Guest guest Posted December 4, 2008 Report Share Posted December 4, 2008 , Thank you for your message. My biggest THANKS to all who wrote!!! I will write more later - I have to go get the kids ready for school. , I just LOVE your signature message. I hop you don't mind - I am now using it on my e-mail as well! Thank you! Carolyn "People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it!" ~ Chas -- Re: [DownSyndromeInfoExchange] My Parents and Olivia Sorry, I wouldn't 'hope' they read Dear Abby...I would MAIL them the cut out of it anoymously! I would ask how she feels about going with her grandparents without Olivia...not baiting her, just asking what she thinks about it. Just give her a chance to consider that it might not be 'right' I only have one kid, but my sister has 3...my mother only likes 'babies' who don't talk back, don't have a mind of their own and just like to be cuddled. When my sister had her 2nd daughter, daughter 1 was 2.5---and in the full throes of the terrible twos. My mother was all over the baby and ignorning the older child---who HAD been the favored one before and she definately noticed Grandma's attention. I predicted to my sister that it would happen to number 3 too, and now that the girls are agest 6-12 she's not so into any of them. (my mother is 87, and returning to her inner selfish child herself) BUT I do belive this is much differrent than what you are experienceing and I simply don't think I would stand for it in any way. Both kids or no kid...and the fact they don't even come in to get is just plain rude and bad manners...just wait till the boyfriend drives up and honks for her--you won't be able to tell her that's unacceptable, since it's been modeled as 'ok' for years...I would just keep her in the house and let them honk till they get their butts out of the car and come to the door! But then again that might be why I live 3,000 miles from all family members.... , Mom to 15, DS, Southern California"People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it!"-------Chas Diagnosis Down Syndrome: A Site of Hope for New Parents or Parents with a Prenatal Diagnosishttp://www.leeworks.net/DDS/What to Say to Parents of a Child with a Diagnosishttp://www.leeworks.net/DDS/speech.html [DownSyndromeInfoExchange] My Parents and Olivia Hi all, I'm sure you all know how I struggle with my parents and their obvious favoritism of (age 10 - non-DS) and Olivia (age 4 - DS). I found a GREAT "Dear Abby" in my newspaper last night. I have included it for you below. I hope that my parents saw it. I have recently decided to keep Olivia sheltered from them, as I want to protect her from rejection. There was a big family fight on Thanksgiving. DH and I wanted to shop the early-bird specials on Black Friday. Once again, we asked my parents to PLEASE watch BOTH kids so we could go, and they refused. They said they would only take . We really wanted to get Olivia a Barbie Jeep at Wal-Mart (88.00!!!) and we could NOT take her with us at 4 am, so we had to drive her all the way to Scranton, PA so my in-laws could keep her overnight. This is a VERY typical scenario. No matter when we ask - no matter when we call - it's never a "good time" for them to see Olivia. I am so sick of feeling emotionally drained over this situation. Olivia may face rejection in her life, but it will NOT START WITH HER OWN GRANDPARENTS. They call and ask if they can take shopping, to dinner, to events, etc.... And they come and pick her up - BEEP the horn and never even peek in on Olivia. I look at her and WONDER how can they ignore such a BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GIRL???? SHE IS A JOY. It just makes me so sad. DH and I have decided to let continue a relationship with them, however, we will keep Olivia to ourselves. She is only ever invited on birthdays and major holidays anyway. She is also brought out for church events when they want to make themselves LOOK GOOD. (The BRIGHT spot is - WE GOT THE BARBIE JEEP!) (DEAR ABBY: I have two grandchildren. My first is a girl named "Skylar," and my second is a boy, "Dante." I raised two sons as a single mother and always had a house full of boys. Since Skylar was born, she has become my world. I take her everywhere with me, but my nerves just can't handle Dante. I am being criticized for treating my grandchildren differently and accused of being prejudiced. It may be true. But Skylar is very sweet, while Dante -- whom I do love -- is "all boy" and hard to handle. Are my feelings due to the fact that Skylar is my first grandchild, or because she's the first girl in my life? Or am I just burned out on boys? I turn down dates to spend time with her. I'd rather spend the rest of my life with my granddaughter than any man on Earth. Do other grandparents feel this way, or am I obsessed? -- SKYLAR'S NANA IN FLORIDA DEAR NANA: They may feel similarly, but if they are intelligent, mature and caring, they conceal it better than you do. Whether you choose to spend time with your grandchildren or an eligible man is your choice. But to make it obvious that you favor one child over the other is cruel, and the less-loved little one will recognize it, be hurt and resent it. ) Carolyn We've gone co-op! Come and see our newest location at Black Diamond Antiques in the Schuylkill Mall, Frackville, PA! 'Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.It's already tomorrow in Australia ' ( Schultz) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 4, 2008 Report Share Posted December 4, 2008 yes.. but one