Re: OK, I feel horrible and hate myself for thinking this

[Guest guest]

I understand how you feel. It is normal to feel like you hate a child sometime. It isn't unusual to feel like you want to give up sometimes. I felt that way briefly today. You probably won't have a nervous breakdown. You have made it for 8 years; you must be pretty strong.

It sounds like you and your husband both need a break. Do you have anyone who could come in and give you both a break? Don't you have any respite services? Do you have any family? friends? You need to get some support; you cannot do this alone. Is there a church, a recreation center, a gymnasium who sometimes provide parents night out.

This is probably the wake up call that will motivate you to find some help. I hope you get some help. I really care. Let me know. Pat K

I just am at my wits end with him. We have had such a horrible monthwith his tantrums, lack of listening, hurting his sister. I sometimes just want to give up. I can't stand him anymore. I hatemyself for thinking like this. It's been 8 years like this. I hate mymarriage. We argue all the time because of him. I just feel like I want to give him up. I can't take it anymore!!!!I feel like I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown, my head hurts all thetime, I can't sleep, I don't even like to have him around me.Is this normal? I don't feel normal right now. I feel like I'm readyto have a stroke, I've got chest pains and I can feel my bloodpressure rising.I just want to GIVE UP!!Our home has been broken, I feel like either running away or just dying.I don't like to feel like this, but I don't know what to do anymorewith him.What do I do?? :( Looking for simple solutions to your real-life financial challenges? Check out WalletPop for the latest news and information, tips and calculators.

[Guest guest]

Do you have any respite services or someone who can take him off your hands for

awhile? There may be some type of services in your area which can help. What

state do you live in?

Take a deep breath and give yourself a break. You're a human being and

desperately need some rest. Your feelings are totally understandable, and

unfortunately, so many of us have felt this way at one point or another. Check

with your local doctor or school district to see what services in your area may

be able to help.

((Hugs))

Heidi

-------------- Original message ----------------------

> I just am at my wits end with him. We have had such a horrible month

> with his tantrums, lack of listening, hurting his sister.

>

> I sometimes just want to give up. I can't stand him anymore. I hate

> myself for thinking like this. It's been 8 years like this. I hate my

> marriage. We argue all the time because of him.

>

> I just feel like I want to give him up. I can't take it anymore!!!!

>

> I feel like I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown, my head hurts all the

> time, I can't sleep, I don't even like to have him around me.

>

> Is this normal? I don't feel normal right now. I feel like I'm ready

> to have a stroke, I've got chest pains and I can feel my blood

> pressure rising.

>

> I just want to GIVE UP!!

>

> Our home has been broken, I feel like either running away or just dying.

>

> I don't like to feel like this, but I don't know what to do anymore

> with him.

>

> What do I do??

>

>

I just am at my wits end with him. We have had such a horrible month

with his tantrums, lack of listening, hurting his sister.

I sometimes just want to give up. I can't stand him anymore. I hate

myself for thinking like this. It's been 8 years like this. I hate my

marriage. We argue all the time because of him.

I just feel like I want to give him up. I can't take it anymore!!!!

I feel like I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown, my head hurts all the

time, I can't sleep, I don't even like to have him around me.

Is this normal? I don't feel normal right now. I feel like I'm ready

to have a stroke, I've got chest pains and I can feel my blood

pressure rising.

I just want to GIVE UP!!

Our home has been broken, I feel like either running away or just dying.

I don't like to feel like this, but I don't know what to do anymore

with him.

What do I do?? :(

[Guest guest]

I am so happy you shared this,I really needed to know someone else

thinks like this. I know this feeling. Have it myself. All I ever

want is just ONE good day. Then I get a piece of one. I think okay,I

can do this. I look around me and everything is in total dysfunction.

My marriage,children and house are so out of whack. I cant ever take

a phone call,go to the bathroom or sleep,cant even drive anywhere

unless its orchestrated. Our broken things and messes out number are

good things. I swear I'd rather live in a tent then watch our home

fall down around me. My husband does have high blood pressure,had 2

strokes,it just climbed up to 200 and all I can say is quick,take a

pill,I will handle it,yeah right. There is no way to handle it. Then

a break finds a way in,an un-expected moment of calm. I swear I cant

take it,do it,have what it takes. But like you,somehow I just manage.

Its hard to like my son while he hurts his sister. Its hard for me to

like my son when he kicks my husband who's in a wheelchair. Its hard

for me to like my son while I'm getting kicked,hit and bit,scratched

and spit on. It goes against all my better nature,makes me out to be

a hypocrite to live with the abuse. I feel like I cant do this

another day,wonder how I will do this another minute. Oh how I know

how you feel. I share your feelings. Please hang in there,I need to

know someone who can. I cant find answers to change things now. I can

go forward with someone who really feels like I do,lives like I do.

Please share this with me. Its far to lonley already. I feel so out

there about living like this. I think how your feeling is normal

because I feel that way too. Its normal for us. I dont like saying

it,sometimes we just need to say it.

May that break come,that moment of what ever it takes for you,your

son and your family.

Heartfelt warmth and understanding,

Tishanne

- In AutismBehaviorProblems ,

" echo1017 " wrote:

>

> I just am at my wits end with him. We have had such a horrible month

> with his tantrums, lack of listening, hurting his sister.

>

> I sometimes just want to give up. I can't stand him anymore. I hate

> myself for thinking like this. It's been 8 years like this. I hate

my

> marriage. We argue all the time because of him.

>

> I just feel like I want to give him up. I can't take it anymore!!!!

>

> I feel like I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown, my head hurts all

the

> time, I can't sleep, I don't even like to have him around me.

>

> Is this normal? I don't feel normal right now. I feel like I'm ready

> to have a stroke, I've got chest pains and I can feel my blood

> pressure rising.

>

> I just want to GIVE UP!!

>

> Our home has been broken, I feel like either running away or just

dying.

>

> I don't like to feel like this, but I don't know what to do anymore

> with him.

>

> What do I do??

>

[Guest guest]

First off..don't hate yourself for it, and don't do guilt over

feeling that way unless it serves a purpose that helps you somehow.

From some of my writing many may think that our path has always been

a cakewalk. It hasn't been.

When he was having the night terrors, and we were getting no sleep, I

was fried.

Middle of the night, trying to calm a child that won't be consoled...

it is easy to reach a breakpoint.

Still today he has bouts of sleep problems that challenge us to

maintain an even keel.

Don't get me wrong, I would not compare the severity of what you are

going through in any way with our situation.

