Re: gum incident--suggestions welcome

[Guest guest]

Aww, Sonya. I understand your pain, we all do. When a sound "gets" to you that badly, even little things that remind you of the sound can set you off. And the worst part of our "ailment" is that other people think we are all nuts. If we try to explain it to others, we are never taken seriously. There's not much I can suggest other than to wear headphones at work or ask to be moved to another location... Gum chewing IS obnoxious, and I think that even people who don't have 4S feel that way. If I were an office manager, I would make a "no gum chewing" policy and make people sign a contract when they were hired LOLMy husband's tooth brushing noises have recently started to have a similar effect on me as your coworkers' gum chewing. Even the sound of him opening the medicine cabinet sets me off.

I'll be working on the computer as he is getting ready for bed and I'll hear it... My skin starts to crawl. Then the sloshing and swishing sound of the tooth brushing. Then the wretched spitting in the sink. And then the annoying throat clearing after he uses the mouth rinse... AAAAAARGH.But hang in there... And you can always vent with us.Subject: gum incident--suggestions welcomeTo: Soundsensitivity Date: Friday, November 21, 2008, 12:02 AM

Hello all

If you read my last post, you know that I believe you can get better or worse depending on the type of exposure you are exposed to. I believe that forced exposure makes you worse while exposure you take on yourself can build your confidence and decrease your limitations.

Here's the thing, with chewing gum, I have gotten a lot worse because of forced exposure at work. Now even the site or smell of someone chewing gum will generate strong negative feelings in me. I now work at home half the time and when I am in the office, I feel the most threatened by the people near me chewing gum. I have had recent triggers of smelling the gum. HR and management know that because everyone around me chewed gum when they were supposed to make sure that did not happen eroded my trust and what started out as a sound problem now has become a full blown phobia. I have suspected for weeks that the person next to me who has admitted being manipulative has been chewing gum on the sly. My boss told her not to chew gum at work and to suck on mints instead. So I have thoughts about him really telling her just to hide it better from me or of her thinking that she can do it on the sly. Well today when we were talking--it really looked like she was chewing gum, but I still thought there could be a possibility of her sucking a mint (not as offensive to me). So anyways she walks by me later and I smell something really good--like a fruity lotion. So I say "something smells really good". Then she opens up her mouth and shows me her gum and says it is peppermint (not the smell I was picking up on). I was speechless and hurried to get away. What am I supposed to think??? Thankfully she will be out of the office tomorrow. I have a meeting with my boss on a different topic tomorrow and am not sure what I am going to say. Ironically, me and this woman have been on friendly terms, but I never trusted her.

I feel betrayed and disrespected. I would appreciate any insights, comments, advice, encouragement my fellow 4Sers and family members of 4Ser have!

Thanks!

Sonya

PS. Note that I kept myself calm today and actually have been very productive. I consciously decided to engage in "learned helpfulness" instead of "learned helplessness" .

[Guest guest]

Hi Sonya,I can really relate to how you feel. I had the same situation with a gum popper at work. Even though she didn't sit close to me I could still hear her gum popping and she did this ALL DAY LONG! I felt like I could just ring her neck. I changed job locations to a new building and was so happy to get away...3 weeks later a gum popper moved a few cubicles down for me and made the rest of my work life unbearable. Since then, gum popping has gotten so much worse, completely unbearable. The last few weeks I was working I did end up telling her how her gum popping was affecting me and she did stop her popping but she oftentimes forgot and I did catch her with gum. I simply reminded her and she was happy to stop. I know how it feels to

be in constant mercy of someone's gum habits. Even though my aversion of it didn't go away completely, it really helped to be able to tell the her how I felt and kindly ask her to stop. Maybe this will help for you? I'm not sure if you have already mentioned it to her...I'm sorry you have to go through this. Another thing that actually works for me that may help you is if I engage in the noises as well. Do you ever chew gum? Have you tried to also chew gum when someone's gum chewing is bothering you? I find that it helps me tremendously if I am also engaging in the noise. Maybe you can try it.I wish you the best of luck!!!andraTo: Soundsensitivity Sent: Friday, November 21, 2008 2:02:10 PMSubject: gum incident--suggestions welcome

Hello all

If you read my last post, you know that I believe you can get better or worse depending on the type of exposure you are exposed to. I believe that forced exposure makes you worse while exposure you take on yourself can build your confidence and decrease your limitations.

Here's the thing, with chewing gum, I have gotten a lot worse because of forced exposure at work. Now even the site or smell of someone chewing gum will generate strong negative feelings in me. I now work at home half the time and when I am in the office, I feel the most threatened by the people near me chewing gum. I have had recent triggers of smelling the gum. HR and management know that because everyone around me chewed gum when they were supposed to make sure that did not happen eroded my trust and what started out as a sound problem now has become a full blown phobia. I have suspected for weeks that the person next to me who has admitted being manipulative has been chewing gum on the sly. My boss told her not to chew gum at work and to suck on mints instead. So I have thoughts about him really telling her just to hide it better from me or of her thinking that she can do it on the sly. Well today when we were talking--it really looked like she was chewing gum, but I still thought there could be a possibility of her sucking a mint (not as offensive to me). So anyways she walks by me later and I smell something really good--like a fruity lotion. So I say "something smells really good". Then she opens up her mouth and shows me her gum and says it is peppermint (not the smell I was picking up on). I was speechless and hurried to get away. What am I supposed to think??? Thankfully she will be out of the office tomorrow. I have a meeting with my boss on a different topic tomorrow and am not sure what I am going to say. Ironically, me and this woman have been on friendly terms, but I never trusted her.

