Re: any advice.. cps called

[Guest guest]

Is the 8 year old in counseling? If not, I would get him started. Show cps you are serious about working with your son and getting his autism under some control. What services is your son getting from the school district. social, OT, PT...?

Subject: any advice.. cps calledTo: AutismBehaviorProblems Date: Saturday, December 20, 2008, 4:45 AM

my 3 yr old touched my 8 yr olds bird house, that he had made at boy scouts. my 8 yr old is autistic and if his things are touched he gets upset. he hit my 3 yr old on the back, ( i was not home the hubby was) they were in the front yard. my hubby was in the garage, just a few feet away. he ran out of the garage and the 8 yr old ran away. hubby ran after the 8 yr old. IT WAS MORE IMPORTANT TO CATCH MY 8 YR OLD THAN TO CONSOLE THE 3 YR OLD. new neighbors called cps. cps shows up, my 8 yr old gets upset again, and becomes totally out of control in front of her.. we are being charged with siblings being unsafe. all children are still in the home, but we were told never have Ricky more than an arms lenght away. we agreed, ( but how realistic is that ) we have 4 childre 2 with autism, though the case worker says our second son is only coping our oldest ( GRRRRR)our children are 8, 6 ( both

autistic) 2, 11 monthsour 6 yr old "offical" dx is adhd with autistic tendencies ( don't get me started with that ) any one been there before. yes he was out of control AFTER she arrived, but he is NOT always out of control.yes he hits his brother ( more than id like) but so do typical kidsand we don't allow it, we do break it up.both my children are under DAN care and improving.. they are not medicated, but are given supplements.i am petrified that they might 1 they will remove ricky or the siblings2 they will force medication3 force him into a hospitalplease help...

[Guest guest]

My heart breaks for you. Where do you live? Different counties handle these situations differently. We dealt with CPS recently too. Frustrating!I will keep you in our prayers.Subject: any advice.. cps calledTo: AutismBehaviorProblems Date: Saturday, December 20, 2008, 9:45 AM

my 3 yr old touched my 8 yr olds bird house, that he had made at boy

scouts. my 8 yr old is autistic and if his things are touched he

gets upset. he hit my 3 yr old on the back, ( i was not home the

hubby was) they were in the front yard. my hubby was in the garage,

just a few feet away. he ran out of the garage and the 8 yr old ran

away. hubby ran after the 8 yr old. IT WAS MORE IMPORTANT TO CATCH

MY 8 YR OLD THAN TO CONSOLE THE 3 YR OLD.

new neighbors called cps.

cps shows up, my 8 yr old gets upset again, and becomes totally out

of control in front of her.. we are being charged with siblings

being unsafe.

all children are still in the home, but we were told never have

Ricky more than an arms lenght away. we agreed, ( but how realistic

is that )

we have 4 childre 2 with autism, though the case worker says our

second son is only coping our oldest ( GRRRRR)

our children are 8, 6 ( both autistic) 2, 11 months

our 6 yr old "offical" dx is adhd with autistic tendencies ( don't

get me started with that )

any one been there before.

yes he was out of control AFTER she arrived, but he is NOT always

out of control.

yes he hits his brother ( more than id like) but so do typical kids

and we don't allow it, we do break it up.

both my children are under DAN care and improving.. they are not

medicated, but are given supplements.

i am petrified that they might

1 they will remove ricky or the siblings

2 they will force medication

3 force him into a hospital

please help...

[Guest guest]

I am so terribly sorry to hear this happened to you. Your neighbor needs mind

his own

business and get educated about autism! Perhaps your doctor could write a

letter so at

least it is in the case file. I honestly don't know how I would respond in your

situation. My

youngest (almost 5, autistic) scratches, pinches and throws things at his 7 year

old

brother. He has scratches all over his face etc. I am so sad to hear this story

and pray

that the situation soon calms. Sorry I'm not of any help.

Deanna

> my 3 yr old touched my 8 yr olds bird house, that he had made at boy

> scouts. my 8 yr old is autistic and if his things are touched he

> gets upset. he hit my 3 yr old on the back, ( i was not home the

> hubby was) they were in the front yard. my hubby was in the garage,

> just a few feet away. he ran out of the garage and the 8 yr old ran

> away. hubby ran after the 8 yr old. IT WAS MORE IMPORTANT TO CATCH

> MY 8 YR OLD THAN TO CONSOLE THE 3 YR OLD.

> new neighbors called cps.

> cps shows up, my 8 yr old gets upset again, and becomes totally out

> of control in front of her.. we are being charged with siblings

> being unsafe.

> all children are still in the home, but we were told never have

> Ricky more than an arms lenght away. we agreed, ( but how realistic

> is that )

> we have 4 childre 2 with autism, though the case worker says our

> second son is only coping our oldest ( GRRRRR)

> our children are 8, 6 ( both autistic) 2, 11 months

> our 6 yr old " offical " dx is adhd with autistic tendencies ( don't

> get me started with that )

> any one been there before.

> yes he was out of control AFTER she arrived, but he is NOT always

> out of control.

> yes he hits his brother ( more than id like) but so do typical kids

> and we don't allow it, we do break it up.

> both my children are under DAN care and improving.. they are not

> medicated, but are given supplements.

> i am petrified that they might

> 1 they will remove ricky or the siblings

> 2 they will force medication

> 3 force him into a hospital

> please help...

>

[Guest guest]

Oh, we did too. THey were called on me by my sons school and I did nothing to him at all. And the strangest thing was, that the supposed bruise, mark was on the inner thigh right by his underwear line. Nothing there. Then, we went to the school and the principal told us it was a hand mark on s bottom that lasted for two days and he said mommy when asked about it, and then when at that awful meeting, we were told it was on his upper thigh and also before when told by the principal it was on his bottom, they said they had pictures. And in the meeting then it changed to his upper outter thigh and I really did not like this and this followed problesm I was having anyhow. And then a really crazy text that I supposedly sent to the teacher that said i was in the hospital, had a brain tumor, I was scared my son was going to kill me and I looked right at her in the meeting and said, why was it said, because that text was not true. Only two things, I had a headache and was scared because I was feeling dizzy and my head hurt, that was it and she gave some crazy excuse. I just found out it was dropped, but still. And you know what else I found out? He just called s dr and asked him why they called him? And s dr and my weight loss dr, the same person said I want to ask you the same thing. The DCFS guy said, well, I chedked him all out, he is ok etc, and my dr said the same and the guy said well apparently she had problems with the school, but I am dropping this case, end of story. Really still upsets me. What does that tell you all about what the DCFS guy said to the dr? UGH! I found this out a couple Tues ago when I was at the weight loss clinic.