I read some of the other posts that responded and agree..you need to

step away and have some space..even if it only for a day. Whether

that is with your spouse, or by yourself would be something only you

can know. There are times that it needs to be just me..and other

times when I miss the time out with my wife.

Chest pains, anxiety, no sleep..you can't do that for long without

dropping. Just remember, when you are doing what you can, you won't

be able to do anything if your sick, hospitalized, injured.. or

anything along those lines.

So when you think.. " Yeah, everyone is saying take a break, but they

don't understand that I can't! " , recall what I just wrote.. if your

unable to provide the care, then the same thing will happen...you

won't be there for him, your daughter, or husband.

Same goes for him by the way. If everyone is always in a heightened

state, you will reflect the anger on the only people that are close..

unfortunately this usually means our spouse. The problem is that

this is also the only person that will truly have the best chance of

understanding what you are going through.

We are challenged in the best of situations to find some degree of

balance in our lives. This makes it more like a Iron Man Triathalon

with our legs and arms tied together..and blindfolded..and drugged.

You have to find a way to break free for a while and get grounded

before you really do give up.

Once you get grounded..you may have to start thinking about if you

are truly out of your depth.

While I have a hard time thinking of this as a possibility, there may

come a time for many of us that we have to think about shared

facilities that care for our children when we no longer can.

I am not advocating this, nor am I saying you are in that situation

now. But we have to always consider all options, regardless of how

distasteful we might find them. At least then we will know what they

are if there comes a time we need to go that direction.

Can you get away by yourself for a day or two and let your spouse

take care of the kids? In turn it sounds like you would need to do

the same for him.

Don't forget..do not make it worse by holding onto the guilt.

Take steps to help yourself first and foremost.

Good luck

>

> I just am at my wits end with him. We have had such a horrible month

> with his tantrums, lack of listening, hurting his sister.

>

> I sometimes just want to give up. I can't stand him anymore. I hate

> myself for thinking like this. It's been 8 years like this. I hate

my

> marriage. We argue all the time because of him.

>

> I just feel like I want to give him up. I can't take it anymore!!!!

>

> I feel like I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown, my head hurts all

the

> time, I can't sleep, I don't even like to have him around me.

>

> Is this normal? I don't feel normal right now. I feel like I'm ready

> to have a stroke, I've got chest pains and I can feel my blood

> pressure rising.

>

> I just want to GIVE UP!!

>

> Our home has been broken, I feel like either running away or just

dying.

>

> I don't like to feel like this, but I don't know what to do anymore

> with him.

>

> What do I do??

>

[Guest guest]

Hi, I went through similar feeling this summer. It felt like my life was consumed by and his behaviors. I felt so controlled by autism- I slept when he let me, I went where he let me and I stayed as long as he let me. I was in a very bad place. started getting all these OCD type behaviors and a lot of his past behaviors came back- the running, the tearing things apart, writing on the walls, playing with his poop etc.. I would get frustrated and then he would take it up a notch, I would get more frustrated and he would take it up another notch... turned 8 and he is big for his age so I was really afraid he would hurt me or his sister. I took a day- my husband took the kids to grandmas and I just relaxed. It didn't solve anything but it broke the cycle. I realized that we had to do

something and then I decided to try and start fresh. When had a behavior I would just calmly say don't do that and even when he was fighting me I didn't get upset (very hard). After awhile things calmed down and stopped fighting so hard. We then went to a psychiatrist who increased his adderall (this really helps ) and we added 2.5 mg of prozac a day (extremely small dose). The adderall helped right away and was able to focus and control his behaviors better and then after about 2 1/2 weeks the prozac really kicked in and he stopped getting as upset right away. He is able to control his emotions and they don't seem to overwhelm him as much. I really didn't want to give him drugs ever but the truth is for and our family this has been a life saver. The light bulb moment for me was when I realized that was as miserable as we were and now he is the mostly happy kid we had before. I know

different things work for different children and every family is different but I hope this helps. Kellie

Subject: OK, I feel horrible and hate myself for thinking thisTo: AutismBehaviorProblems Date: Wednesday, October 1, 2008, 9:26 PM

I just am at my wits end with him. We have had such a horrible monthwith his tantrums, lack of listening, hurting his sister. I sometimes just want to give up. I can't stand him anymore. I hatemyself for thinking like this. It's been 8 years like this. I hate mymarriage. We argue all the time because of him. I just feel like I want to give him up. I can't take it anymore!!!!I feel like I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown, my head hurts all thetime, I can't sleep, I don't even like to have him around me.Is this normal? I don't feel normal right now. I feel like I'm readyto have a stroke, I've got chest pains and I can feel my bloodpressure rising.I just want to GIVE UP!!Our home has been broken, I feel like either running away or just dying.I don't like to feel like this, but I don't know what to do anymorewith him.What do I do??

[Guest guest]

Wow, I wish I had read this yesterday. I had a day like that yesterday. My

son refused to do his homework for no apparent reason, and threw tantrum

after tantrum for HOURS. Crying, threatening to run away, it was a mess. I

just wanted to run away. On top of all this, he smacked his sister when she

was just trying to help, and I thought I was going to go insane. I am a

SAHM and we don't have friends or family in the area so I'm truly alone. I

can't even leave my kids alone with my husband because he loses his temper.

Anyway, I know how you feel and I'll be praying for you!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

OK, I feel horrible and hate myself for thinking this

>I just am at my wits end with him. We have had such a horrible month

> with his tantrums, lack of listening, hurting his sister.

>

> I sometimes just want to give up. I can't stand him anymore. I hate

> myself for thinking like this. It's been 8 years like this. I hate my

> marriage. We argue all the time because of him.

>

> I just feel like I want to give him up. I can't take it anymore!!!!

>

> I feel like I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown, my head hurts all the

> time, I can't sleep, I don't even like to have him around me.

>

> Is this normal? I don't feel normal right now. I feel like I'm ready

> to have a stroke, I've got chest pains and I can feel my blood

> pressure rising.

>

> I just want to GIVE UP!!

>

> Our home has been broken, I feel like either running away or just dying.

>

> I don't like to feel like this, but I don't know what to do anymore

> with him.

>

> What do I do??

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

>

[Guest guest]

My friend had a day like yours and she wished that she would walk into her son's(Classic Autism) room and find him dead, but then she felt worse thinking of the small coffin she would put him in and she was glad that he was throwing fits instead of being thrown in a coffin. We chose to have our kids, not the other way around. Some days are worse than others and I've had days like yours and have had many fights with the hubby. Sacrifice all you can for your kids, they're all worth it in the end. And by the way, I don't trust my hubby with my 4 kids to watch them while I'm gone, so I end up taking all of them grocery shopping and to ALL of my errands. DON'T EVER GIVE UP. I called my DOC and I was given some medication to stabilize my moods because I felt like yelling at everybody and everything. Maybe try calling your PCM or see

a pyschologist that can prescribe you something to handle situations better? Thinking of you and best of luck.

