Re: What I am thankful for . . .

[Guest guest]

I wish I could take the time to respond properly to this, but my work

is calling me. Beautifully and eloquently written!!! I absolutely

loved the way you ended it - you wrote about what really matters on

this day and everyday. We live on this beautiful planet and have

access to all its treasures - food being just one of the gifts. The

gathering of friends and family (cyberspace included) is what matters

most.

Have a beautiful day and I know you will do just fine today.

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Joan

> I started to write " today is going to be a new challenge for me since

> starting Inside Out " and then, of course, I had to stop myself.

>

> Today is going to be a NEW OPPORTUNITY for me since starting Inside

> Out.

>

> Party-like gatherings in the past have been horribly difficult. The

> voices inside my head would literally scream at me the whole

> time: " Is there going to be ENOUGH FOOD?!! " " Will you get your fair

> share?!! " and (if I was in active weight loss/calorie tyrant

> mode) " Is there going to be ENOUGH OF YOUR FOOD SO YOU CAN SURVIVE

> THE DAY??!! " (as if somehow one day of not eating nothing but protein

> and massive quantities of vegetables and grains would some how throw

> me off entirely). I would always prepared for these times by bringing

> food to the gathering in mass quantities and making sure it was

> either (in my obese days) food I loved or (in my calorie tyrant days)

> food I could eat.

>

> Not today. Today, I will attend a gathering with a family I don't

> know all that well. I don't know what will be served, I don't know

> how many people will be there and if there will be " enough " to go

> around (silly fear, but one I am seeking to end).

>

> What I do know is that I will not starve. What I do know is I can try

> a taste of lots of things and not sabotage what is becoming my

> lifetime of natural slenderness. What I DO KNOW is that I should

> focus on the company and the friends, not the food, and be grateful

> that my friend invited me and my husband so we would have a " family "

> today – as we won't be with my family for many other reasons (which

> is an emotional trigger right now, but that for another day).

>

> What I do know is that the voices are still there today, but that I

> have tools to quiet them and that this is just 12 hours and I don't

> have to let them scream at me the whole time.

>

> What I do know is I took my dog for a walk this a.m. and saw how

> beautiful the morning was and realized that no matter how much, how

> little, how good or how bad the food is today – that tomorrow morning

> the leaves on these lovely plants that line our walk path will still

> be emerald green and burgundy and that the crisp air will still be

> clear and fragrant and earthy.

>

> What I do know is that I am loved by a wonderful husband who is

> supporting me in my new endeavor to be a coach and for that I am

> grateful.

>

> And what I do know is that my " community " of friends goes from

> Florida to New York to Canada and all the way to Tokyo!! How

> wonderful is that!!!!

>

> What I do know is today, I will be grateful for the opportunity to

> grow!

>

> Happy Thanksgiving to all! Big hugs to Tracey, Sophie, Mel, Cat and

> KJ -- our growing team of Inside Outers.

>

> Ang

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much for writing this, Ang.

There are so many gems in what you wrote, but it was this part that touched

me...

" Not today. Today, I will attend a gathering with a family I don't know all that

well. I don't

know what will be served, I don't know how many people will be there and if

there will be

" enough " to go around (silly fear, but one I am seeking to end). "

I felt a profound sense of RELIEF when I read this... I'm still trying to figure

out why.

I think that many who have struggled with their weight have an interesting

relationship

with the concept of CONTROL. I know I do, anyway. And when I read this post I

could

relate to the feelings of wanting to control situations, people, myself - how

much food,

what kinds of food, what will people offer me, what will I say, do, etc. - in

order to control

weight, which ultimately (in my mind) leads to my concept of self-worth. If I

can control

my eating, control my weight, become thinner, I won't be such a freak and I'll

be WORTH

more and maybe taking care of myself won't be such a struggle.

Thing is, I AM worth something, and my weight has no bearing on that. But more

important to me right now is the fact that I don't HAVE TO CONTROL EVERYTHING.

I'm

learning from that naturally thin people don't have these conversations

with

themselves. They go to the parties, choose things that will nurture their

bodies (or not),

and stop eating when they're full. Period. I don't have to spend hours, days,

weeks

agonizing over a social event and wondering if they'll have anything I can eat,

or if I'll have

the " willpower " to stop eating once I get started.

And in order to get from where I am to where I want to be, I just need to keep

working on

ME. I don't have to control the behavior of my husband, kids, friends,

coworkers...

I like that! Forging onward...

Mel

>

> I started to write " today is going to be a new challenge for me since

> starting Inside Out " and then, of course, I had to stop myself.

>

> Today is going to be a NEW OPPORTUNITY for me since starting Inside

> Out.

