Re: Christmas ()-----------BJ

December 26, 2008

So true!

Besides my Joei with OCD, I have a 23 year old son. I parented him much

differently than I do Joei for various reasons. In his last couple of teen years

I parented a lot out of guilt. This led to going back on punishments, etc.

Well that kid has led a troubled life as an adult when it comes to living up to

consequences. He's been in jail since the beginning of November for failure to

follow through after getting into some legal trouble 3 years ago. He doesn't

even go to court on the current stuff until January 6th. I tell ya, it was

awful to not be able to talk to him on the holidays..grrrr.

I know his being jailed is a consequence for his own actions, however I really

see how my parenting has affected him in the world.

~~Kathy

Courage is not living without fear.

Courage is being scared to death and doing the right thing anyway.

-Chae

BJ wrote:

Coincidentally, I talked to our son's therapist recently about it. He

suggested that at his age now (16) that I not go back on punishment

issued, or let things slide, because the world is not going to do that

for him, and it's best he learn it at home. I knew he was right, so

I'm trying harder to not let his teen moments exhaust me to the point

that I just give up. Instead, I'm trying to nip it in the bud and not

let it escalate, yet address it. Wish I could tell you it gets

easier. lol Instead, I think they get smarter and it gets like more

of a mental dance. For us anyway. Ha! And he's one of the good

teens, the ones who don't drink, do drugs, or run with trouble makers.

Still, it's trying, at times. It's not for wimps, that's for sure.

lol

December 26, 2008

(((Kathy))) So sorry about your son.

I wouldn't beat yourself up though. We all have a innate sense or

right or wrong, and sometimes we all make wrong choices. Hopefully,

we learn from them. I know I've learned from my bad choices, and I

was a bit of a wild child, who had young parents who were having their

own fun, when I was a teen. . .So, they were basically absent. Still,

eventually, I got myself together.

I think as parents, we just do the best we can. We're only human, you

know.

I hope he is out soon, and can get himself back on track.

Big Hugs,

BJ

>

> Coincidentally, I talked to our son's therapist recently about it. He

> suggested that at his age now (16) that I not go back on punishment

> issued, or let things slide, because the world is not going to do that

> for him, and it's best he learn it at home. I knew he was right, so

> I'm trying harder to not let his teen moments exhaust me to the point

> that I just give up. Instead, I'm trying to nip it in the bud and not

> let it escalate, yet address it. Wish I could tell you it gets

> easier. lol Instead, I think they get smarter and it gets like more

> of a mental dance. For us anyway. Ha! And he's one of the good

> teens, the ones who don't drink, do drugs, or run with trouble makers.

> Still, it's trying, at times. It's not for wimps, that's for sure.

> lol

>

December 26, 2008

Hi Kathy, my oldest (23) also has/had his legal problems. Next court

date Jan. 9 but it'll get put off again by attorney, who won't try it

until he's finished being paid in full first. BJ's right, can't beat

ourselves up. Same mom, raised all 3. Of my 3 sons, they are all so

different - but similar in some ways - and my other 2 (twins) just

seem more " responsible " about some things than my oldest, including

following through on things (i.e., I could see my oldest failing to

do as your son did but twins would probably follow up on it).

Hindsight is always so good as to what we " should " have done I

guess. For ourselves and our kids.

But parenting all 3 of them, have to say that in some ways I parented

them differently, more as to their personality I guess.

>

> So true!

>

> Besides my Joei with OCD, I have a 23 year old son. I parented him

much differently than I do Joei for various reasons. In his last

couple of teen years I parented a lot out of guilt. This led to

going back on punishments, etc.

>

> Well that kid has led a troubled life as an adult when it comes to

December 26, 2008

Oh I don't beat myself up any longer!! That was unnecessary pain! lol

I actually got a letter from him today after I wrote about it here. Looks like

he is in until March at least and is learning some good lessons while in there.

~~Kathy

Courage is not living without fear.

Courage is being scared to death and doing the right thing anyway.

-Chae

________________________________

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Sent: Friday, December 26, 2008 2:30:32 PM

Subject: Re: Christmas ()-----------BJ