Re: They can't make it without you!

[Guest guest]

With respect, Bill, but I don't believe that this sort of extremely

directive instruction is the only way you can engage an autistic child in

purposeful interaction. The floortime approach, for example, actually usest

he child's activities to guide interaction. For exampel, if a child is

obsessed with fans, thsi is what hte parent will start to interact with the

child about, gradually moving towards more " normal " interaction. Of course,

attending to cooperative behavior rather than negative behavior is still

important, I agree to that part, but if a parent can only ignore negative

behavior in an empty room, okay, I'm sorry, but that's the parent's problem

not the child's. Besides, if the child is being drilled into looking at Mom,

listening to Mom for hours at a tiem in an empty room, and finally does so,

how will it generalize into doing the same when the child is already

interacting with something else (eg. a fan)? You simply cannot forbid all

non-interactive play for an autistic child. Rather make at firs

tnon-interactive play interactive, Like my father used to do, I was at one

poitn obsessed with calculation. My father at one poitn got me a box of

square-shaped computer chips and taught me square calculation with them.

This was at age 6, yes, and that may be abnormal, but it is a way to

interact with me as an autistic child.

As a side note, the " the parent is a trusted guide " idea is good, but that

is only as long as the parent understands the way the autistic child

experiences the world. I have a huge problem with the idea of autism as like

an oppositional-defiant disorder because it presumes that the parents' view

on the world is somehow " right " and the child should learn to follow that.

Well, they won't. Autistics' neurology is so different from NTs' that they

will not learn to see thigns like an NT does. No amount of locking them up

will accomplish this.

Astrid

astrid@...

http://www.astridvanwoerkom.com/

They can't make it without you!

Young children on the spectrum are often so confused and disorganized. They

run around

haphazardly, bouncing from one thing to another, looking for direction and

boundaries;

seeking a path through the chaos. They resist direction and guidance, and

are driven to

control everything around them. This is their only means of coping with the

confusion, in

a world they cannot understand.

As a psychologist and autism specialist, parents frequently ask me, " What

can I do? How

can I guide my child? " In the frustration of having their children reject

their guidance, they

often revert to pacifying the child in order to keep some degree of peace in

the home; to

avoid the world of meltdowns, aggression and destructive behavior.

My answer is often the same. Children on the spectrum cannot find their

own way. They

are lost in a sea of confusion and so desperately need a path to lead their

way. They don't

know how to use the guidance of another, or trust a helping hand. They

have not formed

the attachment that naturally guides them to follow their parent's lead. It

is this lack of

using the parent as a " trusted guide " that leaves them with no buffer to the

scary and

often overwhelming world. Without the parents guidance there are no

boundaries to

structure and make sense of their world.

The focus for parents should be to put aside all the destructive, confusing

behavior for a

minute, and work on becoming a " trusted guide " with their child. Teach the

child to " share

experiences " with you and to " follow your lead " in doing things. To do

this you may need

to create a room that is devoid of anything in it but you. A room where you

can lock the

door behind you and create a world of just YOU and your child. Attempt to

engage in

simple interactive play, where you are the only element to attend to.

Simply hang with

your child and do simple games like " patty cake " , " peek-a-boo " , bouncing on

the knee,

" I'm going to getcha " , etc.

The child may resist at first, but hang in there. You can sit quietly and

wait him out, or

playfully intrude in his solitude. If he throws a fit and fights you,

simply tell him " I

understand you are upset. That's ok, we can wait foryou calm down to do

it. " At first keep

the interaction simple and brief, as to maximize success, but hang in their

until the child

complies with you for a brief period of interaction. This may take a couple

of hours at

first. If you totally ignore all negative behavior and turn you attention

" on " to all

cooperative interaction, the child will eventually respond. Then from there

the child will

eventually learn to engage in interactive play with you and to follow your

lead in simple

activity. You will also establish a bond that will lead you to be a

" trusted guide " for your

child. Of course it is not easy to do, and requires hours of patience,

ignoring resistance,

and selectively focusing on attending to cooperative behavior, but the

effect is worth the

effort.

It is not always easy to create a room, devoid of everything, to engage your

child.