word of warning.. be prepared to hear their crappy defense of their bad behavior. My mother.. GOD LOVE HER .. makes strange comments all the time. Not just about Sammy but my other kids as well. But they try. They come from that era where kids with DS were just " written off". They don't write her off.. but they try to " work " her every time they see her. IMO they need to just " chill" and enjoy her.. leave the work to me and the daily grind. They attend a grandparents group for gps of kids with DS. That has helped them alot. Don't get me wrong.. they accept her/love her as is... but they need a little help in the people first language dept. But.. they are working on it. My husbands parents have gradually grown away from us with each child ( we have six now) . Sam's having DS was just the icing on the cake for them. But least they ignore all our kids on an equal basis.. to some degree. They do tense up a little more when Sam goes to hug them. But we only see them twice a year. They just don't seem to do well with any relationships. Sam has challenged them a bit farther. They were rather doomy and gloomy.. when she was born. Told my husband some rotten things. But I too would certainly not allow them to honk the horn. On the other hand.. ( not really but.. a different perspective) .. Maybe they really DON"T know how to work with/treat her. How do you think they would respond if you invited them to spend time with you three.. maybe a playing game party Maybe they just need to get to know her. Our DSA has a grandparents packet... If you contact the Greater Cincinnati DSA they will mail one free of charge to your parents. Maybe that will help. I would not mail it anon though.. I mean.. they are gonna know who sent it anyway Steph [DownSyndromeInfoExchange] Re: My Parents and Olivia I feel for you! What a terrible situation. One point to ponder. . .do you think that by allowing them to have a relationship only with you may be reinforcing their behavior on some level? This would definitely be a family splitting point for me. I would have a very difficult time having any kind of relationship with my parents if they treated one of my children "differently." I think I would choose to keep both kids to myself until if/when they had a change of heart. My older two are "mama bears" about their brother anyway. . .I know they would choose not to have a relationship with their grandparents if they noticed them treating Tristen differently. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Christy-mom to 14, 10, and Tristen 14 mos-Ds) >> > Hi all, > > I'm sure you all know how I struggle with my parents and their obvious> favoritism of (age 10 - non-DS) and Olivia (age 4 - DS). I found a> GREAT "Dear Abby" in my newspaper last night. I have included it for you> below. > > I hope that my parents saw it. I have recently decided to keep Olivia> sheltered from them, as I want to protect her from rejection. There was a> big family fight on Thanksgiving. DH and I wanted to shop the early-bird> specials on Black Friday. Once again, we asked my parents to PLEASE watch> BOTH kids so we could go, and they refused. They said they would only take> . > > We really wanted to get Olivia a Barbie Jeep at Wal-Mart (88.00!!!) and we> could NOT take her with us at 4 am, so we had to drive her all the way to> Scranton, PA so my in-laws could keep her overnight. This is a VERY typical> scenario. No matter when we ask - no matter when we call - it's never a > good time" for them to see Olivia. > > I am so sick of feeling emotionally drained over this situation. Olivia may> face rejection in her life, but it will NOT START WITH HER OWN GRANDPARENTS.> > > They call and ask if they can take shopping, to dinner, to events,> etc.... And they come and pick her up - BEEP the horn and never even peek> in on Olivia. > > I look at her and WONDER how can they ignore such a BEAUTIFUL LITTLE> GIRL???? SHE IS A JOY. > > It just makes me so sad. > > DH and I have decided to let continue a relationship with them,> however, we will keep Olivia to ourselves. She is only ever invited on> birthdays and major holidays anyway. She is also brought out for church> events when they want to make themselves LOOK GOOD. > > (The BRIGHT spot is - WE GOT THE BARBIE JEEP!) > > > > > > (DEAR ABBY: I have two grandchildren. My first is a girl named "Skylar," and> my second is a boy, "Dante." I raised two sons as a single mother and always> had a house full of boys. Since Skylar was born, she has become my world. I> take her everywhere with me, but my nerves just can't handle Dante. I am> being criticized for treating my grandchildren differently and accused of> being prejudiced. It may be true. But Skylar is very sweet, while Dante --> whom I do love -- is "all boy" and hard to handle. > Are my feelings due to the fact that Skylar is my first grandchild, or> because she's the first girl in my life? Or am I just burned out on boys? I> turn down dates to spend time with her. I'd rather spend the rest of my life> with my granddaughter than any man on Earth. > Do other grandparents feel this way, or am I obsessed? -- SKYLAR'S NANA IN> FLORIDA > DEAR NANA: They may feel similarly, but if they are intelligent, mature and> caring, they conceal it better than you do. > Whether you choose to spend time with your grandchildren or an eligible man> is your choice. But to make it obvious that you favor one child over the> other is cruel, and the less-loved little one will recognize it, be hurt and> resent it. ) > > > Carolyn > > > > > > We've