Stacie

My heart breaks for you. Where do you live? Different counties handle these situations differently. We dealt with CPS recently too. Frustrating!I will keep you in our prayers.

From: amsterl72 <Amstermarieaol>Subject: any advice.. cps calledTo: AutismBehaviorProblems Date: Saturday, December 20, 2008, 9:45 AM

my 3 yr old touched my 8 yr olds bird house, that he had made at boy scouts. my 8 yr old is autistic and if his things are touched he gets upset. he hit my 3 yr old on the back, ( i was not home the hubby was) they were in the front yard. my hubby was in the garage, just a few feet away. he ran out of the garage and the 8 yr old ran away. hubby ran after the 8 yr old. IT WAS MORE IMPORTANT TO CATCH MY 8 YR OLD THAN TO CONSOLE THE 3 YR OLD. new neighbors called cps. cps shows up, my 8 yr old gets upset again, and becomes totally out of control in front of her.. we are being charged with siblings being unsafe. all children are still in the home, but we were told never have Ricky more than an arms lenght away. we agreed, ( but how realistic is that ) we have 4 childre 2 with autism, though the case worker says our second son is only coping our oldest ( GRRRRR)our children are 8, 6 ( both autistic) 2, 11 monthsour 6 yr old "offical" dx is adhd with autistic tendencies ( don't get me started with that ) any one been there before. yes he was out of control AFTER she arrived, but he is NOT always out of control.yes he hits his brother ( more than id like) but so do typical kidsand we don't allow it, we do break it up.both my children are under DAN care and improving.. they are not medicated, but are given supplements.i am petrified that they might 1 they will remove ricky or the siblings2 they will force medication3 force him into a hospitalplease help... One site keeps you connected to all your email: AOL Mail, Gmail, and Yahoo Mail. Try it now.

[Guest guest]

I am assuming cps is the same as children's aid. Please don't feel ashamed by having someone call cas on you...this is to protect your child and honestly it is a school's duty to call - no if and's or buts...we can loose our job if we don't. Honestly, my feeling is that if you did nothing wrong then you have nothing to hide, therefore having someone call to just check to make sure your child is ok should be a relief to know that someone is looking out for your child. Be honest and open to talking to them - no one is perfect and things happen beyond our control. I have had to make the call for 3 of my students so far and thankfully nothing has come of it...none of my parents were upset by me making the call either.

Take care

[Guest guest]

"none of my parents were upset by me making the call either."

Dear ---respectfully, there was so much more to this story then CPS. Stacie has had a rough go of it with her school...in more ways than just this. Stacie is a wonderful mom, who has a "right" to feel sad, and upset. She will work through it. I realize that you are a teacher, and that the intent of your response is helpful in nature; I am assuming that you do not have a child with Autism? It is a whole other story when the child is your own. We spend more hours in a day, being mommy than a lay person (even a teacher) can imagine.

Stacie can speak for herself...speaking from me, we as mom's totally get that it is a teachers duty to report. We are educated mom's speaking from the heart...this needs to be a safe place for mom's to gripe without needing to justify the "I know why they had to do it"s while doing so.

Please know that my intent is to protect my friend from feeling anymore "guilt" and or pain for feeling just as she does at present...My money's on her, and her ability to work through this...

e

To: AutismBehaviorProblems Sent: Monday, December 22, 2008 9:12:23 AMSubject: Re: any advice.. cps called

I am assuming cps is the same as children's aid. Please don't feel ashamed by having someone call cas on you...this is to protect your child and honestly it is a school's duty to call - no if and's or buts...we can loose our job if we don't. Honestly, my feeling is that if you did nothing wrong then you have nothing to hide, therefore having someone call to just check to make sure your child is ok should be a relief to know that someone is looking out for your child. Be honest and open to talking to them - no one is perfect and things happen beyond our control. I have had to make the call for 3 of my students so far and thankfully nothing has come of it...none of my parents were upset by me making the call either.

Take care

[Guest guest]

,

Perhaps you could answer a question for me regarding your post. What prompts you, the teacher, to call Children's Aid? For example, if you see a child who has multiple bruises on his leg, do you immediately suspect abuse and call Children's Aid or do you talk to the parents to ascertain why the child is bruised? If you speak to the parents, do you then second guess them and still call Children's Aid? If I were a parent, and you asked me what happened to my child, I explained it and yet you called Children's Aid, your actions would indicate that you believe me to be a liar. Please explain why your parent didn't get upset by your actions.

I am the mother of an austistic child, and a good mom at that. I have two older NT children and am responsible for the Environmental, Health and Safety program at a chemical plant. Safety is an absolute in my life at work and at home. However, accidents happen. I was cooking in October and turned my back for a second. I cook on the back burners and had removed a pan from the burner ( a glass top stove). My autistic child, placed his hand on that back burner. I had to call 911 for help as he had second and third degree burns on his hand. Neither the hospital, the EMS workers or anyone at his school called Children's Aid. They all knew from talking to me, that it was an accident...that I had not hurt my child. What would you have done?

I defend Stacie as a mother. She is on this board as a mom who seeks advice and support of all of us on this board. She has EVERY right to be upset with what is happening and people who don't understand called CPS on her and her child.

You may be a teacher compelled to call "because you may loose your job" but just remember, while you go home at 3 in the afternoon and forget about your call, that family will still be dealing with the pain and sorrow you have caused even if they did nothing wrong. Be more worried about the child, don't defend your actions under the shield of losing your job...do it because you really think the parents are hurting the child. Your motives for reporting are wrong...you are more worried about you.

Walk a day in our shoes...our children will teach you....

Subject: Re: Re: any advice.. cps calledTo: AutismBehaviorProblems Date: Monday, December 22, 2008, 9:57 AM

"none of my parents were upset by me making the call either."

