Guest guest Posted December 4, 2008 Report Share Posted December 4, 2008 My Son just finished his first semester in College, he went from not going to school to hopefully pulling it out, atleast in three classes, he did have to drop one class. My question and problem, I've been helping and making sure he is signed up for classes, this means I've had to have my dad go with him to see the counselor (twice recently) I've been paying for school, his housing, books and sending him food and spending $$. I had been saving this money for this purpose for several years. My problem is in order for me to talk to any teacher, counsler he has to sign this one simple form which allows me to talk to the teacher, school etc about my son and his work. Up to this date he refuses to sign it. I feel like Hey I'm paying for this you are going to sign and or I'm not going to pay. Am I being unrealistic??? It's at the point he's got about a 10 days before the college office is off on break, I'm thinking about drawing a line in the sand and saying you have to do this or you are not going to school, in the future if he pays for college he can take permission away. What do you all think??? Worth it or not?? Thank you, Tim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 4, 2008 Report Share Posted December 4, 2008 Tim: I'm in a similar situation. I am with you on this. It's partially an issue of money - if you're paying for it, you have earned the right to have a hand in it - but much more importantly, you have a valuable perspective on your son that can only be helpful to his education and his college experience. (I'm assuming that you're not going to be inappropriately overinvolved.) It's also a great life lesson that every young person - OCD or not - needs to learn. We're all responsible to other people as well as ourselves. I think that besides drawing the line with him it would be good to reassure him you are not going to pry into his personal life or classes too much, and that the school will let you know if you are. They have a LOT of experience with helicopter parents and know how to handle them. But be clear with him that you most likely are probably not going to even contact the school except for (fill in crisis situations here....) In other words, you have the right and responsibility to be in contact with the school, but you also have the resonsibility to respect his independence, and that you won't take that lightly. > > My problem is in order for me to talk to any teacher, counsler he has > to sign this one simple form which allows me to talk to the teacher, > school etc about my son and his work. Up to this date he refuses to > sign it. > > I feel like Hey I'm paying for this you are going to sign and or I'm > not going to pay. Am I being unrealistic??? > > Thank you, > > Tim > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 4, 2008 Report Share Posted December 4, 2008 I guess just make sure you are ready for possibility of what happens after if you quit paying. With one of my other sons away at college, I have twice told him to go to the Student Health office and sign that form for me to be able to talk to them. The insurance claim papers (denials, some of them) come to my address and also I think I could argue any points better over the denials (which means *I* end up paying for). Now my son has been going over to their office and handling things but he's still learning how it " all works. " So my point with him is that the mail comes to the house and although he can look it up online, what they don't pay falls on me and him so *I* want to talk to them (sometimes denials are that they didn't receive a referral, which is a paperwork problem). So in my case my son is not wanting to sign the paper, saying he will handle it. (which is taking too long! bills are coming/overdue) In your case, you and your dad are actually having to help your son in more ways and, I think, it would be great for the teachers and others to be able to talk with you. You may be pleasantly surprised at how they view your son, or you may find out some things it'd be nice to know too, like incomplete work or missing classes, not showing interest.... I think I would point out, again, to him how he is having to have " help " from you/your dad while he's there, he's not " totally on his own " , you are paying, he is having some problems and you want to be able to contact them IF you feel there is a need. And that you plan to " now " but may not talk to them again the year. That's pretty much how I told by son above re the insurance stuff and then my OCD son I had him sign the form at his college when we set up a 504 Plan for him - so I talked with counselor then - but haven't had to talk to/call anyone since. But he knows I'll step in and say something if he begins to have problems and he doesn't. (he probably FEARS I will) Sigh, it's like they feel they don't need us, they're grown, leave them alone, but we're still doing so much for them, financially and otherwise. Let us know what happens. I just feel he'll get defensive maybe if you first lay it out as an " either, or " so would first try to make your point of " why " you need it. single mom, 3 sons , 19, OCD, dysgraphia and Aspergers , 19 Randall 23 > > My Son just finished his first semester in College, he went from not > going to school to hopefully pulling it out, atleast in three > classes, he did have to drop one class. > > My question and problem, I've been helping and making sure he is > signed up for classes, this means I've had to have my dad go with Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 4, 2008 Report Share Posted December 4, 2008 I'm with you, Tim. It's seems a bit unreasonable for him not to sign it? I would feel the same as you. Especially since you are paying. BJ > > My Son just finished his first semester in College, he went from not > going to school to hopefully pulling it out, atleast in three > classes, he did have to drop one class. > > My question and problem, I've been helping and making sure he is > signed up for classes, this means I've had to have my dad go with him > to see the counselor (twice recently) I've been paying for school, > his housing, books and sending him food and spending $$. I had been > saving this money for this purpose for several years. > > My problem is in order for me to talk to any teacher, counsler he has > to sign this one simple form which allows me to talk to the teacher, > school etc about my son and his work. Up to this date he refuses to > sign it. > > I feel like Hey I'm paying for this you are going to sign and or I'm > not going to pay. Am I being unrealistic??? > > It's at the point he's got about a 10 days before the college office > is off on break, I'm thinking about drawing a line in the sand and > saying you have to do this or you are not going to school, in the > future if he pays for college he can take permission away. > > What do you all think??? Worth it or not?? > > Thank you, > > Tim > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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