gone co-op! Come and see our newest location at Black Diamond Antiques> in the Schuylkill Mall, Frackville, PA! > > > 'Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. > It's already tomorrow in Australia ' > ( Schultz)> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 4, 2008 Report Share Posted December 4, 2008 Okay, I guess this makes me a real big " B " word, but you reject one of my children YOU REJECT ME! So don't call me, don't make nice like you are a good person, you are NOT. Oh, and only call and ask to see my OTHER child at your own peril because you will most likely get a boot so far up your butt it will have to be surgically removed. I AM THE MAMA BEAR here, and NO ONE, I don't care what your " title " is because really when it comes down to it that is all it is, will behave hurtfully to my child and be welcome to come back for more. Just because you have the title " mother " of " father, doesn't make you one. Oh, and, in my opinion, just because you gave birth makes you a mother in " title " only. What you do after birth is what makes you a mom. I've dealt with enough foster kids to feel this one down to my toes. They might have been good parents to you, but they are now a crappy grandparents to YOUR kids. They are showing you who they are, believe them. Are they people you want in your kids lives? Poisoning one against the other? Really? Will it make waves/be uncomfortable/ cause other family members to criticize you if you make drastic changes to the status quo you've allowed to go on this far. Most definitely. Only you can know if you are strong enough to stand up to it. If you are able to do it to protect your kids. I have a very dear friend with a mother that has been criminal and put her whole family at risk (false reporting) and she still won't cut her out of her life. She just can't. Her mother was physically abusive (corporal punishment taken to the extreme) and my friend still to this day cannot stand up to her, not even to protect her husband and family. I don't understand it because I have not walked in her shoes. Neither do I know your circumstances, this message is speaking only for me and my house, my kids come before ALL others. I do not mean this message to offend or criticize you. I hope it might give validation to your gut feeling that their behavior is WRONG, and offer support in doing what you have to do to stand up for your daughter. I don't think reading what Ann Landers says will be enough to make people like this do the right thing. They're not troubled about their behavior like the woman who wrote Ann was. Angels on your body. e Quinlan Mom to Tanner 6 yr and Tehya 4 yr (t21) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 4, 2008 Report Share Posted December 4, 2008 I don't mind at all---that's something I got off a website from a friend of mine that I went to high school with---he was a huge pothead in high school, but has turned out to actually be a contributing member of society. <grins> , Mom to 15, DS, Southern California"People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it!"-------Chas Diagnosis Down Syndrome: A Site of Hope for New Parents or Parents with a Prenatal Diagnosishttp://www.leeworks.net/DDS/What to Say to Parents of a Child with a Diagnosishttp://www.leeworks.net/DDS/speech.html [DownSyndromeInfoExchange] My Parents and Olivia Hi all, I'm sure you all know how I struggle with my parents and their obvious favoritism of (age 10 - non-DS) and Olivia (age 4 - DS). I found a GREAT "Dear Abby" in my newspaper last night. I have included it for you below. I hope that my parents saw it. I have recently decided to keep Olivia sheltered from them, as I want to protect her from rejection. There was a big family fight on Thanksgiving. DH and I wanted to shop the early-bird specials on Black Friday. Once again, we asked my parents to PLEASE watch BOTH kids so we could go, and they refused. They said they would only take . We really wanted to get Olivia a Barbie Jeep at Wal-Mart (88.00!!!) and we could NOT take her with us at 4 am, so we had to drive her all the way to Scranton, PA so my in-laws could keep her overnight. This is a VERY typical scenario. No matter when we ask - no matter when we call - it's never a "good time" for them to see Olivia. I am so sick of feeling emotionally drained over this situation. Olivia may face rejection in her life, but it will NOT START WITH HER OWN GRANDPARENTS. They call and ask if they can take shopping, to dinner, to events, etc.... And they come and pick her up - BEEP the horn and never even peek in on Olivia. I look at her and WONDER how can they ignore such a BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GIRL???? SHE IS A JOY. It just makes me so sad. DH and I have decided to let continue a relationship with them, however, we will keep Olivia to ourselves. She is only ever invited on birthdays and major holidays anyway. She is also brought out for church events when they want to make themselves LOOK GOOD. (The BRIGHT spot is - WE GOT THE BARBIE JEEP!) (DEAR ABBY: I have two grandchildren. My first is a girl named "Skylar," and my second is a boy, "Dante." I raised two sons as a single mother and always had a house full of boys. Since Skylar was born, she has become my world. I take her everywhere with me, but my nerves just can't handle Dante. I am being criticized for treating my grandchildren differently and accused of being prejudiced. It may be true. But Skylar is very sweet, while Dante -- whom I do love -- is "all boy" and