However, it is a must for many of these children. It is often the only

space that you can

completely ignore their behavior and be safe. When you are the only element

in their

world, they will eventually engage with you. The secret is not attending to

the negative

behavior (no talking, no looking, no reacting) and selective attention of

any and all

cooperative behavior. The other secret is taking the lead in the activity,

to teach your child

that following your lead is rewarding and trusting.

This engagement can gradually be shaped into most any activity during the

day; where the

child is following your lead and engaging in reciprocal interaction with

you. Engaging in

what I call " We-do " activities. At this point is when a child becomes an

apprentice to you

and learns and grows from following your lead and sharing experiences with

you.

Take the time and become a trusted coach. I don't want to make this sound

easy, because

it is very difficult. Parents are often scared when they start off, but

become very skillful as

they go along. It is not about what you are doing, but narrowing your

child's world done

to just him and you. Try this a couple times a day, until your child is

engaged in simple

interactive play for 20 minutes at a time.

Good luck,

Bill

I'm protected by SpamBrave

http://www.spambrave.com/

[Guest guest]

Thank you Astrid. Why can't we allow our Autistic children to learn from teaching us what it's like in their world. How else will we learn how to communicate?

Subject: Re: They can't make it without you!To: AutismBehaviorProblems Date: Friday, August 1, 2008, 6:22 AM

With respect, Bill, but I don't believe that this sort of extremely directive instruction is the only way you can engage an autistic child in purposeful interaction. The floortime approach, for example, actually usest he child's activities to guide interaction. For exampel, if a child is obsessed with fans, thsi is what hte parent will start to interact with the child about, gradually moving towards more "normal" interaction. Of course, attending to cooperative behavior rather than negative behavior is still important, I agree to that part, but if a parent can only ignore negative behavior in an empty room, okay, I'm sorry, but that's the parent's problem not the child's. Besides, if the child is being drilled into looking at Mom, listening to Mom for hours at a tiem in an empty room, and finally does so, how will it generalize into doing the same when the child is already interacting with something

else (eg. a fan)? You simply cannot forbid all non-interactive play for an autistic child. Rather make at firs tnon-interactive play interactive, Like my father used to do, I was at one poitn obsessed with calculation. My father at one poitn got me a box of square-shaped computer chips and taught me square calculation with them. This was at age 6, yes, and that may be abnormal, but it is a way to interact with me as an autistic child.As a side note, the "the parent is a trusted guide" idea is good, but that is only as long as the parent understands the way the autistic child experiences the world. I have a huge problem with the idea of autism as like an oppositional- defiant disorder because it presumes that the parents' view on the world is somehow "right" and the child should learn to follow that. Well, they won't. Autistics' neurology is so different from NTs' that they will not learn to see

thigns like an NT does. No amount of locking them up will accomplish this.Astridastrid@astridvanwoe rkom.comhttp://www.astridva nwoerkom. com/ They can't make it without you!Young children on the spectrum are often so confused and disorganized. They run aroundhaphazardly, bouncing from one thing to another, looking for direction and boundaries;seeking a path through the chaos. They resist direction and

guidance, and are driven tocontrol everything around them. This is their only means of coping with the confusion, ina world they cannot understand.As a psychologist and autism specialist, parents frequently ask me, "What can I do? Howcan I guide my child?" In the frustration of having their children reject their guidance, theyoften revert to pacifying the child in order to keep some degree of peace in the home; toavoid the world of meltdowns, aggression and destructive behavior.My answer is often the same. Children on the spectrum cannot find their own way. Theyare lost in a sea of confusion and so desperately need a path to lead their way. They don'tknow how to use the guidance of another, or trust a helping hand. They have not formedthe attachment that naturally guides them to follow their parent's lead. It is this lack ofusing the parent as a "trusted guide" that

leaves them with no buffer to the scary andoften overwhelming world. Without the parents guidance there are no boundaries tostructure and make sense of their world.The focus for parents should be to put aside all the destructive, confusing behavior for aminute, and work on becoming a "trusted guide" with their child. Teach the child to "shareexperiences" with you and to "follow your lead" in doing things. To do this you may needto create a room that is devoid of anything in it but you. A room where you can lock thedoor behind you and create a world of just YOU and your child. Attempt to engage insimple interactive play, where you are the only element to attend to. Simply hang withyour child and do simple games like "patty cake", "peek-a-boo" , bouncing on the knee,"I'm going to getcha", etc.The child may resist at first, but hang in there. You can sit quietly and