>

> Party-like gatherings in the past have been horribly difficult. The

> voices inside my head would literally scream at me the whole

> time: " Is there going to be ENOUGH FOOD?!! " " Will you get your fair

> share?!! " and (if I was in active weight loss/calorie tyrant

> mode) " Is there going to be ENOUGH OF YOUR FOOD SO YOU CAN SURVIVE

>Not today. Today, I will attend a gathering with a family I don't

> know all that well. I don't know what will be served, I don't know

> how many people will be there and if there will be " enough " to go

> around (silly fear, but one I am seeking to end). THE DAY??!! " (as if somehow

one day of

not eating nothing but protein

> and massive quantities of vegetables and grains would some how throw

> me off entirely). I would always prepared for these times by bringing

> food to the gathering in mass quantities and making sure it was

> either (in my obese days) food I loved or (in my calorie tyrant days)

> food I could eat.

>

> Not today. Today, I will attend a gathering with a family I don't

> know all that well. I don't know what will be served, I don't know

> how many people will be there and if there will be " enough " to go

> around (silly fear, but one I am seeking to end).

>

> What I do know is that I will not starve. What I do know is I can try

> a taste of lots of things and not sabotage what is becoming my

> lifetime of natural slenderness. What I DO KNOW is that I should

> focus on the company and the friends, not the food, and be grateful

> that my friend invited me and my husband so we would have a " family "

> today – as we won't be with my family for many other reasons (which

> is an emotional trigger right now, but that for another day).

>

> What I do know is that the voices are still there today, but that I

> have tools to quiet them and that this is just 12 hours and I don't

> have to let them scream at me the whole time.

>

> What I do know is I took my dog for a walk this a.m. and saw how

> beautiful the morning was and realized that no matter how much, how

> little, how good or how bad the food is today – that tomorrow morning

> the leaves on these lovely plants that line our walk path will still

> be emerald green and burgundy and that the crisp air will still be

> clear and fragrant and earthy.

>

> What I do know is that I am loved by a wonderful husband who is

> supporting me in my new endeavor to be a coach and for that I am

> grateful.

>

> And what I do know is that my " community " of friends goes from

> Florida to New York to Canada and all the way to Tokyo!! How

> wonderful is that!!!!

>

> What I do know is today, I will be grateful for the opportunity to

> grow!

>

> Happy Thanksgiving to all! Big hugs to Tracey, Sophie, Mel, Cat and

> KJ -- our growing team of Inside Outers.

>

> Ang

>

[Guest guest]

Oops . . .I meant " eat nothing but " I didn't meant " not eat nothing

but " (sigh, hurried, unedited copy!).

>

> I started to write " today is going to be a new challenge for me

since

> starting Inside Out " and then, of course, I had to stop myself.

>

> Today is going to be a NEW OPPORTUNITY for me since starting Inside

> Out.

>

> Party-like gatherings in the past have been horribly difficult. The

> voices inside my head would literally scream at me the whole

> time: " Is there going to be ENOUGH FOOD?!! " " Will you get your fair

> share?!! " and (if I was in active weight loss/calorie tyrant

> mode) " Is there going to be ENOUGH OF YOUR FOOD SO YOU CAN SURVIVE

> THE DAY??!! " (as if somehow one day of not eating nothing but

protein

> and massive quantities of vegetables and grains would some how

throw

> me off entirely). I would always prepared for these times by

bringing

> food to the gathering in mass quantities and making sure it was

> either (in my obese days) food I loved or (in my calorie tyrant

days)

> food I could eat.

>

> Not today. Today, I will attend a gathering with a family I don't

> know all that well. I don't know what will be served, I don't know

> how many people will be there and if there will be " enough " to go

> around (silly fear, but one I am seeking to end).

>

> What I do know is that I will not starve. What I do know is I can

try

> a taste of lots of things and not sabotage what is becoming my

> lifetime of natural slenderness. What I DO KNOW is that I should

> focus on the company and the friends, not the food, and be grateful

> that my friend invited me and my husband so we would have

a " family "

> today – as we won't be with my family for many other reasons (which

> is an emotional trigger right now, but that for another day).

>

> What I do know is that the voices are still there today, but that I

> have tools to quiet them and that this is just 12 hours and I don't

> have to let them scream at me the whole time.

>

> What I do know is I took my dog for a walk this a.m. and saw how

> beautiful the morning was and realized that no matter how much, how

> little, how good or how bad the food is today – that tomorrow

morning

> the leaves on these lovely plants that line our walk path will

still

> be emerald green and burgundy and that the crisp air will still be

> clear and fragrant and earthy.

>

> What I do know is that I am loved by a wonderful husband who is

> supporting me in my new endeavor to be a coach and for that I am

> grateful.

>

> And what I do know is that my " community " of friends goes from

> Florida to New York to Canada and all the way to Tokyo!! How

> wonderful is that!!!!

>

> What I do know is today, I will be grateful for the opportunity to

> grow!

>

> Happy Thanksgiving to all! Big hugs to Tracey, Sophie, Mel, Cat and

> KJ -- our growing team of Inside Outers.

>

> Ang

>