Re: Teacher's aide

[Guest guest]

Jeanne,

In no way are you overeacting! If I were you I would have all I could have

done not to shake the woman back!!! She should not be working with

children. I would think the school should get her out of there to prevent a

law suit. Sounds to me like abuse. If this woman can't control her temper,

she should not be let anywhere near children at all, much less a child who

may need an extra measure of patience and loving care. Can you tell I am

infuriated by what this woman did!!!!Please let us know how this all comes

out, and hurray to you for sticking up for your child and being her

advocate!

Luanne

mom to Mahrya 3 mds, Ben 4, Alan 11, Sandy 13, Steve 15, Dan 16

I plan on reporting her to special services and writing a letter to the

board of ed and the principal. Also tomorrow I am calling the school and

telling him I do not want her anywhere near my daughter.

>I want to ask does anyone think I am overreacting and what would you do?

>Sorry this is so long, thanks for listening.

>Jeanne (Mom to Nicky 11, le 10 and 5 MDS)

>

>---------------------------------------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

Hi Luanne,

Thanks for your support. I was shocked at first on Friday but today I am

angry. I will be calling the school tomorrow. My daughter is the sweetest

child. Everyone who meets her and gets to know her falls in love with her.

When I think about how she must have felt I want to cry.

Thanks again

Jeanne

[Guest guest]

Thanks ,

I think I was so shocked and surprises to see it that all I could do at the

time was tell her off. Now I am angry and feel hurt for my daughter. I keep

thinking of how she cried when she saw me.

Thanks

Jeanne

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/31/99 6:05:14 PM Central Standard Time,

angels2757@... writes:

<< I saw her run across the playground and stop in front of this woman, who

bent down and put her hands on both my daughters arms and begin to shake her.

As I started to walk towards them I saw my daughter start to turn away from

the woman and she yanked her back towards her. When I got there I told her

do not ever touch my daughter like that again. She started to deny it and I

told her that I saw her that I was watching her do that. >>

I believe Jeanne should remain firm and follow through whatever it takes. Too

many " ignorant " aides, teachers, whoever...are negligent and irresponsible

when it comes to " special " education. They have no place in the environment

of " special " children. I can't understand how school systems even consider

hiring aides who have no background in " special " education and who display

such lack of compassion and consideration. Hang in there, Jeanne, and do what

it takes to either get that aide fired or into classes to learn something

about the childrens' needs who she will be working with. In the meantime, try

to get into a different classroom if possible, or get that aide

fired if that's what it takes. should not be subjected to

ill-treatment of any kind...no more than any child should.

[Guest guest]

Hello Angel,

No, Angel I do not think you are over reacting. One your daughter had

told you prior and was giving the lady the benefit of the doubt, and two you

saw it with your own eyes. I am proud of you for doing what you did and how

you did it. I do not know if I would have the ability to hold back. NO YOU

ARE NOT OVER REACTING.

, mother of MDS 20

[Guest guest]

Whatever you do, you need to do it from the perspective of: What am I

teaching my children about handling problems? Because your children

learn from watching you, not from what you say. The outcome needs to be

a learning experience for all concerned. No adult should ever shake a

child. This is not negotiable. Yes, you are righteously angry. You can

be angry and still not lose your temper. Subtle, perhaps, but true.

When you lose your temper, you lose control of the situation and you

don't want to lose control of the situation. All your actions need to be

performed in the context of " What are my daughters learning if I do thus

and so? " Decide what you want your children to learn, and behave

accordingly. ---Sue Stine (Dylan, 28, mds)

On 1 Nov 1999 00:05:03 -0000 angels2757@... writes:

>From: angels2757@...

>

>Hi Everyone,

>I am so upset at what happened to my daughter in school friday that I

>had to write to everyone about it.

>My older daughter told me that the aide in 's class was mean

>to last week. She said she saw her pulling my daughter up

>the stairs. I asked my daughter if she was sure of what she saw and

>she started to doubt what she saw at first. I called my case worker

>and told her and she said she would go into school and observe.

>On Friday I was at school for the halloween events. I went to the

>playground to watch my daughter playing, I like to do that when she

>doesn't know I am there so I can see what she is like with the other

>kids. I saw her run across the playground and stop in front of this

>woman, who bent down and put her hands on both my daughters arms and

>begin to shake her. As I started to walk towards them I saw my

>daughter start to turn away from the woman and she yanked her back

>towards her. When I got there I told her do not ever touch my

>daughter like that again. She started to deny it and I told her that

>I saw her that I was watching her do that. She said my daughter ran

>from her and I told her I did not care that she better never do that

>to my daughter again. As I bent down to pick up my daughter she

>looked at me with such relief in her face and started crying. It

>broke my heart and I started to walk away with her and started crying

>myself. My older daughter and her friends followed me in to the

>bathroom and began telling my times they saw her being rough with

>.

