placement

[Guest guest]

I was hoping that maybe I can get some support or suggestions, seeing

we all seem to be the only ones to understand our situations. I have

a son whom is almost 8 years old and Autistic. I am single parent and

also have a 11 yr old. I have been fighting for many years for help,

services for him. Well finally there was a partial residential

program that was willing to take him. Then guaranteed that this was

the appropriate program. I also had some friends come with to

meetings, that maybe they would hear things that maybe a desperate

mother may not see, and they would see it in another perspective.

Well my son is high functioning, It took me about 4 years alone, with

bearly much support, lots of trial and error (too many errors!!) but,

finally we would be able to sit down and eat out, go to the stores

and not have to rush as fast as possible, so he wouldn't have a

meltdown and we wouldn't get everything we need, many meltdowns on a

daily basis ect..I am sure you know exactly what I am talking about.

Well he was having maybe two meltdowns a month, and yes they were bad

but only lasted sometimes 15mins and was easily redirectable but hey

thats great and I was happy. Well..he went to a life skills training

program, which he would be home on weekends, holidays, ect. And they

told me he was a perfect fit. I told them that I do not want him with

children on the spectrum that were severe, only because we all know

that Autistic children mimic..and my son gets really emotional if he

is around a child whom hurts themselves (which is so odd, because he

bites himself, screams, you name it he has done it) Well he really

freaks out when others do it..well they told me that there was no

children in this program that would raise any suggestion that he

would not be a perfect fit with them. Well guess what. My son was not

a fit and went backwards almost immediately, he started wetting his

pants, they shadowed him in every aspect, I haven't had him connected

to my hip like he was when after the 1st week since he was about 5

yrs old. He lost all knowledge, and lets talk about working hard on

redirecting him, thats hard work at first but he was easily

redirectable before the program, I could not redirect him at all. He

wouldn't dress himself, he wouldn't grab his own snack or drink

anymore, it was like the struggle and hard work and all of the

beatings I had endured over the years was for nothing!!! Well I

talked to the center and they said even though he knew his schedule

and how to do things, he didnt master them and they all get

shadowed..I explained he wets his pants and acts like he doesnt know

when to go unless directed. He has been potty trained with very few

accidents in a year. He was mild autistic to severe in just a few

weeks and He is big and I was scared to have him in the car. And

wanted to cry. He attacts me constantly now, and his sister, better

yet he never hit another person besides us, well now he does..he

attacted his sisters friend and now he wants to hump everything and

everyone. Well needless to say I took him out. They were not happy,

but neither was I. I told them in the begining that we will not go

backwards and asked them if they would move forward with him and they

said oh yes. But when I talked with them after the 2nd week they said

that they do this with all the children. They never told me that. So

now I am with no services, because this is funded by the state. Well

I had a meeting with a service which helps get DHS funding for

Illinois and she said that I can get him in a residential. A full

time residential. And I am at a loss. I know that I can not handle

him. I am small and little and not that strong. I know that as he

gets older that I can not safely do it, especially with my daughter,

but I was hoping as we all do that he could stay with me always. Now

after his major meldowns and him attacking us constantly I dont know

what to do. I figured I had a few more years before this, but now I

am considering it now. I feel like I am making a mistake if i do, but

what if I make a mistake not taking the full residential. With this

state funding is far and few and if I dont get it now, It may be

years of waiting like I already waited 3 years for this horrible

agency. And I can hardly handle him now, and I can not jeopardize his

well being and my daughters, and last mine. Please send advise.