hard to handle. Are my feelings due to the fact that Skylar is my first grandchild, or because she's the first girl in my life? Or am I just burned out on boys? I turn down dates to spend time with her. I'd rather spend the rest of my life with my granddaughter than any man on Earth. Do other grandparents feel this way, or am I obsessed? -- SKYLAR'S NANA IN FLORIDA DEAR NANA: They may feel similarly, but if they are intelligent, mature and caring, they conceal it better than you do. Whether you choose to spend time with your grandchildren or an eligible man is your choice. But to make it obvious that you favor one child over the other is cruel, and the less-loved little one will recognize it, be hurt and resent it. ) Carolyn We've gone co-op! Come and see our newest location at Black Diamond Antiques in the Schuylkill Mall, Frackville, PA! 'Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.It's already tomorrow in Australia ' ( Schultz) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 4, 2008 Report Share Posted December 4, 2008 I don't think it makes you a ' B'... its logical to some degree. I know my DH feels that his parents reject him by rejecting his kids. Kids need parents to defend and protect them. Steph [DownSyndromeInfoExchange] Re: My Parents and Olivia Okay, I guess this makes me a real big "B" word, but you reject one of my children YOU REJECT ME! So don't call me, don't make nice like you are a good person, you are NOT. Oh, and only call and ask to see my OTHER child at your own peril because you will most likely get a boot so far up your butt it will have to be surgically removed.I AM THE MAMA BEAR here, and NO ONE, I don't care what your "title" is because really when it comes down to it that is all it is, will behave hurtfully to my child and be welcome to come back for more. Just because you have the title "mother" of "father, doesn't make you one. Oh, and, in my opinion, just because you gave birth makes you a mother in "title" only. What you do after birth is what makes you a mom. I've dealt with enough foster kids to feel this one down to my toes.They might have been good parents to you, but they are now a crappy grandparents to YOUR kids.They are showing you who they are, believe them. Are they people you want in your kids lives? Poisoning one against the other? Really?Will it make waves/be uncomfortable/ cause other family members to criticize you if you make drastic changes to the status quo you've allowed to go on this far. Most definitely. Only you can know if you are strong enough to stand up to it. If you are able to do it to protect your kids.I have a very dear friend with a mother that has been criminal and put her whole family at risk (false reporting) and she still won't cut her out of her life. She just can't. Her mother was physically abusive (corporal punishment taken to the extreme) and my friend still to this day cannot stand up to her, not even to protect her husband and family.I don't understand it because I have not walked in her shoes. Neither do I know your circumstances, this message is speaking only for me and my house, my kids come before ALL others.I do not mean this message to offend or criticize you. I hope it might give validation to your gut feeling that their behavior is WRONG, and offer support in doing what you have to do to stand up for your daughter. I don't think reading what Ann Landers says will be enough to make people like this do the right thing. They're not troubled about their behavior like the woman who wrote Ann was.Angels on your body.e QuinlanMom to Tanner 6 yr and Tehya 4 yr (t21) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 4, 2008 Report Share Posted December 4, 2008 some of you may have heard me say this before but the final straw for me with my MIL was the fact that for the 1st year of 's life all she asked about Down syndrome was " When will they find out how retarded he is? " as if she was waiting to base her love on that. I was done at that point and didn't speak to her for the last about 4 years of her life. Fort WayneMama Bear to , 11 yrs Ds and Hannah, 9 yrs.I don't think it makes you a ' B'... its logical to some degree. I know my DH feels that his parents reject him by rejecting his kids. Kids need parents to defend and protect them. Steph [DownSyndromeInfoEx change] Re: My Parents and Olivia Okay, I guess this makes me a real big " B " word, but you reject one of my children YOU REJECT ME! So don't call me, don't make nice like you are a good person, you are NOT. Oh, and only call and ask to see my OTHER child at your own peril because you will most likely get a boot so far up your butt it will have to be surgically removed. I AM THE MAMA BEAR here, and NO ONE, I don't care what your " title " is because really when it comes down to it that is all it is, will behave hurtfully to my child and be welcome to come back for more. Just because you have the title " mother " of " father, doesn't make you one. Oh, and, in my opinion, just because you gave birth makes you a mother in " title " only. What you do after birth is what makes you a mom. I've dealt with enough foster kids to feel this one down to my toes. They might have been good parents to you, but they are now a crappy grandparents to YOUR kids. They are showing you who they are, believe them. Are they people you want in your kids lives? Poisoning one against the other? Really? Will it make waves/be uncomfortable/ cause other family members to criticize you if you make drastic changes to the status quo