I feel betrayed and disrespected. I would appreciate any insights, comments, advice, encouragement my fellow 4Sers and family members of 4Ser have!

Thanks!

Sonya

PS. Note that I kept myself calm today and actually have been very productive. I consciously decided to engage in "learned helpfulness" instead of "learned helplessness".

[Guest guest]

Hi Sonya,

I am family to a 4ser but not a 4ser. I read all your posts in an effort to find links in how you all feel and hopefully stumble unto some similarity or link that may explain this disorder.

As I have mentioned in one of my earlier posts, you are not responsible for the feelings that invade you and non 4sers should understand, be patient, and sympathetic to what you are going through. I would also like to mention that non 4sers are not responsible for those horrible feelings that their actions evoke in you. You are not crazy and the people making "the noises" are not disgusting or rude. "The noises" are trigering the feelings but not the person. I think that honest communication is key here, not easy but important. If the non 4sers laugh at you, laugh with them, why not? Both 4sers and non 4sers can vent to eachother about eachother and it can be handled with humor, there is too much seriousness in the world already.

Best of luck,

a

To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Friday, November 21, 2008 1:01:50 PMSubject: Re: gum incident--suggestions welcome

Hi Sonya,I can really relate to how you feel. I had the same situation with a gum popper at work. Even though she didn't sit close to me I could still hear her gum popping and she did this ALL DAY LONG! I felt like I could just ring her neck. I changed job locations to a new building and was so happy to get away...3 weeks later a gum popper moved a few cubicles down for me and made the rest of my work life unbearable. Since then, gum popping has gotten so much worse, completely unbearable. The last few weeks I was working I did end up telling her how her gum popping was affecting me and she did stop her popping but she oftentimes forgot and I did catch her with gum. I simply reminded her and she was happy to stop. I know how it feels to be in constant mercy of someone's gum habits. Even though my aversion of it didn't go away completely, it really helped to be able to tell the her how I

felt and kindly ask her to stop. Maybe this will help for you? I'm not sure if you have already mentioned it to her...I'm sorry you have to go through this. Another thing that actually works for me that may help you is if I engage in the noises as well. Do you ever chew gum? Have you tried to also chew gum when someone's gum chewing is bothering you? I find that it helps me tremendously if I am also engaging in the noise. Maybe you can try it.I wish you the best of luck!!!andra

From: Sonya Sidky <sidkycharter (DOT) net>To: Soundsensitivity@ yahoogroups. comSent: Friday, November 21, 2008 2:02:10 PMSubject: gum incident--suggestio ns welcome

Hello all

If you read my last post, you know that I believe you can get better or worse depending on the type of exposure you are exposed to. I believe that forced exposure makes you worse while exposure you take on yourself can build your confidence and decrease your limitations.

Here's the thing, with chewing gum, I have gotten a lot worse because of forced exposure at work. Now even the site or smell of someone chewing gum will generate strong negative feelings in me. I now work at home half the time and when I am in the office, I feel the most threatened by the people near me chewing gum. I have had recent triggers of smelling the gum. HR and management know that because everyone around me chewed gum when they were supposed to make sure that did not happen eroded my trust and what started out as a sound problem now has become a full blown phobia. I have suspected for weeks that the person next to me who has admitted being manipulative has been chewing gum on the sly. My boss told her not to chew gum at work and to suck on mints instead. So I have thoughts about him really telling her just to hide it better from me or of her thinking

that she can do it on the sly. Well today when we were talking--it really looked like she was chewing gum, but I still thought there could be a possibility of her sucking a mint (not as offensive to me). So anyways she walks by me later and I smell something really good--like a fruity lotion. So I say "something smells really good". Then she opens up her mouth and shows me her gum and says it is peppermint (not the smell I was picking up on). I was speechless and hurried to get away. What am I supposed to think??? Thankfully she will be out of the office tomorrow. I have a meeting with my boss on a different topic tomorrow and am not sure what I am going to say. Ironically, me and this woman have been on friendly terms, but I never trusted her.

I feel betrayed and disrespected. I would appreciate any insights, comments, advice, encouragement my fellow 4Sers and family members of 4Ser have!

Thanks!

Sonya

PS. Note that I kept myself calm today and actually have been very productive. I consciously decided to engage in "learned helpfulness" instead of "learned helplessness" .

[Guest guest]

>

> Subject: gum incident--suggestions welcome

> To: Soundsensitivity

> Date: Friday, November 21, 2008, 12:02 AM

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Hello

> all

>  

> If you read my last

> post, you know that I believe you can get better or worse depending

on the type

> of exposure you are exposed to.  I believe that forced exposure

makes you

> worse while exposure you take on yourself can build your confidence

and decrease

> your limitations.

