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The Smack Shuffle Regime!

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I. Just. Don't. Get. It.

Is it really that hard NOT to make smacky slimy chewy noises when you

eat? Is it really that hard to actually pick up your feet when you

walk instead of shuffle shuffle shuffle?

I've tried. It's not easier. In fact, it takes a great deal of effort

to chew with your mouth open and make disgusting noises...more so than

just chewing silently with mouth closed. And though the foot shufflers

seem to be too exhausted and world weary to pick up their feet with

each step, it actually takes MUCH more effort to drag them

along...friction, right? Like I said, I tried all of the above. The

path of least resistance involves fewer irritating noises.

What's the payoff for all the effort?

Does the food taste better?

Maybe you wear out your shoes faster and can indulge in new footwear

more often?

I know! You're getting excercise! Sure, people around you may hate

you for being so gross and annoying, but the svelte glutes and strong

jaw are so totally worth it, aren't they? Join the hundreds, nay,

thousands of people out there in the world who are on the Smack

Shuffle regime!

Ugh.

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