you've allowed to go on this far. Most definitely. Only you can know if you are strong enough to stand up to it. If you are able to do it to protect your kids. I have a very dear friend with a mother that has been criminal and put her whole family at risk (false reporting) and she still won't cut her out of her life. She just can't. Her mother was physically abusive (corporal punishment taken to the extreme) and my friend still to this day cannot stand up to her, not even to protect her husband and family. I don't understand it because I have not walked in her shoes. Neither do I know your circumstances, this message is speaking only for me and my house, my kids come before ALL others. I do not mean this message to offend or criticize you. I hope it might give validation to your gut feeling that their behavior is WRONG, and offer support in doing what you have to do to stand up for your daughter. I don't think reading what Ann Landers says will be enough to make people like this do the right thing. They're not troubled about their behavior like the woman who wrote Ann was. Angels on your body. e Quinlan Mom to Tanner 6 yr and Tehya 4 yr (t21) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 4, 2008 Report Share Posted December 4, 2008 First, I would ask why they choose to make these choices and try to understand their feelings. I've known people and even relatives that were frightened because they didn't understand whay DS was. In fact that is where most of this comes from a lack of understanding. You will need to be at your most calm as you ask this and I would suggest that you do it in person and not over the phone, I would also suggest you have your husband there. Some people want to just reject the source out of hand when maybe just a conversation might help " shed the light " on where this issue comes from. After yo listen to their response and try not react before you get to the end of it. You will have some decisions to make. Firstly though I would listen to what the have to say and then you can make decisions. I've learned the hard way many times that things aren't always as I perceive them to be. Just my 2 cents.Chris Hi all, I'm sure you all know how I struggle with my parents and their obvious favoritism of (age 10 - non-DS) and Olivia (age 4 - DS). I found a GREAT " Dear Abby " in my newspaper last night. I have included it for you below. I hope that my parents saw it. I have recently decided to keep Olivia sheltered from them, as I want to protect her from rejection. There was a big family fight on Thanksgiving. DH and I wanted to shop the early-bird specials on Black Friday. Once again, we asked my parents to PLEASE watch BOTH kids so we could go, and they refused. They said they would only take . We really wanted to get Olivia a Barbie Jeep at Wal-Mart (88.00!!!) and we could NOT take her with us at 4 am, so we had to drive her all the way to Scranton, PA so my in-laws could keep her overnight. This is a VERY typical scenario. No matter when we ask - no matter when we call - it's never a " good time " for them to see Olivia. I am so sick of feeling emotionally drained over this situation. Olivia may face rejection in her life, but it will NOT START WITH HER OWN GRANDPARENTS. They call and ask if they can take shopping, to dinner, to events, etc.... And they come and pick her up - BEEP the horn and never even peek in on Olivia. I look at her and WONDER how can they ignore such a BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GIRL???? SHE IS A JOY. It just makes me so sad. DH and I have decided to let continue a relationship with them, however, we will keep Olivia to ourselves. She is only ever invited on birthdays and major holidays anyway. She is also brought out for church events when they want to make themselves LOOK GOOD. (The BRIGHT spot is - WE GOT THE BARBIE JEEP!) (DEAR ABBY: I have two grandchildren. My first is a girl named " Skylar, " and my second is a boy, " Dante. " I raised two sons as a single mother and always had a house full of boys. Since Skylar was born, she has become my world. I take her everywhere with me, but my nerves just can't handle Dante. I am being criticized for treating my grandchildren differently and accused of being prejudiced. It may be true. But Skylar is very sweet, while Dante -- whom I do love -- is " all boy " and hard to handle. Are my feelings due to the fact that Skylar is my first grandchild, or because she's the first girl in my life? Or am I just burned out on boys? I turn down dates to spend time with her. I'd rather spend the rest of my life with my granddaughter than any man on Earth. Do other grandparents feel this way, or am I obsessed? -- SKYLAR'S NANA IN FLORIDA DEAR NANA: They may feel similarly, but if they are intelligent, mature and caring, they conceal it better than you do. Whether you choose to spend time with your grandchildren or an eligible man is your choice. But to make it obvious that you favor one child over the other is cruel, and the less-loved little one will recognize it, be hurt and resent it. ) Carolyn We've gone co-op! Come and see our newest location at Black Diamond Antiques in the Schuylkill Mall, Frackville, PA! 'Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.It's already tomorrow in Australia ' ( Schultz) -- Chris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 4, 2008 Report Share Posted December 4, 2008 I am taking all of this advice right to heart. Thank you so much. My dad actually said, "Olivia doesn't know where she is when she is