Guest guest Posted March 22, 2006 Report Share Posted March 22, 2006 Hi Tori, More convincing reasons for your FIL not to drive for you to give to your MIL. Jim was driving too and while on a major intersection hallucinated that he saw people on the road in an accident and stopped the car in major traffic and got out and started walking in the busy traffic. Luckily, road construction workers were there and saw him walking in the middle of traffic and saw that he was not really with it. They talked to him and found out that he saw an accident, which did not exist. They followed him home to make sure he got home safely and told me the story. It was not easy to get him off the road, I had the highway patrol come and speak with him, that did not work. I took the keys away only to find out that he had duplicates made and would sneak out when I was in the shower. I would hear him leave and call the highway patrol to find him, but he would make it back home before they could find him. I had his license revoked. He got into a fender bender and that is when I had a " Kill Switch " installed in the car and he could never start the car again. With the dementia, he could not reason why it would start for me and not him. I told him it was a loose wire and only I knew how to fix it to work and he believed it. If your FIL is in an accident and someone is hurt, your MIL will be held liable for knowing that he should not have been on the road. Your FIL's doctor can have the license revoked if it is too hard for your MIL to do and she can blame it on the doctor, so your FIL won't be angry at her. Jan --- Skrabek wrote: > Tori > > As added amunition regarding Dizz driving - one of > the common symptoms of LBD are visual/spatial ones. > A lack of depth perception. Like all things lewy > some people have them - some do not, and for those > who have these issues they are fluctuating, > sometimes present, sometimes not. I am sometimes > sure by the look in my Mum's eyes that she is not > seeing what I am seeing and at other times she seems > to see perfectly well. That and the issue of > sleepiness. I'm not sure if Dizz is falling asleep > frequently but this could happen while driving. My > Mum falls asleep anywhere, anytime and has done so > even before medication was started. You need all > your reflexes working when driving a car. Before my > Mum stopped driving she had 2 rather minor > " fender-benders " . Thank goodness no one was hurt. > For the longest time I dwelt on what could have > happened .... > > Hope this helps to convince. > > from Cresswell ON > Long distance CG to Margaret (Mum) aged 76 > Lives at The Briton House, Memory Floor, Toronto > DX Early Onset AD & PD approx. 2002 > DX LBD 01/2005 > Current Meds: Seroquel, Aricept, LD ASA, > Levothyroxin, Calcium Suppl. > Was on: Sinemet, Excelon > Was given Resperidol in NH for a few weeks (Feb '05) > Haldol several times in Hospital Jan 05 > > > Tori Dyslin wrote: Hi > , > > The car is safe in the gargage, for now. I've > had to use it a couple of times because my van was > out of commission and my MIL was more than glad for > me to have instead of BIL. But now, my MIL wants to > ask the doctor if Dizz can go back to driving? > What's up with that? I don't think he should drive > at all. Her point is that he was driving 1 day > before the kidney failure happened, and now that > he's recovered from that he should be able to drive > again. I'm so not comfortable with that! Neither > is my hubby. > > Thanks for the encouragment. I feel sometimes > I'm over stepping my bounds as a DIL but no one else > wants to step up and take action. Someone needs to > be watching out for Dizz, and Mom too for that > matter. I appreciate your comments, thanks. > > Tori > > Skrabek wrote: > Wow - I have read your e-mail 3 times and all I > can do is say Wow and where is the car? > > Dizz is so fortunate to have you for a D-in-L. > Your M-in-L is greiving for the loss of the man she > married. She is also fortunate to have you for a > D-in-L. She may (or may not) come to realize it one > day. Hang in there. > > from Cresswell ON > Long distance CG to Margaret (Mum) aged 76 > Lives at The Briton House, Memory Floor, Toronto > DX Early Onset AD & PD approx. 2002 > DX LBD 01/2005 > Current Meds: Seroquel, Aricept, LD ASA, > Levothyroxin, Calcium Suppl. > Was on: Sinemet, Excelon > Was given Resperidol in NH for a few weeks (Feb > '05) > Haldol several times in Hospital Jan 05 > > > Tori wrote: I had 339 > messages on my email!!! I guess I need to start > checking it daily. I'm such a knucklehead though, > I joined another > egroup for kids with mild disabilities, like my > Bekah. I think that > was a mistake. What was I thinking? I wasn't!!!! > > Anyway I have a lot to catch you all up on. > > First the horrible family meeting! I can relate > that real fast. > Here it goes. It was lead by bi-polar brother in > law and his > estranged wife. Yeah! You see what I mean? My > husband and his > sister did nothing to stop these goofs from making > decisions I felt > we all needed to make. They decided that their 22 > year old daughter > would care for her grandfather while her > grandmother was in the > hospital. The