Dear ---respectfu lly, there was so much more to this story then CPS. Stacie has had a rough go of it with her school...in more ways than just this. Stacie is a wonderful mom, who has a "right" to feel sad, and upset. She will work through it. I realize that you are a teacher, and that the intent of your response is helpful in nature; I am assuming that you do not have a child with Autism? It is a whole other story when the child is your own. We spend more hours in a day, being mommy than a lay person (even a teacher) can imagine.

Stacie can speak for herself...speaking from me, we as mom's totally get that it is a teachers duty to report. We are educated mom's speaking from the heart...this needs to be a safe place for mom's to gripe without needing to justify the "I know why they had to do it"s while doing so.

Please know that my intent is to protect my friend from feeling anymore "guilt" and or pain for feeling just as she does at present...My money's on her, and her ability to work through this...

e

From: Dagg <hdagg2000yahoo (DOT) com>To: AutismBehaviorProbl emsyahoogroups (DOT) comSent: Monday, December 22, 2008 9:12:23 AMSubject: Re: any advice.. cps called

I am assuming cps is the same as children's aid. Please don't feel ashamed by having someone call cas on you...this is to protect your child and honestly it is a school's duty to call - no if and's or buts...we can loose our job if we don't. Honestly, my feeling is that if you did nothing wrong then you have nothing to hide, therefore having someone call to just check to make sure your child is ok should be a relief to know that someone is looking out for your child. Be honest and open to talking to them - no one is perfect and things happen beyond our control. I have had to make the call for 3 of my students so far and thankfully nothing has come of it...none of my parents were upset by me making the call either.

Take care

[Guest guest]

Thanks e for saying that. The thing is, many things happened before this happened and then there were so many inconsistancies, like the odd text that Miss Jenna said she got which was not true. She got one, but nothing like she said, and then the place that was checked when they came to my house there was nothing there at all, and then all of the other incidents I told the teacher about were told too. I have done everything in my/our power to keep safe and we have locks on all doors and windows and keep putting them up as needed. And we have keys for all of them we now wear around our necks. And the fact that the spot that was reported to dcfs first was on the inner thigh right by his penis, then, the principal said it was on the bottom and the school took the pixs of it, which I have not asked to see yet, and then in the awful meeting, they said no, it was on the upper outside thigh and they have pictures of it etc. So, how could it move to 3 places and so many things go wrong? And, the fact about that darn text message, well, that was just crazy. The teacher I think was backed into a wall for what she did and then I acted on what she did by crossing boundaries and needed someone who knew Autism and then had the door shut in my face. It was all on email and then I wanted to know what to do becaue I felt so bad so i went to the district to talk to someone about what to do for me, not about her and it was suggested that I ask to have a meeting with her which is what I did and told her I talked to someone for my own sake and she took it to the extreme and every email and text was printed out by me and by her and the principal called me all kinds of names in that meeting and pointed at me, yelled at me, and him and Jim got into it too because of it and he said that sometimes DCFS gets it mixed up. Well, hello? Something like that should not be so wrong and so many inconsistancies. Thanks e for saying what you did. You are a great friend and you know me and you say the sweetest things and try and protect me all the time and I totally appreciate it so much. I have gone through so much and still am.

Stacie

"none of my parents were upset by me making the call either."

Dear ---respectfully, there was so much more to this story then CPS. Stacie has had a rough go of it with her school...in more ways than just this. Stacie is a wonderful mom, who has a "right" to feel sad, and upset. She will work through it. I realize that you are a teacher, and that the intent of your response is helpful in nature; I am assuming that you do not have a child with Autism? It is a whole other story when the child is your own. We spend more hours in a day, being mommy than a lay person (even a teacher) can imagine.

Stacie can speak for herself...speaking from me, we as mom's totally get that it is a teachers duty to report. We are educated mom's speaking from the heart...this needs to be a safe place for mom's to gripe without needing to justify the "I know why they had to do it"s while doing so.

Please know that my intent is to protect my friend from feeling anymore "guilt" and or pain for feeling just as she does at present...My money's on her, and her ability to work through this...

e

From: Dagg <hdagg2000>To: AutismBehaviorProblems Sent: Monday, December 22, 2008 9:12:23 AMSubject: Re: any advice.. cps called

I am assuming cps is the same as children's aid. Please don't feel ashamed by having someone call cas on you...this is to protect your child and honestly it is a school's duty to call - no if and's or buts...we can loose our job if we don't. Honestly, my feeling is that if you did nothing wrong then you have nothing to hide, therefore having someone call to just check to make sure your child is ok should be a relief to know that someone is looking out for your child. Be honest and open to talking to them - no one is perfect and things happen beyond our control. I have had to make the call for 3 of my students so far and thankfully nothing has come of it...none of my parents were upset by me making the call either.

Take care

One site keeps you connected to all your email: AOL Mail, Gmail, and Yahoo Mail. Try it now.

[Guest guest]

,

I know what you are saying and thanks for defending me. As most of you know, I have been through hell and even though this case was dropped, I still suffer emotionally from it and will for a long time. I dont know if I will ever get over it really. I mean, the teacher knew me, we talked lots before and she would always say is so lucky to have such great and supportive parents etc and she just said that 3 days before that call. At his old school, use to bite himself on his wrist in the same spot and it left a raised like callous on his arm and before anything they called me and asked me about it. And one time they found a mark on his bottom and they called me and had fallen down that morning pretty hard. I think they jumped the gun and because of everything that happened before this, I think it was a

BS call. And, by the dcfs guy talking to s dr and saying what he did, what does that tell you? That he knew it was a bs call too, but why the heck cant something be done about that? I dont get it. I am going to go in and ask to see those pix them have when school is back in session. I want to see them and see what is on them. And like I said before, the weird text Miss Jenna got supposedly that was so untrue and also the spot moving 3 times and the school themselves taking pictures which is under my understanding that is not school policy unless it was on the arm or something and no clothes had to be removed.

Just thinking about this is firing me up again. And I am still going through a bunch of crap.

Stacie

,

Perhaps you could answer a question for me regarding your post. What prompts you, the teacher, to call Children's Aid? For example, if you see a child who has multiple bruises on his leg, do you immediately suspect abuse and call Children's Aid or do you talk to the parents to ascertain why the child is bruised? If you speak to the parents, do you then second guess them and still call Children's Aid? If I were a parent, and you asked me what happened to my child, I explained it and yet you called Children's Aid, your actions would indicate that you believe me to be a liar. Please explain why your parent didn't get upset by your actions.