anywhere anyway." when I asked him why she couldn't come for a sleep-over and could. This horrific comment came from a person who has been a teacher for 40 years. It's a hopeless case. I just have to get over the way I constantly strive for my parents' approval. They have always been very hard on me. Nothing has ever been good enough. If I got an A, they'd wonder why it wasn't an A+...won 2nd place - why not first? I tend to be very hard on myself due to this. The madness has got to END! My Mama Bear instinct supercedes EVERYTHING though!!! Hugs, Carolyn "People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it!" ~ Chas -- Re: [DownSyndromeInfoExchange] My Parents and Olivia First, I would ask why they choose to make these choices and try to understand their feelings. I've known people and even relatives that were frightened because they didn't understand whay DS was. In fact that is where most of this comes from a lack of understanding. You will need to be at your most calm as you ask this and I would suggest that you do it in person and not over the phone, I would also suggest you have your husband there. Some people want to just reject the source out of hand when maybe just a conversation might help "shed the light" on where this issue comes from. After yo listen to their response and try not react before you get to the end of it. You will have some decisions to make. Firstly though I would listen to what the have to say and then you can make decisions. I've learned the hard way many times that things aren't always as I perceive them to be. Just my 2 cents.Chris On Wed, Dec 3, 2008 at 6:18 AM, M/M Kupinsky <vintageredroomwindstream (DOT) net> wrote: Hi all, I'm sure you all know how I struggle with my parents and their obvious favoritism of (age 10 - non-DS) and Olivia (age 4 - DS). I found a GREAT "Dear Abby" in my newspaper last night. I have included it for you below. I hope that my parents saw it. I have recently decided to keep Olivia sheltered from them, as I want to protect her from rejection. There was a big family fight on Thanksgiving. DH and I wanted to shop the early-bird specials on Black Friday. Once again, we asked my parents to PLEASE watch BOTH kids so we could go, and they refused. They said they would only take . We really wanted to get Olivia a Barbie Jeep at Wal-Mart (88.00!!!) and we could NOT take her with us at 4 am, so we had to drive her all the way to Scranton, PA so my in-laws could keep her overnight. This is a VERY typical scenario. No matter when we ask - no matter when we call - it's never a "good time" for them to see Olivia. I am so sick of feeling emotionally drained over this situation. Olivia may face rejection in her life, but it will NOT START WITH HER OWN GRANDPARENTS. They call and ask if they can take shopping, to dinner, to events, etc.... And they come and pick her up - BEEP the horn and never even peek in on Olivia. I look at her and WONDER how can they ignore such a BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GIRL???? SHE IS A JOY. It just makes me so sad. DH and I have decided to let continue a relationship with them, however, we will keep Olivia to ourselves. She is only ever invited on birthdays and major holidays anyway. She is also brought out for church events when they want to make themselves LOOK GOOD. (The BRIGHT spot is - WE GOT THE BARBIE JEEP!) (DEAR ABBY: I have two grandchildren. My first is a girl named "Skylar," and my second is a boy, "Dante." I raised two sons as a single mother and always had a house full of boys. Since Skylar was born, she has become my world. I take her everywhere with me, but my nerves just can't handle Dante. I am being criticized for treating my grandchildren differently and accused of being prejudiced. It may be true. But Skylar is very sweet, while Dante -- whom I do love -- is "all boy" and hard to handle. Are my feelings due to the fact that Skylar is my first grandchild, or because she's the first girl in my life? Or am I just burned out on boys? I turn down dates to spend time with her. I'd rather spend the rest of my life with my granddaughter than any man on Earth. Do other grandparents feel this way, or am I obsessed? -- SKYLAR'S NANA IN FLORIDA DEAR NANA: They may feel similarly, but if they are intelligent, mature and caring, they conceal it better than you do. Whether you choose to spend time with your grandchildren or an eligible man is your choice. But to make it obvious that you favor one child over the other is cruel, and the less-loved little one will recognize it, be hurt and resent it. ) Carolyn We've gone co-op! Come and see our newest location at Black Diamond Antiques in the Schuylkill Mall, Frackville, PA! 'Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.It's already tomorrow in Australia ' ( Schultz) -- Chris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 4, 2008 Report Share Posted December 4, 2008 You know I have a very tough to please mother...and I finally grew up and stopped letting the guilt trips and the controlling actions actually control me. While I am 'kind' to her I don't do what she tries to make me do with her manipulations any more---drives her crazy, but I am a much happier person because of it. Caller ID is awesome, you don't have to anwser and you don't have to call back! My old neighbor had taken to Disneyland with her kids when he was 4 (we had passes, she didn't pay for him) and the next day she told her mother she had taken the kids including ...her mother said, 'Did he even know where he was?' She was shocked that her mother was so stupid and then told me how started the fun in the parking lot---as soon as they turned in and he saw where he was he started yelling 'YAY! DISEYYAND! MICKEY! WHOO HOO!!!' She told her Mom, 'Not only did he know where he was, he knew it in the parking lot...and HE showed us where to find the characters for a hug, and totally knew his way around the park to the rides he liked.' Oh, and since you told me your dad is a teacher that makes every bit of sense---I'm writing a book titled 'Who's the Slow Learner?' all about the teachers we have encountered who didn't have a clue. , Mom to 15, DS, Southern California"People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it!"