>  

> Here's the thing,

> with chewing gum, I have gotten a lot worse because of forced

exposure at

> work.  Now even the site or smell of someone chewing gum will

generate

> strong negative feelings in me. I now work at home half the time

and when I am

> in the office, I feel the most threatened by the people near me

chewing

> gum.  I have had recent triggers of smelling the gum.  HR and

> management know that because everyone around me chewed gum when

they were

> supposed to make sure that did not happen eroded my trust and what

started out

> as a sound problem now has become a full blown phobia.  I have

suspected

> for weeks that the person next to me who has admitted being

manipulative has

> been chewing gum on the sly.  My boss told her not to chew gum at

work and

> to suck on mints instead.  So I have thoughts about him really

telling her

> just to hide it better from me or of her thinking that she can do

it on the

> sly.  Well today when we were talking--it really looked like she

was

> chewing gum, but I still thought there could be a possibility of

her sucking a

> mint (not as offensive to me).  So anyways she walks by me later

and I

> smell something really good--like a fruity lotion.  So I

say " something

> smells really good " .  Then she opens up her mouth and shows me her

gum

> and says it is peppermint (not the smell I was picking up on).   

> I was speechless and hurried to get away.  What am I supposed to

> think???   Thankfully she will be out of the office tomorrow.  I

> have a meeting with my boss on a different topic tomorrow and am

not sure what I

> am going to say.  Ironically, me and this woman have been on

friendly

> terms, but I never trusted her. 

>  

> I feel betrayed and

> disrespected. I would appreciate any insights, comments, advice,

encouragement

> my fellow 4Sers and family members of 4Ser have!

>  

> Thanks!

>  

> Sonya

>  

> PS.  Note that

> I kept myself calm today and actually have been very productive.  I

> consciously decided to engage in " learned helpfulness " instead

of " learned

> helplessness " .  

>  

>  

>

[Guest guest]

Brushing teeth, ugh I know what you are going through there, but

interestingly it is an on off thing for me, like so many other triggers.

Brushing teeth only gets to me if i am very tired, already upset by a more

critical trigger or if im in a slump, if im very happy its quite the opposite

and almost feel like my ears are being scratched !! ( just thought how funny

that sounded but its true, if im in a bad way the sound feels like my ears are

being torn apart (as well as my brain) but if im in a good way its almost pleasant....almost.

Not sexual as i have been reading in some of the posts here but relaxing

almost)

Through all that I have been reading it would appear that more

and more people are suffering from secondary triggers, ie triggers that are

learned behaviours from critical triggers. My first triggers were gulping and

crunching, they are to me critical triggers and usally always get to me no

matter what, from there came sounds such as smacking lips, knives and forks on plates

and scraping of anything else, all of which I believe are secondary triggers,

or learned triggers IE i hated the sound of gulping and eating so I started to

have adverse reactions with other sounds that related to my critical triggers.

I have found that secondary triggers are much easier to control

then critical or primary triggers and using meditation and brainwave

entertainment and positive thinking have on a few times eliminated these

triggers ( for a while, but without constant work they return.)

CBT is a prime way from what i understand of it to overcome

learned behaviour patterns.... If we are putting ourselves into more and more

trigger, that means it is possible with a bit of work to get out of them....

and maybe then work on the critical triggers.’

In the mean time , good luck, play your fav music and once your

in a good mood, keep listening to the music, think very happy and positive

thoughts and open and close the bathroom cab a few hundred times, while doing

this think about how the sound is relaxing and makes you happy. I have used

this tech on myself with sounds such as brushing teeth and now not are my teeth

very clean most of the time the sound of brushing teeth is bearable, as

mentioned above its an on off thing. IMO that worked, don’t use it if you

don’t feel comfortable.

From: Soundsensitivity

[mailto:Soundsensitivity ] On Behalf Of graue_fee

Sent: Saturday, 22 November 2008 5:02 AM

To: Soundsensitivity

Subject: Re: gum incident--suggestions welcome

>

> Subject: gum incident--suggestions welcome

> To: Soundsensitivity

> Date: Friday, November 21, 2008, 12:02 AM

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Hello

> all

>

> If you read my last

> post, you know that I believe you can get better or worse depending

on the type

> of exposure you are exposed to. I believe that forced exposure

makes you

> worse while exposure you take on yourself can build your confidence

and decrease

> your limitations.

>

> Here's the thing,

> with chewing gum, I have gotten a lot worse because of forced

exposure at

> work. Now even the site or smell of someone chewing gum will

generate

> strong negative feelings in me. I now work at home half the time

and when I am

> in the office, I feel the most threatened by the people near me

chewing

> gum. I have had recent triggers of smelling the gum. HR and

> management know that because everyone around me chewed gum when

they were

> supposed to make sure that did not happen eroded my trust and what

started out

> as a sound problem now has become a full blown phobia. I have

suspected

> for weeks that the person next to me who has admitted being

manipulative has

> been chewing gum on the sly. My boss told her not to chew gum at

work and

> to suck on mints instead. So I have thoughts about him really

telling her

> just to hide it better from me or of her thinking that she can do

it on the

> sly. Well today when we were talking--it really looked like she

was

> chewing gum, but I still thought there could be a possibility of

her sucking a

> mint (not as offensive to me). So anyways she walks by me later

and I

> smell something really good--like a fruity lotion. So I

say " something

> smells really good " . Then she opens up her mouth and shows

me her

gum

> and says it is peppermint (not the smell I was picking up

on).

> I was speechless and hurried to get away. What am I supposed to

> think??? Thankfully she will be out of the office

tomorrow. I

> have a meeting with my boss on a different topic tomorrow and am

not sure what I

> am going to say. Ironically, me and this woman have been on

friendly

> terms, but I never trusted her.

>

> I feel betrayed and

> disrespected. I would appreciate any insights, comments, advice,

encouragement

> my fellow 4Sers and family members of 4Ser have!

>

> Thanks!