I am the mother of an austistic child, and a good mom at that. I have two older NT children and am responsible for the Environmental, Health and Safety program at a chemical plant. Safety is an absolute in my life at work and at home. However, accidents happen. I was cooking in October and turned my back for a second. I cook on the back burners and had removed a pan from the burner ( a glass top stove). My autistic child, placed his hand on that back burner. I had to call 911 for help as he had second and third degree burns on his hand. Neither the hospital, the EMS workers or anyone at his school called Children's Aid. They all knew from talking to me, that it was an accident...that I had not hurt my child. What would you have done?

I defend Stacie as a mother. She is on this board as a mom who seeks advice and support of all of us on this board. She has EVERY right to be upset with what is happening and people who don't understand called CPS on her and her child.

You may be a teacher compelled to call "because you may loose your job" but just remember, while you go home at 3 in the afternoon and forget about your call, that family will still be dealing with the pain and sorrow you have caused even if they did nothing wrong. Be more worried about the child, don't defend your actions under the shield of losing your job...do it because you really think the parents are hurting the child. Your motives for reporting are wrong...you are more worried about you.

Walk a day in our shoes...our children will teach you....

From: Two Blessings <ljdjd1234>Subject: Re: Re: any advice.. cps calledTo: AutismBehaviorProblems Date: Monday, December 22, 2008, 9:57 AM

"none of my parents were upset by me making the call either."

Dear ---respectfu lly, there was so much more to this story then CPS. Stacie has had a rough go of it with her school...in more ways than just this. Stacie is a wonderful mom, who has a "right" to feel sad, and upset. She will work through it. I realize that you are a teacher, and that the intent of your response is helpful in nature; I am assuming that you do not have a child with Autism? It is a whole other story when the child is your own. We spend more hours in a day, being mommy than a lay person (even a teacher) can imagine.

Stacie can speak for herself...speaking from me, we as mom's totally get that it is a teachers duty to report. We are educated mom's speaking from the heart...this needs to be a safe place for mom's to gripe without needing to justify the "I know why they had to do it"s while doing so.

Please know that my intent is to protect my friend from feeling anymore "guilt" and or pain for feeling just as she does at present...My money's on her, and her ability to work through this...

e

From: Dagg <hdagg2000yahoo (DOT) com>To: AutismBehaviorProbl emsyahoogroups (DOT) comSent: Monday, December 22, 2008 9:12:23 AMSubject: Re: any advice.. cps called

I am assuming cps is the same as children's aid. Please don't feel ashamed by having someone call cas on you...this is to protect your child and honestly it is a school's duty to call - no if and's or buts...we can loose our job if we don't. Honestly, my feeling is that if you did nothing wrong then you have nothing to hide, therefore having someone call to just check to make sure your child is ok should be a relief to know that someone is looking out for your child. Be honest and open to talking to them - no one is perfect and things happen beyond our control. I have had to make the call for 3 of my students so far and thankfully nothing has come of it...none of my parents were upset by me making the call either.

Take care

One site keeps you connected to all your email: AOL Mail, Gmail, and Yahoo Mail. Try it now.

[Guest guest]

AMEN . I agree.

another

>

>

> Subject: Re: Re: any advice.. cps called

> To: AutismBehaviorProblems

> Date: Monday, December 22, 2008, 9:57 AM

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> " none of my parents were upset by me making the call either. "

>  

>  

> Dear ---respectfu lly, there was so much more to this story

then CPS.  Stacie has had a rough go of it with her school...in more

ways than just this.  Stacie is a wonderful mom, who has a " right " to

feel sad, and upset.  She will work through it.  I realize that you

are a teacher, and that the intent of your response is helpful in

nature; I am assuming that you do not have a child with Autism?  It

is a whole other story when the child is your own.  We spend more

hours in a day, being mommy than a lay person (even a teacher) can

imagine. 

>  

> Stacie can speak for herself...speaking from me, we as mom's

totally get that it is a teachers duty to report.  We are educated

mom's speaking from the heart...this needs to be a safe place for

mom's to gripe without needing to justify the " I know why they had to

do it " s while doing so. 

>  

> Please know that my intent is to protect my friend from feeling

anymore " guilt " and or pain for feeling just as she does at

present...My money's on her, and her ability to work through this...

>  

> e

>

>

>

>

>

> From: Dagg <hdagg2000yahoo (DOT) com>

> To: AutismBehaviorProbl emsyahoogroups (DOT) com

> Sent: Monday, December 22, 2008 9:12:23 AM

> Subject: Re: any advice.. cps called

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> I am assuming cps is the same as children's aid. Please don't feel

ashamed by having someone call cas on you...this is to protect your

child and honestly it is a school's duty to call - no if and's or

buts...we can loose our job if we don't. Honestly, my feeling is that

if you did nothing wrong then you have nothing to hide, therefore

having someone call to just check to make sure your child is ok

should be a relief to know that someone is looking out for your

child. Be honest and open to talking to them - no one is perfect and

things happen beyond our control. I have had to make the call for 3

of my students so far and thankfully nothing has come of it...none of

my parents were upset by me making the call either.

> Take care

>

>

[Guest guest]

Whoa, I am not trying to make anyone feel bad here I am just trying to help other people see the other side - there is alot of negativity on this group and I'm not sure why - sure these kids have challenges but have so much to offer the world.

I do not call everyday - kids are kids regardless if they have special needs or not - they play and get bruises. Its when bruises appear is odd locations. We are not allowed to question parents - we must go with our gut. For example last year I have a 4 year old child in my contained class who I absolutely adored - one day 5 months into school he bent over and the ta noticed his black and blue bruises on his lower back. She then asked me to come and take a look - this child does not like to be touched - but I convinced him to let me look at his back and his back was covered in what looked like black and blue bruises. I had to call - these calls are not easy - I was soo emotional - I did not necessarily think parents - these children are with so many different people/professionals I was only thinking about the child. CAS was very good - they asked me questions such as "does this child come to school clean and washes everyday" (yes - always) "does

this child bring enough food to school , eg., lunch" (yes - and its always very healthy). "Is there any reason you would suspect abuse" (no - I am just concerned about the bruising on his back). The first thing I told them was that this child had autism - they asked me many questions related to autism eg. "would the bruising be caused by self-harm?" (no) "does the child rock back and forth?" (no), etc. They did investigate and called me back the next day to tell me that in the Chinese population some people get very large birth marks that look like bruising - I had never heard this before. I was scared parents would be angry with me for calling because they must tell parents it was the teacher that called - but they weren't at all - it was never actually talked about again. I worked with the student outside of school the next year on the weekends too.