Subject: Re: OK, I feel horrible and hate myself for thinking thisTo: AutismBehaviorProblems Date: Thursday, October 2, 2008, 8:30 AMWow, I wish I had read this yesterday. I had a day like that yesterday. My son refused to do his homework for no apparent reason, and threw tantrum after tantrum for HOURS. Crying, threatening to run away, it was a mess. I just wanted to run away. On top of all this, he smacked his sister when she was just trying to help, and I thought I was going to go insane. I am a SAHM and we don't have friends or family in the area so I'm truly

alone. I can't even leave my kids alone with my husband because he loses his temper.

Anyway, I know how you feel and I'll be praying for you! {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

OK, I feel horrible and hate myself for thinking this

>I just am at my wits end with him. We have had such a horrible month

> with his tantrums, lack of listening, hurting his sister.

>

> I sometimes just want to give up. I can't stand him anymore. I hate

> myself for thinking like this. It's been 8 years like this. I hate my

> marriage. We argue all the time because of him.

>

> I just feel like I want to give him up. I can't take it anymore!!!!

>

> I feel like I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown, my head hurts all the

> time, I can't sleep, I don't even like to have him around me.

>

> Is this normal? I don't feel normal right now. I feel like I'm

ready

> to have a stroke, I've got chest pains and I can feel my blood

> pressure rising.

>

> I just want to GIVE UP!!

>

> Our home has been broken, I feel like either running away or just dying.

>

> I don't like to feel like this, but I don't know what to do

anymore

> with him.

>

> What do I do?? :(

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

>

[Guest guest]

I have had many days like this. We don't live near family and my husband is in the army, so we move around all the time and he is gone alot. I have never been very big into church or religion, but I needed something and I needed a "family" to be around. Not to mention a place I could go and feel comfortable where people didn't judge me and they loved my son. I found great church in my town and it has saved me. I can go on Sunday and leave my children in the daycare and be alone for an hour to listen to attend church. Everyone is so excepting of him. They all love him and they have treated him better than I do sometimes. I also found 2 books that have helped me. Finding God in Autism and autism and the God Connection. I got them from amazon.com and things have changed in my house since reading these. When he would be up all night and I was so tired because I also have to take care of my 5 motnh old baby, I would go in his room and yell at him. I am ashamed of it,, I wanted to hurt him, but that is what sleep deprivation does to us. I agree that you might want to check about getting some meds., I would have done that, but I am still breastfeeding. Hope this helps you or someone else.

Celeste

To: AutismBehaviorProblems From: wendysuryadeth@...Date: Thu, 2 Oct 2008 06:00:33 -0700Subject: Re: OK, I feel horrible and hate myself for thinking this

My friend had a day like yours and she wished that she would walk into her son's(Classic Autism) room and find him dead, but then she felt worse thinking of the small coffin she would put him in and she was glad that he was throwing fits instead of being thrown in a coffin. We chose to have our kids, not the other way around. Some days are worse than others and I've had days like yours and have had many fights with the hubby. Sacrifice all you can for your kids, they're all worth it in the end. And by the way, I don't trust my hubby with my 4 kids to watch them while I'm gone, so I end up taking all of them grocery shopping and to ALL of my errands. DON'T EVER GIVE UP. I called my DOC and I was given some medication to stabilize my moods because I felt like yelling at everybody and everything. Maybe try calling your PCM or see a pyschologist that can prescribe you something to handle situations better? Thinking of you and best of luck.

From: <alli110200verizon (DOT) net>Subject: Re: OK, I feel horrible and hate myself for thinking thisTo: AutismBehaviorProblems Date: Thursday, October 2, 2008, 8:30 AMWow, I wish I had read this yesterday. I had a day like that yesterday. My son refused to do his homework for no apparent reason, and threw tantrum after tantrum for HOURS. Crying, threatening to run away, it was a mess. I just wanted to run away. On top of all this, he smacked his sister when she was just trying to help, and I thought I was going to go insane. I am a SAHM and we don't have friends or family in the area so I'm truly

alone. I can't even leave my kids alone with my husband because he loses his temper.

Anyway, I know how you feel and I'll be praying for you! {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

OK, I feel horrible and hate myself for thinking this

>I just am at my wits end with him. We have had such a horrible month

> with his tantrums, lack of listening, hurting his sister.

>

> I sometimes just want to give up. I can't stand him anymore. I hate

> myself for thinking like this. It's been 8 years like this. I hate my

> marriage. We argue all the time because of him.

>

> I just feel like I want to give him up. I can't take it anymore!!!!

>

> I feel like I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown, my head hurts all the

> time, I can't sleep, I don't even like to have him around me.

>

> Is this normal? I don't feel normal right now. I feel like I'm

ready

> to have a stroke, I've got chest pains and I can feel my blood

> pressure rising.

>

> I just want to GIVE UP!!

>

> Our home has been broken, I feel like either running away or just dying.

>

> I don't like to feel like this, but I don't know what to do

anymore

> with him.

>

> What do I do?? :(

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hello my name is and I am knew to this group but I know how you

feel. I have three kids the middle one (boy) is on the spectrum. I

too feel like this sometimes. It is very hard I understand. My son

will tantrum for no reason also and hurt his brother and sister. He

bites them pushes them down and terrorizes them. I feel bad for

everyone involved. Don't give up hope! My marriage is strained also

due to all the drama. My husband doesn't understand that if you lose

your temper with a child like this mid tantrum that it is only going

to make things worse. It is not fair to my other children to be

victims of these outbursts. I feel like we cannot even go anywhere

because I am in fear of the next melt down what will trigger him and

how he will react. My some once smacked my father in law in the back

with a magic wand stick and ran away laughing. I think that what we

have to keep in mind is that these children of our are unique loving

kids that cannot control there emotions. They did not ask for this

illness as much as we didn't! Hang in there! I know it is tough!

>

>

> Subject: Re: OK, I feel horrible and hate myself for

thinking this

> To: AutismBehaviorProblems

> Date: Thursday, October 2, 2008, 8:30 AM

>

> Wow, I wish I had read this yesterday. I had a day like that

yesterday. My

> son refused to do his homework for no apparent reason, and threw

tantrum

> after tantrum for HOURS. Crying, threatening to run away, it was a

mess. I

> just wanted to run away. On top of all this, he smacked his sister

when she

> was just trying to help, and I thought I was going to go insane. I

am a

> SAHM and we don't have friends or family in the area so I'm truly

> alone. I

> can't even leave my kids alone with my husband because he loses his

temper.