-------Chas Diagnosis Down Syndrome: A Site of Hope for New Parents or Parents with a Prenatal Diagnosishttp://www.leeworks.net/DDS/What to Say to Parents of a Child with a Diagnosishttp://www.leeworks.net/DDS/speech.html Re: [DownSyndromeInfoExchange] My Parents and Olivia First, I would ask why they choose to make these choices and try to understand their feelings. I've known people and even relatives that were frightened because they didn't understand whay DS was. In fact that is where most of this comes from a lack of understanding. You will need to be at your most calm as you ask this and I would suggest that you do it in person and not over the phone, I would also suggest you have your husband there. Some people want to just reject the source out of hand when maybe just a conversation might help "shed the light" on where this issue comes from. After yo listen to their response and try not react before you get to the end of it. You will have some decisions to make. Firstly though I would listen to what the have to say and then you can make decisions. I've learned the hard way many times that things aren't always as I perceive them to be. Just my 2 cents.Chris On Wed, Dec 3, 2008 at 6:18 AM, M/M Kupinsky <vintageredroomwindstream (DOT) net> wrote: Hi all, I'm sure you all know how I struggle with my parents and their obvious favoritism of (age 10 - non-DS) and Olivia (age 4 - DS). I found a GREAT "Dear Abby" in my newspaper last night. I have included it for you below. I hope that my parents saw it. I have recently decided to keep Olivia sheltered from them, as I want to protect her from rejection. There was a big family fight on Thanksgiving. DH and I wanted to shop the early-bird specials on Black Friday. Once again, we asked my parents to PLEASE watch BOTH kids so we could go, and they refused. They said they would only take . We really wanted to get Olivia a Barbie Jeep at Wal-Mart (88.00!!!) and we could NOT take her with us at 4 am, so we had to drive her all the way to Scranton, PA so my in-laws could keep her overnight. This is a VERY typical scenario. No matter when we ask - no matter when we call - it's never a "good time" for them to see Olivia. I am so sick of feeling emotionally drained over this situation. Olivia may face rejection in her life, but it will NOT START WITH HER OWN GRANDPARENTS. They call and ask if they can take shopping, to dinner, to events, etc.... And they come and pick her up - BEEP the horn and never even peek in on Olivia. I look at her and WONDER how can they ignore such a BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GIRL???? SHE IS A JOY. It just makes me so sad. DH and I have decided to let continue a relationship with them, however, we will keep Olivia to ourselves. She is only ever invited on birthdays and major holidays anyway. She is also brought out for church events when they want to make themselves LOOK GOOD. (The BRIGHT spot is - WE GOT THE BARBIE JEEP!) (DEAR ABBY: I have two grandchildren. My first is a girl named "Skylar," and my second is a boy, "Dante." I raised two sons as a single mother and always had a house full of boys. Since Skylar was born, she has become my world. I take her everywhere with me, but my nerves just can't handle Dante. I am being criticized for treating my grandchildren differently and accused of being prejudiced. It may be true. But Skylar is very sweet, while Dante -- whom I do love -- is "all boy" and hard to handle. Are my feelings due to the fact that Skylar is my first grandchild, or because she's the first girl in my life? Or am I just burned out on boys? I turn down dates to spend time with her. I'd rather spend the rest of my life with my granddaughter than any man on Earth. Do other grandparents feel this way, or am I obsessed? -- SKYLAR'S NANA IN FLORIDA DEAR NANA: They may feel similarly, but if they are intelligent, mature and caring, they conceal it better than you do. Whether you choose to spend time with your grandchildren or an eligible man is your choice. But to make it obvious that you favor one child over the other is cruel, and the less-loved little one will recognize it, be hurt and resent it. ) Carolyn We've gone co-op! Come and see our newest location at Black Diamond Antiques in the Schuylkill Mall, Frackville, PA! 'Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.It's already tomorrow in Australia ' ( Schultz) -- Chris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 5, 2008 Report Share Posted December 5, 2008 I would say that that question comes from ignorance and fear. I have asked the same question in a different way. I have been concerned with Tyler if he were lost find his way home. Both Tyler's Mother and I have asked this question, does he know where to get to where he is? I would worry myself and even convince myself