Re: Using a wheelchair/ dating

[Guest guest]

Hello Kay,

I am 32 and divorced. My ex wife left me when the

disease was more noticeable. I was diagnosed at 5

years old so always struggled from it in various ways.

The progressive part makes it hard having abilities

one day and losing it another. I used to love to ride

my bike and 2 years ago I thought I would try only to

fall right off. It is frustrating. With dating it's

hard people are very shallow but to be honest many

people want a able bodied person and well can you

realy blame them. Unfortunately to see a person for

who they are is to get past the disability to know

that person and that becomes hard. I see a lot of

people on here who are married and much older so I

think it is different because when you grow older with

your loved one those things are not as much an issue.

I feel being 32 and dating is extremely hard. I am

not ugly so I can get dates but I think once the

disability creeps it's ugly head they have a hard time

dealing with that. I also have a child and many women

can not deal with that but hey she is my world and I

am disabled that's me. I work and still am able to

walk just not well each step is an effort so I start

using a cane every now and then.

I wish I had the answer with the dating thing but I am

hopefull there is someone special out there for me and

hopefully for you as well. If you need to talk I am at

newbrunswick031300.

Andy

[Guest guest]

Hello

I am a 42 year old man and I found the same problems as you with

online sites, this was several years ago before the sites merged and

switched to pay sites. Even before I started using a powerchair full time.

My observations:

0.can't type enough zeros 1 percent would write back if I let her know

about a disability up front.

If I played along without a disability for the first several emails,

the messages would stop pretty quickly after I let her know.

Only 1 or 2 out of dozens were ok with a disability, but with a

disability also comes alot of missing qualities.

In my case, lack of athletic ability, no job due to skyrocketing

insurance rates for employers who use employment at will laws against

us, overweight because of CMT and all the rest of the qualities that a

disability robs you of.

Unfortunately I have pretty much given up any chance of finding that

special someone, but you never know.

[Guest guest]

I think that we all feel that way at some point or another about dating. I try

to stay positive about it and just think of our CMT as a way of " weeding out the

jerks " . If they are shallow enough that they can't see past our disability, they

weren't really worth knowing anyway. At least that's my opinion.

I've gone on the dating sites online as well. I usually try to let them get to

know me first and then tell them about my disability, since I only consider my

disability part of what I am, not WHO I am. The ones that are worth it

understand.

The first time I went out with my fiance, we went to the movies and then to a

pub afterwards. There were some steps into the pub and my fiance told me later

that he really grappled about whether or not he should ask if I wanted help. He

didn't want to offend me.

There is a prince (or princess) out there among all the frogs! I promise!

Liz

[Guest guest]

I came to the conclusion last night, that I will never date again. Over the last

year and a half, I have been deeply depressed when at 42 years old, I found the

love of my life. I have prayed for the last year and a half for God to bring him

back. A few months ago he started emailing and instant messaging me, and in the

last several weeks,he has come to see me a couple of times and spent the night.

Wednesday he asked me to come out to his house, and when I got there, his

(girlfriend was there). Two days later he told me it was a mistake, and that we

never should have got together. I have been in bed for day's, lost 10 lbs (which

puts me at 99lbs.now) and have thought about suicide.

I thought my prayers had been answered after all this time. This is not what I

prayed for, and have been left a shattered mess and wondering why did this have

to happen to me.

I am 44 years old, very tiny and petite, a gorgeous woman, but I feel like the

ugliest, most unloved freak on earth. I can't walk through the grass without

twisting or falling, and have literally given up on ever finding anyone.

Dating is hard enough on it's own, let alone having a disability to bring along

with it, trying to explain it, and the embarrassment of what wrong step you'll

take in public with him.

Sorry to be so down guy's, I've just had a really sucky week.

Donna.

[Guest guest]

Hello Donna,

I had somewhat the same thing happen to me. Trust me, you will work through it,

and want to date again! It's strange how we ask God to bring us a partner, and

then we have things like that happen. All I know is that everything has a

purpose, and you don't want to shoot the messenger. ;-)

Remember, in that " experience " there were important lessons to be learned.

From what I can see...if he already had a girlfriend, and he was seeing you...I

feel sorry for his girlfriend, and feel you are lucky he is gone! You deserve

more, and I am sure God knew that ;-)

Hang in there...God is bringing the right guys for us...we just need to be

patient, and trust! :_)

Have a great day Donna!

