Re: How to tell spouse

[Guest guest]

It is definitely a tough one. It would be a very unique person who didn't have hurt feelings after hearing that something they do brings on such strong, negative feelings.

I would suggest explaining the nature of 4S and maybe introduce him to the group or at least let him read some of the postings. Let him know you have suffered with this in the past with other people or other situations. I don't personally know anyone who has this condition and would venture to say most of us do not have anyone close to us - outside of a another family member possibly that does. It is very easy to feel all alone with this problem.

I would couch it in terms such as, 'when I hear lip smacking or swallowing it really bothers me' etc. Try to lay it out in terms that don't single him out so much. Slowly lead into the things that bother you that HE does so that the conversation might come to a natural conclusion. As natural as it could possibly be with this idiotic condition we have. : )

Feel free to email me anytime and good luck. I have gone through this with my wife and it is really tough. I totally understand the maintaining 'face' when company is around. I am often grumpy in those situations and I know it is subtly off-putting to company. They can tell when something is up.

That's all for now. I am off to have sushi with my lovely wife in a noisy sushi bar with a few tumblers of sake!

-RB

Subject: How to tell spouseTo: Soundsensitivity Date: Saturday, November 29, 2008, 12:13 PM

I have noticed that many of the posts concern a problem that I share. My husband is the one whose sounds annoy me terribly. Question for the people who share this problem, have you ever discussed this with your spouse, or other family member whose sounds drive you crazy?? How to bring up the subject- tactfully... This is quite a problem for me. This Thanksgiving day was very stressful as we were together a lot. He helped fix the food and was snacking and talking and when he does this, he generates a lot of the sounds I react terribly to. Trying to look and act normal with lots of family and company put me in a terrible mood and i wanted to run away, even though I was with my darling grandbabies. ... Any suggestions?

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I have brought this up with my family members a long time ago,

they were always wondering why I was in such a bad mood or leaving the dinner

table or glaring. To bring this up I sat them down and started talking about

4S, I mentioned what it makes me feel and what the trigger noises are, I

expressed a lot that I was not angry at the person ( even though I was) it was

the noises that got to me and I understood to them they are just that normal

noises, but to me they are a world of pain, I expressed my discomfort and even

more so by having to bring this up and ask them to please keep in mind a

little more consideration when I am in the room.

This type of talk continued over a few weeks, and each time I

felt pretty terrible about it, about almost controlling their lives but in the

end it has helped me a lot. Some days though, I wish I had not said anything

because then they are always watching out, I sometimes like that less....

From: Soundsensitivity

[mailto:Soundsensitivity ] On Behalf Of lsalin

Sent: Sunday, 30 November 2008 7:14 AM

To: Soundsensitivity

Subject: How to tell spouse

I have noticed that many of the posts concern a

problem that I share.

My husband is the one whose sounds annoy me terribly. Question for the

people who share this problem, have you ever discussed this with your

spouse, or other family member whose sounds drive you crazy?? How to

bring up the subject- tactfully...

This is quite a problem for me. This Thanksgiving day was very

stressful as we were together a lot. He helped fix the food and was

snacking and talking and when he does this, he generates a lot of the

sounds I react terribly to. Trying to look and act normal with lots of

family and company put me in a terrible mood and i wanted to run away,

even though I was with my darling grandbabies.... Any suggestions?

[Guest guest]

Hi . I understand what you are going through! My husband

luckily is a very polite eater, but as you know even they can get the

best of us! I have mentioned to him about how I have had this

problem for years and years and unfortunately he doesn't get it and

thinks I " let " the sounds bother me. This makes me irate! But, he

does try to not make much noise with eating, etc... so I know he's at

least thinking about me a bit

I would suggest you just be honest with him and tell him that there

is something you want to discuss but you are unsure of what he will

think of it. But be firm that this is indeed a REAL medical

problem. Tell him about this website, the fact that Dr. has

been studying this for so long, the fact that the NIH is possibly

getting involved and even see a doctor if you already haven't. In

the end, he will probably be a bit put out at the fact that he drives

you mad sometimes (who wouldn't) but he needs to understand that it's

not your fault... it's not his fault either. I've learned that I

can't make my husband NOT make me angry with sounds and I've accepted

that. He's normal, I am not. LOL. I do expect him to help me with

this though and he's getting better. All you can do is try to

explain it to him and the rest is up to him. Good luck!

