RE: Belief

[Guest guest]

Quote: " Also the thoughts that I need to watch what I've been putting on my

plate because others are watching and might judge me in some way. No on

likes to be judged and found less than "

This really made me think about degrees in dealing with this problem,

because when I went to a buffet, I always loaded up my plate with as much as

it would hold, and couldn't have cared less what other people thought about

that. It was all about me consuming those mass quantities of food. I also

never thought twice about gong back for seconds, or even thirds, because I

was, by golly, going to eat as much as I could!

Pat

[Guest guest]

I know for me, much of the self-correcting is happening back at the table,

instead of the line.

I still overload my plates, but I tend to leave much of it on the plate to

be taken away, while I go get another one. But I have noticed that I tend to

look at the people " bigger " than me who are eating more than me and feel

" justified. "

This all goes back to be judgmental. I need to stop comparing myself to

other people, good or bad; and I need to stop the negative self talk. Both

are tools of self-sabotage.

> Quote: " Also the thoughts that I need to watch what I've been putting on

> my

> plate because others are watching and might judge me in some way. No on

> likes to be judged and found less than "

>

> This really made me think about degrees in dealing with this problem,

> because when I went to a buffet, I always loaded up my plate with as much

> as

> it would hold, and couldn't have cared less what other people thought

> about

> that. It was all about me consuming those mass quantities of food. I also

> never thought twice about gong back for seconds, or even thirds, because I

> was, by golly, going to eat as much as I could!

>

> Pat

>

>

[Guest guest]

Pat...I hear you completely. I never think about what others are

thinking when I pile it on. I am usually at a buffet with my hubby

who usually goes up for thirds and gets giddy when you hear " all you

can eat " that I am so used to that huge meal portions. It is weird

because when I cook at home, I don't have that problem with portions

but when I go out...wow do I ever over eat. Right now I am in a

lifestyle where I eat out 3-5 days per week and it adds up...and not

in dollars but in pounds.

A little off topic but still on...I am half Italian and half Lebanese

and although that may not mean much to many of you...in my world...we

eat as a way of spending time together...and I am not talking just

dinner but we have days where we cook and eat together all day...for

fun. I am trying so hard not to feel guilty cutting those " family

days " out.

I also sit there and " justify " all of it...the all you can eat and the

family time. I am not sure how to stop doing this on my own. I feel

very pressured by all of the people around me justifying it out load.

I also get the food pushed on me sometimes...do any of you get that?

I am running out of ways to politely tell my family to BACK OFF.

Randy, I am constantly looking at the bigger women around me

saying...well I am good enough...so there is no reason to work hard

and be great. Feel great. One of the books I have read at work " Good

to Great " is a business book but the concept holds true for my current

body image. Good is the enemy of great and I will continue to fight

great...just to be good enough.

>

> It is interesting to see that we are all so very much the same. I

> really identified with Kim in regards to the buffet line vs.

> the " plate " - it does seem our subconscious can really rule our

> behavior. I have had both these thoughts - belief that there was

> lack in the world money/food and I'd better eat all this as I have

> paid for it! Also the thoughts that I need to watch what I've been

> putting on my plate because others are watching and might judge me in

> some way. No on likes to be judged and found less than. I am

> working on this as well - the podcasts are really good as is this

> forum. I do a lot of journaling as I am 52 and have a little more

> time than I used to. I still work full time, but I don't have little

> ones to care for anymore and that frees up some time for exercise,

> for reflection and journaling and for trying to put my needs first,

> before anyone elses. That last one doesn't come naturally to me but

> it should - it is the better way to be - if you aren't good, you

> really can't help anyone else. One thing I have learned is that you

> have to believe at your core that change is possible, that you can

> change and treat yourself with love and respect and that you deserve

> it before things can change over the long haul. I'm enjoying the

> journey and really enjoying hearing everyone's thoughts and feelings

> and

> especially the victories! Keep believing in yourself and in the

> knowledge that God really only wants good for us - not pain, not

> mental or physical suffering - only the very best.

>

[Guest guest]

> A little off topic but still on...I am half Italian and half Lebanese

> and although that may not mean much to many of you...in my world...we

> eat as a way of spending time together...and I am not talking just

> dinner but we have days where we cook and eat together all day...for

> fun. I am trying so hard not to feel guilty cutting those " family

> days " out.

I hear you on this. My mother's side of the family is southern

Italian. My great-grandparents came here from Naples and Sorrento,

about a century ago. Food has always been paramount in my family -

eating, preparations, types of foods and seasonings, cooking methods,

etc. I was 20 years old when I realized (at my in-laws'home) that not

everyone put olive oil and fresh garlic in their food. My husband

always says that he discovered food when he met my family.