>

> Anyway, I know how you feel and I'll be praying for you!

> {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

>

>

>

> OK, I feel horrible and hate myself for

thinking this

>

>

> >I just am at my wits end with him. We have had such a horrible month

> > with his tantrums, lack of listening, hurting his sister.

> >

> > I sometimes just want to give up. I can't stand him anymore. I hate

> > myself for thinking like this. It's been 8 years like this. I hate my

> > marriage. We argue all the time because of him.

> >

> > I just feel like I want to give him up. I can't take it anymore!!!!

> >

> > I feel like I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown, my head hurts all the

> > time, I can't sleep, I don't even like to have him around me.

> >

> > Is this normal? I don't feel normal right now. I feel like I'm

> ready

> > to have a stroke, I've got chest pains and I can feel my blood

> > pressure rising.

> >

> > I just want to GIVE UP!!

> >

> > Our home has been broken, I feel like either running away or just

dying.

> >

> > I don't like to feel like this, but I don't know what to do

> anymore

> > with him.

> >

> > What do I do??

> >

> >

> > ------------------------------------

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

I agree! This is a lonely place to be! I am there most days too girls!Stacie BAurora ILSent via BlackBerry by AT&TDate: Thu, 02 Oct 2008 05:42:09 -0000To: <AutismBehaviorProblems >Subject: Re: OK, I feel horrible and hate myself for thinking this I am so happy you shared this,I really needed to know someone else thinks like this. I know this feeling. Have it myself. All I ever want is just ONE good day. Then I get a piece of one. I think okay,I can do this. I look around me and everything is in total dysfunction. My marriage,children and house are so out of whack. I cant ever take a phone call,go to the bathroom or sleep,cant even drive anywhere unless its orchestrated. Our broken things and messes out number are good things. I swear I'd rather live in a tent then watch our home fall down around me. My husband does have high blood pressure,had 2 strokes,it just climbed up to 200 and all I can say is quick,take a pill,I will handle it,yeah right. There is no way to handle it. Then a break finds a way in,an un-expected moment of calm. I swear I cant take it,do it,have what it takes. But like you,somehow I just manage. Its hard to like my son while he hurts his sister. Its hard for me to like my son when he kicks my husband who's in a wheelchair. Its hard for me to like my son while I'm getting kicked,hit and bit,scratched and spit on. It goes against all my better nature,makes me out to be a hypocrite to live with the abuse. I feel like I cant do this another day,wonder how I will do this another minute. Oh how I know how you feel. I share your feelings. Please hang in there,I need to know someone who can. I cant find answers to change things now. I can go forward with someone who really feels like I do,lives like I do. Please share this with me. Its far to lonley already. I feel so out there about living like this. I think how your feeling is normal because I feel that way too. Its normal for us. I dont like saying it,sometimes we just need to say it. May that break come,that moment of what ever it takes for you,your son and your family. Heartfelt warmth and understanding, Tishanne - In AutismBehaviorProblems , " echo1017 " wrote: > > I just am at my wits end with him. We have had such a horrible month > with his tantrums, lack of listening, hurting his sister. > > I sometimes just want to give up. I can't stand him anymore. I hate > myself for thinking like this. It's been 8 years like this. I hate my > marriage. We argue all the time because of him. > > I just feel like I want to give him up. I can't take it anymore!!!! > > I feel like I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown, my head hurts all the > time, I can't sleep, I don't even like to have him around me. > > Is this normal? I don't feel normal right now. I feel like I'm ready > to have a stroke, I've got chest pains and I can feel my blood > pressure rising. > > I just want to GIVE UP!! > > Our home has been broken, I feel like either running away or just dying. > > I don't like to feel like this, but I don't know what to do anymore > with him. > > What do I do?? :( >

[Guest guest]

Wow, I thought I was the only one who wouldn't trust my hubby alone with the kids. I really HATE that I can't trust my own husband to look after his own kids, and I resent him for it a lot. I know that doesn't help things, but I can't help it. I should be able to leave for an hour or go to the store or something, and know they are in good hands. I am also taking something for mood, and have been for 15 years (so I guess I can't blame it ALL on the kids. LOL!)

OK, I feel horrible and hate myself for thinking this

>I just am at my wits end with him. We have had such a horrible month

> with his tantrums, lack of listening, hurting his sister.

>

> I sometimes just want to give up. I can't stand him anymore. I hate

> myself for thinking like this. It's been 8 years like this. I hate my

> marriage. We argue all the time because of him.

>

> I just feel like I want to give him up. I can't take it anymore!!!!

>

> I feel like I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown, my head hurts all the

> time, I can't sleep, I don't even like to have him around me.

>

> Is this normal? I don't feel normal right now. I feel like I'm

ready

> to have a stroke, I've got chest pains and I can feel my blood

> pressure rising.

>

> I just want to GIVE UP!!

>

> Our home has been broken, I feel like either running away or just dying.

>

> I don't like to feel like this, but I don't know what to do

anymore

> with him.

>

> What do I do?? :(

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

>

[Guest guest]

Don't get me wrong, my hubby absolutely adores/loves our 3 yr old PDD-NOS son, but since he is a retired Marine, he has a different way of disciplining than I do. Where as I do whatever my kid wants to stop him from melting down, hubby will put him in a time out/has other tactics.

And by the way, when I take all 4 kids to the store, our grocery bill is at least $100 higher in total because the twins want this and that and toys and games and candy, blah blah bah and we stay at least a half an hour longer and then there's more stuff I have to unload (with no help I might add). So, I suffer, but my kids will suffer tenfold in the hands of hubby. Am I allowed to ask what meds you are taking?

Subject: Re: OK, I feel horrible and hate myself for thinking thisTo: AutismBehaviorProblems Date: Thursday, October 2, 2008, 8:30 AMWow, I wish I had read this yesterday. I had a day like that yesterday. My son refused to do his homework for no apparent reason, and threw tantrum after tantrum for HOURS. Crying, threatening to run away, it was a mess. I just wanted to run away. On top of all this, he smacked his sister when she was just trying to help, and I thought I was going to go insane. I am a SAHM and we don't have friends or family in the area so I'm truly

alone. I can't even leave my kids alone with my husband because he loses his temper.

Anyway, I know how you feel and I'll be praying for you! {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

OK, I feel horrible and hate myself for thinking this

>I just am at my wits end with him. We have had such a horrible month

> with his tantrums, lack of listening, hurting his sister.