>

> Sonya

>

> PS. Note that

> I kept myself calm today and actually have been very productive. I

> consciously decided to engage in " learned helpfulness " instead

of " learned

> helplessness " .

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

The fact you didn't go bonkers on her right then and there proves how

strong you are! I would have strangled her. LOL. It sounds like she

is a manipulative person if she knew that it bothered you and

deliberately showed you her gum. It always bothers me more when it's

someone who KNOWS my problem but doesn't give a crap. I understand

that gum is almost a necesity in most people's lives and that's

fine. I don't hold it against them for wanting to chew gum, but when

they do things manipulatively and to spite me thats when the boxing

gloves go on! LOL! 4S is interesting because it really plays with

your mind. Sometimes you think people are making that sound to make

you mad on purpose even if you've never met that person and they have

no clue about your 4S. It's horrid. Maybe you should talk to her

about it and ask her to please not chew gum. If she gives you a hard

time about it then maybe talk to your boss since it sounds like he 's

told people to not chew gum already. Don't give up and don't give in

to the mind games. It sounds like you won that battle because you

stayed calm and walked away from it!

>

> Hello all

>

> If you read my last post, you know that I believe you can get

better or

> worse depending on the type of exposure you are exposed to. I

believe that

> forced exposure makes you worse while exposure you take on yourself

can

> build your confidence and decrease your limitations.

>

> Here's the thing, with chewing gum, I have gotten a lot worse

because of

> forced exposure at work. Now even the site or smell of someone

chewing gum

> will generate strong negative feelings in me. I now work at home

half the

> time and when I am in the office, I feel the most threatened by the

people

> near me chewing gum. I have had recent triggers of smelling the

gum. HR

> and management know that because everyone around me chewed gum when

they

> were supposed to make sure that did not happen eroded my trust and

what

> started out as a sound problem now has become a full blown phobia.

I have

> suspected for weeks that the person next to me who has admitted

being

> manipulative has been chewing gum on the sly. My boss told her not

to chew

> gum at work and to suck on mints instead. So I have thoughts about

him

> really telling her just to hide it better from me or of her

thinking that

> she can do it on the sly. Well today when we were talking--it

really looked

> like she was chewing gum, but I still thought there could be a

possibility

> of her sucking a mint (not as offensive to me). So anyways she

walks by me

> later and I smell something really good--like a fruity lotion. So

I say

> " something smells really good " . Then she opens up her mouth and

shows me

> her gum and says it is peppermint (not the smell I was picking up

on). I

> was speechless and hurried to get away. What am I supposed to

think???

> Thankfully she will be out of the office tomorrow. I have a

meeting with my

> boss on a different topic tomorrow and am not sure what I am going

to say.

> Ironically, me and this woman have been on friendly terms, but I

never

> trusted her.

>

> I feel betrayed and disrespected. I would appreciate any insights,

comments,

> advice, encouragement my fellow 4Sers and family members of 4Ser

have!

>

> Thanks!

>

> Sonya

>

> PS. Note that I kept myself calm today and actually have been very

> productive. I consciously decided to engage in " learned

helpfulness "

> instead of " learned helplessness " .

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Sonya,Gum and eating at workstations was banned in one of my workplaces, a long time ago. I had nothing to do with me. But what happened was that gum was found on the floor, chairs, it got on people's shoes and clothing and even into a computer mouse. I think there must have been a fellow 4S sufferer in the building. It got expensive for management and they banned it.I'm self employed because of my 4S, and can ensure my workplace is 4S friendly (most of the time).My office is my safe place. I really feel for 4S sufferers who don't have a workplace they can cope with.Ingrid.The fact you didn't go bonkers on her right then and there proves how strong you are! I would have strangled her. LOL. It sounds like she is a manipulative person if she knew that it bothered you and deliberately showed you her gum. It always bothers me more when it's someone who KNOWS my problem but doesn't give a crap. I understand that gum is almost a necesity in most people's lives and that's fine. I don't hold it against them for wanting to chew gum, but when they do things manipulatively and to spite me thats when the boxing gloves go on! LOL! 4S is interesting because it really plays with your mind. Sometimes you think people are making that sound to make you mad on purpose even if you've never met that person and they have no clue about your 4S. It's horrid. Maybe you should talk to her about it and ask her to please not chew gum. If she gives you a hard time about it then maybe talk to your boss since it sounds like he 's told people to not chew gum already. Don't give up and don't give in to the mind games. It sounds like you won that battle because you stayed calm and walked away from it!>> Hello all> > If you read my last post, you know that I believe you can get better or> worse depending on the type of exposure you are exposed to. I believe that> forced exposure makes you worse while exposure you take on yourself can> build your confidence and decrease your limitations.> > Here's the thing, with chewing gum, I have gotten a lot worse because of> forced exposure at work. Now even the site or smell of someone chewing gum> will generate strong negative feelings in me. I now work at home half the> time and when I am in the office, I feel the most threatened by the people> near me chewing gum. I have had recent triggers of smelling the gum. HR> and management know that because everyone around me chewed gum when they> were supposed to make sure that did not happen eroded my trust and what> started out as a sound problem now has become a full blown phobia. I have> suspected for weeks that the person next to me who has admitted being> manipulative has been chewing gum on the sly. My boss told her not to chew> gum at work and to suck on mints instead. So I have thoughts about him> really telling her just to hide it better from me or of her thinking that> she can do it on the sly. Well today when we were talking--it really looked> like she was chewing gum, but I still thought there could be a possibility> of her sucking a mint (not as offensive to me). So anyways she walks by me> later and I smell something really good--like a fruity lotion. So I say> "something smells really good". Then she opens up her mouth and shows me> her gum and says it is peppermint (not the smell I was picking up on). I> was speechless and hurried to get away. What am I supposed to think???> Thankfully she will be out of the office tomorrow. I have a meeting with my> boss on a different topic tomorrow and am not sure what I am going to say.> Ironically, me and this woman have been on friendly terms, but I never> trusted her.> > I feel betrayed and disrespected. I would appreciate any insights, comments,> advice, encouragement my fellow 4Sers and family members of 4Ser have!> > Thanks!> > Sonya> > PS. Note that I kept myself calm today and actually have been very> productive. I consciously decided to engage in "learned helpfulness"> instead of "learned helplessness".>