And now my stepmother is part Sicilian and part Italian -- so my

Italian heritage and our traditions of " faith, family, food " continue

at my stepmother's home, and her role as " step-nonna " to my kids (but

always in memory of my mother, my kids' original nonna).

And it is difficult to turn down seconds or third helpings of food

from an Italian mother -- it's almost an insult! You're always too

skinny, you always need to eat more, you're a growing boy, a growing

girl who needs curves -- doesn't matter if you're " all grown up " , you

need to eat more, or " what's the matter, you don't like my cooking? "

Gatherings, sickness, visits, all occasions ... always food. And an

Italian mother's way of caring for her family revolves around food.

Perhaps it's not the same exact background, but my own experience in

an Italian-American family, my own heritage -- faith, family, food.

It's a tradition that my aunt continues, and that I carry on also. The

DiDonato kin are dwindling now, but our traditions with food are still

strong, and my aunt and I seem determined to carry it onward

bTW .... thanks for all your other responses about Pilates and the

exercise class. I missed Thursday because we were away, but I plan to

be there tonight -- I'll be more prepared this time with a stepper and

a yoga mat for the floor exercises. And I'm liking Pilates, yes --

I've been reading how it works well with people in rehab or with

multiple injuries and/or health problems, as it is easy to modify.

I've decided that I will join Curves in March during their no sign-up

fee promotion, but I'll do the " pay as you go " - $10 more a month but

it does not require a year-long commitment. This will allow me to try

it for a few months and then decide if I like it.

Kim

[Guest guest]

Kim,

That is great! Good Luck in curves. My family is exactly the

same...and Sicilian...haha...you hit the nail on the head there. The

Lebanese side is pretty much the same. Just different food. I like

to cook and bake...I haven't eaten wheat in over a year and you can

imagine the judgment and feedback I got from the familia. I also

stopped eating most cow dairy (i still eat some cheese, butter and

yogurt but def. no milk). I just started learning how those foods can

hurt your body and how my migranes were directly connected...and I

stopped. The whole family...all 10 aunts and uncles and the entire 17

cousin lot chime up in teasing...it can last a few days. It doesn't

bother me as much, but I tell you...I am definitely an odd ball out.

And I married an Italian...go figure...its taken me 7 years to crack

that nut but it is better at home. Watching me suffer has gotten my

husband on board...but I wouldn't dare touch the inlaws...They would

take offense for sure.

Steph

>

> > A little off topic but still on...I am half Italian and half Lebanese

> > and although that may not mean much to many of you...in my world...we

> > eat as a way of spending time together...and I am not talking just

> > dinner but we have days where we cook and eat together all day...for

> > fun. I am trying so hard not to feel guilty cutting those " family

> > days " out.

>

>

> I hear you on this. My mother's side of the family is southern

> Italian. My great-grandparents came here from Naples and Sorrento,

> about a century ago. Food has always been paramount in my family -

> eating, preparations, types of foods and seasonings, cooking methods,

> etc. I was 20 years old when I realized (at my in-laws'home) that not

> everyone put olive oil and fresh garlic in their food. My husband

> always says that he discovered food when he met my family.

>

> And now my stepmother is part Sicilian and part Italian -- so my

> Italian heritage and our traditions of " faith, family, food " continue

> at my stepmother's home, and her role as " step-nonna " to my kids (but

> always in memory of my mother, my kids' original nonna).

>

> And it is difficult to turn down seconds or third helpings of food

> from an Italian mother -- it's almost an insult! You're always too

> skinny, you always need to eat more, you're a growing boy, a growing

> girl who needs curves -- doesn't matter if you're " all grown up " , you

> need to eat more, or " what's the matter, you don't like my cooking? "

>

> Gatherings, sickness, visits, all occasions ... always food. And an

> Italian mother's way of caring for her family revolves around food.

>

> Perhaps it's not the same exact background, but my own experience in

> an Italian-American family, my own heritage -- faith, family, food.

> It's a tradition that my aunt continues, and that I carry on also. The

> DiDonato kin are dwindling now, but our traditions with food are still

> strong, and my aunt and I seem determined to carry it onward

>

> bTW .... thanks for all your other responses about Pilates and the

> exercise class. I missed Thursday because we were away, but I plan to

> be there tonight -- I'll be more prepared this time with a stepper and

> a yoga mat for the floor exercises. And I'm liking Pilates, yes --

> I've been reading how it works well with people in rehab or with

> multiple injuries and/or health problems, as it is easy to modify.

>

> I've decided that I will join Curves in March during their no sign-up

> fee promotion, but I'll do the " pay as you go " - $10 more a month but

> it does not require a year-long commitment. This will allow me to try

> it for a few months and then decide if I like it.

>

> Kim

>