>

> I sometimes just want to give up. I can't stand him anymore. I hate

> myself for thinking like this. It's been 8 years like this. I hate my

> marriage. We argue all the time because of him.

>

> I just feel like I want to give him up. I can't take it anymore!!!!

>

> I feel like I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown, my head hurts all the

> time, I can't sleep, I don't even like to have him around me.

>

> Is this normal? I don't feel normal right now. I feel like I'm

ready

> to have a stroke, I've got chest pains and I can feel my blood

> pressure rising.

>

> I just want to GIVE UP!!

>

> Our home has been broken, I feel like either running away or just dying.

>

> I don't like to feel like this, but I don't know what to do

anymore

> with him.

>

> What do I do?? :(

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

>

[Guest guest]



Dear Tishanne,

My heart goes out to you. My son with autism is 14 and things have gotten better or perhaps I have developed coping skills that I didn't know I had. A couple of years ago I was at the end. I wanted to die, but my son has a twin sister who doesn't have autism. We three live in a city where we have no family and no close friends. So I am all my children have. Therefore suicide was just not a solution I could consider. How could I leave them like that?

But my son and daughter were requiring just too much of me. There was a crisis every day at school or home. My son was tearing up things and following me around making noises. He would get up in the middle of the night and laugh loudly. I was screaming and crying and yes, sometimes hitting him. I had to call the police on myself once because I had just lost it and knew I would be sorry if I didn't get someone to help me get a grip. We live in a small two bedroom apartment.

The whole story is too long to tell, but I finally decided he had to go to a group home or I would end up physically hurting him. I knew I was already hurting both of them with my screaming, cursing and tears. I was told that this could only happen (unless I had the personal funds to pay for it), if he was extremely violent and a real threat to my daughter and I or other caretakers like his teachers. Somehow, when my son heard me asking and asking about how to get him into a home, he changed his behavior. It was like we had been in a hurricane and the storm had finally passed over. I fell in love with my son again, and although the situation remains stressful and some days I don't understand why this is even happening to anyone, let alone me, I can get through another day and another.

I now make sure we get out as much as possible to attend concerts, theater, movies, etc., thanks to my brother's benevolence, because I am unable to work a regular job. I am trying to support us self-employed from home in order to be there for them. I take him with me to my gym when his school is closed. I am still overwhelmed, and I fear the future because there are so many things he needs to learn, but I have not been able to teach him because I just don't know how. But I am finding a way to have some happiness right now. Sometimes we can't stay for the whole concert, but we enjoyed the half we got through. My daughter stays afterschool for activities, and I'm taking a class on meditation one night a week. He has a music therapy class one night each week after school that he absolutely loves.

This summer my family helped us take a three week vacation and we drove across the U.S. visiting every city where we had family (over 7,500 miles roundtrip). My son is great in the car buckled in his seat belt. He loves music and looking at the world through the window. My kids and I were showered with love and attention from family members we had not seen in many, many years. They fell in love with my children, especially my son who is so sweet if you only have to deal with him for one day (I know you know what I mean). Of course it was difficult taking my son, who is over six feet tall, to the restroom at reststops, etc., but I'm as used to the stares as I'm going to get. We have got to get out and live no matter what.

I tell myself 'this is my life, not a rehearsal' and keep trying. Although somedays I wish I could be me again and be a woman, a person, just be free of all the responsibilities for his care. But I still can't find myself. I lost her when I married and my son's autism appeared. Now I'm alone and fighting, fighting, to be good to my children and to be good to myself. To laugh and hug them and show them how wonderful and exciting the world can be. Somedays I am, somedays I'm not.

I hope you find a place that works for you in your life with your son, some of us with really violent children will have to let them go to a home. It's not your fault. This is your life, your husband's life, your families' life too. My advice to you is to try something radically different. Do some of the things that you think you can't do because of your son's behavior anyway. It will either be good or bad or somewhere in-between, but atleast you'll be living. I got a zoo pass to take my son to the zoo, but I can't because he won't look at the animals, all he does is beg (very loudly) for hamburgers. So I'll have to try the zoo maybe next year and I try something else. But damn it, we're going to have fun and live!

Finally, life is still hard and lonely sometimes, but there is something I have learned. If you don't give up there is always hope. It has never failed when I am on the floor crying and moaning from the stress of it. The next day something absolutely miraculous will happen and I'll wonder why did I ever think of giving up when I am blessed with two such extraordinary children?!

Rosemary

Re: OK, I feel horrible and hate myself for thinking this

I am so happy you shared this,I really needed to know someone else thinks like this. I know this feeling. Have it myself. All I ever want is just ONE good day. Then I get a piece of one. I think okay,I can do this. I look around me and everything is in total dysfunction. My marriage,children and house are so out of whack. I cant ever take a phone call,go to the bathroom or sleep,cant even drive anywhere unless its orchestrated. Our broken things and messes out number are good things. I swear I'd rather live in a tent then watch our home fall down around me. My husband does have high blood pressure,had 2 strokes,it just climbed up to 200 and all I can say is quick,take a pill,I will handle it,yeah right. There is no way to handle it. Then a break finds a way in,an un-expected moment of calm. I swear I cant take it,do it,have what it takes. But like you,somehow I just manage. Its hard to like my son while he hurts his sister. Its hard for me to like my son when he kicks my husband who's in a wheelchair. Its hard for me to like my son while I'm getting kicked,hit and bit,scratched and spit on. It goes against all my better nature,makes me out to be a hypocrite to live with the abuse. I feel like I cant do this another day,wonder how I will do this another minute. Oh how I know how you feel. I share your feelings. Please hang in there,I need to know someone who can. I cant find answers to change things now. I can go forward with someone who really feels like I do,lives like I do. Please share this with me. Its far to lonley already. I feel so out there about living like this. I think how your feeling is normal because I feel that way too. Its normal for us. I dont like saying it,sometimes we just need to say it.May that break come,that moment of what ever it takes for you,your son and your family. Heartfelt warmth and understanding,Tishanne- In AutismBehaviorProblems , "echo1017" wrote:>> I just am at my wits end with him. We have had such a horrible month> with his tantrums, lack of listening, hurting his sister. > > I sometimes just want to give up. I can't stand him anymore. I hate> myself for thinking like this. It's been 8 years like this. I hate my> marriage. We argue all the time because of him. > > I just feel like I want to give him up. I can't take it anymore!!!!> > I feel like I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown, my head hurts all the> time, I can't sleep, I don't even like to have him around me.> > Is this normal? I don't feel normal right now. I feel like I'm ready> to have a stroke, I've got chest pains and I can feel my blood> pressure rising.> > I just want to GIVE UP!!> > Our home has been broken, I feel like either running away or just dying.> > I don't like to feel like this, but I don't know what to do anymore> with him.> > What do I do?? :(>

[Guest guest]

Right now, prozac. I've been on every antidepressant known to man at some point. I quit all my antidepressants a couple months ago and tried going the natural route (vitamins, etc.) and felt much worse. Physically and mentally.