Please don't insult someone until you know me - I give everything for the students I teach with autism. My parents have my home phone number and call me at all times of the day or night - I go above and beyond teaching these students in the school setting. I go on family outings with the students to help parents overcome various issues (e.g. camera phobia).

I also look after several children with autism for weeks at a time while parents go on vacation - I was babysitting a child for a week when we had the nationwide black out a few years ago - that was very challenging - non-verbal 10 year old with autism who needs to microwave everything she eats and will only drink water from the automatic fridge water dispenser (obviously none of this would work without power). We got through it with only a few holes in the drywall. I almost took a child into my home when her dad died and her mom was debating giving her up but thankfully she worked through it and I provide respite.

Take care

I hope everyone enjoys the holidays with your child as challenging as it might be.

[Guest guest]

My initial response about CAS was because there were 2 different posts about CAS being called - this was a general note and not meant to offend anyone - everyone has their own side to the story - believe me I have been accused myself as a teacher last year in regards to a boys penis...long story but nothing came of it. I have nothing to hide and welcome anyone to come in and observe me. There is good intentions behind everything I do in my classroom.

Take care again,

[Guest guest]

,

I understand that you are speaking from an educators point of view and I appreciate the fact that you are involved here. I also have to say this is a remarkable positive group despite the topic it covers. You do know autism in an educators sense and you seem to be very caring and involved with the kids you work with but you need to understand that you do not know it from a parents perspective. You do not know what it is like to lay awake at night thinking of ways to help your child, knowing that this child you love with all your heart will probably not have many friends if any, go to college, get married, have children, even if you will be able to handle their aggression or behaviors as they get bigger. You cannot be expected to know how this feels. As a parent you go through so much worry about therapy decisions you have made or what you missed, the worry about medications, behavior therapy, the constant feeling that

you have not done enough but not really knowing what else to do. In the last few emails I think you hit on a few topics that are very difficult for any parent. For me the topic of testing and how schools can use this as a way to label your child unteachable. This does happen and it is a very real fear. Again I would say I'm sure this is not the way you would use these tests but there are bad schools and uninformed teachers who do this. On the topic of CPS being called. You seem to feel we should be grateful that the teachers pay enough attention and would call if abuse was suspected. No loving parent of any child whether they are autistic or typical wants to be investigated or accused of any form of abuse. I cannot think of one person I know who would not be upset if this happened to them. We have all heard stories on the news about people having their children taken away when no abuse was

going on. There is also the fact that most of our children couldn't tell anyone what happened or explain the injury. My son would probably just mimic anything someone told him. I think teachers have to be aware and look for signs of abuse to help protect all children. I also think that as a parent it would be devastating to have someone come to my house and tell me I was suspected of abuse. This is a group of parents who love their children and have many struggles and challenges on a daily basis. I hope you can understand why these topics and the responses you have given would push some hot buttons. You are right that these are wonderful children and they do have a lot to offer society. The struggle comes from helping them reach their potential. My son has my heart and it seems to me you care a great deal about the children you work with. I hope you can try and understand that what you may

see as a negative response in most cases is just a response from a different perspective not meant to be insulting or confrontational. Thank you for the care and devotion you show to your students. I wish there were more teachers or therapists who showed that level of dedication and involvement. Kellie

Subject: Re: any advice.. cps calledTo: AutismBehaviorProblems Date: Tuesday, December 23, 2008, 3:58 PM

Whoa, I am not trying to make anyone feel bad here I am just trying to help other people see the other side - there is alot of negativity on this group and I'm not sure why - sure these kids have challenges but have so much to offer the world.

I do not call everyday - kids are kids regardless if they have special needs or not - they play and get bruises. Its when bruises appear is odd locations. We are not allowed to question parents - we must go with our gut. For example last year I have a 4 year old child in my contained class who I absolutely adored - one day 5 months into school he bent over and the ta noticed his black and blue bruises on his lower back. She then asked me to come and take a look - this child does not like to be touched - but I convinced him to let me look at his back and his back was covered in what looked like black and blue bruises. I had to call - these calls are not easy - I was soo emotional - I did not necessarily think parents - these children are with so many different people/professional s I was only thinking about the child. CAS was very good - they asked me questions such as "does this child come to school clean and washes everyday" (yes - always) "does

this child bring enough food to school , eg., lunch" (yes - and its always very healthy). "Is there any reason you would suspect abuse" (no - I am just concerned about the bruising on his back). The first thing I told them was that this child had autism - they asked me many questions related to autism eg. "would the bruising be caused by self-harm?" (no) "does the child rock back and forth?" (no), etc. They did investigate and called me back the next day to tell me that in the Chinese population some people get very large birth marks that look like bruising - I had never heard this before. I was scared parents would be angry with me for calling because they must tell parents it was the teacher that called - but they weren't at all - it was never actually talked about again. I worked with the student outside of school the next year on the weekends too.

Please don't insult someone until you know me - I give everything for the students I teach with autism. My parents have my home phone number and call me at all times of the day or night - I go above and beyond teaching these students in the school setting. I go on family outings with the students to help parents overcome various issues (e.g. camera phobia).

I also look after several children with autism for weeks at a time while parents go on vacation - I was babysitting a child for a week when we had the nationwide black out a few years ago - that was very challenging - non-verbal 10 year old with autism who needs to microwave everything she eats and will only drink water from the automatic fridge water dispenser (obviously none of this would work without power). We got through it with only a few holes in the drywall. I almost took a child into my home when her dad died and her mom was debating giving her up but thankfully she worked through it and I provide respite.

Take care

I hope everyone enjoys the holidays with your child as challenging as it might be.

[Guest guest]

you are welcome, stacie. you explain to us how you feel that's how we know --- love to you and your family!

Merry Christmas -

e

To: AutismBehaviorProblems Sent: Monday, December 22, 2008 11:23:56 PMSubject: Re: Re: any advice.. cps called

..