[Guest guest]

To be self employed and be able to do that would be wonderful I

plan to do that one day soon too.

From: Soundsensitivity

[mailto:Soundsensitivity ] On Behalf Of Ingrid Spielman

Sent: Saturday, 22 November 2008 5:40 PM

To: Soundsensitivity

Subject: Re: Re: gum incident--suggestions welcome

Dear Sonya,

Gum and eating at workstations was banned in one of my

workplaces, a long time ago. I had nothing to do with me. But what happened was

that gum was found on the floor, chairs, it got on people's shoes

and clothing and even into a computer mouse. I think there must have been a

fellow 4S sufferer in the building. It got expensive for management and

they banned it.

I'm self employed because of my 4S, and can ensure my

workplace is 4S friendly (most of the time).

My office is my safe place. I really feel for 4S sufferers

who don't have a workplace they can cope with.

Ingrid.

The fact you didn't go bonkers on

her right then and there proves how

strong you are! I would have strangled her. LOL. It sounds like she

is a manipulative person if she knew that it bothered you and

deliberately showed you her gum. It always bothers me more when it's

someone who KNOWS my problem but doesn't give a crap. I understand

that gum is almost a necesity in mo st people's lives and that's

fine. I don't hold it against them for wanting to chew gum, but when

they do things manipulatively and to spite me thats when the boxing

gloves go on! LOL! 4S is interesting because it really plays with

your mind. Sometimes you think people are making that sound to make

you mad on purpose even if you've never met that person and they have

no clue about your 4S. It's horrid. Maybe you should talk to her

about it and ask her to please not chew gum. If she gives you a hard

time about it then maybe talk to your boss since it sounds like he 's

told people to not chew gum already. Don't give up and don't give in

to the mind games. It sounds like you won that battle because you

stayed calm and walked away from it!

>

> Hello all

>

> If you read my last post, you know that I believe you can get

better or

> worse depending on the type of exposure you are exposed to. I

believe that

> forced exposure makes you worse while exposure you take on yourself

can

> build your confidence and decrease your limitations.

>

> Here's the thing, with chewing gum, I have gotten a lot worse

because of

> forced exposure at work. Now even the site or smell of someone

chewing gum

> will generate strong negative feelings in me. I now work at home

half the

> time and when I am in the office, I feel the most threatened by the

people

> near me chewing gum. I have had recent triggers of smelling the

gum. HR

> and management know that because everyone around me chewed gum when

they

> were supposed to make sure that di d not happen eroded my trust and

what

> started out as a sound problem now has become a full blown phobia.

I have

> suspected for weeks that the person next to me who has admitted

being

> manipulative has been chewing gum on the sly. My boss told her not

to chew

> gum at work and to suck on mints instead. So I have thoughts about

him

> really telling her just to hide it better from me or of her

thinking that

> she can do it on the sly. Well today when we were talking--it

really looked

> like she was chewing gum, but I still thought there could be a < br>possibility

> of her sucking a mint (not as offensive to me). So anyways she

walks by me

> later and I smell something really good--like a fruity lotion. So

I say

> " something smells really good " . Then she opens up her mouth and

shows me

> her gum and says it is peppermint (not the smell I was picking up

on). I

> was speechless and hurried to get away. What am I supposed to

think???

> Thankfully she will be out of the office tomorrow. I have a

meeting with my

> boss on a different topic tomorrow and am not sure what I am going

to say.

> Ironically, me and this woman have been on friendly ter ms, but I

never

> trusted her.

>

> I feel betrayed and disrespected. I would appreciate any insights,

comments,

> advice, encouragement my fellow 4Sers and family members of 4Ser

have!

>

> Thanks!

>

> Sonya

>

> PS. Note that I kept myself calm today and actually have been very

> productive. I consciously decided to engage in " learned

helpfulness "

> instead of " learned helplessness " .

