Re: Aunt playing favorites-need advice

December 26, 2008

There is nothing that you can do about a caustic personality. I would buy an additional present for your 6 year old and put tell him it is from the step sister.

Your step sister may never understand autism and we as parents of these special children have to learn compassion for not only our children but for the people who do not understand or accept. Your 6 year old will never be treated fairly. It is so very hard. My own sister will no longer talk to me because she says I am munipulating my parents by telling them I have an autistic child.

There is nothing you can do but close your mouth and let things fall where they do, and then do the best to shelter your son as much as possible.

Subject: Aunt playing favorites-need adviceTo: AutismBehaviorProblems Date: Friday, December 26, 2008, 5:15 PM

HI everyone I hope you all had a wonderful holiday. I need help with anongoing family problem. My stepsister has always favored my oldest sonhe is 17 and my youngest is high functioning and 6 years old. So as weall know too well my youngest behavior is not always the greatest but wework hard to help him with his emotions. So at Easter I invited thewhole family over and he had a meltdown stepsister felt it nessecary toonce again reprimand my child in front of me and his dad and also toldhim that someone should "ring his bell" for his behavior. I blew my topand pretty much sent everyone home. So then comes his birthday andnothing from stepsister and then comes 17 year olds birthday and ofcourse there she is with a card stuffed with money for him. So nowChristmas I made other plans to not have to see her and she leaves acard at the grandparents house, probably stuffed with money, and againand nothing

for the 6 year old. I want to give her the card back andtell her if she can't treat both of my children the same not to giveanything to either one. My oldest will be 18 next year and she can dowhat she wants then but for now I still call the shots with my kids andthink that they should be treated equally. Please let me know from anoutsiders point of view what you guys think. If you think I am wrongplease let me know. If you have a more tactfull way of making my pointplease let me know.

December 26, 2008

Hi Sherri,

I totally agree with you. I am also soooo impressed that you were able to

stand up to her as you did for the Easter visit. Well done!! (To tell the

truth, I'm a bit scared of my sister so I am in awe of you.)

I would send it back to her with your thoughts. Obviously be tactful if you

can. What does your older son think of all this? Depending on how he feels,

at his age it might have more impact coming from him???? (I wouldn't push

him into doing anything if he feels a bit stuck in the middle but if you

know for certain that he doesn't like it, it might be an idea.)

Ah, the joy of families! LOL Hope you had a good day in spite of everything

and please let us know how everything works out.

Hugs,

Steph

Aunt playing favorites-need advice

> HI everyone I hope you all had a wonderful holiday. I need help with an

> ongoing family problem. My stepsister has always favored my oldest son

> he is 17 and my youngest is high functioning and 6 years old. So as we

> all know too well my youngest behavior is not always the greatest but we

> work hard to help him with his emotions. So at Easter I invited the

> whole family over and he had a meltdown stepsister felt it nessecary to

> once again reprimand my child in front of me and his dad and also told

> him that someone should " ring his bell " for his behavior. I blew my top

> and pretty much sent everyone home. So then comes his birthday and

> nothing from stepsister and then comes 17 year olds birthday and of

> course there she is with a card stuffed with money for him. So now

> Christmas I made other plans to not have to see her and she leaves a

> card at the grandparents house, probably stuffed with money, and again

> and nothing for the 6 year old. I want to give her the card back and

> tell her if she can't treat both of my children the same not to give

> anything to either one. My oldest will be 18 next year and she can do

> what she wants then but for now I still call the shots with my kids and

> think that they should be treated equally. Please let me know from an

> outsiders point of view what you guys think. If you think I am wrong

> please let me know. If you have a more tactfull way of making my point

> please let me know.

>

> ------------------------------------

>

December 27, 2008

I also agree with that advice and think that you definately need to

address this issue head on because each time it goes unaddressed she

gets the message that her behaviour is okay.....maybe someone needs

to " ring her bell " !!! I also agree that talking to your older son

may bring the clearest message. It is very possible that he has

noticed and feels the same way you do but doesn't want to interfere.

If it came from him that she treat his brother the same way she

treats him maybe she'll really hear the message. I know my sister-in-

law would hear that message from me that I was just being a b@#%*!

but coming from my kids or hubby it would have a different effect. I

am sorry that you are going through that - I have a similar problem

with my mother and her favourtism of my sister's kids over mine. If

you don't address the issue it won't go away and will only get worse.

My son is high functioning too and don't underestimate that your son

has noticed and has possibly come up with reasons for her behaviour

on his own.

Good luck

L

>

> HI everyone I hope you all had a wonderful holiday. I need help

with an

> ongoing family problem. My stepsister has always favored my oldest

son

> he is 17 and my youngest is high functioning and 6 years old. So

as we

> all know too well my youngest behavior is not always the greatest

but we

> work hard to help him with his emotions. So at Easter I invited the

> whole family over and he had a meltdown stepsister felt it

nessecary to

> once again reprimand my child in front of me and his dad and also

told

> him that someone should " ring his bell " for his behavior. I blew

my top

> and pretty much sent everyone home. So then comes his birthday and

> nothing from stepsister and then comes 17 year olds birthday and of

> course there she is with a card stuffed with money for him. So now

> Christmas I made other plans to not have to see her and she leaves a

> card at the grandparents house, probably stuffed with money, and

again

> and nothing for the 6 year old. I want to give her the card back

and

> tell her if she can't treat both of my children the same not to give

> anything to either one. My oldest will be 18 next year and she can

do

> what she wants then but for now I still call the shots with my kids

and

> think that they should be treated equally. Please let me know from

an

> outsiders point of view what you guys think. If you think I am

wrong

> please let me know. If you have a more tactfull way of making my

point

> please let me know.