Darlene

>

> I have noticed that many of the posts concern a problem that I

share.

> My husband is the one whose sounds annoy me terribly. Question for

the

> people who share this problem, have you ever discussed this with

your

> spouse, or other family member whose sounds drive you crazy?? How

to

> bring up the subject- tactfully...

> This is quite a problem for me. This Thanksgiving day was very

> stressful as we were together a lot. He helped fix the food and was

> snacking and talking and when he does this, he generates a lot of

the

> sounds I react terribly to. Trying to look and act normal with lots

of

> family and company put me in a terrible mood and i wanted to run

away,

> even though I was with my darling grandbabies.... Any suggestions?

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I think it's a good idea to find something that really irrates them. My husband hates to be tickled! I said to him take that feeling and multiply it by 10 and that's how I feel with the trigger sounds and movements - jiggly legs, feet, twirling hair! He probably would hit someone if they tickled him - his Uncle years ago used to tickle him when he was a kid to play him up.

Hope this helps!

To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Sunday, November 30, 2008 4:31:10 AMSubject: Re: How to tell spouse

Hi . I understand what you are going through! My husband luckily is a very polite eater, but as you know even they can get the best of us! I have mentioned to him about how I have had this problem for years and years and unfortunately he doesn't get it and thinks I "let" the sounds bother me. This makes me irate! But, he does try to not make much noise with eating, etc... so I know he's at least thinking about me a bit I would suggest you just be honest with him and tell him that there is something you want to discuss but you are unsure of what he will think of it. But be firm that this is indeed a REAL medical problem. Tell him about this website, the fact that Dr. has been studying this for so long, the fact that the NIH is possibly getting involved and even see a doctor if you already haven't. In the end, he will probably be a bit put out at the fact that he drives you mad

sometimes (who wouldn't) but he needs to understand that it's not your fault... it's not his fault either. I've learned that I can't make my husband NOT make me angry with sounds and I've accepted that. He's normal, I am not. LOL. I do expect him to help me with this though and he's getting better. All you can do is try to explain it to him and the rest is up to him. Good luck!Darlene>> I have noticed that many of the posts concern a problem that I share. > My husband is the one whose sounds annoy me terribly. Question for the > people who share this problem, have you ever discussed this with your > spouse, or other family member whose sounds drive you crazy?? How

to > bring up the subject- tactfully... > This is quite a problem for me. This Thanksgiving day was very > stressful as we were together a lot. He helped fix the food and was > snacking and talking and when he does this, he generates a lot of the > sounds I react terribly to. Trying to look and act normal with lots of > family and company put me in a terrible mood and i wanted to run away, > even though I was with my darling grandbabies. ... Any suggestions?> > >

[Guest guest]

Thanks to everyone who has given me very good advice. My husband is

very touchy, he does know from a long time ago that the noises he

makes bother me, I like 's point about saying that doesn't

single out him alone as the sole source of the noises that bother me-

also I like the idea of showing him some of the posts where people

talk about their spouse or loved one who makes the noises. ,

you mentioned you are going to have sushi and drink sake,,,, maybe a

little alcohol would help!! (HAHA I am not a drinker due to a bladder

problem unfortunately)

- In Soundsensitivity , Balch

wrote:

>

> It is definitely a tough one. It would be a very unique person who

didn't have hurt feelings after hearing that something they do brings

on such strong, negative feelings.

> I would suggest explaining the nature of 4S and maybe introduce him

to the group or at least let him read some of the postings. Let him

know you have suffered with this in the past with other people or

other situations. I don't personally know anyone who has this

condition and would venture to say most of us do not have anyone

close to us - outside of a another family member possibly that does.

It is very easy to feel all alone with this problem.