>

[Guest guest]

This is so true...your mind does start playing tricks on you and you do start thinking/fearing that the people making the noises are doing it on purpose. This is a main reason I think it's so difficult to share the condition with anyone...it makes you feel so vulnerable and like they will use it against you!!! To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Saturday, November 22, 2008

3:17:03 PMSubject: Re: gum incident--suggestions welcome

The fact you didn't go bonkers on her right then and there proves how strong you are! I would have strangled her. LOL. It sounds like she is a manipulative person if she knew that it bothered you and deliberately showed you her gum. It always bothers me more when it's someone who KNOWS my problem but doesn't give a crap. I understand that gum is almost a necesity in most people's lives and that's fine. I don't hold it against them for wanting to chew gum, but when they do things manipulatively and to spite me thats when the boxing gloves go on! LOL! 4S is interesting because it really plays with your mind. Sometimes you think people are making that sound to make you mad on purpose even if you've never met that person and they have no clue about your 4S. It's horrid. Maybe you should talk to her about it and ask her to please not chew gum. If she

gives you a hard time about it then maybe talk to your boss since it sounds like he 's told people to not chew gum already. Don't give up and don't give in to the mind games. It sounds like you won that battle because you stayed calm and walked away from it!>> Hello all> > If you read my last post, you know that I believe you can get better or> worse depending on the type of exposure you are exposed to. I believe that> forced exposure makes you worse while exposure you take on yourself can> build your confidence and decrease your limitations.> > Here's the thing, with chewing gum, I have gotten a lot worse because of> forced exposure at

work. Now even the site or smell of someone chewing gum> will generate strong negative feelings in me. I now work at home half the> time and when I am in the office, I feel the most threatened by the people> near me chewing gum. I have had recent triggers of smelling the gum. HR> and management know that because everyone around me chewed gum when they> were supposed to make sure that did not happen eroded my trust and what> started out as a sound problem now has become a full blown phobia. I have> suspected for weeks that the person next to me who has admitted being> manipulative has been chewing gum on the sly. My boss told her not to chew> gum at work and to suck on mints instead. So I have thoughts about him> really telling her just to hide it better from me or of her thinking that> she can do it

on the sly. Well today when we were talking--it really looked> like she was chewing gum, but I still thought there could be a possibility> of her sucking a mint (not as offensive to me). So anyways she walks by me> later and I smell something really good--like a fruity lotion. So I say> "something smells really good". Then she opens up her mouth and shows me> her gum and says it is peppermint (not the smell I was picking up on). I> was speechless and hurried to get away. What am I supposed to think???> Thankfully she will be out of the office tomorrow. I have a meeting with my> boss on a different topic tomorrow and am not sure what I am going to say.> Ironically, me and this woman have been on friendly terms, but I never> trusted her.> > I feel betrayed and disrespected. I would

appreciate any insights, comments,> advice, encouragement my fellow 4Sers and family members of 4Ser have!> > Thanks!> > Sonya> > PS. Note that I kept myself calm today and actually have been very> productive. I consciously decided to engage in "learned helpfulness"> instead of "learned helplessness".>------------------------------------PLEASE BE AWARE THIS IS A STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL GROUP AND NO MESSAGES ARE TO BE USED FOR ANY PURPOSE OUTSIDE OF THE YAHOO GROUP MEMBERSHIP SITE OR REPRODUCED OR COPIED AND MAILED FOR ANY PURPOSE. ALSO DO NOT SHARE MEMBER EMAIL ADDRESSES OR NAMES WITH ANYONE.Thank you. MJ

[Guest guest]

Thanks to all who responded to my request for suggestions. I appreciate being able to consider all the different approaches from direct confrontation to using humor. I also feel validated in that I am not just being paranoid by feeling that my coworker could be intentionally trying to get a rise out of me. I appreciate having my situation framed in such a way that it took restraint on my part not to react by going bonkers and thus making things worse. It is important to be reminded that although being in a sound/visual situation feels bad, that there is a victory there too. I am so glad that I have this group to remind me of that!! I am so happy to hear that there are workplaces out there where gum chewing is banned--it should not take people sticking their gum on their seats to get it banned though!

I am glad I was able to read your comments before speaking with my boss yesterday. Just knowing there were others that understood me helped me stay focused. The conversation went pretty well. I asked my boss exactly what he said to my coworker about the gum chewing--I really wanted to make sure that he asked her not to chew gum around me before saying anything to her. He confirmed that he requested that she not chew gum around me and told me that she probably just forgot. I told him that it is a little out of the ordinary to have your boss request you not do something and then just forget. I made it clear to him that I did not want to stay in my current cube and asked him what I was supposed to think. I told him that if he asked me to come into his office and requested that I not eat carrots because it bothered someone, than he could darn well count on the fact that I would not "forget". Sure people have habits and some things led themselves to being forgotten. For example--if someone did something about of habit like biting their nails (yes I have an aversion to that too) and they were told not to do that anymore, I could understand them reverting back to that habit. But sticking a piece of gum in your mouth is pretty black and white. Anyways--the conversation went pretty well--I tend to repeat myself a lot and ask a lot of questions about reasonable behavior (OCD problem) when I am discussing sound problems, but I caught myself doing that with my boss and kept it short. By the way, if anyone else has this problem about getting over focused on a topic, I would like to mention that through cognitive behavior therapy, I have made great improvements in this area. My boss offered to talk to my coworker again, but I said that I want to do it. I am going to read in my Cognitive Behavior Therapy for Dummies book this weekend and meditate to make sure that I am in the best frame of mind possible. I am glad my boss knows ahead of time though, in case it does not go well. Many months ago, before I asked my boss to say something to her, I had a dream in which I confronted her, and it did not go well in the dream at all! Last night I had a dream, in which I moved my computer monitor somewhere else in my cube and I had some good sounds coming from near where my coworker sits and it was like I was in my own world--it was very peaceful.

I will let you know what happens on Monday. I also will have my second appointment with my occupational therapist. Six visits a year are now covered under my insurance!

