Re: cross posted - custody issues with breastfeeding 14 month old

[Guest guest]

hi,

i got a call today (as an IBCLC, not a LLLL) from a mother of a 14 month old whose ex husband is trying to get two night overnights and claiming that there is no need for either breastfeeding nor mother-baby togetherness at night.

she has read the bf and the law articles on the LLLI site and found them helpful, but her lawyer is saying that an expert opinion would probably be most helpful in terms of convincing a court.

In this situation, as in most other custody issues where breastfeeding as a reason for not separating the mother and baby has been given, it is not really a breastfeeding issue. The underlying issue is mother baby separation. If the mother tries to 'play the breastfeeding card' the judge can tell her to pump and bottle it for the baby and send him/her off to Dad's.

Ergo, the issue being a separation issue. So, therefore, the expert witness would not be an IBCLC or anyone in the lactation field.

It should be someone in the child development field who is pro-attachment parenting. So you would want an MFT most likely. I have the name of an excellent one who has testified in these kinds of cases in CA before.

Usually the court will look more favorably on a mother who is demonstrating every effort to have the father involved in the baby's life, but not intruding on times that are important for mother and baby not to be seperated. So, I would sg that this mother consider presenting many other times that baby could spend with dad every day. Sg to the counselor and attorney and judge that Dad come over every afternoon/evening as soon as he is finished with work to take the child to dinner (or could mother leave so that Dad and baby could have dinner in the baby's own home?), give him/her a bath, do bedtime routines, but let the baby sleep in his own bed. Offer to have Dad come over for several hours each Saturday and Sunday. In other words, be proactive in giving times the baby and dad could be together so that the 2 night overnights cease to be an issue.

When the mother appears to be bending over backward to accomodate times for the father to have access to the baby, she will not appear to be obstructing access to him, as when she rejects the requests he is making.

She needs to find an expert witness who can explain that this is not a permanent situation, that as the baby grows older and can handle increasing separations from mom, the visitation schedule will be ammended to reflect that. When one shows that in 6-9 months this might change in response to baby's ability to tolerate increasing separations, it gives every one a chance to see that the mother is trying to work with the dad and to encourage a visitation schedule that works for everyone, but has as its basis the need for the baby to be with the mother.

Having said all this I need to ask if this mother is the sole care provider for this child and they have no regularly scheduled separations? If she has this child in daycare b/c she is separated from this child it severely weakens her case.

Ann

i know this has been discussed before, but perhaps not this exact situation -

i'd love any feedback on great research based articles that might be beneficial for her

on being an expert witness (can an IBCLC just write an opinion/letter with references and would that make an impact?)

would one charge for this time? and if so, how much?

if such a letter would help, what types of data would be the most useful?

i have no experience with the legal side of breastfeeding and family law (a little with nursing in public issues).

any and all input welcome! thanks!

warmly, Lyla

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