>I reported it to the teacher who looked like she didn't want to

>believe me and also to the principal who said he would talk to the

>aide. I plan on reporting her to special services and writing a

>letter to the board of ed and the principal. Also tomorrow I am

>calling the school and telling him I do not want her anywhere near my

>daughter.

>I want to ask does anyone think I am overreacting and what would you

>do?

>Sorry this is so long, thanks for listening.

>Jeanne (Mom to Nicky 11, le 10 and 5 MDS)

>

>---------------------------

[Guest guest]

Jeanne,

You are absolutely not overreacting. People like that should not be around any

type of child, let alone one that needs more compassion, attention and

understanding. You know that if she was doing this right on the playground that

others (adults) have already seen this behavior. Everyone involved should be

reprimanded, the teacher, principal, the ESE people. That kind of discipline

can only make a child withdrawal. I know that my daughter would " shut down " and

you would get nothing more out of her the rest of the day. It was great that

you made a point of coming to school and watching her. I think that it is

important for a parent to make unscheduled visits to both school and daycare.

Take care and let us know how things go today. If you are able to do nothing

but send a message that this behavior will not be tolerated with any child in

the school you have done a lot for every child at that school.

(mom to , 9 (MDS) and Hannah, 2

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/31/99 7:05:17 PM Eastern Standard Time,

angels2757@... writes:

<< want to ask does anyone think I am overreacting and what would you do? >>

I do not think you are overreacting in the least!! I would have been sooo

upset myself if I ever saw anyone treat my angel that way. No child deserves

that...I would certainly speak to the school and have this woman removed

immediately!! If they do not believe you..start talking to other parents,

children, etc..and see what you can find out about her..someone else must

have seen something. I feel so bad for you and your little one..sure hope

things work out! Just breaks your heart !! Good luck and keep us posted!!

Deb (mom to Jolena 11 (mds) Noah 14, Josh 17)

[Guest guest]

Jeanne -

I do not think you are over-reacting. However make sure you write a letter

of complaint as well as talking to the people involved. It is important

that what you saw be in writing so that it goes on file. Otherwise it may

get down-played. It takes more time and effort to put your thoughts down in

writing - those that do tend to be taken more seriously than the complaints

that are just verbalized. Also having a written complaint makes the issue

more permanent and unable to be misinterpreted as something minor.

Darlene

Mom to (almost 3) and (almost 9 months)

Teacher's aide

From: angels2757@...

Hi Everyone,

I am so upset at what happened to my daughter in school friday that I had to

write to everyone about it.

My older daughter told me that the aide in 's class was mean to

last week. She said she saw her pulling my daughter up the

stairs. I asked my daughter if she was sure of what she saw and she started

to doubt what she saw at first. I called my case worker and told her and

she said she would go into school and observe.

On Friday I was at school for the halloween events. I went to the

playground to watch my daughter playing, I like to do that when she doesn't

know I am there so I can see what she is like with the other kids. I saw

her run across the playground and stop in front of this woman, who bent down

and put her hands on both my daughters arms and begin to shake her. As I

started to walk towards them I saw my daughter start to turn away from the

woman and she yanked her back towards her. When I got there I told her do

not ever touch my daughter like that again. She started to deny it and I

told her that I saw her that I was watching her do that. She said my

daughter ran from her and I told her I did not care that she better never do

that to my daughter again. As I bent down to pick up my daughter she looked

at me with such relief in her face and started crying. It broke my heart

and I started to walk away with her and started crying myself. My older

daughter and her friends followed me in to the bathroom and began telling my

times they saw her being rough with .

I reported it to the teacher who looked like she didn't want to believe me

and also to the principal who said he would talk to the aide. I plan on

reporting her to special services and writing a letter to the board of ed

and the principal. Also tomorrow I am calling the school and telling him I

do not want her anywhere near my daughter.

I want to ask does anyone think I am overreacting and what would you do?

Sorry this is so long, thanks for listening.

Jeanne (Mom to Nicky 11, le 10 and 5 MDS)

Won't you please consider adding your personal story on the MDS website

today? http://www.mosaicdownsyndrome.com And please don't forget to check

the message board frequently...it's a great way to meet others who are

affected by MDS, who are not on our mailing list!

http://www.insidetheweb.com/mbs.cgi/mb778401

[Guest guest]

Sue: We haven't met yet because I haven't written since you joined the group.

I wanted to introduce myself to you, off the line from the rest of the group,

say hi personally, and welcome you to this very supportive collection of

parents.