Re: gum incident--suggestions welcomeThe fact you didn't go bonkers on her right then and there proves how strong you are! I would have strangled her. LOL. It sounds like she is a manipulative person if she knew that it bothered you and deliberately showed you her gum. It always bothers me more when it's someone who KNOWS my problem but doesn't give a crap. I understand that gum is almost a necesity in most people's lives and that's fine. I don't hold it against them for wanting to chew gum, but when they do things manipulatively and to spite me thats when the boxing gloves go on! LOL! 4S is interesting because it really plays with your mind. Sometimes you think people are making that sound to make you mad on purpose even if you've never met that person and they have no clue about your 4S. It's horrid. Maybe you should talk to her about it and ask her to please not chew gum. If she gives you a hard time about it then maybe talk to your boss since it sounds like he 's told people to not chew gum already. Don't give up and don't give in to the mind games. It sounds like you won that battle because you stayed calm and walked away from it!>> Hello all> > If you read my last post, you know that I believe you can get better or> worse depending on the type of exposure you are exposed to. I believe that> forced exposure makes you worse while exposure you take on yourself can> build your confidence and decrease your limitations.> > Here's the thing, with chewing gum, I have gotten a lot worse because of> forced exposure at work. Now even the site or smell of someone chewing gum> will generate strong negative feelings in me. I now work at home half the> time and when I am in the office, I feel the most threatened by the people> near me chewing gum. I have had recent triggers of smelling the gum. HR> and management know that because everyone around me chewed gum when they> were supposed to make sure that did not happen eroded my trust and what> started out as a sound problem now has become a full blown phobia. I have> suspected for weeks that the person next to me who has admitted being> manipulative has been chewing gum on the sly. My boss told her not to chew> gum at work and to suck on mints instead. So I have thoughts about him> really telling her just to hide it better from me or of her thinking that> she can do it on the sly. Well today when we were talking--it really looked> like she was chewing gum, but I still thought there could be a possibility> of her sucking a mint (not as offensive to me). So anyways she walks by me> later and I smell something really good--like a fruity lotion. So I say> "something smells really good". Then she opens up her mouth and shows me> her gum and says it is peppermint (not the smell I was picking up on). I> was speechless and hurried to get away. What am I supposed to think???> Thankfully she will be out of the office tomorrow. I have a meeting with my> boss on a different topic tomorrow and am not sure what I am going to say.> Ironically, me and this woman have been on friendly terms, but I never> trusted her.> > I feel betrayed and disrespected. I would appreciate any insights, comments,> advice, encouragement my fellow 4Sers and family members of 4Ser have!> > Thanks!> > Sonya> > PS. Note that I kept myself calm today and actually have been very> productive. I consciously decided to engage in "learned helpfulness"> instead of "learned helplessness".>------------------------------------PLEASE BE AWARE THIS IS A STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL GROUP AND NO MESSAGES ARE TO BE USED FOR ANY PURPOSE OUTSIDE OF THE YAHOO GROUP MEMBERSHIP SITE OR REPRODUCED OR COPIED AND MAILED FOR ANY PURPOSE. ALSO DO NOT SHARE MEMBER EMAIL ADDRESSES OR NAMES WITH ANYONE.Thank you. MJ

[Guest guest]

Hi Sonya,

I understand where you are coming from and I wish you the best

of luck for Monday.

Many months ago when I worked in an office environment there was

a cronnic chip eater, or cruncher who sat right across from me, day in day out

she would have about 10 of the little packets and take about 30 minutes to eat

them. My 4s got worse at work and at home, i started to develope new triggers

such as my dogs drinking water. Feel sorry for the poochs now becase they look

at me every time they want to get a drink to suss my mood quite terrible

really.

She is one of the only people that has made me lose it, I used

to throw my headphones or phone onto my desk and just leave because if i didn’t

i knew i was going to abuse her or almost feel like hitting her, many times I

wanted to but didn’t.

One day I lost it, very calmly considering my mind set walked

over to her and explained to her that I have a condition that makes me very

very angry and uncomfortable when I hear certain noises, chip chewing being one

of them and I requested that she stop eating them while I was around or eat

them in the tea room away from my and her desk. I am a pretty direct person and

I am sure she felt very confronted but every since then she stopped eating the

chips, and I felt a huge amount of relief. My 4 S died down and I felt a lot

better all around. A side note, she never really looked at me again and tried

to dodge me as much as she could, she even stopped talking on the phone as loud

with her utterly irritating voice (which got to the rest of the office not just

me) but that never bothered me because I didn’t like her anyway.

So there is hope that it works to shut them up, my thoughts are

with you.

Rich

From: Soundsensitivity

[mailto:Soundsensitivity ] On Behalf Of Sonya Sidky

Sent: Sunday, 23 November 2008 1:47 PM

To: Soundsensitivity

Subject: RE: Re: gum incident--suggestions welcome

Thanks to all who responded to my request for suggestions. I

appreciate being able to consider all the different approaches from direct confrontation

to using humor. I also feel validated in that I am not just being

paranoid by feeling that my coworker could be intentionally trying to get a

rise out of me. I appreciate having my situation framed

in such a way that it took restraint on my part not to react by going bonkers

and thus making things worse. It is important to be reminded that

although being in a sound/visual situation feels bad, that there is a

victory there too. I am so glad that I have this group to remind me of

that!! I am so happy to hear that there are workplaces out there where

gum chewing is banned--it should not take people sticking their gum on their

seats to get it banned though!

