Re: christmas letters

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I understand! It's amazing how much unspoken competition there can be

within families, usually through the kids from the competitive siblings!

You did give me a smile, though, in thinking about an OCD family's

Christmas newsletter:

" Jimmy had a great year this year, and we can get out the door to school

in less than 45 minutes, and we can get in the car without having to

open and close the passenger door 16 times!... "

Now, to me, that would have been amazing good news! :-)

Yes, some of the Christmas resumes newsletters can be a bit much...

Take care - we can only do what we can do.

best,

Cory

nmlinnen wrote:

>

> I wonder if anyone else deals with this negative feeling about reading

> the Christmas letters about family news and events and kid

> accomplishments that people often send out this time of year. I have

> things to be happy about but they would not sound impressive to the

> average family! Moreover my in-laws are asking for my kds to write to

> them and tell them what they are doing and my kids don't want to b/c

> they don't do all the exciting and noteworthy and successful type

> things that their cousins do (plus a couple of them literally cannot

> write a sentence when the OCD is bad) Blah...

> nancy grace

>

>

[Guest guest]

But remember that people are only writing the good things in their

newsletters. If I read my own newsletter, I would never know the pain

and suffering we had this year.

[Guest guest]

That's a very good point - thanks for putting it into perspective.

wjoltsik wrote:

>

> But remember that people are only writing the good things in their

> newsletters. If I read my own newsletter, I would never know the pain

> and suffering we had this year.

>

>

[Guest guest]

, how many children with OCD do you have?  How about having your kids

dictate one letter that you type on the computer from them all to your in-laws.

 Each child could just dictate one paragraph which could just be as simple as

describing a favorite Christmas present or telling about a new lesson that they

are learning in school.  I think grandparents are just thrilled to receive mail

about or from their grandkids and if you include an updated photo, they will be

very happy.

One of the lessons that I learned from attending a self-help group called

Recovery, Inc (which is free and helps people with anxiety, anger, and/or

depression) was that " comparisions are odious "  When we compare ourselves to

others we tend to think we just don't measure up, but in truth, your children

may have big hearts for others who are hurting, or may be wonderful at drawing

or whatever.  I have had to cope with pretty severe OCD and depression and my

life is not how it might have been if I didn't have these disorders, but you

know what?  That's okay.  I'm proud of what I have accomplished because it is

despite the OCD and depression.  Others may not know the handicap that these

have been, but I do, so I give myself credit in my own mind when I am weighing

what I have accomplished in life compared to others.  Thus, while I may not be

a great mom when it comes to the kinds of dinners that I prepare compared to

others, I know how hard cooking is for me becaus

e of the OCD and I don't judge myself too harshly.  I have an Ivy League

education, yet I am just a special ed teacher which carries little status in

this world while my fellow graduates are earning megabucks in other fields, but

you know what?  I LOVE teaching, particularly special needs kids so I can deal

with the lower status of teaching compared to medicine or law or banking.  All

of the above is just to show you that comparisons are not realistic because we

all have different issues and we need to judge ourselves kindly and give

ourselves and our kids pats on the back for what we have been able to

accomplish, without concerning ourselves with what we haven't.

christmas letters

I wonder if anyone else deals with this negative feeling about reading

the Christmas letters about family news and events and kid

accomplishments that people often send out this time of year. I have

things to be happy about but they would not sound impressive to the

average family! Moreover my in-laws are asking for my kds to write to

them and tell them what they are doing and my kids don't want to b/c

they don't do all the exciting and noteworthy and successful type

things that their cousins do (plus a couple of them=2

0literally cannot

write a sentence when the OCD is bad) Blah...

nancy grace

[Guest guest]

When I was working in the mental health field years ago our agency had

an intern (getting MSW) who was very astute and very smart and an open

book with her own life and issues. Her Christmas letters were

extremely open and forthcoming, including (if I recall correctly) her

daughter's premarital pregnancy, other children's struggles with

depression and substance use, financial problems, marriage issues,

etc. It was a little too much information but I admired her for

writing a real Christmas letter and not worrying about the competitive

aspect. You know the feelings we all get when we read that little

ny has finished his PhD and got his driver's license because he

finally turned 16, while darling Martha established a trust fund for

homeless families from the proceeds earned from the book she wrote

detailing her experiences as a high school intern working for the

Mother Theresa orphanage last summer vacation.

We have struggled with what to write and how to put things concerning

our family's journey with OCD. In fact, as we usually do, we let our

son write the letter which we each then have edit power over. He kind

of blurted out that our daughter was " not doing anything " and in an

OCD program in Wisconsin. We, of course, nixed this, and 17-year-old

son was pretty immature - " well, it's the TRUTH, isn't it? " We saw

that he was dealing with his own feelings and anger about his sister

having this condition interrupt her life.

We do want to let friends and family know what's happening, but on the

other hand it's tough to know how this will be received. For one, a

lot of people disdain any kind of mental health information. They just

don't see mental illness as " valid " unless it's full-blown

schizophrenia. Secondly, we have family members who are very

religious and we don't want to hear any lectures. Thirdly, it feels

very one-sided and awkward to share what's happening when most of our

friends' kids are more-or-less on track with their college-age lives.

Just some thoughts...

[Guest guest]

One of the things that I dearly love about how my parents handled my OCD when I

was nonfunctional straight after college, was that they didn't disclose my

illness to others than loved ones.  It made it a whole lot easier and more

comfortable when I was " in recovery " and getting back out into the world that I

didn't feel people were thinking strange things about me.  My close friends and

closest relatives know about my daughter's OCD, but I don't tell others and I

don't have her tell others because of the incredible stigma that mental illness

still has.  I will just refer to her being an " anxious " kid when she breaks

down and has a crying episode and I'm working on eliminating these altogether

with pretty good success.

Re: christmas letters

When I was working in the mental health field years ago our agency had

an intern (getting MSW) who was very astute and very smart and an open

book with her own life and issues. Her Christmas letters were

extremely open and forthcoming, including (if I recall correctly) her

daughter's premarital pregnancy, other children's struggles with

depression and substance use, financial problems, marriage issues,

etc. It was a little too much information but I admired her for

writing a real Christmas l

etter and not worrying about the competitive

aspect. You know the feelings we all get when we read that little

ny has finished his PhD and got his driver's license because he

finally turned 16, while darling Martha established a trust fund for

homeless families from the proceeds earned from the book she wrote

detailing her experiences as a high school intern working for the

Mother Theresa orphanage last summer vacation.

We have struggled with what to write and how to put things concerning

our family's journey with OCD. In fact, as we usually do, we let our

son write the letter which we each then have edit power over. He kind

of blurted out that our daughter was " not doing anything " and in an

OCD program in Wisconsin. We, of course, nixed this, and 17-year-old

son was pretty immature - " well, it's the TRUTH, isn't it? " We saw

that he was dealing with his own feelings and anger about his sister

having this condition interrupt her life.

We do want to let friends and family know what's happening, but on the

other hand it's tough to know how this will be received. For one, a

lot of people disdain any kind of mental health information. They just

don't see mental illness as " valid " unless it's full-blown

schizophrenia. Secondly, we have family members who are very

religious and we don't want to hear any lectures. Thirdly, it feels

very one-sided and awkward to share what's happening when most of our

friends' kids are m

ore-or-less on track with their college-age lives.

Just some thoughts...

0A