It happened to me: I decided to keep my Down's baby

[Guest guest]

By Tessa

Cunningham

Last updated at 12:01 AM on 22nd November 2008

Last year, Frances Dine, 39, discovered that her unborn baby had Down's

syndrome. Frances, who works for the Environment Agency, lives in Leeds with

her husband, , 35, a computer programmer, their daughter , five months,

and Frances' first child, Holly, 15.

Every morning I wake with a surge of joy, knowing I have the greatest treat

in store. I tiptoe out of bed and bend over the Moses basket where is

sleeping. Without fail, she opens her eyes and grins the hugest smile in the

world and, without fail, my heart lurches with a mixture of love and passionate

protectiveness.

was born with Down's syndrome, and while I know her life is likely to

be tougher than for 'normal' children, I will do all in my power to smooth her

way in life. She deserves it.

When I married my second husband, , two years ago, we knew we wanted

children, so I was ecstatic when I fell pregnant in September last year.

Waiting for to come home from work to tell him the news seemed like an

eternity. He was every bit as excited as I was.

and Frances: Every time she sees her little girl's

smile, Frances knows she made the right decision

We told Holly, who was thrilled, but decided to wait until after I had my

first scan at 12 weeks before telling anyone else, although we didn't foresee

any problems. But, as the ultrasound operator at the hospital passed the

machine over my tummy, she paused.

'I've got some bad news,' she explained. 'I think there's a problem with

your baby.' I was so shocked I couldn't breathe. clutched my hand. All I

remember is being told that the space in the tissue at the back of our baby's

neck (the nuchal fold) was thicker than normal. This indicates a chromosome

disorder such as Down's. It was a Friday, so she made an appointment for us to

see the consultant the following Monday. 'He will explain your options,' she

said.

I don't know how we got out of the hospital. We sat in the car, clinging to

each other and howling our eyes out. We'd expected a perfect baby.

The words 'Down's syndrome' thumped in my head. What did it mean? What would

our baby look like? What problems would our baby have? But as I tried to make

sense of the news, I suddenly realised that, whatever was wrong with our baby,

it didn't really matter. I would love her whatever. felt exactly the same.

It was like a light bulb going on.

It had simply never occurred to me to worry about our baby not being perfect

and what I would do about it. But now that I was suddenly in this situation, I

knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that I didn't want any further tests to

determine whether or not our baby had Down's, especially as they carry a small

but very real risk of causing a miscarriage.

We weren't going to terminate the pregnancy whatever the diagnosis. Knowing

that we would welcome our baby, perfect or not, there was no point doing

further tests. I'm not a Christian, so I wasn't guided by any religious faith.

But, once I knew I was pregnant, I had an overwhelming sense that and I

had made this baby, and we would love her whatever. Even though was only a

collection of cells at that stage, she was still my baby. We had created her

and we had responsibility for her.

So that night and I rang our family and friends and told them our news.

I was pregnant, and our baby would probably be born with Down's syndrome. To

their credit, everyone took their cue from us. I didn't sense any negative

vibes.

We also told Holly. I wasn't sure how she'd react - whether she'd be worried

or embarrassed to have a sibling with Down's syndrome. In fact, she was so

excited at the prospect of being a big sister, she didn't really take in the

fact there might be problems.

The next few weeks were hard. I didn't know anyone with a Down's I didn't

really know what I was letting myself in for. We did some research and

discovered that Down's children vary massively in terms of their health and

developmental problems.

Knowing we had no way of predicting the outcome made it easier for us to

relax. Besides, if I'm totally honest, there was a tiny part of me that still

hoped the doctors might have got it wrong.

So when was born on May 22 this year, weighing 5lbs 15oz, I was frantic

to see her little face. She was gorgeous - with a shock of brown hair. But did

she have Down's or didn't she? At first I wasn't sure. But then held her.

He looked down at her with such tenderness that, in that instant, I knew she

had Down's.

While I cuddled , rang everyone to tell them the news. If their joy

was muted, nobody let on. Holly knows a child with Down's at school, and while

she feels that no one would choose to have a child with a disability, because

of the problems they face, she loves and accepts as a proper sister. ,

who has no experience of other babies, is utterly convinced that is the

best thing since sliced bread.

When she was born, doctors feared, like many Down's babies, she might have a

hole in her heart. But in June, on 's birthday, he got the best present

ever, when it was confirmed she is fine.

We don't intend to have any more children. will always need a lot of

attention, and I don't want her to feel she has to compete with a 'normal'

child. Part of me is actually delighted that she is going to need me for much

longer than most children.

is six months old, but she already has a strong personality. She is a

very determined soul and loves attention. Naturally, I worry about the future.

When we are no longer here to look after her, is it fair to expect Holly to

take over?

I hope will find her own place in a world that isn't always accepting

of anyone who's different. So far, the people who've stopped to admire her when

I'm out, seem oblivious to there being a problem. But as she gets older, the

Down's features will be more obvious.

Down's syndrome children tend to reach each milestone such as walking and

talking at a later age than other children, But we see progress every day. And,

if anything, we are even more excited because each change is so gradual.

Everyone says they want a perfect baby but, as I've learnt, real life isn't

like that. is no less loved and no less lovable for not being perfect. She

is just the way she is. Her Down's syndrome helps make her the person she is.

It certainly doesn't make her less of a person.