estranged wife insisted that dad not > be put in a home > and that we could, mainly she and her daughter, > could care for Dizz > themselves. Currently they are both out of jobs! > Huh? Is there a > motive here? And all my BIL kept saying was that > he wanted dads car > and everything would work out for everyone. > OMG!!!! I know his > motive. They didn't give anyone else a chance to > talk and when I > tried to interrupt her to make a comment she would > keep talking and > start talking louder if I kept talking too. I was > very angry! My > hubby and his sister just sat there mouths clamped > shut. When they > were done talking the bi-polar BIL said, " Good, > lets eat and get > this over with, and when can I have dads car? " When > I had my FIL > alone I asked him who he wanted to come and take of > him he said he > didn't know. I asked him if I could come and he > said that was a > good idea. He remembered that I worked in an ER > for awhile and had > to care for elderly patients. > > After we all left, my SIL called me and we shared > the same thought > that the meeting was horrible and she agreed to > talk to mom. Mom > finally made the decision that I would come and > care for Dizz. > Funny thing was, that none of them asked Dizz what > he wanted. > > I must tell you all, it was a stressful experience. > We all left > with headaches and muscle pain. I did care for > Dizz while Mom was > out and I ended up taking another week off from > work to continue to > help Mom and Dizz. It was the best time ever, you > guys. I was > honored to have this job. He got really attached > to me and was sad > when I couldn't spend the night with him anymore. > He was worried > that there wouldn't be anyone to care for him the > way I did. What a > sweetie! We go for walks everyday and I read him > the comics from > the paper. What a blessing that was to care for > him. > > When mom came home of course, things changed. She > said I spoiled > him to much and that I had to stop and let him do > the things I had > done for him. She said I had to stop emptying his > bladder for him. > What? did she forget that that was how he got in > the hospital in the > first place? I had to stop putting in his hearing > aides and stop > putting on his shoes for him. I had to stop > getting stuff for him > and make him get up and get it. I had to stop > pouring his breakfast > cereal for him and let him do it. He was shaking > so bad most days > that he couldn't get the spoon to his mouth. So I > have stopped > doing some of those things, but others I will > continue to help him > if he wants me to. Especially when MIL is not > looking. > > She's been kinda cranky to him lately and it makes > me feel bad when > she yells at him because he's not paying attention > or keeps asking > her the same questions over and over again. Or for > getting up too > early 6:30am when she wants to sleep to 10:00. > She's a night owl > and goes to bed late. He told me today that he > hates it when she > yells at him, it makes him feel stupid. I told him > she was just > tired and trying to recover from her surgery. > > I haven't painted a very good picture of my MIL, I > know that this > has hit her hard. She so loved the old Dizz, and > is === message truncated === __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 2006 Report Share Posted March 23, 2006 I never thought too much about mom's visual symptom of LBD - but she had it too, I think. I'd point something out to her and she couldn't 'see' it and she wouldn't even be looking to where I was pointing. She'd pretend that she was seeing what I was asking about, but I'd look at her face and she wasn't even in the right direction. Mom where's glasses so I wrapped it up at the time to her eyesight going - but now looking back it was probably yet another LBD symptom. Things that make you go hmmmmm.... ; loving daughter of Maureen of Boston, MA; finally diagnosed with LBD on 2/06 after also being diagnosed with everything from AD to Vascular Dementia caused by mini strokes to Binswengers...; was victim to rapid progression from Risperidone (or combination of Risperidone with other drugs OR possibly received another " bad drug " when she was observed/tested in a hospital in 10/05); in a NH since 11/05. I had 339 > > messages on my email!!! I guess I need to start > > checking it daily. I'm such a knucklehead though, > > I joined another > > egroup for kids with mild disabilities, like my > > Bekah. I think that > > was a mistake. What was I thinking? I wasn't!!!! > > > > Anyway I have a lot to catch you all up on. > > > > First the horrible family meeting! I can relate > > that real fast. > > Here it goes. It was lead by bi-polar brother in > > law and his > > estranged wife. Yeah! You see what I mean? My > > husband and his > > sister did nothing to stop these goofs from making > > decisions I felt > > we all needed to make. They decided that their 22 > > year old daughter > > would care for her grandfather while her > > grandmother was in the > > hospital. The estranged wife insisted that dad not > > be put in a home > > and that we could, mainly she and her daughter, > > could care for Dizz > > themselves. Currently