OK, I feel horrible and hate myself for thinking this

>I just am at my wits end with him. We have had such a horrible month

> with his tantrums, lack of listening, hurting his sister.

>

> I sometimes just want to give up. I can't stand him anymore. I hate

> myself for thinking like this. It's been 8 years like this. I hate my

> marriage. We argue all the time because of him.

>

> I just feel like I want to give him up. I can't take it anymore!!!!

>

> I feel like I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown, my head hurts all the

> time, I can't sleep, I don't even like to have him around me.

>

> Is this normal? I don't feel normal right now. I feel like I'm

ready

> to have a stroke, I've got chest pains and I can feel my blood

> pressure rising.

>

> I just want to GIVE UP!!

>

> Our home has been broken, I feel like either running away or just dying.

>

> I don't like to feel like this, but I don't know what to do

anymore

> with him.

>

> What do I do?? :(

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

>

[Guest guest]

> I have never been very big into church or religion, but I needed

> something and I needed a " family " to be around. Not to mention a

> place I could go and feel comfortable where people didn't judge me

> and they loved my son. I found great church in my town and it has

> saved me. I can go on Sunday and leave my children in the daycare

> and be alone for an hour to listen to attend church. Everyone is

> so excepting of him. They all love him and they have treated him

> better than I do sometimes.

You're so lucky!

I was told by my very Christian teachers that I was bad and God hated

me for acting the way I did. When (partly due to them) I became an

atheist at 8 years old, they kept trying to make me believe in God

again and only turned me more against religion. It's to the point

that I get terrified if people tell me things like 'Jesus loves you'

or that accepting God will make my life better - I was hurt so much

by my teachers that I can't tell if the person's well-meaning as

opposed to trying to hurt me.

You're lucky you and your son have been accepted so well by the

church community.

Ettina

[Guest guest]

i understand about it to me and my hubby are at the end with our son.when my son get tantrum or want to go and trade things my hubby yell at him and it dont help and back in feb we almost lost our son and i ck to that day that maybe we should have let him cause then it would be better on my hubby.he wont to put him in a group home but i dont think i ready to see him go and have to worry that he is not being taking care off and with him been noverbal he cant tell me that they are mean to him they hurt him.i know that god put him here for a reason and that my hubby needs to be a little nicer on things to make them not go over board to see if it helps i know that i talk easy with my son and when he dont it tear my nerves all to pieces. my hubby has said either my son is leaving or him and i cometo the point if he said it again i going to tell him to

leave.cause it not good on my son or daughter or myself..........becky

Subject: Re: OK, I feel horrible and hate myself for thinking thisTo: AutismBehaviorProblems Date: Thursday, October 2, 2008, 10:11 AM

Hello my name is and I am knew to this group but I know how youfeel. I have three kids the middle one (boy) is on the spectrum. Itoo feel like this sometimes. It is very hard I understand. My sonwill tantrum for no reason also and hurt his brother and sister. Hebites them pushes them down and terrorizes them. I feel bad foreveryone involved. Don't give up hope! My marriage is strained alsodue to all the drama. My husband doesn't understand that if you loseyour temper with a child like this mid tantrum that it is only goingto make things worse. It is not fair to my other children to bevictims of these outbursts. I feel like we cannot even go anywherebecause I am in fear of the next melt down what will trigger him andhow he will react. My some once smacked my father in law in the backwith a magic wand stick and ran away laughing. I think that what wehave to keep in mind is that these children

of our are unique lovingkids that cannot control there emotions. They did not ask for thisillness as much as we didn't! Hang in there! I know it is tough!> > From: <alli110200@ ...>> Subject: Re: OK, I feel horrible and hate myself forthinking this> To: AutismBehaviorProbl emsyahoogroups (DOT) com> Date: Thursday, October 2, 2008, 8:30 AM> > Wow, I wish I had read this yesterday. I had a day like thatyesterday. My > son refused to do his homework for no apparent

reason, and threwtantrum > after tantrum for HOURS. Crying, threatening to run away, it was amess. I > just wanted to run away. On top of all this, he smacked his sisterwhen she > was just trying to help, and I thought I was going to go insane. Iam a > SAHM and we don't have friends or family in the area so I'm truly> alone. I > can't even leave my kids alone with my husband because he loses histemper.> > Anyway, I know how you feel and I'll be praying for you! > {{{{{{{{{{{{ {{{hugs}} }}}}}}}}} }}}> > > > OK, I feel horrible and hate

myself forthinking this> > > >I just am at my wits end with him. We have had such a horrible month> > with his tantrums, lack of listening, hurting his sister.> >> > I sometimes just want to give up. I can't stand him anymore. I hate> > myself for thinking like this. It's been 8 years like this. I hate my> > marriage. We argue all the time because of him.> >> > I just feel like I want to give him up. I can't take it anymore!!!!> >> > I feel like I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown, my head hurts all the> > time, I can't sleep, I don't even like to have him around me.> >> > Is this normal? I don't feel normal right now. I feel like I'm> ready> > to have a stroke, I've got chest pains and I can feel my blood> > pressure rising.> >> > I just want to GIVE

UP!!> >> > Our home has been broken, I feel like either running away or justdying.> >> > I don't like to feel like this, but I don't know what to do> anymore> > with him.> >> > What do I do?? :(> >> >> > ------------ --------- --------- ------> >> >

[Guest guest]

>

> I just am at my wits end with him. We have had such a horrible month

> with his tantrums, lack of listening, hurting his sister.

>

> I sometimes just want to give up. I can't stand him anymore. I hate

> myself for thinking like this. It's been 8 years like this. I hate

> my marriage. We argue all the time because of him.

>

> I just feel like I want to give him up. I can't take it anymore!!!!

>

> I feel like I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown, my head hurts all

> the time, I can't sleep, I don't even like to have him around me.

>

> Is this normal? I don't feel normal right now. I feel like I'm ready

> to have a stroke, I've got chest pains and I can feel my blood

> pressure rising.

>

> I just want to GIVE UP!!

>

> Our home has been broken, I feel like either running away or just

> dying.

>

> I don't like to feel like this, but I don't know what to do anymore

> with him.

>

> What do I do??