Born With Downs, Radio 4, Monday, 8pm.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1088344/It-happened-I-decided-Downs-baby.html

[Guest guest]

This is a lovely article but I still have difficulty with the notion of getting clapped on the back for "choosing" to continue with the pregnancy.

Guess my pro-life slip is showing :-)

[DownSyndromeInfoExchange] It happened to me: I decided to keep my Down's baby

By Tessa CunninghamLast updated at 12:01 AM on 22nd November 2008

Last year, Frances Dine, 39, discovered that her unborn baby had Down's syndrome. Frances, who works for the Environment Agency, lives in Leeds with her husband, , 35, a computer programmer, their daughter , five months, and Frances' first child, Holly, 15.

Every morning I wake with a surge of joy, knowing I have the greatest treat in store. I tiptoe out of bed and bend over the Moses basket where is sleeping. Without fail, she opens her eyes and grins the hugest smile in the world and, without fail, my heart lurches with a mixture of love and passionate protectiveness.

was born with Down's syndrome, and while I know her life is likely to be tougher than for 'normal' children, I will do all in my power to smooth her way in life. She deserves it.

When I married my second husband, , two years ago, we knew we wanted children, so I was ecstatic when I fell pregnant in September last year. Waiting for to come home from work to tell him the news seemed like an eternity. He was every bit as excited as I was.

and Frances: Every time she sees her little girl's smile, Frances knows she made the right decision

We told Holly, who was thrilled, but decided to wait until after I had my first scan at 12 weeks before telling anyone else, although we didn't foresee any problems. But, as the ultrasound operator at the hospital passed the machine over my tummy, she paused.

'I've got some bad news,' she explained. 'I think there's a problem with your baby.' I was so shocked I couldn't breathe. clutched my hand. All I remember is being told that the space in the tissue at the back of our baby's neck (the nuchal fold) was thicker than normal. This indicates a chromosome disorder such as Down's. It was a Friday, so she made an appointment for us to see the consultant the following Monday. 'He will explain your options,' she said.

I don't know how we got out of the hospital. We sat in the car, clinging to each other and howling our eyes out. We'd expected a perfect baby.

The words 'Down's syndrome' thumped in my head. What did it mean? What would our baby look like? What problems would our baby have? But as I tried to make sense of the news, I suddenly realised that, whatever was wrong with our baby, it didn't really matter. I would love her whatever. felt exactly the same. It was like a light bulb going on.

It had simply never occurred to me to worry about our baby not being perfect and what I would do about it. But now that I was suddenly in this situation, I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that I didn't want any further tests to determine whether or not our baby had Down's, especially as they carry a small but very real risk of causing a miscarriage.

We weren't going to terminate the pregnancy whatever the diagnosis. Knowing that we would welcome our baby, perfect or not, there was no point doing further tests. I'm not a Christian, so I wasn't guided by any religious faith. But, once I knew I was pregnant, I had an overwhelming sense that and I had made this baby, and we would love her whatever. Even though was only a collection of cells at that stage, she was still my baby. We had created her and we had responsibility for her.

So that night and I rang our family and friends and told them our news. I was pregnant, and our baby would probably be born with Down's syndrome. To their credit, everyone took their cue from us. I didn't sense any negative vibes.

We also told Holly. I wasn't sure how she'd react - whether she'd be worried or embarrassed to have a sibling with Down's syndrome. In fact, she was so excited at the prospect of being a big sister, she didn't really take in the fact there might be problems.

The next few weeks were hard. I didn't know anyone with a Down's I didn't really know what I was letting myself in for. We did some research and discovered that Down's children vary massively in terms of their health and developmental problems.

Knowing we had no way of predicting the outcome made it easier for us to relax. Besides, if I'm totally honest, there was a tiny part of me that still hoped the doctors might have got it wrong.

So when was born on May 22 this year, weighing 5lbs 15oz, I was frantic to see her little face. She was gorgeous - with a shock of brown hair. But did she have Down's or didn't she? At first I wasn't sure. But then held her. He looked down at her with such tenderness that, in that instant, I knew she had Down's.

While I cuddled , rang everyone to tell them the news. If their joy was muted, nobody let on. Holly knows a child with Down's at school, and while she feels that no one would choose to have a child with a disability, because of the problems they face, she loves and accepts as a proper sister. , who has no experience of other babies, is utterly convinced that is the best thing since sliced bread.

When she was born, doctors feared, like many Down's babies, she might have a hole in her heart. But in June, on 's birthday, he got the best present ever, when it was confirmed she is fine.

We don't intend to have any more children. will always need a lot of attention, and I don't want her to feel she has to compete with a 'normal' child. Part of me is actually delighted that she is going to need me for much longer than most children.

is six months old, but she already has a strong personality. She is a very determined soul and loves attention. Naturally, I worry about the future. When we are no longer here to look after her, is it fair to expect Holly to take over?

I hope will find her own place in a world that isn't always accepting of anyone who's different. So far, the people who've stopped to admire her when I'm out, seem oblivious to there being a problem. But as she gets older, the Down's features will be more obvious.

Down's syndrome children tend to reach each milestone such as walking and talking at a later age than other children, But we see progress every day. And, if anything, we are even more excited because each change is so gradual.

Everyone says they want a perfect baby but, as I've learnt, real life isn't like that. is no less loved and no less lovable for not being perfect. She is just the way she is. Her Down's syndrome helps make her the person she is. It certainly doesn't make her less of a person.

Born With Downs, Radio 4, Monday, 8pm.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1088344/It-happened-I-decided-Downs-baby.html