Re: New to Board - need help with in-laws

[Guest guest]

The in-laws are hard. Fortunately I don't see mine much and I try to

sit strategically at the table when they are here. They are at least

tolerable so that works for me. They have some idea from my husband

of my sensitivity especially to popcorn and nuts so I usually just go

elsewhere when they eat crunchy things. I do remember though, when I

was pregnant, and was going to have my mother and mother-in-law stay

with me when the baby was born, I sent them a very straight forward

email of expectations when they would be at my house. (My mom is

especially bad)I even told them they had to eat crunchy things in

their room and no gum! I just knew that with lack of sleep and stress

of a newborn, it would be no help to have my " help " stressing me out

even more! They took it well probably because I was holding their

first grandchild " hostage " if they didn't.

I think it is a good idea to try to approach the topic with them. I

found email to be easier but am not sure if your in-laws are on

email. One idea I think of is trying to find examples elsewhere that

they can try to relate to: I don't know if Joan on the Dr Phil show

would be helpful or not (helps them to see others have same issues

but Dr Phil so misses on what he says she needs to do) It's on

YouTube here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJIg6eJMSXI

Also, maybe just pointing them to the description on this Yahoo Group

and the name 4S.

I think this will help to show them that first, it's not just them,

and secondly, you are not the only person affected by their behaviors.

Trying to focus on the behaviors rather than the people is probably

key. (For instance, gum chewing really stresses me out rather than

you really stress me out)

All this to say, I think it will be hard to do and they may not

understand but I do think you need to try. I am sure others on this

board will have even better ideas!

>

> Like everyone else here, the people around me have suffered from my

> suffering. I experience a kind of rage whenever I hear chewing

sounds,

> gulping sounds, gum chewing, plate scraping and when I see people

> cleaning their teeth with in front of me. I also feel the need to

> imitate the sounds I hear, it somehow makes me feel a little

better. I

> have had 4S since about 7 years old. Fortunately, my family has

come to

> terms with it and allows me to eat alone when I need to and I know

they

> try their best not to make sounds. But my in-laws are another

story. I

> dont know how to tell them about this without them thinking I'm

making

> it up or hurting their feelings. They are the grossest eaters I

could

> ever have imagined (fortunately, my husband is not). Their mouths

open

> fully with every chew, they chew gum constantly and my mother-in-

law

> cleans her teeth after every meal, at the table. I dont know what

to

> do. Strangely, my husband has developed a slight case of 4s now

with

> his family too, I guess from hearing me complain about it

contstantly.

> Has someone had a similar problem and found a way to bring this up

and

> have new family members come to terms with it? Any advice would be

> greatly appreciated.

>

[Guest guest]

Do you wear earplugs? It really helps me to tone down the noises in

eating situations. Sometimes I cannot hear everything that is being

said and I just kinda nod my head like I know what they are talking

about. I find that if I wear my earplugs and am eating at the same

time that the sound of my own chewing is very loud and knocks down

the sounds that drive me crazy. I have earplugs with me at all times,

they don't drown out the sound of the clinking of forks on plates or

bowls but the smacking and mouth noises it does help with. My dad

eats like a disgusting pig, he actually sticks his tounge out to meet

his food, oh, it is gross, no manners, and smacks soooo loud. I limit

my time with him and when forced to sit down to a meal I put in my

earplugs and mostly look at my own plate not allowing myself to watch

or focus on his sick mouth. I also imitate sounds that bug me, I

don't know why, I guess it makes me feel better some how, but it can

really piss people off in some situations if they know what you are

doing! I also can't help shooting the noise offender an evil glare as

soon as I hear the sound. Good luck!

> >

> > Like everyone else here, the people around me have suffered from

my

> > suffering. I experience a kind of rage whenever I hear chewing

> sounds,

> > gulping sounds, gum chewing, plate scraping and when I see people

> > cleaning their teeth with in front of me. I also feel the need to

> > imitate the sounds I hear, it somehow makes me feel a little

> better. I

> > have had 4S since about 7 years old. Fortunately, my family has

> come to

> > terms with it and allows me to eat alone when I need to and I

know

> they

> > try their best not to make sounds. But my in-laws are another

> story. I

> > dont know how to tell them about this without them thinking I'm

> making

> > it up or hurting their feelings. They are the grossest eaters I

> could

> > ever have imagined (fortunately, my husband is not). Their mouths

> open

> > fully with every chew, they chew gum constantly and my mother-in-

> law

> > cleans her teeth after every meal, at the table. I dont know what

> to

> > do. Strangely, my husband has developed a slight case of 4s now

> with

> > his family too, I guess from hearing me complain about it

> contstantly.

> > Has someone had a similar problem and found a way to bring this

up

> and

> > have new family members come to terms with it? Any advice would

be

> > greatly appreciated.

> >

>