[Guest guest]

,

Here, DCFS is not suppose to tell anyone who made the call, but I just knew. There had been many things that happened right before this and it was just sickening and I think the teachers back was up against a wall to tell you the truth and so does Jim and our advocate. Your parents and the students are really lucky because that is what I wanted with s teacher, exactly what you explained and that is what she gave to me at first and then slammed that door right in my face and said nope cant happen and she is the one that opened that up to begin with. So, do you ever become friends with the parents? I would think that it would be hard not to if you work with your students like that and all. I wish that this teacher would not of did what she did and I wish I would of not taken that bait.

Stacie

Whoa, I am not trying to make anyone feel bad here I am just trying to help other people see the other side - there is alot of negativity on this group and I'm not sure why - sure these kids have challenges but have so much to offer the world.

I do not call everyday - kids are kids regardless if they have special needs or not - they play and get bruises. Its when bruises appear is odd locations. We are not allowed to question parents - we must go with our gut. For example last year I have a 4 year old child in my contained class who I absolutely adored - one day 5 months into school he bent over and the ta noticed his black and blue bruises on his lower back. She then asked me to come and take a look - this child does not like to be touched - but I convinced him to let me look at his back and his back was covered in what looked like black and blue bruises. I had to call - these calls are not easy - I was soo emotional - I did not necessarily think parents - these children are with so many different people/professionals I was only thinking about the child. CAS was very good - they asked me questions such as "does this child come to school clean and washes everyday" (yes - always) "does this child bring enough food to school , eg., lunch" (yes - and its always very healthy). "Is there any reason you would suspect abuse" (no - I am just concerned about the bruising on his back). The first thing I told them was that this child had autism - they asked me many questions related to autism eg. "would the bruising be caused by self-harm?" (no) "does the child rock back and forth?" (no), etc. They did investigate and called me back the next day to tell me that in the Chinese population some people get very large birth marks that look like bruising - I had never heard this before. I was scared parents would be angry with me for calling because they must tell parents it was the teacher that called - but they weren't at all - it was never actually talked about again. I worked with the student outside of school the next year on the weekends too.

Please don't insult someone until you know me - I give everything for the students I teach with autism. My parents have my home phone number and call me at all times of the day or night - I go above and beyond teaching these students in the school setting. I go on family outings with the students to help parents overcome various issues (e.g. camera phobia).

I also look after several children with autism for weeks at a time while parents go on vacation - I was babysitting a child for a week when we had the nationwide black out a few years ago - that was very challenging - non-verbal 10 year old with autism who needs to microwave everything she eats and will only drink water from the automatic fridge water dispenser (obviously none of this would work without power). We got through it with only a few holes in the drywall. I almost took a child into my home when her dad died and her mom was debating giving her up but thankfully she worked through it and I provide respite.

Take care

I hope everyone enjoys the holidays with your child as challenging as it might be.

Messages in this topic (12) Reply (via web post) | Start a new topic

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[Guest guest]

Kellie,

I agree with everything you said, being a mom that was recently acused of thos. I had DCFS here and I knew the school called and all and I had a problem with the teacher a week before and then all of a sudden, and even after she wrote a note home to me saying how lucky as to have such loving parents who support him blah, blah blah. It was so hard and I was so mad and we know now, that it was a BS call just by what the DCFS guy said to and my dr and my dr told me. He called him and said Dr Guidi, why did these people call me and our dr said I dont know, that is what I wanted to ask you and he said he checked him out, my dr said I did too and work closely with both of them etc and DCFS said well, I am closing the case. It hits a button with me for sure and I still go through the how dare they etc and the fact that the place that had the mark so they said, changed to 3 different spots and the school has a pic they took of it etc. And then that nutty text the guy asked if I sent and i did send the teacher a text but nothing like the nutty thing he asked me if I texted and he asked for my phone and I showed it to him, he asked who it was i texted and I told him and said now I know and i want to know, are you going to check her phone? And he said yes he would want to see her phone too. Makes me so mad.

Stacie

,

I understand that you are speaking from an educators point of view and I appreciate the fact that you are involved here. I also have to say this is a remarkable positive group despite the topic it covers. You do know autism in an educators sense and you seem to be very caring and involved with the kids you work with but you need to understand that you do not know it from a parents perspective. You do not know what it is like to lay awake at night thinking of ways to help your child, knowing that this child you love with all your heart will probably not have many friends if any, go to college, get married, have children, even if you will be able to handle their aggression or behaviors as they get bigger. You cannot be expected to know how this feels. As a parent you go through so much worry about therapy decisions you have made or what you missed, the worry about medications, behavior therapy, the constant feeling that you have not done enough but not really knowing what else to do. In the last few emails I think you hit on a few topics that are very difficult for any parent. For me the topic of testing and how schools can use this as a way to label your child unteachable. This does happen and it is a very real fear. Again I would say I'm sure this is not the way you would use these tests but there are bad schools and uninformed teachers who do this. On the topic of CPS being called. You seem to feel we should be grateful that the teachers pay enough attention and would call if abuse was suspected. No loving parent of any child whether they are autistic or typical wants to be investigated or accused of any form of abuse. I cannot think of one person I know who would not be upset if this happened to them. We have all heard stories on the news about people having their children taken away when no abuse was going on. There is also the fact that most of our children couldn't tell anyone what happened or explain the injury. My son would probably just mimic anything someone told him. I think teachers have to be aware and look for signs of abuse to help protect all children. I also think that as a parent it would be devastating to have someone come to my house and tell me I was suspected of abuse. This is a group of parents who love their children and have many struggles and challenges on a daily basis. I hope you can understand why these topics and the responses you have given would push some hot buttons. You are right that these are wonderful children and they do have a lot to offer society. The struggle comes from helping them reach their potential. My son has my heart and it seems to me you care a great deal about the children you work with. I hope you can try and understand that what you may see as a negative response in most cases is just a response from a different perspective not meant to be insulting or confrontational. Thank you for the care and devotion you show to your students. I wish there were more teachers or therapists who showed that level of dedication and involvement. Kellie

From: Dagg <hdagg2000>Subject: Re: any advice.. cps calledTo: AutismBehaviorProblems Date: Tuesday, December 23, 2008, 3:58 PM

Whoa, I am not trying to make anyone feel bad here I am just trying to help other people see the other side - there is alot of negativity on this group and I'm not sure why - sure these kids have challenges but have so much to offer the world.