Kay ~ Seaside Oregon

Ps: feel free to email me at omega@...

[Guest guest]

Hi Donna,

Sometimes God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers and from what you wrote

about this man, you deserve someone better.

You will find the right person most likely when you least expect it.

Take care of your self.

Carmella

[Guest guest]

Donna,

I am so sorry that this has happended to you, but don't blame yourself or your

CMT. He was just an a__hole and probably would have done that to the most

gorgeous girl with perfect legs. I can't walk on grass either and had many

embarrasing falls. Surround yourself with friends who will be there for you

during CMT falls and lives falls. Please feel free to email me directly. I know

what you are going through and have been there before.

Jackie

jeanet@...

[Guest guest]

Wow Donna - I'm so sorry to hear your story!

I've always thought that men with disabilities have had better luck in dating,

because women - in general - seem to be more 'tending'. Women with disabilities,

on the other hand, have to deal with us stupid males, who are like missles

looking for a target. However, one of the later posts here nails it - get

involved, and meet people there.

Kind of a curious side note - I have looked for intelligent, attractive women

with disabilities in my neck of the woods, but with no luck. Statistically, I

know they must exist. My suspicion is, they stay home, inside, too much of the

time to 'be noticed'.

I agree with the others - be glad that man is out of your life. Sure, 'target

practice' is always a great sport, but not at any cost.

[Guest guest]

Hey Donna,

I can share lots of stories about similar experiences

I had where women left or cheated on me. I often

times blamed the CMT. I also thought it was was more

a man's issue since many women want a masculine,

strong more able bodied man. I realize that men and

women both have it bad for different reasons. I think

women may more likely stay with a man who becomes

disabled once a relationship has been established. I

also think it maybe more about confidence with men

that women find attractive.

Because CMT is a an esteem crusher it can make anyone unappealing to many people

whether you are highly attractive or not

(sounds superficial but thats how many people are). I

think a lot of men will oversee the disability and in

one way it helps find that really special guy because

if you do have a disablity you will certainly weed out

many bad guys. You also have to look out for the A--

----s who prey on what they appear as weak and look to

just score with and walk away.

My wife left me once my CMT got worse and she said she couldn't be with a

cripple. I walked in on her and another guy and it

quickly ended in divorce. It took me a while to get

over the depression and my bitterness towards women

but I eventually got back out there. I am still

single though and it's hard meeting people who will

look past a disability and get to know the person for

who they are. I am not at all ugly and I should be

out there more but I am picky, not so much with looks

but with personality.

Don't ever settle because of CMT, I think that was my problem in the past and

you have to believe you deserve the best. I am not a

psychologist and by no means am I a relationship expert but I do have degrees in

Psychology and worked in mental health 9 years so I have helped a lot of people

out with depression and suicidal thoughts. If you need someone to talk feel

free to contact me on

at newbrunswick031300. Thanks

Andy

[Guest guest]

I couldn't agree with you more!

Jackie

[Guest guest]

Donna,

This is Dawn. I have CMT too and for what it's worth, I feel like that all the

time too. I think we analyze ourselves so much and that only makes us more

depressed. I workout when I feel down. But lately, I'm thinking there's only so

much working out I can do.

And with the muscle atrophy in the backs of my thighs, I don't have as much to

show for all that work as a " normal person " would.

I think the online dating thing is pretty stupid anyway. The best man I ever had

I met in a bar. We were together five years. If you think you're sad, listen too

this. I haven't seen him in TEN years, I got married, had a kid and divorced

from this other guy, am a single mom and yet I still think about " L " whom I

haven't even seen in ten years! I fact, since I know he's married, I wrote to

his parents recently and told them how much I still loved " L " , should have never

broken up with him and think about him all the time.

First of all, what good is that going to do? Sure, they loved me

then but he's got a new wife and kids and I have changed and despite my efforts,

not so much for the better, physically.

Don't be too hard on yourself. You do what you can. Meanwhile, I'm planning to

go to this group my dad went to for depressed or nervous people. Now that my

son's started school, I'm hoping to start going on Fridays. I'll let you know

how it goes after tomorrow! Hope to hear from you soon!

Dawn