>

It sounds like you desperately need some help - you're under extreme

stress and reaching your limit.

Getting yourself some counseling would probably help (note: I'm *not*

saying you are crazy).

If you could find someone to look after him on a temporary basis,

that would give you a much-needed break. Also when parents are having

so much trouble coping, it's very common to feel like hurting their

child or even do so. If you feel that way, it doesn't mean you're a

bad person, it means you are at your limit. You need to look after

yourself more.

I hope this helps. I'm concerned about you and your son, and even

your daughter - this must be so hard on all of you.

Ettina

[Guest guest]

I understand how you feel Ettina, my children have all participated

in socializing through church programs. One of the things my son said

to me,as he repeats eveything was " god says your a retard " . He

couldnt stop saying it. I was very distressed by it. One of the first

places he was banned from was sunday school because of his behaviors

and no contact with attending children had been filed.

Best wishes,

Tishanne

In AutismBehaviorProblems ,

" abnormaldiversity " wrote:

>

> > I have never been very big into church or religion, but I needed

> > something and I needed a " family " to be around. Not to mention a

> > place I could go and feel comfortable where people didn't judge

me

> > and they loved my son. I found great church in my town and it

has

> > saved me. I can go on Sunday and leave my children in the

daycare

> > and be alone for an hour to listen to attend church. Everyone is

> > so excepting of him. They all love him and they have treated him

> > better than I do sometimes.

>

> You're so lucky!

> I was told by my very Christian teachers that I was bad and God

hated

> me for acting the way I did. When (partly due to them) I became an

> atheist at 8 years old, they kept trying to make me believe in God

> again and only turned me more against religion. It's to the point

> that I get terrified if people tell me things like 'Jesus loves

you'

> or that accepting God will make my life better - I was hurt so much

> by my teachers that I can't tell if the person's well-meaning as

> opposed to trying to hurt me.

> You're lucky you and your son have been accepted so well by the

> church community.

> Ettina

>

[Guest guest]

JJ is 20 now and I have went thru a lot of stress too BUT I do want to say that I am VERY lucky to have a DH that helps with J alot! I have a broken leg at the momant BUT Jake (DH) has been getting J ready for school,cleaning the house and washing clothes and taking care of me too. Still- I take przac to help me deal with all the stress. Lois (:

Re: OK, I feel horrible and hate myself for thinking this

[Guest guest]

Well, first I want you to know that you are not the only one who's

ever felt this! I'm willing to bet that at least 70% of the

moms/dads/caregivers here have felt that way. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!

Second, I think that talking to others is important as well. It eats

at you when you try to keep it bottled up. The resentment and

bitterness grows as well. Talking to others at least lets you

release some of the power out of your anger/frustration.

It was also a good idea to come to other parents who have been in

your shoes. I find that a lot of parenting comes with judgement --

of yourself, of others, and by others. However, parents of kids with

special needs have been judged so often that they tend to be more

sympathetic than self-righteous.

However, I don't think that typing and reading others words is enough

for you. You need to find someone that you can look into their eyes,

cry on their shoulder, etc...

I personally, believe in marriage and the vows that go along with

it. This may make me unpopular, but I don't believe in giving up! I

believe in fighting. You two seem to have tried fighting against

each other, and that hasn't worked. Why don't you try fighting with

each other -- against the world? This may seem hokey, but there is a

new movie that addresses this " Fireproof " . It's not about parenting,

it's about marriage. If you can find a way to work together instead

of against each other, then you won't have to face everything alone.

This is easier said than done!

Obviously, you already know that. But love isn't a feeling -- it's a

choice. You choose to love your son even when he feels unlovable.

It's the same with your spouse. You know that right now, it's too

much. But it won't always be that way. I am an unapologetic

Christian. My marriage was falling apart also. Tommy and I were

headed for disaster, and this was before we even knew CJ

had 'issues'. I give full credit to the Lord. I started praying for

patience and understanding, guidance and forgivness. I also prayed

for my husband. That God would help us to understand each other

better. I learned that I would have to give more than I even felt I

had to give -- that's where God came in. He gave me enough to get

by. Then he gave me more. I'm not a Pastor. I'm not trained in the

ways of saying these things. All I know is what worked in my life.

Prayer works. I believe it in completely!!! I will be praying for

you and those you love... In the meantime, if you ever want to talk

more, email me.

Kat Gott

[Guest guest]

>

> Wow, I thought I was the only one who wouldn't trust my hubby alone

with the kids. I really HATE that I can't trust my own husband to

look after his own kids, and I resent him for it a lot.

------------------------------------------------------------------

This is a very frustrating feeling! That's one of the issues that

Tommy and I struggle with!!! I think just as I had these fantasy

images of the type of mother I'd be, he also had dreams of father and

son things. He can still do them, but it's not as easy as

it 'should've' been. That's life, right? We adjust and move on.

Tommy doesn't have the patience that I have with CJ.

I've also dealt with the frustration of having two kids (the hubby)

instead of just one. I used to think that he was just being lazy,

but now I realize that it's more about insecurity. He knows that I

am very particular about things, and he just doesn't want to mess

up. It's easier for him (in his mind) to have me upset for him not

doing anything than him doing something wrong -- it's a man-type

thing, I guess. ;P

No, to be fair, it's more me than him. It took me years to realize

that I was frustrated because he wasn't living up to MY

expectations. He wasn't wrong, it just wasn't 'good enough' for me.

I got mad because he did things wrong, but really he just didn't do

it MY way. Once I woke up to how insignificant and foolish I made

him feel, I let go of my need for perfection. I'm no where near

perfect! I still struggle all of the time. But I'm still learning...

[Guest guest]

You're so lucky! I was told by my very Christian teachers that I was

bad and God hated me for acting the way I did. When (partly due to

them) I became an atheist at 8 years old, they kept trying to make me

believe in God again and only turned me more against religion. It's

to the point that I get terrified if people tell me things

like 'Jesus loves you' or that accepting God will make my life

better - I was hurt so much by my teachers that I can't tell if the

person's well-meaning as opposed to trying to hurt me. You're lucky

you and your son have been accepted so well by the church community.

Ettina

----------------------------------------------------------------

This is so unacceptable! You may not know much of what the Bible

says, but it very clearly says that what they did to you was WRONG!!!

" Do not judge, or you too will be judged. " ~ 7:1

" And if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to

sin, it would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a

large millstone tied around his neck. " ~Mark 9:42

If God 'hates' anything, it's sin, but he does not hate the sinner!