they are both out of jobs! > > Huh? Is there a > > motive here? And all my BIL kept saying was that > > he wanted dads car > > and everything would work out for everyone. > > OMG!!!! I know his > > motive. They didn't give anyone else a chance to > > talk and when I > > tried to interrupt her to make a comment she would > > keep talking and > > start talking louder if I kept talking too. I was > > very angry! My > > hubby and his sister just sat there mouths clamped > > shut. When they > > were done talking the bi-polar BIL said, " Good, > > lets eat and get > > this over with, and when can I have dads car? " When > > I had my FIL > > alone I asked him who he wanted to come and take of > > him he said he > > didn't know. I asked him if I could come and he > > said that was a > > good idea. He remembered that I worked in an ER > > for awhile and had > > to care for elderly patients. > > > > After we all left, my SIL called me and we shared > > the same thought > > that the meeting was horrible and she agreed to > > talk to mom. Mom > > finally made the decision that I would come and > > care for Dizz. > > Funny thing was, that none of them asked Dizz what > > he wanted. > > > > I must tell you all, it was a stressful experience. > > We all left > > with headaches and muscle pain. I did care for > > Dizz while Mom was > > out and I ended up taking another week off from > > work to continue to > > help Mom and Dizz. It was the best time ever, you > > guys. I was > > honored to have this job. He got really attached > > to me and was sad > > when I couldn't spend the night with him anymore. > > He was worried > > that there wouldn't be anyone to care for him the > > way I did. What a > > sweetie! We go for walks everyday and I read him > > the comics from > > the paper. What a blessing that was to care for > > him. > > > > When mom came home of course, things changed. She > > said I spoiled > > him to much and that I had to stop and let him do > > the things I had > > done for him. She said I had to stop emptying his > > bladder for him. > > What? did she forget that that was how he got in > > the hospital in the > > first place? I had to stop putting in his hearing > > aides and stop > > putting on his shoes for him. I had to stop > > getting stuff for him > > and make him get up and get it. I had to stop > > pouring his breakfast > > cereal for him and let him do it. He was shaking > > so bad most days > > that he couldn't get the spoon to his mouth. So I > > have stopped > > doing some of those things, but others I will > > continue to help him > > if he wants me to. Especially when MIL is not > > looking. > > > > She's been kinda cranky to him lately and it makes > > me feel bad when > > she yells at him because he's not paying attention > > or keeps asking > > her the same questions over and over again. Or for > > getting up too > > early 6:30am when she wants to sleep to 10:00. > > She's a night owl > > and goes to bed late. He told me today that he > > hates it when she > > yells at him, it makes him feel stupid. I told him > > she was just > > tired and trying to recover from her surgery. > > > > I haven't painted a very good picture of my MIL, I > > know that this > > has hit her hard. She so loved the old Dizz, and > > is > === message truncated === > > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 2006 Report Share Posted March 23, 2006 My mom had that visual thing too, and she would keep moving her head around as if she could somehow re-position her head so she could see better. (a different type of moving around from that head wagging she got for awhile). Anyway, we kept thinking she needed her glasses prescription changed or her cataract surgery was having problems or the glaucoma she'd had laser for before had come back. None of those things were happening. Also, she seemed to have trouble focusing on anyone or anything unless we held her cheeks and got her to look straight at us. Her eyes just didn't seem 'there'. Now with her improvement she actually looks normally at people and things and there is focus to her eyes. We still see the problem on occasion and I'm sure at some point we will again. It's definitely a problem related to LBD and she voluntarily quit driving a couple of years ago at least, probably more like 3, but it was easier for her, since my dad mostly drove her everywhere anyway. She does express that she wishes she still had the freedom to just go out sometime and go somewhere she wants to and not have to rely on anyone. I think it's usually much more a struggle with men, but probably that will change with our generation, since women our age have been so much more independent for the most part, I can't imagine not being able to drive. Especially those of us who are not married at this point and have no one else to rely upon. It's definitely a safety issue - who knows where their mind might be at any given moment, like when a light turns yellow at the last minute or a child runs out into the street. Their reflexes at their age are slowed down even without the LBD. My son was broadsided by a man who was in his 60s, who just ran a red light which had been red for a while, not even one that