wait him out, orplayfully intrude in his solitude. If he throws a fit and fights you, simply tell him "Iunderstand you are upset. That's ok, we can wait foryou calm down to do it." At first keepthe interaction simple and brief, as to maximize success, but hang in their until the childcomplies with you for a brief period of interaction. This may take a couple of hours atfirst. If you totally ignore all negative behavior and turn you attention "on" to allcooperative interaction, the child will eventually respond. Then from there the child willeventually learn to engage in interactive play with you and to follow your lead in simpleactivity. You will also establish a bond that will lead you to be a "trusted guide" for yourchild. Of course it is not easy to do, and requires hours of patience, ignoring resistance,and selectively focusing on attending to cooperative behavior, but

the effect is worth theeffort.It is not always easy to create a room, devoid of everything, to engage your child.However, it is a must for many of these children. It is often the only space that you cancompletely ignore their behavior and be safe. When you are the only element in theirworld, they will eventually engage with you. The secret is not attending to the negativebehavior (no talking, no looking, no reacting) and selective attention of any and allcooperative behavior. The other secret is taking the lead in the activity, to teach your childthat following your lead is rewarding and trusting.This engagement can gradually be shaped into most any activity during the day; where thechild is following your lead and engaging in reciprocal interaction with you. Engaging inwhat I call "We-do" activities. At this point is when a child becomes an apprentice to

youand learns and grows from following your lead and sharing experiences with you.Take the time and become a trusted coach. I don't want to make this sound easy, becauseit is very difficult. Parents are often scared when they start off, but become very skillful asthey go along. It is not about what you are doing, but narrowing your child's world doneto just him and you. Try this a couple times a day, until your child is engaged in simpleinteractive play for 20 minutes at a time.Good luck,BillI'm protected by SpamBravehttp://www.spambrav e.com/

[Guest guest]

I agree with you completely, Astrid. As an autistic woman myself with an autistic child, I know interactive play based on the child's interests first is the way to go. My son decided he liked the way the Hebrew language sounded (via learning the Hebrew alphabet on Barney). I was just thrilled he wanted to speak again, I had a Jewish friend help me learn some of the language, and he was thrilled. Then, he later went on to speak in English again. Just proves that we all need to be as open-minded as possible.

Re: They can't make it without you!

Posted by: "Astrid" astrid@... silent_fairy_1986

Sat Aug 2, 2008 5:50 am (PDT)

With respect, Bill, but I don't believe that this sort of extremely directive instruction is the only way you can engage an autistic child in purposeful interaction. The floortime approach, for example, actually usest he child's activities to guide interaction. For exampel, if a child is obsessed with fans, thsi is what hte parent will start to interact with the child about, gradually moving towards more "normal" interaction. Of course, attending to cooperative behavior rather than negative behavior is still important, I agree to that part, but if a parent can only ignore negative behavior in an empty room, okay, I'm sorry, but that's the parent's problem not the child's. Besides, if the child is being drilled into looking at Mom, listening to Mom for hours at a tiem in an empty room, and finally does so, how will it generalize into doing the same when the child is already

interacting with something else (eg. a fan)? You simply cannot forbid all non-interactive play for an autistic child. Rather make at firs tnon-interactive play interactive, Like my father used to do, I was at one poitn obsessed with calculation. My father at one poitn got me a box of square-shaped computer chips and taught me square calculation with them. This was at age 6, yes, and that may be abnormal, but it is a way to interact with me as an autistic child.As a side note, the "the parent is a trusted guide" idea is good, but that is only as long as the parent understands the way the autistic child experiences the world. I have a huge problem with the idea of autism as like an oppositional- defiant disorder because it presumes that the parents' view on the world is somehow "right" and the child should learn to follow that. Well, they won't. Autistics' neurology is so different from NTs' that

they will not learn to see thigns like an NT does. No amount of locking them up will accomplish this.Astrid