Re: Re: gum incident--suggestions welcome

[Guest guest]

Hi Sonya,I'm glad that you have decided to confront your coworker directly. I had an almost identical situation at work...I completely understand how you feel and share your frustration in not understanding how people can just "forget" to not chew gum or do something that their boss has asked them. Just keep in mind that they are not as sensitive to the chewing as we are so they probably don't even think about it...as crazy as that sounds to us.BTW - are you allowed to have music on at your cube? I used to keep a radio on low playing my favorite station/music and this used to help immensely. It keeps your subconscious mind busy so that it's harder for it to keep track of any other noises. It's soothing and calming also...just a

thought.Good luck on Monday )andraTo: Soundsensitivity Sent: Sunday, November 23, 2008 11:47:09 AMSubject: RE: Re: gum incident--suggestions welcome

Thanks to all who responded to my request for suggestions. I appreciate being able to consider all the different approaches from direct confrontation to using humor. I also feel validated in that I am not just being paranoid by feeling that my coworker could be intentionally trying to get a rise out of me. I appreciate having my situation framed in such a way that it took restraint on my part not to react by going bonkers and thus making things worse. It is important to be reminded that although being in a sound/visual situation feels bad, that there is a victory there too. I am so glad that I have this group to remind me of that!! I am so happy to hear that there are workplaces out there where gum chewing is banned--it should not take people sticking their gum on their seats to get it banned though!

I am glad I was able to read your comments before speaking with my boss yesterday. Just knowing there were others that understood me helped me stay focused. The conversation went pretty well. I asked my boss exactly what he said to my coworker about the gum chewing--I really wanted to make sure that he asked her not to chew gum around me before saying anything to her. He confirmed that he requested that she not chew gum around me and told me that she probably just forgot. I told him that it is a little out of the ordinary to have your boss request you not do something and then just forget. I made it clear to him that I did not want to stay in my current cube and asked him what I was supposed to think. I told him that if he asked me to come into his office and requested that I not eat carrots because it bothered someone, than he could darn well count on the fact that I would not "forget". Sure people have habits and some things led themselves to being forgotten. For example--if someone did something about of habit like biting their nails (yes I have an aversion to that too) and they were told not to do that anymore, I could understand them reverting back to that habit. But sticking a piece of gum in your mouth is pretty black and white. Anyways--the conversation went pretty well--I tend to repeat myself a lot and ask a lot of questions about reasonable behavior (OCD problem) when I am discussing sound problems, but I caught myself doing that with my boss and kept it short. By the way, if anyone else has this problem about getting over focused on a topic, I would like to mention that through cognitive behavior therapy, I have made great improvements in this area. My boss offered to talk to my coworker again, but I said that I want to do it. I am going to read in my Cognitive Behavior Therapy for Dummies book this weekend and meditate to make sure that I am in the best frame of mind possible. I am glad my boss knows ahead of time though, in case it does not go well. Many months ago, before I asked my boss to say something to her, I had a dream in which I confronted her, and it did not go well in the dream at all! Last night I had a dream, in which I moved my computer monitor somewhere else in my cube and I had some good sounds coming from near where my coworker sits and it was like I was in my own world--it was very peaceful.

I will let you know what happens on Monday. I also will have my second appointment with my occupational therapist. Six visits a year are now covered under my insurance!

Re: gum incident--suggestio ns welcomeThe fact you didn't go bonkers on her right then and there proves how strong you are! I would have strangled her. LOL. It sounds like she is a manipulative person if she knew that it bothered you and deliberately showed you her gum. It always bothers me more when it's someone who KNOWS my problem but doesn't give a crap. I understand that gum is almost a necesity in most people's lives and that's fine. I don't hold it against them for wanting to chew gum, but when they do things manipulatively and to spite me thats when the boxing gloves go on! LOL! 4S is interesting because it really plays with your mind. Sometimes you think people are making that sound to make you mad on purpose even if you've never met that person and they have no clue about your 4S. It's horrid. Maybe you should talk to her about it and ask her to please not chew gum. If she gives you a hard time about it then maybe talk to your boss since it sounds like he 's told people to not chew gum already. Don't give up and don't give in to the mind games. It sounds like you won that battle because you stayed calm and walked away from it!>> Hello all> > If you read my last post, you know that I believe you can get better or> worse depending on the type of exposure you are exposed to. I believe that> forced exposure makes you worse while exposure you take on yourself can> build your confidence and decrease your limitations.> > Here's the thing, with chewing gum, I have gotten a lot worse because of> forced exposure at work. Now even the site or smell of someone chewing gum> will generate strong negative feelings in me. I now work at home half the> time and when I am in the office, I feel the most threatened by the people> near me chewing gum. I have had recent triggers of smelling the gum. HR> and management know that because everyone around me chewed gum when they> were supposed to make sure that did not happen eroded my trust and what> started out as a sound problem now has become a full blown phobia. I have> suspected for weeks that the person next to me who has admitted being> manipulative has been chewing gum on the sly. My boss told her not to chew> gum at work and to suck on mints instead. So I have thoughts about him> really telling her just to hide it better from me or of her thinking that> she can do it on the sly. Well today when we were talking--it really looked> like she was chewing gum, but I still thought there could be a possibility> of her sucking a mint (not as offensive to me). So anyways she walks by me> later and I smell something really good--like a fruity lotion. So I say> "something smells really good". Then she opens up her mouth and shows me> her gum and says it is peppermint (not the smell I was picking up on). I> was speechless and hurried to get away. What am I supposed to think???> Thankfully she will be out of the office tomorrow. I have a meeting with my> boss on a different topic tomorrow and am not sure what I am going to say.> Ironically, me and this woman have been on friendly terms, but I never> trusted her.> > I feel betrayed and disrespected. I would appreciate any insights, comments,> advice, encouragement my fellow 4Sers and family members of 4Ser have!> > Thanks!> > Sonya> > PS. Note that I kept myself calm today and actually have been very> productive. I consciously decided to engage in "learned helpfulness"> instead of "learned helplessness" .>------------ --------- --------- ------PLEASE BE AWARE THIS IS A STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL GROUP AND NO MESSAGES ARE TO BE USED FOR ANY PURPOSE OUTSIDE OF THE YAHOO GROUP MEMBERSHIP SITE OR REPRODUCED OR COPIED AND MAILED FOR ANY PURPOSE. ALSO DO NOT SHARE MEMBER EMAIL ADDRESSES OR NAMES WITH ANYONE.Thank you. MJ