sick and tired of being sick and tired?

[Guest guest]

<<Do you all ever just get sick of all this? I am so sick of having to work so hard to (1) get info (2) understand it.. I'm smart, but seemingly not smart enough to keep up (3) put it into trial and error (cause thats what it is ) action every day.>>

GOD, YES!

Last month, just before we got tested for lyme, I hit a real low point. Exhaustion, depression, unable to function, despondent, broke, hopeless....

I've been fighting this for 18 years (never knowing what I'm fighting), and fighting for my son for 13 years (never knowing what we're fighting), and sometimes it's just all too much. One of my son's main symptoms is oppositional resistence to everything we try. And anger and rage episodes. Not fun. Well, last month I was getting worse and worse, and I thought, "Well, I'm dying. I'm not dying fast, but I'm dying." And I knew I had failed to help my son, because he is 15 and soon an adult and his only future would be some combination of prisons and psych wards, because he totally loses control and cannot function in society. He suffers from looking normal, but not being able to function normally.

And do you know the only thing I really wanted? I just didn't want to be cold any more. (We're in Canada. Winter's coming. And I'm always cold -- unless there is a blistering heat wave, then I'm comfortable.) Well, I figured I better hang in there until I see my daughter grow up. There was nothing more I could do for my son, except maybe find him some kind of supportive living situation. But then all I wanted was to take my little disability pension to some cheap, warm, third world beach, and live in a little hut with some local girl hired to shop and cook for me and have no more responsibilities. I'm just too tired for any more responsibilities. Then I could die warm and that's all I really wanted any more.

Well, then our doctor ordered lyme tests and they're positive, so we're back to fighting again. And I've got yet more meds to keep me together until we figure out how to beat this thing. So maybe I won't have to disappear to a cheap beach somewhere.

But oooooh, yes, I am soooooo tired of this.

You're not alone.

Listen to 350+ music, sports, news radio stations including songs for the holidays FREE while you browse. Start Listening Now!