I do not call everyday - kids are kids regardless if they have special needs or not - they play and get bruises. Its when bruises appear is odd locations. We are not allowed to question parents - we must go with our gut. For example last year I have a 4 year old child in my contained class who I absolutely adored - one day 5 months into school he bent over and the ta noticed his black and blue bruises on his lower back. She then asked me to come and take a look - this child does not like to be touched - but I convinced him to let me look at his back and his back was covered in what looked like black and blue bruises. I had to call - these calls are not easy - I was soo emotional - I did not necessarily think parents - these children are with so many different people/professional s I was only thinking about the child. CAS was very good - they asked me questions such as "does this child come to school clean and washes everyday" (yes - always) "does this child bring enough food to school , eg., lunch" (yes - and its always very healthy). "Is there any reason you would suspect abuse" (no - I am just concerned about the bruising on his back). The first thing I told them was that this child had autism - they asked me many questions related to autism eg. "would the bruising be caused by self-harm?" (no) "does the child rock back and forth?" (no), etc. They did investigate and called me back the next day to tell me that in the Chinese population some people get very large birth marks that look like bruising - I had never heard this before. I was scared parents would be angry with me for calling because they must tell parents it was the teacher that called - but they weren't at all - it was never actually talked about again. I worked with the student outside of school the next year on the weekends too.

Please don't insult someone until you know me - I give everything for the students I teach with autism. My parents have my home phone number and call me at all times of the day or night - I go above and beyond teaching these students in the school setting. I go on family outings with the students to help parents overcome various issues (e.g. camera phobia).

I also look after several children with autism for weeks at a time while parents go on vacation - I was babysitting a child for a week when we had the nationwide black out a few years ago - that was very challenging - non-verbal 10 year old with autism who needs to microwave everything she eats and will only drink water from the automatic fridge water dispenser (obviously none of this would work without power). We got through it with only a few holes in the drywall. I almost took a child into my home when her dad died and her mom was debating giving her up but thankfully she worked through it and I provide respite.

Take care

I hope everyone enjoys the holidays with your child as challenging as it might be.

One site keeps you connected to all your email: AOL Mail, Gmail, and Yahoo Mail. Try it now.

[Guest guest]

Yep you are right e. Love to you and your family too. My family just left, and are in bed and Lex is watching tv. Jim is working and I am on here finally relaxing till I go upstairs and just wrap a few more presents and get them under the tree.

Merry Christmas everyone.

Stacie

you are welcome, stacie. you explain to us how you feel that's how we know --- love to you and your family!

Merry Christmas -

e

From: "hawkie6aol" <hawkie6aol>To: AutismBehaviorProblems Sent: Monday, December 22, 2008 11:23:56 PMSubject: Re: Re: any advice.. cps called

..

One site keeps you connected to all your email: AOL Mail, Gmail, and Yahoo Mail. Try it now.

[Guest guest]

Stacie,

There needs to be clear cut guidelines for teachers, and therapists to follow, before they call DCFS. No one should make those types of decisions based on 'gut' instinct. In all my years of teaching, I only called one time. I was working with a 6th grade girl, who came to school dirty. Her hair was never washed. One day, she came to school with bruises on her arms and neck. Clearly, she was being neglected and abused, and they found this to be true. It seems now, schools are on a witch hunt, and have gone overboard in their search for bad parents. It's really destructive to the family unit, and can ruin the relationship/ communication between the parents and school. Most parents of special needs kids, are intensely concerened for their children's well-being and safety. It's pretty insulting to be accused of a false crime.

Sara

Re: any advice.. cps calledTo: AutismBehaviorProblems Date: Tuesday, December 23, 2008, 3:58 PM

Whoa, I am not trying to make anyone feel bad here I am just trying to help other people see the other side - there is alot of negativity on this group and I'm not sure why - sure these kids have challenges but have so much to offer the world.

I do not call everyday - kids are kids regardless if they have special needs or not - they play and get bruises. Its when bruises appear is odd locations. We are not allowed to question parents - we must go with our gut. For example last year I have a 4 year old child in my contained class who I absolutely adored - one day 5 months into school he bent over and the ta noticed his black and blue bruises on his lower back. She then asked me to come and take a look - this child does not like to be touched - but I convinced him to let me look at his back and his back was covered in what looked like black and blue bruises. I had to call - these calls are not easy - I was soo emotional - I did not necessarily think parents - these children are with so many different people/professional s I was only thinking about the child. CAS was very good - they asked me questions such as "does this child come to school clean and washes everyday" (yes - always) "does this child bring enough food to school , eg., lunch" (yes - and its always very healthy). "Is there any reason you would suspect abuse" (no - I am just concerned about the bruising on his back). The first thing I told them was that this child had autism - they asked me many questions related to autism eg. "would the bruising be caused by self-harm?" (no) "does the child rock back and forth?" (no), etc. They did investigate and called me back the next day to tell me that in the Chinese population some people get very large birth marks that look like bruising - I had never heard this before. I was scared parents would be angry with me for calling because they must tell parents it was the teacher that called - but they weren't at all - it was never actually talked about again. I worked with the student outside of school the next year on the weekends too.

Please don't insult someone until you know me - I give everything for the students I teach with autism. My parents have my home phone number and call me at all times of the day or night - I go above and beyond teaching these students in the school setting. I go on family outings with the students to help parents overcome various issues (e.g. camera phobia).

I also look after several children with autism for weeks at a time while parents go on vacation - I was babysitting a child for a week when we had the nationwide black out a few years ago - that was very challenging - non-verbal 10 year old with autism who needs to microwave everything she eats and will only drink water from the automatic fridge water dispenser (obviously none of this would work without power). We got through it with only a few holes in the drywall. I almost took a child into my home when her dad died and her mom was debating giving her up but thankfully she worked through it and I provide respite.

Take care

I hope everyone enjoys the holidays with your child as challenging as it might be.

One site keeps you connected to all your email: AOL Mail, Gmail, and Yahoo Mail. Try it now.