What we have in common with each other, different from the others, is the age of

our kids. KC is my MDS son. He will turn 20 next month. Not as old as Dylan,

but still much closer in stage of life than the others with infants and

elementary school kids. I have three other kids; Ben -- 21, Molly -- 18, and

Ellen

-- 15 this month. The first three with one mom and Ellen with a second.

Where do I start? I think the first thing to say is how much I love this group

of parents. They are amazing really. The stories are just exactly the kind of

detailed, empathetic, optimistic, supportive, heart-felt and heart-rending

testimonials to the unending love of parents for their children that you would

both

want and expect them to be. We love our kids. Pure and simple. Nothing on

heaven or earth could ever make us give up on our kids, no matter the

circumstance. I have commented to Bree directly, and to the rest of the group

indirectly, that someone needs to be collecting these stories for posterity.

There is a

book here, and a moving and profound one I believe. If this group stays

together, these messages will become a group diary that has the potential to be

very influential in the understanding of parenting kids with disabilities.

KC made quite a splash when we first got on because he is so much older than the

other kids in the group. All the parents wanted to know what he was like and

what he felt like being MDS. He's pretty computer literate -- hasn't mastered

spell check by a long shot though. His main message has been how much he has

disliked (not strong enough) being different. As an example, it has become

increasingly difficult, as he has become legally an adult and allowed to make

his own decisions, to get him to accept DD services. He really dislikes (once

again not strong enough) being labelled. We just met with a case manager last

week

for the first time in 3-4 years. Fortunately they hit it off and I think things

will be okay for him.

His story is very different from your story about Dylan. I love KC to pieces,

but there is no way that he has ever shoveled snow off 7 yards in his life

combined (not counting the fact that we don't get that much snow in Salem,

Oregon.) His awareness of his differentness started as early as he can

remember. He is

only just now starting to come to terms with who he is. I can only imagine how

much psychic pain must be involved in wanting more than anything for your

chromosomes to be different than they are, and also knowing that that can never

happen. I think that has contributed to a certain lack of fortitude and

perseverance on his part: " It doesn't matter. If there is something you really

want, you'll never get it. So don't bother trying. " A lot of people can't

accept that from him.

He has been within one class (World Gov't or some such) of finishing his high

school diploma for about 18 months. Hopefully the case manager will get him

placed in a program he can finish. He doesn't work right now. He and I live

together in an apartment here in Salem. His full brother and sister are out on

their

own in other towns and his half sister lives with her mom on the other side of

Salem. He has a 17 year old girl friend -- normal enough as far as I can tell,

although also a low achiever -- who he spends virtually every day with. They

have dated for a little over a year. He is finally becoming motivated enough

about a life with her that things like school, work, and independence have some

real tangible meaning for him. He doesn't drive, but takes the city bus system

everywhere. He has sung in choir for something like 8 years and loves to act,

sing and dance. I keep telling him that he has a future as a motivational

speaker and performer. He loves to write poetry and could write for the Chicken

Soup books.

I would really love to hear more about your son and what it was like for you and

him as he became more and more independent. I think we could use some help

there.

Two last things that I agree with you on: 1) I also was always told that in MDS

the initial cell divisions were okay and then latter ones developed the trisomy

condition, and 2) I absolutely love what you wrote below. " What am I teaching

my children . . . The outcome needs to be a learning experience for all

concerned. " That's so hard to see from the perspective of parental

protectiveness, and yet so correct. Thanks.

I'm sorry I go on so long. All of my messages are long ones. (And they could

be longer if I didn't edit myself.) Guess I like talking about this stuff or

else I just love my kids. Morton

sharon s stine wrote:

>

>

> Whatever you do, you need to do it from the perspective of: What am I

> teaching my children about handling problems? Because your children

> learn from watching you, not from what you say. The outcome needs to be

> a learning experience for all concerned. No adult should ever shake a

> child. This is not negotiable. Yes, you are righteously angry. You can

> be angry and still not lose your temper. Subtle, perhaps, but true.

> When you lose your temper, you lose control of the situation and you

> don't want to lose control of the situation. All your actions need to be

> performed in the context of " What are my daughters learning if I do thus

> and so? " Decide what you want your children to learn, and behave

> accordingly. ---Sue Stine (Dylan, 28, mds)

[Guest guest]

All: If you got my last message -- ooops. Life in the net lane. Greg

Morton wrote:

>

>

> Sue: We haven't met yet because I haven't written since you joined the group.

I wanted to introduce myself to you, off the line from the rest of the group,

say hi personally, and welcome you to this very supportive collection of

parents.

>