[SPAM] Re: parent contamination/thanks Chris

[Guest guest]

Yep, see, that is obviously fear motivated. And I think that is what

makes OCD kids so difficult to parent. They have all the typical kid

defiance stuff going on, but they also have the OCD driven stuff.

Sometimes it feels like you have to be a genius to diligently analyze

every action, before taking action, to figure out whether to talk them

through ERP (if it's OCD), or take away priviledges (if it's typical

kid stuff). Ha! Parenting an OCD child isn't for wimps. If all the

parents of regular kids knew how good they really have it. But, I bet

if you talked to them they wouldn't think so. lol

BJ

-- In , " Kathy G " wrote:

>

> I will never forget a particular bad evening a few weeks ago when Joei

> looked me in the eye, told me she was not going to do as she was

told, and

> that she didn't care what the consequences were.

>

>

>

> The look in her eyes told me it was not defiance, but that it was

anxiety

> and fear and anger. It was heartbreaking and took my breath away.

>

>

>

> _____

>

> From:

> [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Barb Nesrallah

> Sent: Friday, November 14, 2008 8:27 PM

> To:

> Subject: [sPAM] Re: parent contamination/thanks Chris

>

>

>

> Hi Debbie,

>

> Just wanted to reach out to you and say I can empathize and felt the

> same when things were really bad. When the OCD is so bad and the

> medication may be making it worse and you don't really have a handle

> on it, you pretty much just get through.

>

> You might want to back off with the chores if it is just going to

> make you crazy, until things settle down and you get on track with

> medication and a treatment program. Do you have an appointment lined

> up with a psychologist who treats OCD (I'm sorry I've lost track).

>

> We found with our son when the OCD was very severe and the medication

> was not right it was just impossible to have any kind of decent

> communication at all. He was rude and difficult, demanding etc.

> While we still had consequences for his behavior, we found it did not

> stop anything, and he would even tell us so.

>

> Sometimes when it's bad they have very little control and in fact

> provoke things, often tied up with the OCD, and it truly is just

> impossible to deal with. Our experience anyway. Nothing really

> worked. I also felt like leaving home often. It just seems like it

> will never end.

>

> The more you can externalize the OCD from your child it will help.

> Keep reminding yourself that your child is locked in to rigid

> patterns of thinking and can't respond to your requests right now.

> Remember who she was and will be again. This is really not your

> child, but it is all tangled together with the OCD, so it feels like

> it is. But really it is the disorder.

>

> Tell her you know this too, and that you know she is in there, trying

> to fight the bully in her head. Maybe if she feels you are on her

> side, but against the OCD. It's really hard when they are acting out

> and driving you crazy, we don't like them very much and they do feel

> this. Remind her that you do love her, but hate the OCD and what it

> is doing to your lives. I would vent AT the OCD.

>

> Lastly, any changes in the medication generally exacerbate the OCD,

> so it may take a couple of weeks for things to settle down as you

> reduce the medication. It's hard and you just get through it

> somehow. I hope you find the lower dose is better again. It may be

> that zoloft is just not the best choice. I know that's probably not

> something you want to have to think about right now...

>

> Do leave home, temporarily, and collect your sanity any way you can.

> Caring for a child with this disorder is like a marathon and you must

> keep your energy stores up!!!

>

> I send you hugs!

> Barb

>

>

> >

> > Rose and Chris.

> > I know what you mean when you say how it affects your family. I

> hate to admit it to anybody, but last night I just wanted to get up

> and walk out the door. And today, I've been so depressed, i just

> don't feel like I care about anything. It's only been 3 months and

> I'm tired of trying to get her to read the books, do exposure, do

> anything. She just wants to wallow in having OCD and not do anything

> to help herself. The only thing she's willing to do is take the

> medicine, and it's just not helping.at this point. I'm not even sure

> this new therapist is going to work out.

> > She's been so difficult to live with these last two weeks, and such

> a smarta#$t, talking back, defying us, saying she'll do her chores,

> and then not do them. And when we ask why she won't do them, she

> just sits there. She only has 3 little chores! We impose a

> punishment and she just says, OK. We have fought almost every day

> over these stupid chores; it's just feeding her cats, filling the

> dishwasher, and vacuuming. It's mostly the cats and the dishwasher;

> she claims its the OCD, but I think it's also just a convenient

> excuse to not do anything. It'd be easier to just give up on it, but

> then that's not fair to my son, who has been taking up her slack

> (like feeding all the cats so they won't starve!) AND doing his own

> chores! Then she gets mad at him for doing her chore! And then she

> goes on and on last night about how we don't love her and pick on her

> and make her our slave! GIVE ME A BREAK! She's been a little mouthy

> in the past, but nothing like this!

> > Maybe some of you won't think I'm a good parent, but last night,

> while I love my daughter very much, I sure didn't LIKE her much! I

> am hoping and praying this will subside when we back down the meds.

> > Debbie

> >

> >

> > __________________________________________________________

> > Be a professional. Click here to earn a psychology degree.

> >

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