Re: family not understanding CMT

[Guest guest]

Geri,

I am so sorry. I can relate on some of that, like turning

people against me. Just love your kids is all you can do. They have

to feel the love you have for them. That can only make things go

right, no matter what.

Dawn

[Guest guest]

I can related to the abusive spouse part. That's why I decided to divorce my

wife. Life is (is supposed to be) fun, and a good challenge, a hand-in-hand walk

through the orchards of life, and not wrestling with emotionally/verbally

abusive folks. I have enough issues, without someone ripping me for something

over which I have no control.

Sorry about your mom, Geri. Immediate family problems are so draining.

[Guest guest]

Hi Geri,

I haven't had much online time but when I read your e-mail my mouth

dropped. How can your mom treat you like that?! My family doesn't

totally understand my CMT but I was never treated so horrible. If I did

have a mom or any family member for that matter that treated me the way

your mom treats you I'd have nothing to do with them. Your e-mail just

upset me so I had to say something.

Kerry in Wisconsin

[Guest guest]

you are so right......I also had abusive spouse I also got a divorce..it really

hurt when I found out my husband and mother had a crush on one another. Still

does.

Geri

[Guest guest]

Geri,

Just to let you know we here at love AND you! And personally, I

believe anyone who cares for animals like you do has a very big heart.

I'd love to see your artwork. Is there any chance you could upload a

few pics into the Photos section? There are many artists among

us at and I'm sure others would like to see your work.

Stay warm and cuddle that cute little piggy for me,

~ Gretchen

[Guest guest]

Geri,

My mom could be your mom's twin. How did we get so lucky?

Wait until your mom calls you complaining about how she just can't shop all day

like she used to. And that she can only go into 4 or 5 stores a day now. That

she needs a least one day a week to sit and rest blah blah blah.

[Guest guest]

Hi Kerry,

It is mind boggling because one day she is horrible and next day it's like

nothing happened!

What makes it even more difficult is she bought this place...and is NEVER going

to let me forget that or anyone else that she comes in contact with.

Each time people are nasty it takes a chuck out of me...and my depression last a

little longer.

Thanks for having me in your thoughts..a few prayers wouldn't hurt either.

Blessings to ya!

Geri

[Guest guest]

Gretchen,

Thanks for lending me your ear as well as others on this site.This site is a God

send.

I would like it if I could share some of my paintings and would also love to see

others talents as well.

Thanks Again.

Geri

[Guest guest]

Geri,

Please read the book 'Toxic Parents'. It helped me. You know, you do not pick

your parents and you do not have to maintain a relationship with them. Your

health is more important. Take as much stress out of your life as you can.

[Guest guest]

Hi Geri.

My name is Amy. I know exactly what you are going through. My mom was so abusive

to me growing up. I never knew I had CMT till about 4 years ago. One of my aunts

called me and told me. I never knew what was wrong with me.

She has convinced my dad all these years that there was nothing wrong with him.

I have a younger brother and sister. She does everything for them.

I asked her one day why they had to take me to ish Hospital when I

was younger. I had to go alot. She said because I was too stupid because I

walked on my toes. She used to stomp on my toes when I was younger. I could not

walk flat footed. She put me in alot of pain.

I moved far away from my parents and she would still cause me problems. She

would just make random calls to the town I was living in and cause problems for

me. My family would tell me she is jelous of me. She is always trying to get my

kids against me.

I have a 14,15,and 16 year old. She just recently kidnapped my 15 year old.

Here in Texas kids can decide where they want to live at 12 years old. She told

my daughter she can have whatever she wants if she has nothing to do with me. It

worked. She just sued me for child support. She already gets it from her dad.

And my PaPa just died so my mom got 70 thousand dollars for that. My family

tells me all the time they are so glad I did not turn out like her.

My husband is very happy. My other two kids can't stand her. My mom is not happy

until she is hurting me. They are taking half of my disability check for her.

She smiled the whole time in court. I of course was crying. She did not care. My

brother and sister are mean just like her.

Anyway, I know how you feel. Sorry this is so long. I hope things get better

with you. I am sorry you are going through this.

God Bless.

Amy

[Guest guest]

I have a pretty horrible mother in law. She is so two faced it's

scary. If you so much as look at her the wrong way she'll jump down

your throat. Check this, she convinced my husband (her son) to co-

sign for a vehicle since they couldn't get it on their own. He

reluctantly did this and she swore she would never miss a payment.

But guess what? ... You guessed it! She never made one payment. And

she kept lying about it saying the car company didnt know what they

were talking about. She caused a lot of fights between my husband and I.

