Re: Re: Christmas ()

[Guest guest]

Hi BJ. It's always good to hear from you and get a few hugs! I totally relate

to the tight rope walk of disciplining kids with ocd. One step in the wrong

direction and it causes so much anxiety that it undermines the discipline. It

also seems that as I get him to focus on one bad behavior like hitting, then he

starts a new one like saying bad words. It's so frustrating, but I am trying

not to hyper- focus on it.

As far as my husband goes, he helps when he is here, which is after 7 at night.

He does help in the morning and on weekends. Josiah has weekly psychologist

appts. in January so maybe that will help. I also have an appt. with a neuro

psychietrist, so we'll see what comes of that.

Thanks for everything!

Walk by Faith

Tyler

www.livingthecall.com

________________________________

To:

Sent: Friday, December 26, 2008 3:04:00 PM

Subject: Re: Christmas ()

Hi, . (((hugs to you)))

I'm sorry things were rough for you. I know that often when our

family would get together, it would sometimes turn into a criticism of

my parenting, and Josh's behavior, when he was young. I didn't know

he had OCD then, but knew something wasn't right. So, I often would

end up defending him, as they would roll their eyes, thinking I was

spoiling him and lacked parenting skills that they were more than

happy to try to correct, with their wisdom. <lol, yep a little sarcasm

there>

I recall once, an incident where my father went into Josh's room. He

started picking things up and moving them around. Josh became

distraught and took the things out of his hands, and put them back,

making sure they were exactly as he needed them to be. It was on his

4th birthday. I wasn't even aware that it had happened. But later I

got a call from my mother, telling me what a brat he was and that I'd

better do something about it. <sigh>

Fast forward, guess what, he had/has OCD, and that's part of it. Who

knew <then>? Still, it's a hard situation when you feel you are being

judged so harshly, yet they have no idea what you " live " every day. I

think many in here have had to learn skills that typical parents

haven't had to, trying to do the best they can to raise a child with

issues. If awards were given for effort, I think we all deserve one,

because it takes tons more effort to raise a kid with OCD. You aren't

only dealing with the typical " kid " stuff, but you are battling the

OCD that has control of them too, trying not to damage them in the

process.

I never noticed Josh having rages, per se, but he would meltdown at

times when he was cornered, and very fearful, and would strike out.

It was when he was young, and couldn't control the emotions he was

feeling. He's since outgrown it. But, when he was young, I would

often just hold him until he calmed down, then we would discuss why

that reaction wasn't okay (hitting or kicking), and how I would help

him work through it, but wouldn't tolerate being hit. . That there

would be consequences for that, usually removing games, which he

loved. Not sure if that was the way to handle it, since I'm no

expert, but it worked for us. I do know that I let things slide a

bit, at times, because if I cracked down on him too hard, he would

overreact and have anxiety. It was always a fine line disciplining

him. Not easy!

Coincidentally, I talked to our son's therapist recently about it. He

suggested that at his age now (16) that I not go back on punishment

issued, or let things slide, because the world is not going to do that

for him, and it's best he learn it at home. I knew he was right, so

I'm trying harder to not let his teen moments exhaust me to the point

that I just give up. Instead, I'm trying to nip it in the bud and not

let it escalate, yet address it. Wish I could tell you it gets

easier. lol Instead, I think they get smarter and it gets like more

of a mental dance. For us anyway. Ha! And he's one of the good

teens, the ones who don't drink, do drugs, or run with trouble makers.

Still, it's trying, at times. It's not for wimps, that's for sure.

lol

I know you are paralyzed, so was wondering does your husband step in

to help at those times? My husband often wanted nothing to do with

it. He wanted it to resolve itself on it's own, like that would

happen. lol Still, it would be nice if you had some help since you

are physically limited.

Sounds to me like you are doing what you can, . Cut yourself

some slack. I found over the years, what works best for me, is to

just shake off whatever family says, realizing they just don't get it,

and probably never will. Took some time and work to get myself to that

point though.

I can't remember, does Josiah see a therapist? If so, what does

he/she think is going on? More than just OCD? Just curious.

Ramble on . . In here, rambling is allowed.

And yes, you can dare to say Merry Christmas! I hope your Christmas

improved. (((you)))

BJ

>

> From: jchabot <jchabotsnet (DOT) net>

> Subject: Re: Re: Experience with abilify and

hospitalization

> To: @ yahoogroups. com

> Date: Wednesday, December 24, 2008, 2:00 PM

>

> Hi Silvia,

> My 7 yr old son is on Abilify with Luvox. He has OCD and Bipolar ,

so we can't go up on the Luvox unless we also go up on the Abilify. My

experience is that if you use the anti-psychotic alone, it will

intensify the OCD. You must have an SSRI with it.My son has been

horrendous lately. He has gained weight and needs a raise in the

Abilify. He rages all day. He screams, spits, hits, etc, etc.He

doesn't listen to anything I say, and punishments and time outs are

just not effective. I'm hoping his doctor will raise the meds again,

or he will have to be hospitalized also. I haven't had him

hospitalized yet, but my daughter (12) has been there twice, and I

know how hard it is.

> With your son being 17, you really have to consider how dangerous he

could become if he is acting out. I think you did the right thing by

hospitalizing him.

> Hang in there! It will get better!

> We are all here if you need to talk.

> Hugs

> Judy

>

>