>

December 28, 2008

Thank you all for the advice I needed it to calm down because I did

just want to " ring her bell " and see if she understood that!! I did

talk to my older son and he is willing to tell her that it is not

fair. I believe this will be the best received way if I said it her

first response would be that I am just a b@#$H. My older son amazes

me sometimes with his wisdom sometimes. Hopefully the message will be

received and things will change for the better.

Happy New Year!!

Sherri

> >

> > HI everyone I hope you all had a wonderful holiday. I need help

> with an

> > ongoing family problem. My stepsister has always favored my oldest

> son

> > he is 17 and my youngest is high functioning and 6 years old. So

> as we

> > all know too well my youngest behavior is not always the greatest

> but we

> > work hard to help him with his emotions. So at Easter I invited the

> > whole family over and he had a meltdown stepsister felt it

> nessecary to

> > once again reprimand my child in front of me and his dad and also

> told

> > him that someone should " ring his bell " for his behavior. I blew

> my top

> > and pretty much sent everyone home. So then comes his birthday and

> > nothing from stepsister and then comes 17 year olds birthday and of

> > course there she is with a card stuffed with money for him. So now

> > Christmas I made other plans to not have to see her and she leaves a

> > card at the grandparents house, probably stuffed with money, and

> again

> > and nothing for the 6 year old. I want to give her the card back

> and

> > tell her if she can't treat both of my children the same not to give

> > anything to either one. My oldest will be 18 next year and she can

> do

> > what she wants then but for now I still call the shots with my kids

> and

> > think that they should be treated equally. Please let me know from

> an

> > outsiders point of view what you guys think. If you think I am

> wrong

> > please let me know. If you have a more tactfull way of making my

> point

> > please let me know.

> >

>

December 28, 2008

Well done, Sherri!! I'm sure your son will handle it very well.

Hugs,

Steph

Re: Aunt playing favorites-need advice

> Thank you all for the advice I needed it to calm down because I did

> just want to " ring her bell " and see if she understood that!! I did

> talk to my older son and he is willing to tell her that it is not

> fair. I believe this will be the best received way if I said it her

> first response would be that I am just a b@#$H. My older son amazes

> me sometimes with his wisdom sometimes. Hopefully the message will be

> received and things will change for the better.

> Happy New Year!!

> Sherri

>

>> >

>> > HI everyone I hope you all had a wonderful holiday. I need help

>> with an

>> > ongoing family problem. My stepsister has always favored my oldest

>> son

>> > he is 17 and my youngest is high functioning and 6 years old. So

>> as we

>> > all know too well my youngest behavior is not always the greatest

>> but we

>> > work hard to help him with his emotions. So at Easter I invited the

>> > whole family over and he had a meltdown stepsister felt it

>> nessecary to

>> > once again reprimand my child in front of me and his dad and also

>> told

>> > him that someone should " ring his bell " for his behavior. I blew

>> my top

>> > and pretty much sent everyone home. So then comes his birthday and

>> > nothing from stepsister and then comes 17 year olds birthday and of

>> > course there she is with a card stuffed with money for him. So now

>> > Christmas I made other plans to not have to see her and she leaves a

>> > card at the grandparents house, probably stuffed with money, and

>> again

>> > and nothing for the 6 year old. I want to give her the card back

>> and

>> > tell her if she can't treat both of my children the same not to give

>> > anything to either one. My oldest will be 18 next year and she can

>> do

>> > what she wants then but for now I still call the shots with my kids

>> and

>> > think that they should be treated equally. Please let me know from

>> an

>> > outsiders point of view what you guys think. If you think I am

>> wrong

>> > please let me know. If you have a more tactfull way of making my

>> point

>> > please let me know.

>> >

>>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

December 28, 2008

How does the rest of the family feel about this favoritism? Maybe you could get them all to go along with getting the message across.

Subject: Re: Aunt playing favorites-need adviceTo: AutismBehaviorProblems Date: Sunday, December 28, 2008, 1:31 PM

Thank you all for the advice I needed it to calm down because I didjust want to "ring her bell" and see if she understood that!! I didtalk to my older son and he is willing to tell her that it is notfair. I believe this will be the best received way if I said it herfirst response would be that I am just a b@#$H. My older son amazesme sometimes with his wisdom sometimes. Hopefully the message will bereceived and things will change for the better.Happy New Year!!Sherri> >> > HI everyone I hope you all had a wonderful holiday. I need help > with an> > ongoing family problem. My stepsister has always favored my oldest > son> > he is 17 and my youngest is high functioning and 6 years old. So > as we> > all know too well my youngest behavior is not always the greatest > but we> > work hard to help him with his emotions. So at Easter I invited the> > whole family over and he had a meltdown stepsister felt it > nessecary to> > once again reprimand my child in front of me and his dad and also > told> > him that someone should "ring his bell" for his behavior. I blew > my top> > and pretty much sent everyone home. So then comes his birthday and> > nothing from

stepsister and then comes 17 year olds birthday and of> > course there she is with a card stuffed with money for him. So now> > Christmas I made other plans to not have to see her and she leaves a> > card at the grandparents house, probably stuffed with money, and > again> > and nothing for the 6 year old. I want to give her the card back > and> > tell her if she can't treat both of my children the same not to give> > anything to either one. My oldest will be 18 next year and she can > do> > what she wants then but for now I still call the shots with my kids > and> > think that they should be treated equally. Please let me know from > an> > outsiders point of view what you guys think. If you think I am > wrong> > please let me know. If you have a more tactfull way of making my > point> > please

let me know.> >>

December 28, 2008

Sorry, I know all too well how you feel.

I would send the card back, but that's what I would do. It's wrong

that she doesn't acknowledge the younger child.

In the end, it's not about you or her that's gonna suffer, it's the

child. Shame on her for being selfish!

What's wrong with people?