her up - BEEP the horn and never even peek in on Olivia.

I look at her and WONDER how can

they ignore such a BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GIRL???? SHE IS A JOY.

It just makes me so sad.

DH and I have decided to let

continue a relationship with them, however, we will keep Olivia to

ourselves. She is only ever invited on birthdays and major holidays

anyway. She is also brought out for church events when they want to make

themselves LOOK GOOD.

(The BRIGHT spot is - WE GOT THE

BARBIE JEEP!)

(DEAR ABBY: I have two

grandchildren. My first is a girl named " Skylar, " and my second

is a boy, " Dante. " I raised two sons as a single mother and

always had a house full of boys. Since

Skylar was born, she has become my world. I take her everywhere with me,

but my nerves just can't handle Dante. I am being criticized for treating

my grandchildren differently and accused of being prejudiced. It may be

true. But Skylar is very sweet, while Dante -- whom I do love -- is

" all boy " and hard to handle.

Are my feelings due to the fact that Skylar is my first

grandchild, or because she's the first girl in my life? Or am I just burned

out on boys? I turn down dates to spend time with her. I'd rather spend the

rest of my life with my granddaughter than any man on Earth.

Do other grandparents feel this way, or am I obsessed? --

SKYLAR'S NANA IN FLORIDA

DEAR NANA: They may feel similarly, but if they are

intelligent, mature and caring, they conceal it better than you do.

Whether you choose to spend time with your grandchildren

or an eligible man is your choice. But to make it obvious that you favor

one child over the other is cruel, and the less-loved little one will recognize

it, be hurt and resent it. )

Carolyn

We've gone co-op! Come and see our newest location at

Black Diamond Antiques in the Schuylkill Mall, Frackville, PA!

'Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.

It's already tomorrow in Australia

'

( Schultz)

--

Chris

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