I am glad I was able to read your comments before speaking with my

boss yesterday. Just knowing there were others that understood me helped

me stay focused. The conversation went pretty well. I asked my boss

exactly what he said to my coworker about the gum chewing--I really wanted to

make sure that he asked her not to chew gum around me before saying anything to

her. He confirmed that he requested that she not chew gum around me and

told me that she probably just forgot. I told him that it is a little out

of the ordinary to have your boss request you not do something and then just

forget. I made it clear to him that I did not want to stay in my current

cube and asked him what I was supposed to think. I told him that if he

asked me to come into his office and requested that I not eat carrots because

it bothered someone, than he could darn well count on the fact that I would not

" forget " . Sure people have habits and some things led

themselves to being forgotten. For example--if someone did something

about of habit like biting their nails (yes I have an aversion to that too) and

they were told not to do that anymore, I could understand them reverting back

to that habit. But sticking a piece of gum in your mouth is pretty black

and white. Anyways--the conversation went pretty well--I tend to repeat

myself a lot and ask a lot of questions about reasonable behavior

(OCD problem) when I am discussing sound problems, but I caught

myself doing that with my boss and kept it short. By the way, if anyone

else has this problem about getting over focused on a topic, I would like to

mention that through cognitive behavior therapy, I have made great improvements

in this area. My boss offered to talk to my coworker again, but I said

that I want to do it. I am going to read in my Cognitive Behavior Therapy

for Dummies book this weekend and meditate to make sure that I am in the best

frame of mind possible. I am glad my boss knows ahead of time though, in

case it does not go well. Many months ago, before I asked my boss to say

something to her, I had a dream in which I confronted her, and it did not go

well in the dream at all! Last night I had a dream, in which I moved my

computer monitor somewhere else in my cube and I had some good sounds coming

from near where my coworker sits and it was like I was in my own world--it was

very peaceful.

I will let you know what happens on Monday. I also will have

my second appointment with my occupational therapist. Six visits a year

are now covered under my insurance!

Re: gum incident--suggestions welcome

The fact you didn't go bonkers on her right then and there proves how

strong you are! I would have strangled her. LOL. It sounds like she

is a manipulative person if she knew that it bothered you and

deliberately showed you her gum. It always bothers me more when it's

someone who KNOWS my problem but doesn't give a crap. I understand

that gum is almost a necesity in most people's lives and that's

fine. I don't hold it against them for wanting to chew gum, but when

they do things manipulatively and to spite me thats when the boxing

gloves go on! LOL! 4S is interesting because it really plays with

your mind. Sometimes you think people are making that sound to make

you mad on purpose even if you've never met that person and they have

no clue about your 4S. It's horrid. Maybe you should talk to her

about it and ask her to please not chew gum. If she gives you a hard

time about it then maybe talk to your boss since it sounds like he 's

told people to not chew gum already. Don't give up and don't give in

to the mind games. It sounds like you won that battle because you

stayed calm and walked away from it!

>

> Hello all

>

> If you read my last post, you know that I believe you can get

better or

> worse depending on the type of exposure you are exposed to. I

believe that

> forced exposure makes you worse while exposure you take on yourself

can

> build your confidence and decrease your limitations.

>

> Here's the thing, with chewing gum, I have gotten a lot worse

because of

> forced exposure at work. Now even the site or smell of someone

chewing gum

> will generate strong negative feelings in me. I now work at home

half the

> time and when I am in the office, I feel the most threatened by the

people

> near me chewing gum. I have had recent triggers of smelling the

gum. HR

> and management know that because everyone around me chewed gum when

they

> were supposed to make sure that did not happen eroded my trust and

what

> started out as a sound problem now has become a full blown phobia.

I have

> suspected for weeks that the person next to me who has admitted

being

> manipulative has been chewing gum on the sly. My boss told her not

to chew

> gum at work and to suck on mints instead. So I have thoughts about

him

> really telling her just to hide it better from me or of her

thinking that

> she can do it on the sly. Well today when we were talking--it

really looked

> like she was chewing gum, but I still thought there could be a

possibility

> of her sucking a mint (not as offensive to me). So anyways she

walks by me

> later and I smell something really good--like a fruity lotion. So

I say

> " something smells really good " . Then she opens up her

mouth and

shows me

> her gum and says it is peppermint (not the smell I was picking up

on). I

> was speechless and hurried to get away. What am I supposed to

think???

> Thankfully she will be out of the office tomorrow. I have a

meeting with my

> boss on a different topic tomorrow and am not sure what I am going

to say.

> Ironically, me and this woman have been on friendly terms, but I

never

> trusted her.

>

> I feel betrayed and disrespected. I would appreciate any insights,

comments,

> advice, encouragement my fellow 4Sers and family members of 4Ser

have!

>

> Thanks!

>

> Sonya

>

> PS. Note that I kept myself calm today and actually have been very

> productive. I consciously decided to engage in " learned

helpfulness "

> instead of " learned helplessness " .

>

------------------------------------

PLEASE BE AWARE THIS IS A STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL GROUP AND NO MESSAGES ARE TO BE

USED FOR ANY PURPOSE OUTSIDE OF THE YAHOO GROUP MEMBERSHIP SITE OR REPRODUCED

OR COPIED AND MAILED FOR ANY PURPOSE.

ALSO DO NOT SHARE MEMBER EMAIL ADDRESSES OR NAMES WITH ANYONE.

Thank you. MJ