When the vehicle was reposessed and auctioned off guess who got

stuck with bill? ...Yep us. We were already having financial problems and now

were stuck with a $350 a month extra bill and his credit got severely damaged.

But that not the biggest kicker...she told everyone in his family that my sister

bought the vehicle at the auction and paid the full price for it and so she

doesn't owe us anything. She actually believes the lies she comes up with. But

hey, so long as it gets her off the responsibility hook it's okay.

When our daughter was 4 months old, his mother was suppoosedly going

through chemo and convinced us to move in with her. Now keep in mind that I was

a first time mother and still had a lot to learn (as most first time mom's do).

But whenever I would go to do something like change her diaper she would stand

over my shoulder and then if I didn't do it to her standard she would take my

child and do it " right " in the other room.

Since I was the only one with an income (SSI) she took 400 of it and when I

didnt have the money to buy diapers she would go around telling people that I

didn't know how to manage my money and was wasting it. Then if I would object to

something she would call me retarded and say my disease must be affecting my

brain. Because of my CMT she treated me like I couldnt do anything right.

When company was over she praised me and would brag about

what a great mother I was but as soon as I would leave the room she

would say what she really thought about me and nothing was good.

This was all a few years ago and now that they don't have a place to

live and we do my husband has let them live with us. Against my

protests. He knows what they have put me through and it didn;t seem to matter.

He doesn't have the heart to let them sleep on the street even after all the

things his mother did to us.

She and I get along most of the time as long as I keep my mouth shut and let her

do whatever she wants even though it's my house. It not fair and when I try to

make my opinion matter she treats me like I'm stupid and will even call me

stupid, retarted, ignorant...as well as every profanity you can think of. I

hate feeling like an outsider in my own house. My husband just tells me to

ignore it but he's not around her all day I am. Well, at least only when she's

here.

See, they don't have a vehicle either no because of previous stated situation.

So my husband lets her drive him to and from work so she ca go out running and

doing what she pleases. I hate it and when I tell my husband how it makes me

feel, he tells me to drop it. He wont even hear me out and it pisses me off.

I can't help wondering if our life would be better if I didn't have CMT. Then

nobody would have to drive me places, or cut up my food of it's too big. And I

feel so helpless when I have to ask them for help because it's just another

reminder of how limited I am and sometimes she just cant help reminding me of

that.

So Geri I know how you feel. And this reply is only the tip of the

iceburg of the stuff I have been put through, as I am sure is the

same with you also. I will just tell you to stand your ground. She

may call you names and put you down but in the end you'll have more

respect for yourself and thats what matters.

I'll pray for God to give you strength. Take care and stay sane.

Jane

[Guest guest]

Amy,

First off I am not taking your mom's side, I am only trying to

understand her actions. I was wondering who you got the CMT from?

Genetically speaking. Because it might be possible that if she is

the one who gave it to you then deep down she could feel responsible

and guilty. These two feelings combined can cause people to do crazy things if

they're not handled right. I am wondering if it's possible that she feels so

guilty and responsible and instead of dealing with it she deflect that pain onto

you. It's not right and she shouldnt do it but it would explain it. I could be

wrong of course.

But I inherited my CMT from my dad. And my dad was short with me

constantly as a child. He would even work extra late shifts so he

wouldn't have to see me or kiss be goodnite. He couldn't stand being around me

because (as I later found out) I was the reminder that there was something wrong

with him.

When my mom got a job working mornings he was responsible for making sure my

sisters and I got to school since he didnt start work until after we started

school. One morning I was farting around like 6yr olds do and he lost his

temper and beat the life out of me while my " normal " sister who was 4 watched.

I was black and blue for quite a while and that incident is what ultimately

cause the divorce between my parents.

Because he still took us to school that day but I was too hysterical and they

sent me to the office where I told the principal what happened, who in turn

called my mom. My dad actually blamed me for the unraveling of his marriage.

But now as an adult I look back and realize that he saw me as the reminder of

what was wrong with him. And that even though what he did was so totally wrong,

I at least understand it. and that has helped me to in a way move on. I don't

know that I forgive him since he never offered an appology, but I don't waste my

time thinking about him.

I have my own life now and what he does, doesn't have to affect me anymore. I

rarely talk to him and he rarely talks to me and I am totally fine with that. I

wouldn't call our relationship peaceful but it is amicable.

My only hope is that one day you and your mother get to a point where their isnt

so much pain inflicted around. Best wishes, and good luck!

Jane

[Guest guest]

Do you think by going through this it has made us a stronger person?

Geri

[Guest guest]

Amy,

Gosh you have been through some times!!!I'm so sorry!.Some how I feel it has

made me a more understanding person.