just turned. He couldn't explain why he did it and why he didn't see the light. He hit on my son's passenger side, thank goodness, and he didn't have any passengers at the time. The accident totalled his car, but he wasn't hurt and thank goodness he was wearing his seat belt. If the man had hit him on his side, I truly don't know if he'd be around now, judging from the way the car looked after the accident. I just don't think it's worth taking those types of chances, and if they get mad, we just have to deal with it. I had 339 > > > messages on my email!!! I guess I need to start > > > checking it daily. I'm such a knucklehead though, > > > I joined another > > > egroup for kids with mild disabilities, like my > > > Bekah. I think that > > > was a mistake. What was I thinking? I wasn't!!!! > > > > > > Anyway I have a lot to catch you all up on. > > > > > > First the horrible family meeting! I can relate > > > that real fast. > > > Here it goes. It was lead by bi-polar brother in > > > law and his > > > estranged wife. Yeah! You see what I mean? My > > > husband and his > > > sister did nothing to stop these goofs from making > > > decisions I felt > > > we all needed to make. They decided that their 22 > > > year old daughter > > > would care for her grandfather while her > > > grandmother was in the > > > hospital. The estranged wife insisted that dad not > > > be put in a home > > > and that we could, mainly she and her daughter, > > > could care for Dizz > > > themselves. Currently they are both out of jobs! > > > Huh? Is there a > > > motive here? And all my BIL kept saying was that > > > he wanted dads car > > > and everything would work out for everyone. > > > OMG!!!! I know his > > > motive. They didn't give anyone else a chance to > > > talk and when I > > > tried to interrupt her to make a comment she would > > > keep talking and > > > start talking louder if I kept talking too. I was > > > very angry! My > > > hubby and his sister just sat there mouths clamped > > > shut. When they > > > were done talking the bi-polar BIL said, " Good, > > > lets eat and get > > > this over with, and when can I have dads car? " When > > > I had my FIL > > > alone I asked him who he wanted to come and take of > > > him he said he > > > didn't know. I asked him if I could come and he > > > said that was a > > > good idea. He remembered that I worked in an ER > > > for awhile and had > > > to care for elderly patients. > > > > > > After we all left, my SIL called me and we shared > > > the same thought > > > that the meeting was horrible and she agreed to > > > talk to mom. Mom > > > finally made the decision that I would come and > > > care for Dizz. > > > Funny thing was, that none of them asked Dizz what > > > he wanted. > > > > > > I must tell you all, it was a stressful experience. > > > We all left > > > with headaches and muscle pain. I did care for > > > Dizz while Mom was > > > out and I ended up taking another week off from > > > work to continue to > > > help Mom and Dizz. It was the best time ever, you > > > guys. I was > > > honored to have this job. He got really attached > > > to me and was sad > > > when I couldn't spend the night with him anymore. > > > He was worried > > > that there wouldn't be anyone to care for him the > > > way I did. What a > > > sweetie! We go for walks everyday and I read him > > > the comics from > > > the paper. What a blessing that was to care for > > > him. > > > > > > When mom came home of course, things changed. She > > > said I spoiled > > > him to much and that I had to stop and let him do > > > the things I had > > > done for him. She said I had to stop emptying his > > > bladder for him. > > > What? did she forget that that was how he got in > > > the hospital in the > > > first place? I had to stop putting in his hearing > > > aides and stop > > > putting on his shoes for him. I had to stop > > > getting stuff for him > > > and make him get up and get it. I had to stop > > > pouring his breakfast > > > cereal for him and let him do it. He was shaking > > > so bad most days > > > that he couldn't get the spoon to his mouth. So I > > > have stopped > > > doing some of those things, but others I will > > > continue to help him > > > if he wants me to. Especially when MIL is not > > > looking. > > > > > > She's been kinda cranky to him lately and it makes > > > me feel bad when > > > she yells at him because he's not paying attention > > > or keeps asking > > > her the same questions over and over again. Or for > > > getting up too > > > early 6:30am when she wants to sleep to 10:00. > > > She's a night owl > > > and goes to bed late. He told me today that he > > > hates it when she > > > yells at him, it makes him feel stupid. I told him > > > she was just > > > tired and trying to recover from her surgery. > > > > > > I haven't painted a very good picture of my MIL, I > > > know that this > > > has hit her hard. She so loved the old Dizz, and > > > is > > === message truncated === > > > > > > __________________________________________________ > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 2006 Report Share Posted March 23, 2006 Something else I questioned at the time when Mom was