[Guest guest]

Oh, it sure is insulting Sara. And the thing is, it was all BS. And you know, I told the teacher things that has happened like when climbed out his bedroom window a few weeks before this, and right before school started he ended up in the hospital because he got into something and it was so scary. We had not even known anything was in the shed and I was outside with him scrapbooking and he likes to go in there and put rocks in a bucket and dump them out over and over. And the window thing, we have locks on them and got them off. We have all doors and windows locked inside our house and walk around with keys to all the doors and found the keys and ran outside while we were getting dressed to go meet my husband for dinner that night. It was in the summer so it was still light out and got out and ran into the street right in front of a bus. I told the teacher this stuff and then she used all that against me and then said they found a mark and well, you know the story as I have mentioned it more then one time and all this was brought up and that crazy text she said she got that was so nuts and untrue. I dont get how they could do this at all. I really dont and it was terrible. It is so hard even though it was dropped to trust her, or the school but I am doing my best. And, the fact is, her and I had a disagreement in email and I thought5 it was all ok, but then she also used that against me in the meeting where the principal read all emails that had personal things in it to the whole group there, and there were alot. This was after DCFS had come, so I got my advocate and Jim to go with me since I found out, after requesting a meeting withe her to get everything straightened out, that she invited all the others to the meeting and I did not know and found out by the Autism specialist from the district that works very closely with her and she also does the support groups and all. The principal called me nasty names and pointed at me, JIm yelled at him and that is when we foiund out that yet again, the supposted spot where there was a mark changed yet again, making it 3 times it changed from where DCFS was told it was, and also the school took pix of it. It went from his inner thigh, right by his underwear line, to his butt the principal said, and in the meeting, it was his outter thigh up high. UGH! Still makes me so mad and upset. And, the DCFS guy knew about everytihng that has happened that I told the teacher about, and told them. we had in the hospital and they knew it was an accident and did not see any need to call them. It is just so upsetting that this happened. We had someone come in and put metal plates on the windows in his room so that will not happen anymore, removed the ladder that ERik managed to get down and everything in the shed and all and we showed the dcfs guy too so he knew we were doing what we needed to do for the safety of our child.

Stacie

Stacie,

There needs to be clear cut guidelines for teachers, and therapists to follow, before they call DCFS. No one should make those types of decisions based on 'gut' instinct. In all my years of teaching, I only called one time. I was working with a 6th grade girl, who came to school dirty. Her hair was never washed. One day, she came to school with bruises on her arms and neck. Clearly, she was being neglected and abused, and they found this to be true. It seems now, schools are on a witch hunt, and have gone overboard in their search for bad parents. It's really destructive to the family unit, and can ruin the relationship/ communication between the parents and school. Most parents of special needs kids, are intensely concerened for their children's well-being and safety. It's pretty insulting to be accused of a false crime.

Sara

Re: any advice.. cps calledTo: AutismBehaviorProblems Date: Tuesday, December 23, 2008, 3:58 PM

Whoa, I am not trying to make anyone feel bad here I am just trying to help other people see the other side - there is alot of negativity on this group and I'm not sure why - sure these kids have challenges but have so much to offer the world.

I do not call everyday - kids are kids regardless if they have special needs or not - they play and get bruises. Its when bruises appear is odd locations. We are not allowed to question parents - we must go with our gut. For example last year I have a 4 year old child in my contained class who I absolutely adored - one day 5 months into school he bent over and the ta noticed his black and blue bruises on his lower back. She then asked me to come and take a look - this child does not like to be touched - but I convinced him to let me look at his back and his back was covered in what looked like black and blue bruises. I had to call - these calls are not easy - I was soo emotional - I did not necessarily think parents - these children are with so many different people/professional s I was only thinking about the child. CAS was very good - they asked me questions such as "does this child come to school clean and washes everyday" (yes - always) "does this child bring enough food to school , eg., lunch" (yes - and its always very healthy). "Is there any reason you would suspect abuse" (no - I am just concerned about the bruising on his back). The first thing I told them was that this child had autism - they asked me many questions related to autism eg. "would the bruising be caused by self-harm?" (no) "does the child rock back and forth?" (no), etc. They did investigate and called me back the next day to tell me that in the Chinese population some people get very large birth marks that look like bruising - I had never heard this before. I was scared parents would be angry with me for calling because they must tell parents it was the teacher that called - but they weren't at all - it was never actually talked about again. I worked with the student outside of school the next year on the weekends too.

Please don't insult someone until you know me - I give everything for the students I teach with autism. My parents have my home phone number and call me at all times of the day or night - I go above and beyond teaching these students in the school setting. I go on family outings with the students to help parents overcome various issues (e.g. camera phobia).

I also look after several children with autism for weeks at a time while parents go on vacation - I was babysitting a child for a week when we had the nationwide black out a few years ago - that was very challenging - non-verbal 10 year old with autism who needs to microwave everything she eats and will only drink water from the automatic fridge water dispenser (obviously none of this would work without power). We got through it with only a few holes in the drywall. I almost took a child into my home when her dad died and her mom was debating giving her up but thankfully she worked through it and I provide respite.

Take care

I hope everyone enjoys the holidays with your child as challenging as it might be.

One site keeps you connected to all your email: AOL Mail, Gmail, and Yahoo Mail. Try it now.

One site keeps you connected to all your email: AOL Mail, Gmail, and Yahoo Mail. Try it now.

[Guest guest]

I am sorry you have had such a hard time with your sons school. I am sure it is difficult to get that trust back if you do at all. As a teacher though, she should know better than to be emailing parents - this is a huge no no for teachers - because anything can be taken out of context and used against us - which happened in reverse to you.

I do not think the stricter guidelines need to come from the reporting sense - but I do think they may need better investigation practices - I have alos not had to call much, however I hate the thought of not calling on my gut instinct and here a few days later that something horrible happened and I could have done something to prevent it. There are soo many horrific stories of things happening to kids - by the nicest people. Unfortunately that is the type of world we live in now a days.

My parents were accused when I was growing up - random letters were found around my neighbourhood describing these horrific events - police came and investigated - I was only 10 years old it was all very scary - they interviewed me seperately, came through the house, etc. and put it on my record for so many years. It was soon after discovered that a bully in school wrote these letters (because of jealousy I am assuming since I was privledges enough to grow up in a stable house with 2 parents who loved me and my siblings).

I have called myself and only once did they actually see the need to investigate which is fine (actually great!) - I did my job to report.