that he couldn't and I had to protect him. Since my/our goal is for him to have independent life, we have to let that go and find out what he does know. So I asked him and of course he knew quite a bit. I would say you have to get over it as a parent, buy I know many who don't. As far as grandparents the answer to your father's question is he. She won't know where she is or who you are if she never sees you. I however would call this horrific, I would call it sad and grounded in fear. Those people need to be pitied not horrified. It's there loss. I am taking all of this advice right to heart. Thank you so much. My dad actually said, " Olivia doesn't know where she is when she is anywhere anyway. " when I asked him why she couldn't come for a sleep-over and could. This horrific comment came from a person who has been a teacher for 40 years. It's a hopeless case. I just have to get over the way I constantly strive for my parents' approval. They have always been very hard on me. Nothing has ever been good enough. If I got an A, they'd wonder why it wasn't an A+...won 2nd place - why not first? I tend to be very hard on myself due to this. The madness has got to END! My Mama Bear instinct supercedes EVERYTHING though!!! Hugs, Carolyn " People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it! " ~ Chas -- Re: [DownSyndromeInfoExchange] My Parents and Olivia First, I would ask why they choose to make these choices and try to understand their feelings. I've known people and even relatives that were frightened because they didn't understand whay DS was. In fact that is where most of this comes from a lack of understanding. You will need to be at your most calm as you ask this and I would suggest that you do it in person and not over the phone, I would also suggest you have your husband there. Some people want to just reject the source out of hand when maybe just a conversation might help " shed the light " on where this issue comes from. After yo listen to their response and try not react before you get to the end of it. You will have some decisions to make. Firstly though I would listen to what the have to say and then you can make decisions. I've learned the hard way many times that things aren't always as I perceive them to be. Just my 2 cents.Chris Hi all, I'm sure you all know how I struggle with my parents and their obvious favoritism of (age 10 - non-DS) and Olivia (age 4 - DS). I found a GREAT " Dear Abby " in my newspaper last night. I have included it for you below. I hope that my parents saw it. I have recently decided to keep Olivia sheltered from them, as I want to protect her from rejection. There was a big family fight on Thanksgiving. DH and I wanted to shop the early-bird specials on Black Friday. Once again, we asked my parents to PLEASE watch BOTH kids so we could go, and they refused. They said they would only take . We really wanted to get Olivia a Barbie Jeep at Wal-Mart (88.00!!!) and we could NOT take her with us at 4 am, so we had to drive her all the way to Scranton, PA so my in-laws could keep her overnight. This is a VERY typical scenario. No matter when we ask - no matter when we call - it's never a " good time " for them to see Olivia. I am so sick of feeling emotionally drained over this situation. Olivia may face rejection in her life, but it will NOT START WITH HER OWN GRANDPARENTS. They call and ask if they can take shopping, to dinner, to events, etc.... And they come and pick her up - BEEP the horn and never even peek in on Olivia. I look at her and WONDER how can they ignore such a BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GIRL???? SHE IS A JOY. It just makes me so sad. DH and I have decided to let continue a relationship with them, however, we will keep Olivia to ourselves. She is only ever invited on birthdays and major holidays anyway. She is also brought out for church events when they want to make themselves LOOK GOOD. (The BRIGHT spot is - WE GOT THE BARBIE JEEP!) (DEAR ABBY: I have two grandchildren. My first is a girl named " Skylar, " and my second is a boy, " Dante. " I raised two sons as a single mother and always had a house full of boys. Since Skylar was born, she has become my world. I take her everywhere with me, but my nerves just can't handle Dante. I am being criticized for treating my grandchildren differently and accused of being prejudiced. It may be true. But Skylar is very sweet, while Dante -- whom I do love -- is " all boy " and hard to handle. Are my feelings due to the fact that Skylar is my first grandchild, or because she's the first girl in my life? Or am I just burned out on boys? I turn down dates to spend time with her. I'd rather spend the rest of my life with my granddaughter than any man on Earth. Do other grandparents feel this way, or am I obsessed? -- SKYLAR'S NANA IN FLORIDA DEAR NANA: They may feel similarly, but if they are intelligent, mature and caring, they conceal it better than you do. Whether you choose to spend time with your grandchildren or an eligible man is your choice. But to make it obvious that you favor one child over the other is cruel, and the less-loved little one will recognize it, be hurt and resent it. ) Carolyn We've gone co-op! Come and see our newest location at Black Diamond Antiques in the Schuylkill Mall, Frackville, PA! 'Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.It's already tomorrow in Australia ' ( Schultz) -- Chris -- Chris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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