> I would couch it in terms such as, 'when I hear lip smacking or

swallowing it really bothers me' etc. Try to lay it out in terms that

don't single him out so much. Slowly lead into the things that bother

you that HE does so that the conversation might come to a natural

conclusion. As natural as it could possibly be with this idiotic

condition we have. : )

>  

> Feel free to email me anytime and good luck. I have gone through

this with my wife and it is really tough. I totally understand the

maintaining 'face' when company is around. I am often grumpy in those

situations and I know it is subtly off-putting to company. They can

tell when something is up.

>  

> That's all for now. I am off to have sushi with my lovely wife in a

noisy sushi bar with a few tumblers of sake!

>  

> -RB

>

>

>

>

> Subject: How to tell spouse

> To: Soundsensitivity

> Date: Saturday, November 29, 2008, 12:13 PM

>

>

>

>

>

>

> I have noticed that many of the posts concern a problem that I

share.

> My husband is the one whose sounds annoy me terribly. Question for

the

> people who share this problem, have you ever discussed this with

your

> spouse, or other family member whose sounds drive you crazy?? How

to

> bring up the subject- tactfully...

> This is quite a problem for me. This Thanksgiving day was very

> stressful as we were together a lot. He helped fix the food and was

> snacking and talking and when he does this, he generates a lot of

the

> sounds I react terribly to. Trying to look and act normal with lots

of

> family and company put me in a terrible mood and i wanted to run

away,

> even though I was with my darling grandbabies. ... Any suggestions?

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

As a matter of fact, my husband HATES the sound of someone cracking

their gum. One time we were seated at a concert and the person next

to him was cracking her gum. I changed seats with him, as it did not

bother me but it drove him mad!!

-

-- In Soundsensitivity ,

wrote:

>

> I think it's a good idea to find something that really irrates

them.  My husband hates to be tickled!  I said to him take that

feeling and multiply it by 10 and that's how I feel with the trigger

sounds and movements - jiggly legs, feet, twirling hair!  He probably

would hit someone if they tickled him - his Uncle years ago used to

tickle him when he was a kid to play him up.

>

> Hope this helps!

>

>

>

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: Soundsensitivity

> Sent: Sunday, November 30, 2008 4:31:10 AM

> Subject: Re: How to tell spouse

>

>

> Hi . I understand what you are going through! My husband

> luckily is a very polite eater, but as you know even they can get

the

> best of us! I have mentioned to him about how I have had this

> problem for years and years and unfortunately he doesn't get it and

> thinks I " let " the sounds bother me. This makes me irate! But, he

> does try to not make much noise with eating, etc... so I know he's

at

> least thinking about me a bit

>

> I would suggest you just be honest with him and tell him that there

> is something you want to discuss but you are unsure of what he will

> think of it. But be firm that this is indeed a REAL medical

> problem. Tell him about this website, the fact that Dr. has

> been studying this for so long, the fact that the NIH is possibly

> getting involved and even see a doctor if you already haven't. In

> the end, he will probably be a bit put out at the fact that he

drives

> you mad sometimes (who wouldn't) but he needs to understand that

it's

> not your fault... it's not his fault either. I've learned that I

> can't make my husband NOT make me angry with sounds and I've

accepted

> that.. He's normal, I am not. LOL. I do expect him to help me with

> this though and he's getting better. All you can do is try to

> explain it to him and the rest is up to him. Good luck!

>

> Darlene

>

>

> >

> > I have noticed that many of the posts concern a problem that I

> share.

> > My husband is the one whose sounds annoy me terribly. Question

for

> the

> > people who share this problem, have you ever discussed this with

> your

> > spouse, or other family member whose sounds drive you crazy?? How

> to

> > bring up the subject- tactfully...

> > This is quite a problem for me. This Thanksgiving day was very

> > stressful as we were together a lot. He helped fix the food and

was

> > snacking and talking and when he does this, he generates a lot of

> the

> > sounds I react terribly to. Trying to look and act normal with

lots

> of

> > family and company put me in a terrible mood and i wanted to run

> away,

> > even though I was with my darling grandbabies. ... Any

suggestions?

> >

> >

> >

>