still living alone, didn't realize there was a dementia at play....suddenly, every time I visited her, pictures on the wall would be crooked, lined up perfectly, but crooked. I would quietly straighten them, and the next time I visited, they would be crooked again. , Oakville Ont. Mom 92, 12 1/2 years " Parkinsons " 3 years ago LBD diagnosis, evident much longer in hindsight. Encouraged to give up her licence 6 years ago. Currently immobile, in tilt wheelchair, spoonfed pureed food. Spends most of days behind closed eyes. Eltroxin, Tylenol twice a day. I had 339 > > > messages on my email!!! I guess I need to start > > > checking it daily. I'm such a knucklehead though, > > > I joined another > > > egroup for kids with mild disabilities, like my > > > Bekah. I think that > > > was a mistake. What was I thinking? I wasn't!!!! > > > > > > Anyway I have a lot to catch you all up on. > > > > > > First the horrible family meeting! I can relate > > > that real fast. > > > Here it goes. It was lead by bi-polar brother in > > > law and his > > > estranged wife. Yeah! You see what I mean? My > > > husband and his > > > sister did nothing to stop these goofs from making > > > decisions I felt > > > we all needed to make. They decided that their 22 > > > year old daughter > > > would care for her grandfather while her > > > grandmother was in the > > > hospital. The estranged wife insisted that dad not > > > be put in a home > > > and that we could, mainly she and her daughter, > > > could care for Dizz > > > themselves. Currently they are both out of jobs! > > > Huh? Is there a > > > motive here? And all my BIL kept saying was that > > > he wanted dads car > > > and everything would work out for everyone. > > > OMG!!!! I know his > > > motive. They didn't give anyone else a chance to > > > talk and when I > > > tried to interrupt her to make a comment she would > > > keep talking and > > > start talking louder if I kept talking too. I was > > > very angry! My > > > hubby and his sister just sat there mouths clamped > > > shut. When they > > > were done talking the bi-polar BIL said, " Good, > > > lets eat and get > > > this over with, and when can I have dads car? " When > > > I had my FIL > > > alone I asked him who he wanted to come and take of > > > him he said he > > > didn't know. I asked him if I could come and he > > > said that was a > > > good idea. He remembered that I worked in an ER > > > for awhile and had > > > to care for elderly patients. > > > > > > After we all left, my SIL called me and we shared > > > the same thought > > > that the meeting was horrible and she agreed to > > > talk to mom. Mom > > > finally made the decision that I would come and > > > care for Dizz. > > > Funny thing was, that none of them asked Dizz what > > > he wanted. > > > > > > I must tell you all, it was a stressful experience. > > > We all left > > > with headaches and muscle pain. I did care for > > > Dizz while Mom was > > > out and I ended up taking another week off from > > > work to continue to > > > help Mom and Dizz. It was the best time ever, you > > > guys. I was > > > honored to have this job. He got really attached > > > to me and was sad > > > when I couldn't spend the night with him anymore. > > > He was worried > > > that there wouldn't be anyone to care for him the > > > way I did. What a > > > sweetie! We go for walks everyday and I read him > > > the comics from > > > the paper. What a blessing that was to care for > > > him. > > > > > > When mom came home of course, things changed. She > > > said I spoiled > > > him to much and that I had to stop and let him do > > > the things I had > > > done for him. She said I had to stop emptying his > > > bladder for him. > > > What? did she forget that that was how he got in > > > the hospital in the > > > first place? I had to stop putting in his hearing > > > aides and stop > > > putting on his shoes for him. I had to stop > > > getting stuff for him > > > and make him get up and get it. I had to stop > > > pouring his breakfast > > > cereal for him and let him do it. He was shaking > > > so bad most days > > > that he couldn't get the spoon to his mouth. So I > > > have stopped > > > doing some of those things, but others I will > > > continue to help him > > > if he wants me to. Especially when MIL is not > > > looking. > > > > > > She's been kinda cranky to him lately and it makes > > > me feel bad when > > > she yells at him because he's not paying attention > > > or keeps asking > > > her the same questions over and over again. Or for > > > getting up too > > > early 6:30am when she wants to sleep to 10:00. > > > She's a night owl > > > and goes to bed late. He told me today that he > > > hates it when she > > > yells at him, it makes him feel stupid. I told him > > > she was just > > > tired and trying to recover from her surgery. > > > > > > I haven't painted a very good picture of my MIL, I > > > know that this > > > has hit her hard. She so loved the old Dizz, and > > > is > > === message truncated === > > > > > > __________________________________________________ > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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