Those hypocrites who said that to you were no better or more godly

than you were. In fact, at 8-yrs-old, you were probably closer to

divinity than they were, for Jesus said, " Let the little children

come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to

such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the

kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it. " (Mark 10:14-

15)

It makes me just sick to think of what you went through!!! I'm not

going to tell you, " Go to church, get saved, etc... " If you want

more info, feel free to ask. But it was important to me to let you

know that you were hurt and wronged, and that it wasn't fair to you.

We have so much in life to deal with, without others spewing their

poison on us as well! You deal with your life however you want, but

know this -- they lied to you. You have never been hated!!!

Either way, anyone on this message board is here because of dealing

with life outside of the boundaries of 'normal'. We are judged

everywhere we turn. Either we have those who treat us badly because

our children 'misbehave', or we even have others judging us by how we

live with ASD -- " What do you mean you don't have him on medication?

You have to, or he won't get better! " Yada, yada... Each one of us

knows that our children are as unique as snowflakes. What works for

one won't necessarily work for another. Just as some are calmer and

higher-functioning, others aren't. But no matter where you/your

child falls on the spectrum, they are loved and appreciated for who

they are as an individual. They aren't loved 'despite' their

differences, but because of them. My son drives me crazy at times!

But I love his unique quirks. He's intelligent, and funny, and his

literalness can lead to great sensitivity at times.

I guess I'm rambling now, but I love all children, and am deeply

upset to hear of any child being harmed -- by words or actions. I'm

sorry if I said anything offensive to you here, but this is who I

am. I'm not looking to change, just to grow...

[Guest guest]

by the way my response was for Ettina. Forgot to address you/her by name...my bad!

J

[Guest guest]

Hi Heidi,I have been friends with many of the leaders through the

years,the people too. Thats made the battle even harder. I have my

Dr. and Masters in religion,lol. I opened our home to all the

challenged,outcasts and rebels and homeless. Thats the blessing of

this story. Even one of the leaders children. Everyone has their

limits,inside or outside any building. My son like so many children,

looks like an average kid. No one suspects his autism and only sees

his behavior,dont understand what they are seeing or believe{autism

denial} There is a stigma about autism,some of it true. People are

over reactive to the fear,now my son has enforced their fear. Its few

and far between you find someone with enough patience to get beyond

the fears,usually they have had their life touched by autism to

understand it,or be willing. My kids have had some really wonderful

experiences with youth group,camp and doing community help. Those are

the things that will take them far anyway into the heart of humanity.

I do agree that there is a need for developementally disabled

children,teens,adults and elderly to have the needs addressed by

concerned people all over this planet. If we could skip the red tape

and get it done heart to heart we could really make the differance.

Thank you for the website info and understanding.

Best wishes,

Tishanne

- In AutismBehaviorProblems , theshabbysheep@...

wrote:

>

> Tishanne,

>

> I'm so sorry to hear about your experience...that is simply awful!

Did you speak with the church leadership about this? Did they try to

make any accommodations (i.e. a buddy program, a special needs

ministry, etc.)? I'm a Christian, along with being a part-time

church secretary, so I have a special interest in this area.

>

> Unfortunately, over the years the church has been woefully lacking

in addressing the needs of the developmentally disabled. It seems if

there are those with physical disabilities (i.e. orthopedically,

hearing impaired, etc), those needs are more readily addressed. I

believe the general population has an easier time understanding the

needs of parishioners with those issues, as opposed to developmental

issues.

>

> Please know that the church is made up of people who, being human,

are imperfect. But God is perfect and loves everyone--and especially

our precious children--even more than we do. It breaks my heart to

think that there could be children out there who feel that God

doesn't love them...when that is absolutely NOT true!

>

> Churches definitely need to accept the challenge, get creative and

" step up to the plate " --especially with the huge increase in the

number of autism cases. Some are starting to. If you go to

www.joniandfriends.org, there is a link on that site which lists

churches all over the country which have special needs ministries and

disability programs. Here's hoping more and more jump on board,

because the kids--and families--definitely need the support.

>

> Heidi

> -------------- Original message ----------------------

>

> > I understand how you feel Ettina, my children have all

participated

> > in socializing through church programs. One of the things my son

said

> > to me,as he repeats eveything was " god says your a retard " . He

> > couldnt stop saying it. I was very distressed by it. One of the

first

> > places he was banned from was sunday school because of his

behaviors

> > and no contact with attending children had been filed.

> > Best wishes,

> > Tishanne

> > In AutismBehaviorProblems ,

> > " abnormaldiversity " <abnormaldiversity@> wrote:

> > >

> > > > I have never been very big into church or religion, but I

needed

> > > > something and I needed a " family " to be around. Not to

mention a

> > > > place I could go and feel comfortable where people didn't

judge

> > me

> > > > and they loved my son. I found great church in my town and

it

> > has

> > > > saved me. I can go on Sunday and leave my children in the

> > daycare

> > > > and be alone for an hour to listen to attend church.

Everyone is

> > > > so excepting of him. They all love him and they have treated

him

> > > > better than I do sometimes.

> > >

> > > You're so lucky!

> > > I was told by my very Christian teachers that I was bad and God

> > hated

> > > me for acting the way I did. When (partly due to them) I became

an

> > > atheist at 8 years old, they kept trying to make me believe in

God

> > > again and only turned me more against religion. It's to the

point

> > > that I get terrified if people tell me things like 'Jesus loves

> > you'

> > > or that accepting God will make my life better - I was hurt so

much

> > > by my teachers that I can't tell if the person's well-meaning

as

> > > opposed to trying to hurt me.

> > > You're lucky you and your son have been accepted so well by the

> > > church community.

> > > Ettina

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Tishanne...this breaks my heart. We are blessed in that we live in an area where churches embrace those with "issues" --- Just a few weeks ago, we were in my little girls SS class teaching...we went to "big group" time, there was this little boy....precious,, precious. Was out of control, as he was probably MR, with some Autism, etc...Now that I have my little man it's easier to spot. There could not have been more love for him...I held him, and gave him deep pressure kind of hugs...I was able to explain to his teachers that he needs those kinds of hugs to regulate (it did work for me with him)...also that they needed fidget toys etc..........EVERYONE was receptive. I know it isn't that way at all churches...I'm not a Pollyanna, believe me, I get that it isn't...but for the most part, in our area we have many churches who

embrace kiddos with special needs. Actually we have many who have individual special needs programs.....

In my opinion this is outrageous that those who claim to love God, can treat these babies this way....again I know it happens, but I just wanted to say that it doesn't happen everywhere....it screams to heaven. Nothing worse than hurting a child...nothing worse....

I'm so sorry to hear this Tishanne, and want you to know.

e