Geri

[Guest guest]

,

I will thank you.

Geri

[Guest guest]

,

Please know I love my mother but......

Yes my mother will shop until she drops..one time she had to be on cructhes for

two weeks you would think she was going to die...she said gee, now I know and I

wonder... how you did you do all your house work by yourself??...I think she

already forgot about that time in her life...LOL..you are all right.... we have

to hang in there and learn from experiences of life.

Geri

[Guest guest]

Geri,

I am lucky that i do not have the same problem you have, i do have a

wonderful/supporting family and friends and i am VERY grateful for that.

I too am similar that when someone is nasty, i take it very much to heart and

just expereicned that the other day. I am really trying to learn that it is

THEIR problem and they are just using me as their scapegoat.

I am practicing not to let it get to me or at least to miminize my pain from

hurts and insults. I continue to say outloud all the good things about me. I

have also learned to say to people that I do not need to listed to abusive

things and i WILL hang up the phone. In person, i am not so sure how i will

react.

jackie

[Guest guest]

Hi Jane.

I get my CMT from my dad. My mom has convinced my dad that there is nothing

wrong with him. I was always told that she was jelous of me because I was always

small. My mom,sister and brother are big. I could never be jelous of my kids. I

tell my kids all the time how great they look. I have tried for so many years to

get my mom to love me. I just end up hurting myself. My husband tells me to just

give up because he hates seeing me hurt. I feel she will have her day coming

when she will pay for what she has done. If my mom got hurt my sister and

brother would not be there for her, it would be me. Go figure.

Well God Bless.

Amy

[Guest guest]

Jackie,

I find that sacrasm usually works when someone is rude to me. When I

get dirty looks I am extra nice to that person and believe me it get

them where it hurts. When someone makes a wisecrack about my

wheelchair or limited use I'll say something like, " Wow, thats such a

nice thing to say to somebody who cant help their disability. I'm

sure glad there are people like you to throw it in their face. " and

I'll walk away and if they have a heart at all they'll feel guilty.

But when I was younger it would really upset me and I wouldnt know

what to say and so wouldnt say anything. I just got to a point where

I couldnt hold in the hurt anymore, but I still excerised some self-

control and at times had to hold myself back from really telling them

off. People can be so ignorant and imature no matter how old they

are. Some of them you can ignore but others need to be put in their

place.

Jane

>

> Geri,

>

> I am lucky that i do not have the same problem you have, i do have

a wonderful/supporting family and friends and i am VERY grateful for

that.

>

> I too am similar that when someone is nasty, i take it very much to

heart and just expereicned that the other day. I am really trying to

learn that it is THEIR problem and they are just using me as their

scapegoat.

>

> I am practicing not to let it get to me or at least to miminize my

pain from hurts and insults. I continue to say outloud all the good

things about me. I have also learned to say to people that I do not

need to listed to abusive things and i WILL hang up the phone. In

person, i am not so sure how i will react.

>

> jackie

>

[Guest guest]

Amy-

I was just wondering. It sounds like she really is on her own " cloud

9 " . And you're right, she will get her own one day. But if she is

anything like my mother-in-law, then she is " perfect " and you cant

convince her otherwise, and there's something wrong with everyone

else, not her. LOL! Its a messy state of denial and it hurts others

around her. I think you will always crave your mothers love and

affection even though you probably logically tell yourself it will

never happen. I understand that completely because I believe that I

will alway crave my fathers love, affection, and acceptance. But I

have come to my own realization that the fantasy relationship I

always wanted will only be a fantasy. The only way I could stop my

pain and longing was to remove myself from that situation. I dont see

my dad very often and when ever I start fantasizing, my dad pops over

and quickly reminds me of the harsh reality of who he really is. I

have learned and accepted that he will probably never change and

considering he's in his 60's now I wont expect any

miracles...although that would be fine...it's highly not expected.

The only thing I can suggest to you is to not have any expectation

when it come to your mother. Still be nice (as nice as you can) to

her when you have to be around her but if you dont expect anything

from her then you can't get hurt. Because we only get hurt when we

have expectation that are not met. I am glad though that all this has

made you a stronger person. Stay strong.

Jane

[Guest guest]

Jackie,

I know. On the phone, I am much more assertive. I don't ever get harrased on the

phone.

Dawn

[Guest guest]

Jane,

Ironically, I am in the library reading about " they can be rude no matter what

age they are " and witnessed that exact thing from an older person you wouldn't

expect anything rude from. I think t's just that we have so much more to do to

maintain our health and our lives and they seem to have nothing else to do but

try to hinder that.

Dawn